Chapter 5 – hidden feeling
Lilli sat onto the window sill, looking out to the sun, which shined down the landscape. Everything was messed up. The new class of advanced defence was a bust, the new professor turned out to be unintelligible and Anna White, the girl who seemed to hate her, was the group leader. And now she even imagined puddles of blood and again there was Anna, who never failed to give her the feeling of being an outsider. It was Sunday and somehow Lilli didn't expect this day to be any easier. Her plans were to study a book somewhere quiet on the schoolgrounds and just let time passed by. Diana would join her at the afternoon, because Lilli didn't want to be alone all the day. Loneliness was not a gift, it was a curse.
"Morning," Alice greeted, as she walked out of the bathroom and sat down next to her onto the bed, smiling gently. She got dressed up very nice and it was obvious that she put a lot of make-up on to look additionally pretty. Surely, it was for Frank Longbottom. "Well, then. How was Hogsmeade?"
"All right," Lilli answered short.
"Wow, sounds less than thrilled," Alice noticed again with a weak smile.
"Well, it was like usual. Nothing new."
"Um, understood. By the way, James wanted me to pass on something to you. He can't do the round tonight."
"Really? Is he considering himself too good for making rounds at a weekend? Partying to much with his awfully nice girlfriend?"
"Melissa?" Alice smiled.
"Who else?" Lilli asked meaningfully. Alice chuckled slightly but didn't comment. She liked both girls a lot, so instead of being caught in the middle, she stood up.
"No, he didn't. James is sick."
"Sick?"
"Yeah, he trained last night for the Quidditch match and fell from his broom, broke some rips."
"Great! Because he is to dumb to watch out in practise, I have to do the rounds alone! How can someone like he even became Head Boy? How can Professor Dumbledore do that to me?"
"If you like, you can visit him yourself and bawl him out."
"Dumbledore?"
"No, James," Alice answered smirking. "He is in the boys dorm."
"Wait a minute," she said suspiciously. "He broke some rips, because he fell from his broom, but he didn't lay in the hospital wing?"
Her friend just shrugged and didn't seem to be as surprised as Lilli was.
"You know him," she said, but immediately changed her expression, looking shocked. "My Chin! You didn't know him."
Alice smiled amusedly. "I'm just kidding, Lilli. That's just how he is. If he went to Madame Pomfrey with this injuries, she would've put him down at once and he didn't want that. Bed rest is for a Marauder like the beginning of the end of the world."
"Great! Nevertheless, it didn't change the fact that I have to do rounds all by my own, tonight."
"No, you don't have to," Anna said, just entering the room. She looked tired and exhausted, as if she hadn't slept much last night. "I'll take over for him tonight."
"Can you do that?" Alice asked surprised. "Shouldn't a prefect do that?"
"I asked Dumbledore and he was okay with it. See you in the evening, Evans."
"Um - " was everything Lilli could mumbled before her classmate left again. A split second later, she turned outraged and confused towards Alice. "Is she always like that?"
"Who? Anna? Always like what?"
"... strange I think is the appropriate word. I can't figure her out!"
Alice only laughed, but didn't comment again.
The afternoon she met up with Diana to enjoy their free time, walking around the Hogwarts school ground.
"So, you're going to do the rounds with Anna White?" she asked her friend, slightly amazed. Lilli just nodded thoughtfully.
"Don't know what to think of it."
"Have you tried to ask Dumbledore, if she really did talk with him?"
"She is his great-granddaughter. How am I suppose to do that? Hello, Professor Dumbledore, I'm going to do rounds with Anna White this evening. Did she told you that, well behaved? Why am I asking? I don't trust her!"
Diana shrugged, still smiling.
"Rumour has it, they didn't have a perfect relationship."
"What do you mean by that?"
"Um – people are saying, they aren't very close. That is the reason why she didn't talk about him a lot and even use his name to curse. You know, some say that it's because he expects to much of her and some others -" Diana stopped for a moment, looking uncomfortable, but Lilli was already to eager to let go off it.
"What? Come on, Diana!"
"Well, they say that she belongs to You-know-Who and that that's the reason why they didn't get along with each other. You know, because Dumbledore is white-magical."
"Anna White? Wait, she's only seventeen! She didn't even finish Hogwarts, yet! I mean, come on, how can she be one of his followers if she isn't even able to produce the advanced magic of a full accomplished witch?"
"People say, that her parents belonged already to the deatheaters. Like I said, Lilli, just rumours, but nevertheless be careful. I didn't even know she was related to Dumbledore, if you hadn't mention it. She's so unlike him."
"That's right. Dumbledore exude warmth and confidence, but Anna exude such an incredibly risky aura."
