Month 5
Jenny managed to finish some operations successfully in few weeks. Others will take more time and some will be left on-going. She managed to avoid Gibbs those weeks – she didn't leave her office and he didn't come up there.
Jenny found that sometimes she panics in very usual situations. She freaked out over black pen instead of blue one; she found her sudden fear of oranges and grapes, the smell of nail polish almost stopped her heart, she couldn't look into the mirror, because her reflection was scary and she started to fear milk among other things.
She almost jumped when her office door flew open and closed in a bang. It was Gibbs.
"I need a warrant," Gibbs said. He was annoyed, tired and grouchy.
"That's what we have legal department for ?" Jenny said looking Gibbs over her glasses.
"It's the son of a congressman," Gibbs explained.
"I'll make some calls," Jenny said still looking at him.
"I'll wait," Gibbs said and sat down on sofa.
Jenny gave him a look and then picked up a phone and made her calls. During those calls Cynthia came in and brought her a newspaper along with some other papers. When Jenny hang up, then she turned her attention to the newspaper.
That did the trick. Jenny felt short of breath, she started panting and her body was shaking. She pushed her chair back to crash with the wall.
Gibbs was up immediately and by her side.
"Jen ? Jenny ?" he asked, when her condition started getting worse.
She stood from the chair, shaking and having trouble breathing. She tried to take a step, but she failed and lost the balance. She would have fallen if Gibbs hadn't been there to catch her.
"What's happening Jen ?" he asked worriedly.
Jenny tried to talk, but she failed to say words, that could help him. He simply held her fragile and panicking body. What the hell was happening ?
Gibbs took a step with her to reach for the phone. He called Ducky to come up. Confused doctor promised to be there soon. He was hoping everything was fine with Jenny.
When Ducky arrived a few minutes later, Gibbs was standing behind Jenny's desk and holding the shaking woman in his arms and running smoothing circles on her back.
"What's happening Duck ?" Gibbs asked, concern obvious in his face and voice.
"She's having a panic attack, Jethro," Ducky said after a quick observation.
"What should I do ?" Gibbs asked.
"Try to calm her down. That's all you can do. Panic attacks usually get worse in 10 minutes and it starts getting better. Do you know what caused this ?" Ducky said.
"She was fine and then looked at the papers Cynthia bought her and then this started," Gibbs explained.
"I see," Ducky simply said. "Can you sit down with her, that gives her more comfort." he added.
Gibbs nod and started walking to the couch with Jenny. Slowly the reached the destination of couch and Gibbs sat down, pulling her on his lap and wrapped his arms around her.
"She is shaking, hyperventilating and numb," Gibbs said.
"It's normal during the panic attack, Jethro. She should reach the peak soon and then it gets better," Ducky said. "I'll get some water."
Gibbs nod and looked at Jenny. He ran his hands on her back, knowing that it used to calm her down almost a lifetime ago.
"Shh, it's okay Jen. I'm here. It's gonna be okay. Calm down," Gibbs whispered to her.
Ducky came with water, when Jenny was starting to calm down already. Ducky put the water on the table in front of Jen, but it took a few more minutes before she grabbed for it. She emptied the glass and a few minutes later she was calm.
"You okay ?" Gibbs asked, when she was able to speak normally.
"Fine," she said, knowing that this was not just about the current situation, he had confronted her once before about her healt. She had lied then.
"You have always been a bad liar," Gibbs said.
When Jenny looked around and realized that she was on Gibbs' lap, she stood before Gibbs could react.
"Jethro, I need to talk to Ducky. Alone," she said.
All Gibbs could do was stand up and walk away.
"You're gonna have to tell him at some point ?" Ducky said.
"No. I won't. I'm resigning and moving to Europe. No-one will know, beside you," Jenny said staring into Ducky's eyes.
"Are you sure my dear ?" Ducky asked.
"Yes. SecNav also knows, but he won't tell. Officially I'll retire. He is dealing with it now," Jenny said.
"Jethro will suspect something," Ducky said confidently.
"No. If he asks about the panic attack, then say that it's a side effect of a menopause. I'm in right age and he will believe," Jenny had an explanation.
"He will smell something Jennifer. Jethro is a no fool," Ducky said and left.
"No he isn't," Jenny said to herself.
Month 6
Team Gibbs, as well as Abby, Ducky and Palmer were called in Director Shepard's office. They all had noticed Leon Vance coming here now and then, SecNav visiting Jenny more than usual and not to mention the physical signs of exhaustion radiating from Jenny. But only Ducky knew the reason.
