Author: Angel of Randomosity

Anime: Kuroshitsuji/ Black Butler

Pairing: Unknown

Genre: Humor-Romance-Stupidity

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN Kuroshitsuji/ Black Butler OR ANYTHING ELSE COPYRIGHTED!

Why You Don't Let Your Friends Drag You Around England

Chapter 3:The Pancake is a Lie, Bocchan. Oh, Fuck You Sebastian.

The next morning, Akira just so happened to find herself waking up to a painfully empty feeling in her gut, making her groan in pain as she sat up.

Looking over, she could see Shadow snoozing away in his humanoid form, and not a care in the fuckin' world—lucky bastard.

Not wanting to disturb the poor feline, she slid out of the bed as quickly and quietly as she could. Or rather, she would have, if not for a pair of arms shooting out and dragging her back down, and facing the now awake cat-boy.

He glared at her slightly, eyes still drooping from fatigue.

"Where the hell do you think you're going so early in the morning? The sun has barely even risen yet." She groaned, clutching her mid-section in pain. It was starting to bubble.

"Ooh…I'm starving here! I need some real food before my stomach decides to kill me from that damn British food I had before!" she all but hissed at him. As if to confirm her words, said stomach growled loudly, demanding sustenance.

He yawned and gave her a 'you've-gotta'-be-shitting-me' look, and she countered it with a pleading one, complete with perfected puppy-pout.

Shadow rolled his eyes, but allowed Akira to get up. "You know that you'll have to get passed that butler in order to get to the kitchen, right? He's been checking up on our rooms. I don't think he trusts Cri all that much, even though they are friends."

Akira grinned happily and tugged on his arms, pulling him up with her. "Oh? But Shadow, isn't that what I have you for? To aid me through these oh-so-trying situations," there was a very devious looking smirk on her face as she dragged him closer to the edge of the bed.

"If I remember correctly, Sebastian is VERY fond of cats." His eyes widen in shock as he comes to the realization of what exactly she was implying...

"…..Ah, fuck."

Shadow grumbled to himself as he slunk down the hallway, forced back into his cat form. "Oh the things I do for Mistress Akira…" he grumbled glancing around, silently hoping to not actually bump into the elusively mysterious butler.

"I'm outa' time, and all I got is four minutes~" he sung under his breath, glancing back once before shooting down the dark halls.

After a few moments of silence, the door cracked open a bit as a small red and black colored fox kit stuck its head outside, looking back and forth. A sly grin shown on its face as it went back into the room.

Small shuffling noises and curses could be heard from behind the door, before suddenly stopping all together. Riku poked his nose out a second before shooting out through the doorway and down the opposite hall that Shadow had taken, the small fox clinging to his back.

Somewhere down the opposite hall they could faintly hear the poor cat-boy crying and cursing his loyalty to his mistress, as well as the devil butler.

Getting to the kitchen had actually taken a tad bit longer than they had originally thought, however...

This was mostly due to the fact that 1) Riku was helplessly lost as he tried to navigate the Phantomhive manor halls and b) they had found Finnie…or put more precisely, they had bumped into the little blond boy.

Okay, so this is what had happened….

Because of the fact that Riku, being the momma's-boy that he is, would do just about anything to make his mistress happy, he so graciously neglected to tell her that he forgot to look for the kitchen while they were scoping out the manor—and therefore had absolutely no idea where he was going. Just as well, because his fear was just as strong as his love, he opted to take the high road and just wing it by running blindly through the halls, turning the corners randomly, and praying that he was somehow going in the right direction.

By some sort of miracle it seemed as if luck was on their side for once, because they actually were going in the right direction…

However…

Because of the fact that Riku—being basically useless, save for his cuteness, luck, agility, and incredible sense of smell as well as hearing—whose eyes were not as well trained as his adopted older brother Shadow, could not really determine what was in front of him while in such a dark setting.

Unfortunately…

Therefore, he was barely able to make out the short figure of a certain blond gardener who happened to be leaving his room at that very moment.

So I suppose you could make a not-so-educated guess on what happened next, yes?

They froze as the gardener stared at them in confusion. Akira suddenly panicked.