Lilli looked towards the girls crowd, who were sitting on the sea, amongst others were Melissa Kingcade, Bellatrix Black, Alice and Anna White. All of them were pure-bloods. She couldn't help but remember what happened years ago in Diagon Alley. She remembered that Anna's expression was a cry for help. Did she ever got it? She observed Melissa, who were talking to the others and obviously, everyone of them were fond of what the witch had to say. Even so, her gesture and facial expression were cocky, everyone seemed to adore her.
"I'm sorry, Lilli," Diana said quietly. "I didn't want to scare you."
"You didn't," she replied honestly. "The more I know the better. I still have to do rounds with her this evening." Even so, she smiled, Lilli just tried to cover her real feelings up. She was scared, scared of what she might find out about the girl, she always wanted to be a good person.
At evening, Lilli picked Anna up at her friends, who were sitting in the common room near the fireplace. Everyone was there except James.
'Great friends' she thought bitterly. 'You are sick and they go on laughing happily without you and leave you alone in your misery. Who knows, maybe that's even what he wanted to.'
Anna stood up at once, when she spotted Lilli and smiled falsely.
"Well, let's get this done as fast as possible."
"I don't mind," Lilli answered indifferently and followed her through the hole. The portrait wasn't closed at all when Sirius shouted after them: "Don't kill each other!"
"I'll try," Anna said, smirking. Lilli didn't know if she should be scared now. After all, she was doing rounds with a girl, who was considered from most of the students to be crazy and dangerous. Also, probably a follower of Voldemort, a girl who obviously hated muggelborn ones and has been hanging out with a girls crowd Lilli despised. No, she was absolutely not scared... Did she wrote her testament yet?
"Why did James asked you to do rounds with me and not Remus?" she asked after a while, but Anna only stopped at a window to watch the full moon shining bright towards them. It was so beautiful and pure, who would have thought that it could bring out wild creatures like a werewolf?
"He didn't feel well, so James didn't have another choice. Come down, Evans. I won't bite you."
"Never said I'm scared, did I?"
"No? I had the feeling as if I smelled fear."
"..."
"That was a joke! Dumbledore, you're such a - whatever."
Rolling her eyes, Anna walked away and Lilli followed hesitantly. She couldn't help but finding this girl crazier and crazier if she could even smell fear.
"Why are you so talented in Legilimency and Occlumency?" she tried to start a conversation after another long while of silence.
"..." Nothing.
"You know, this is going to be a very long evening, if we just go speechless corridor after corridor."
"..." Still nothing.
"Or you feel as someone better and it's to low for you to talk to a muggelborn witch?"
"I don't have anything against muggels or muggelborn ones." Finally! A reaction.
"Really? Because it seems different to me."
"Don't care."
"So?"
"So what?" Anna asked tired.
"Why are you so talented in Legilimency and Occlumency? I mean, you are our group leader at advanced defence."
"No."
"No?"
"No."
"..."
"Look, Evans. We didn't like each other even a little bit and I don't care about that and don't set value to change that. Let's leave it that way, okay?!"
Lilli bristled with anger. "As if I set any value on that."
So, both of them walked on without saying any words. Lilli felt uncomfortable to walk through the Slytherin corridors with her. It felt like Anna had the upper hand over her life there. It was different with James, because even they didn't speak much, she always knew that he would protect her, no matter what happens. Even if it was ridiculous, but somehow she thought that Anna was capable of nearly everything.
Gladly nobody was on the corridors that evening, so there was no need to criticise a student. The last thing she needed was some troublemaker she had to warn while someone stand next to her, laughing openly about her way to do that.
They arrived back at the portrait hole of the Fat Lady and stepped into the Gryffindor common room. It was empty, because most of the students were already up in their dorm to prepare for the next school day. Lilli passed by Anna wordlessly to go to the dorm. She wasn't up for talking anything to her anymore, after having such a nice talk earlier. She was about to climb the stairs upwards when she suddenly turned around, determined to tell the witch how sick it made her that someone like that even existed, someone, who treated others like dirt and even found nothing wrong about that, but Lilli didn't.
She saw Anna sitting on the couch with her knees dragged to her breasts and her head laid above them. Lilli somehow knew that she wasn't all right at all, but wasn't sure if she should went down to comfort her or if she was even able to do anything to help. Something held her off. Maybe it was the fact that she just didn't know how to help or maybe she was afraid that she might even would have to talk about her problems. What if she couldn't take it? If they dealt with Voldemort and her connection with him? This was the main reason why she didn't go back, but continued to the dorm. Alice and Melissa were already asleep, so she just jumped into her bed, but instead of sleeping she stared at the ceiling. Countless times she asked herself the same question: Why didn't she went down? If she had, maybe they would have talked... would have become... something but enemies.