"I guess you all are wondering, what is happening. There are going to be a few changes here," Jenny said.
"Are sending Ziva away ?" McGee asked.
"No. Ziva is staying as long as she wants to. I wanted to tell you before it hits the news," Jenny said and made a short pause. "I'm retiring from NCIS."
"What ?" Gibbs said a little louder than he planned.
"When ?" Tony asked.
"SecNav will make it official today. I probably will leave in a week, when Leon has everything under control. I made a list of things for him to do. And the most important is that, no-one gets fired and reassigned. Everything will stay the same, I just won't be here," Jenny explained.
"But NCIS is your life..:" Abby started.
"Was, Abby. It was my life," Jenny cut in.
The group just watched Jenny and then she noted them to leave. They did. Gibbs was the last one and the door closed with a loud bang. That freaked her out, so she went into panic attack just like last month, when Jethro was there.
Month 7
Jenny and SecNav were standing in front of the whole NCIS staff in auditorium. It was official now. Jenny was no longer the director of NCIS and SecNav Philip Davenport was explaining that. She asked him to do it. The less she talked, the bigger chance was, that she will do without any problems. When he reached to the point, where he had to made the big announcement, the crowd took it as a shock.
"I will assure you that everything will stay the same, no-one will lose their job and no-one will be resigned unless, the decision was made before. The new director Leon Vance is very good man and a good agent. He will continue to fight for NCIS just as much as I did," Jenny cut in and assured the agents. She has been one for a long time, so she knew what they wanted to hear.
"And now would be the great time to ask assistant director, soon to be NCIS director Leon Vance here," SecNav said.
Leon came to them and prepared his speech. He wasn't as good man as Jenny said, but he was capable agent and probably a good leader. He was probably the best choice for the job, after Jenny.
Leon came and held the speech. He promised great things and no changes like Jenny said, but she knew that once she was out of sight completely, he will change things around here and all the hard work she has done will be forgotten and useless.
After the ceremony Gibbs caught Jenny before she went to MTAC. He led her to a corner in the hallway.
"You wouldn't leave NCIS," Gibbs said and both of then knew it was the truth.
"But here I am, leaving NCIS," Jenny said confident.
"Why ?" Gibbs demanded.
"It's none of your business agent Gibbs," Jenny said through her teeth.
"Like the Frog wasn't my business," Gibbs said flashing back to MTAC, when she cut him off.
"What do you want from me ?" Jenny asked, getting to the point.
"The truth. Is it too much to ask ?" Gibbs said and his voice was raising.
"No need to raise your voice," Jenny replied, avoiding the question.
"What is happening ?" Gibbs asked.
"It's none of your business," Jenny repeated.
"It is my business. You were my partner once and I can see that there is something wrong. I wanna help," Gibbs said.
"You can't help me," Jenny said. As rough as the statement might be, it was the truth.
"But there is something wrong," Gibbs said hoping to get an answer.
"Of course there is something wrong. My father is dead, last week I lost 4 agents of field, Ducky is getting closer to retirement and Palmer is not finished with his training, our budget is under review again and I probably have to sell my house, because the old ghosts are lingering around the halls," Jenny said in one breath and panted to get it right again.
"Why are you selling your house ?" Gibbs asked.
"That's need to know," Jenny said and kept on looking over Gibbs' shoulder.
Gibbs looked back and saw no-one moving there.
"And now Rene Benoit. Is coming after me," Jenny said.
Gibbs looked back once more, there was still no-one.
"Where is he ?" he asked pretty confused.
"Right behind you," she said as confident as ever.
"But there is no-one, " Gibbs said after checking it once more.
"No, he is there and calling out my name. Do something," Jenny was panicking.
"I'll keep you safe," he said and took a step closer. He pulled her to him and ran his hands on her back. "I will protect you from him."
Jenny was shaking in fear. It was so unlike her.
"Go away," Jenny said out weakly and continued to repeat it.
All Gibbs could do was trying to calm her down and maybe get an answer.
It took a few minutes before she was starting to calm down.
"You've lost weight," he stated, when she was calm.
She didn't reply, instead nod on his chest.
"Talk to me," he said.
"I can't. He will hear and he can't know," Jenny said.
Gibbs didn't ask, but he thought it was the Frog she was talking about.
"How long has he been there ?" Gibbs asked.
"He has been following me for 6 months, but for the past 2 he is always there," Jenny said.
Gibbs took in the information, but didn't know what to say.
"Even the nights ?" he asked then.
"Specially the nights," Jenny said.