"You don't see anything," she said, standing on her hind legs, circling her paws in front of her face. Riku had this "what-the-fuck" look on his face, and Finnie's confusion increased, because, after all, Akira wasn't speaking in English, but merely yips and barks as is the fox's language.

He finally shook his head, and went back into his room, muttering something about needing more sleep.

There was a mad rush as they followed their noses to the smell of food, hoping and praying that they wouldn't run into anyone else.

They both breathed a sigh of relief when they made it safely to the kitchen, and were even happier that there was no one else in there.

"Okay, we're here. Now what, Mistress Akira?" Akira smiled her vulpine smile, before changing back into her human form.

"Now we make something tasty to eat!" Unfortunately, she knew only a few recipes, and very few of them would be make-able in the Victorian times. Riku was starting to doze as she wandered through the kitchen, looking for something to make, but jumped in shock at her triumphant shout.

"I can make pancakes!" Riku sighed and stretched as she gathered all the necessary ingredients. She threw all of the dry ingredients into a bowl, before she realized that she would have to get the stove going in order to make them. Now, while she had been throwing everything into the bowl, Riku had jumped onto a nearby shelf, overlooking said bowl, so he could get a better look at what she was doing. As he leaned over the shelf, he didn't realize he was getting closer and closer to a small bottle. He flinched when his shoulder hit the bottle, knocking it from its perch. His eyes widened in horror as he saw the words "Vinegar" written on the bottle's label, for he clearly remembered Akira having put some baking soda into the dry mix.

He opened his mouth to issue a warning to his beloved mistress, but, alas, it was too late. The vinegar emptied itself from its holding container, right onto the baking soda in the dry mix. The resulting explosion was horrific. The kitchen was covered from top to bottom in powdery goo and scorch marks. Akira stared around at the mess in wonder, her hair charred and sticking out at odd angles. She walked over to the remains of the bowl, only to slip and fall into a puddle of vinegar that had managed to miss its target completely.

Now, the entire household had been pulled out of whatever it was they had been doing, be it sleep or the molestation of cats, by the sound of the explosion. Everyone made their way as fast as they could to the kitchen, and that was the scene that they came upon: Akira face-down in vinegar, the kitchen completely useless.

Sebastian was the only one who moved, and that was merely an agitated twitch.

"Mistress Akira, what did I tell you about leaving your room?" There was a mumbled response, while Toshi sighed.

"You actually didn't tell her anything. Seeing as she was unconscious and all, that would've been kind of impossible…' he received a nasty glare in response. Toshi just stared at him blankly, quite used to receiving such looks by now. 'Dude, I've seen scarier looks than that from Layla."

At this point, attention was drawn away from bickering by Cri stumbling up to them, rubbing her eyes.

"Wazgonon?" she muttered. Toshi twitched.

"Akira exploded the kitchen," Layla said with a yawn.

"Again?" Toshi twitched a second time.

"Are you telling me that you slept through that?!" he finally yelled. Cri blinked at him.

"Of course. I actually kinda' figured that all of us would be used to it by now."

"Then why are you up?" he bit out. Cri blushed.

"I got hungry." Akira shot up from the vinegar puddle, mouth gaping.

"I was hungry too~!" she snarled. Ciel rolled his eyes at her excuse.

"Then how in the world did this happen exactly?" she pouted at him.

"I don't know, but it wasn't me." Everyone turned to stare at Cri.

"Now wait just a goddamn minute! I was asleep this entire time! What would I have to gain from blowing up the fucking kitchen when I NEED to eat too!?" Toshiro sighed, thinking it over.

"Hmm….she actually has a point there for once…" Cri chose to ignore that comment in favor of wandering around the focal point of the explosion, silently stepping around Akira. Layla followed her over, barely avoiding being tripped by Akira as she went.

Glancing into the remnants of the bowl, they each dipped in a finger to taste the concoction, only to blanch at the taste. Layla's face scrunched up in disgust.

"Eww…what in the world were you trying to make in here?" Akira just looked at her, absentmindedly running her fingers through her now vinegar-soaked hair.