It was an awful night, like so many others. She didn't found a lot sleep, too many things concerned her.
Lilli didn't know why she cared about Anna so much, why she worried about her so much when something aggrieved her or why it bothered her so much, when Anna badmouthed her. This girl didn't care about her after all. Anyway, she would probably understand soon enough. Almost one hour later, the door were opened and she saw the dark hair girl entering. She immediately went into bed and holed up into her blanket. Lilli couldn't help but observing her for a while, noticing that she couldn't sleep either.
Chapter 6 – Manic Monday
Monday morning: POTIONS.
Again, Lilli was sitting next to Anna and they tried again to make the warming potion. This time a stronger one than last time. Anna was like her usual self again, the one, that didn't show any emotions except her averseness to others. There were no marks of her broken-hearted condition from last night. One glance to the back row showed, that even James was healthy again. Maybe he was never sick at all? He was neither pale nor were there any remaining signs of pain. He laughed and flirted with his girlfriend even happier than before. It was like all the burden was lifted off his shoulders. The thought that he might just wanted to skip doing the rounds with her made her boiling with rage. Perhaps it was more the thought that she was even for James some nerving attachment.
The classroom door were opened and a very shy first class student walked towards Professor Ick and handed him a note. The teacher nodded understandingly and came to Lilli and Anna.
"Miss White? The director would like to see you."
"..."
Wordlessly, Anna packed her stuff and walked out, nodding towards the teacher. Lilli found herself alone on the table again. Great! She loved to work alone. The class had just started...
"Mr. Potter?" Professor Ick said loud. James took off his smitten glance from his girlfriend and looked puzzled to his teacher.
"Please, change your seat to Miss Evans, since Miss White won't come back soon. I don't think it's going to help your skills in mixing potions, if your lips keep on sticking on Miss Kingcade's lips."
The whole class laughed, but James only smirked boldly back.
"Too bad, but I'm sure Miss Evans lips are sweet as sugar as well!"
And again the whole class laughed including the teacher himself. The only ones, who didn't found that funny where both girls self. Lilli and Kingcade looked at each other with snotty and poisonous eyes, while James only packed his stuff and sat down next to Lilli. He didn't catch anything about their rivalry at all.
"It's us again," he smiled brightly. She noticed that he wasn't the same boy anymore, who entered Hogwarts one week ago. His eyes were cordially illuminated and his whole appearance wasn't longer aggrieved, but casually. Actually, he was very open-minded, but that annoyed her even more. Why did she cared about him so much? Why could she be not fussed about him like she used to be?
"You know, for someone who had broken rips you look a little bit to jovially," Lilli noticed suspicious.
"Who said I had broken my rips?" he said taken aback.
"Alice. That was the reason you didn't do the rounds last night, wasn't it?"
"Stattler? Yeah, she tends to exaggerate. If I said I had a headache, she would had spread I'm in a coma."
Lilli didn't find that funny at all and only grimaced nerved, even so his explanation was true.
"How was rounds with Anna?"
"Amazing!" she said sarcastically. "One word more and I couldn't count them with my hand anymore."
James laughed brightly, while randomly throwing ingredients into the mug.
"What are you doing!" she bellowed shocked and pushed down his hands with hers to prevent him from doing any further damage. The potion already smouldered portentously.
"What's wrong?" he asked, looking honestly innocent. "Wasn't it suppose to be added?"
"It was, but I had to cut them into the right form first! They wrote that it has to be regarded that the size need to be exact to react accurately and to not carry out an explosive mixture."
"So, and now? … Accio -!"
"You crazy!" she bellowed again and pushed down his hand once more. "You can't summon them out! They are already melted."
"Evans?"
"What?"
"If you want to hold my hands, you could've just say it."
Lilli blushed crimson, noticing she was indeed still holding James hands in hers and immediately took them awkward back.
"Don't let it go to your head!" she spat furiously. It wasn't on purpose. It was just something she did to protect herself. Wouldn't help anybody if she let him know her real feelings, right? She would become the laughing stock of the whole school, because James Potter was no longer in love with her for sure.
"Bummer," he finally said and cut the ingredients from the start. Bummer? Did he really said that or was it again a James Potter plaything to watch her reaction? She decided the latter.
"Why is Anna going to be absent for the whole class?" she asked some time later.
"Hm?" James looked up surprised. He expected that she would kept on being quiet for the whole class to avoid speaking with him.
"It's just... usually, if you have to talk to the director it didn't take that long. I thought that it might be a family thing?"