So that was the reason behind her red eyes – she had a ghost visiting her. That's something that a few pills will cure.
"Come stay with me tonight. He doesn't know where I live," Gibbs offered.
"He's a ghost, he knows everything," Jenny said.
"He is scared of me. I have my own ghosts to attack him," Gibbs lied.
"Okay. I will come," Jenny said after a moment of thinking.
The night came and Jenny walked out of the NCIS building, last time as the director. Her driver was waiting in the parking garage with another agent assigned to protect her.
"Going home ?" her driver Melvin asked.
"No. To agent Gibbs' house," Jenny said.
"Sure," Melvin replied and started the car. He noticed Gibbs getting into his car and started following them.
When they arrived Gibbs' house, Jenny didn't walk out instant.
"It was a pleasure to drive you, Jenny," Melvin said.
"And I was happy to put my life in line for you," Hector said.
"Good to hear it. You're both good men. Now be sure to pick up Leon tomorrow and not me," Jenny said.
All 3 of them laughed.
"Good night," Jenny said and came out of the car.
She walked to the door, knowing it's open. Gibbs came right behind her. They both went to the kitchen, where they ate the pizza, Gibbs bought on his way home.
There was silence in the house.
"I'll take the couch," Gibbs said breaking the silence.
"No. I can't let you sleep on the couch with your back," Jenny protested.
They shared a look that told them, that they will share the bed tonight. They walked to the bedroom and then Jenny realized that she has nothing to wear.
Just as reading her mind Gibbs threw her one of his t-shirts and pair of his boxers. She thanked him and went to the bedroom.
He stripped to his boxers and sat on the bed until Jenny came out of the bedroom. Then he went to brush his teeth and when he was done, Jenny was already under the blanket. He turned off the lights and joined her.
"I forgot how cold your bedroom is," Jenny said.
"Wasn't expecting company," he explained.
Jenny let out a small laugh. And he did the same.
"You could crawl closer to get some of my warmth," Gibbs said suggestively.
"You wish," she smirked.
A few minutes passed in silence.
"I hate you," she announced then and moved to snuggle with him.
"If every time woman would do that after saying that she hates me," he joked, which lead to her hitting his chest.
"Yep, that's more like it," he said again.
"Well, maybe you should be nicer to women, so they don't hit you," she said.
"Not gonna happen. I'm a bastard," he said and they both laughed.
He found the place in her abdomen and started tickling her. She was laughing hard and telling him to stop, even demanding him, but he wasn't giving up. She got hold of him and the tickling match was becoming a wrestle in bed. It ended, when she was beneath him, their bodies pressed together and their lips merely an inch apart and both of their breathing was rapid, but slowly going back to normal.
Sexual tension was palpable in the air. They both wanted it, but weren't sure if it was right. Jenny made the first move by pressing her lips to his and after that they both had no hesitation about it.
They had sex. It was slow and romantic and full of passion. And when it ended, he held her close and started drifting to sleep slowly.
For Jenny it took time before she entered the first stage of sleep, where she is "half asleep-half awake". Her body doesn't get rest in the situation and sometimes she isn't sure if she is asleep or awake, but it's the closest thing to sleep she can get.
Month 8
After her sleepover at Gibbs' she knew, that she has to leave. So she bought an plane ticket, packed her stuff and flew to Paris, where she rented a small apartment. No-one knew, where she was, though Ducky suspected that she's in Paris.
Rene Benoit was there all the time, sometimes her father too. She was also seeing Kate, who blamed her for her death, sometimes Shannon, who accused her of sleeping with Gibbs. Sometimes they were just random people, random sounds and random feelings of pressure on her skin, but these were the hallucinations she was having. They followed her everywhere and panic attacks occurred over few days.
She had cut herself from the outside world completely. The only visitors she had, were the ones she had made up.
Month 9
Paris was nice and warm, but too many memories were here. Sometimes Jenny saw herself with Jethro here. The team visited her quite often too. She had constantly long conversations with Ducky or Abby or Jethro or her parents. If people would visit her, they would think that she is insane. Almost every day she had at least 2 panic attacks, when she started shaking and sometimes lost the control of her body and fell to the ground. The good days, when she wouldn't see anyone and suffers from no panic attacks, as well as sleeps good are over.
There still were some days, when she managed to sleep for 5 hours, but usually it was just 2-3 hours of between sleep and being awake.
The night, when she saw the team telling her that they miss her so much and after that Rene Benoit came and shot all of them, she entered the stage 3 of her disease.