"Pancakes, what else would I be able to make in this place?!" Layla shook her head.

"What ingredients did you use? I know you don't normally blow up pancakes." She thought for a second.

"Uh, Baking Powder, Flour, some Eggs—you're out by the way—uh, I couldn't find sugar so I used some salt, and I was about to go look for some milk after I had started up the stove, but never actually got to it as you can see…" Toshiro nodded that time, believing her.

"Still, that doesn't explain all this happened.' He said, gesturing to the mess. 'How did you find your way down here anyways?" Akira grinned, tapping a finger on her nose and winking.

"How else d'you think I would find it? Follow the nose my good man. It has never failed me as of yet!' she states proudly, standing up from the floor before pointing towards the shelf. 'Oh, and I brought Riku-kun with me too." Everyone looks towards the shelf, only to see a charred and very frightened Riku.

"Akira, what did you do to the poor dear?!" Layla demanded, coaxing the terrified animal into her arms. Akira's eye twitched.

"What do you mean 'what did I do'?! I'VE done nothing! I just wanted something to eat, and it EXPLODED on me!" Akira's eyes started to narrow at Riku, as pieces of the puzzle started falling into place.

"YOU!" she snarled, pointing at him.

"Now, Akira, calm down."

"Calm down!? He BLEW UP MY FOOD!" Cri chuckled, drawing Akira's glare away from the terrified animal.

"Why are you complaining? They would've turned out bad anyways, if you managed to even get them to the stove. Why do people allow you into the kitchen, anyways?" The words were barely out of her mouth, when she was clutching her head in pain with an annoyed Akira standing over her.

"Who the fuck are you talking about baka?! My cooking skills are perfectly fine! The only time things go wrong is when you follow me into the kitchen yourself! I've been cooking since I was little; heck I even know my family's secret recipe better than Toshi does! And they didn't even teach me!"

Their argument was halted when both their stomachs yelled their objections as to why they had yet to be filled. They both blushed, and turned pleading eyes on Sebastian.

"Seby-chan, will you pleeeease feed us?" Cri begged. Sebastian sighed.

"It will take a while, since I'll need to clean up this mess…" Cri whimpered, clutching her stomach in agony. Sebastian sighed, and ventured further into the kitchen, where he somehow managed to procure a couple apples and carrots that were saved from the disastrous explosion. Cri squealed in delight, as she took the food from him, giving him a large hug in the process. She handed an apple and carrot to Akira, and both happily started munching.

"What about us?" Ciel asked. Toshi shook his head.

"It's better if they eat something now. They get nasty if they don't eat regularly, as you can clearly see."

The young lord glanced over at Akira who, in turn, looked up from her carrot munching to give him a feral smirk before walking over to Layla and Riku. She smiled, albeit a bit more pleasantly, letting him take a bite of her apple.

Ciel's eyes widened as he noticed the fangs glinting behind her lips, only furthering his suspicions about the strange group. Toshiro, who had noticed this quick exchange, glared as Ciel strolled over to Sebastian and whispered something in his ear. Both males shot a brief glance over to the three girls who were now fawning over Riku, before the young lord turned and walked out of the room.

Toshi's glare became almost Akira-esque as it followed the young lord out of the room, before settling on the raven-haired bastard. He had been around Akira and Cri long enough to spot plotting a mile off, and he didn't trust either of these foreigners one bit. Especially the raven-haired bastard, who was creepy enough because of his connection to Cri.

'I'm gonna need reinforcements….'

:+:_:=:_:+:

Angel: OMG THIS IS FRIGGIN SHORT! =[

Akira: Dude…it's like 7 pages…

Angel: That's SHORT!

Toshi: At least its done.

Akira: FINALLY!

Angel: That's only cuz' I couldn't remember what I was doing, and gave up at the last moment.

Both: Still.

Akira: Hey, has anyone seen Shadow?

Angel: Uuhh….. = 3= Toshi? *runs off*

Toshi: …..No. *Akira goes to hunt down Angel* As allways, please remember to Read & Review. All Constructive Criticism is welcome. Now please excuse me while I try to keep her from killing the authoress….