"Guess so," he answered, shrugging. "He is her great-grandfather after all, probably family related. Anyway, don't let her fool you."
"What do you mean?" she asked curious, taking the apple out of his hand he was about to throw into the mug and cut it into little pieces.
"Anna is all right. She just had a lot of problems at home and Dumbledore throw in his two pennies worth as well."
"You know, it's hard to picture them as relatives. Don't think I have something against her. I know you two are close, but... well..."
"I know what you mean," he said, smiling warmly. Lilli was surprised that he wasn't mad with her or reacted mistrustfully, since they were talking about one of his best friends. It was quite the contrary. James seemed ready to explain uncomplainingly everything to her. She wasn't used to that, not even from her own parents.
"My thought is, that what ever you think of her is exactly what she wants you to think of her. You know, like what everyone else is thinking of her is exactly what she wants them to think of her as well."
"Don't get it," she said confused, taking the citron out of his hand he just wanted to throw into the boiled water and cut it again into very little pieces.
"Forget it," he finally said smiling.
"Hey, stop treating me like a bimbo. You can't just say: Forget it after telling something so confusing."
"I would never dare to treat you like a bimbo," he said amused.
"So, you won't tell me what you meant, will you?" she asked suspiciously.
"It depends. What exactly do you want to know?"
Here was her chance to ask him and probably really get an answer.
"Well, Professor Jaivenko said, that Anna is great in Legilimency and Occlumency. Why is that so? Did she have a natural talent for that? This was a question she didn't want to answer me, last night."
"Surprise," he laughed. "Come on. You guys aren't what people would call friends. That's like you asking why Sirius can't stay serious? Is he naturally a baby or what?"
"Talking about that, you can answer this question too! I would love to know why he have to behave like a immature dork."
She took the feather out of his hand, ripping it into little pieces and threw it piece by piece into the mug.
"Not everybody can walk dead-serious through their life, can't they?"
"I don't walk dead-serious through my life!" she said offended.
"Hardly saw you smile or even laugh."
"I laugh a lot!"
"Compared to what? To a toilet tissue? You're right, because that didn't laugh at all."
"WHAT?!"
"Don't forget!" Professor Ick's voice sounded loudly next to them, since their discussion were noisier than they noticed. Even though, the professor talked to the whole class, he especially looked at the two of them. While Lilli looked apologetically back, James just grinned boldly further more. A sign that he didn't feel addressed at all. "Concentration is the most important thing in mixing potions. The ingredients have to be accurately cut. We didn't want the outcome to be wrong or worse, a detonation."
He was barely away from them, when Lilli spoke out her opinion to James. She felt her pride being offended and didn't want to leave it that way.
"I do laugh! I just can't laugh about your humour, since it would even scare dead ones back to life."
"Then, we should never get near a graveyard or we have zombie-alarm on our beloved earth."
"Deadpan humour," she commented, rolling her eyes. She took the salt out of his hand, before he could threw in the whole package and dipped it in little quantities into the hot boiling water.
"Evans?"
"Potter?"
"It's hot, don't you think?"
"Oh, zip your lips! Let me guess -" she snorted angrily. "Now you're going to talk big like: Is it that hot or maybe I'm just too hot? For your information, Mr. Wannabe-good-like, IT IS THAT HOT!"
"Miss Evans, Mr. Potter!"
KAWOOOOOOOOOOOM!
Lilli looked at James. James looked at Lilli.
Next to both of them stood Professor Ick, his hair was burnt up and off-standing in every direction and his face was completely carbon-black with the only not dark covered area being his eyes, which blinked disbelievingly at them.
"Ohoh," Lilli said embarrassed. Truth was, that the heat had come from their boiling water and because non of them looked after the fire to regulate it, their potion resulted in an explosive outcome. "A thousand pardons, Professor Ick."
"Um... yeah," James coughed, trying to smile innocently. "Pardon me... as well... Professor."
That was just not enough considered the fact, that their teacher unwillingly got a new haircut and looked like he just tumbled out of an extreme dirty chimney thanks to them.
"DIDN'T I TOLD YOU TO ACCOMMODATINGLY CONCENTRATE! DETENTION, BOTH OF YOU!"
And so, Head Girl and Head Boy of Hogwarts sat in a classroom in detention, writing on a parchment the sentence: I James Potter or Lilli Evans will listen to Professor Ick in the future and will concentrate when mixing potions to avoid another catastrophe. Their teacher sat in front of them behind his desk, washed, newly dressed and with a much shorter haircut. While writing his notes, he still shook his head every now and then and they could hear him murmuring: "Unbelievable! That's no way to behave!"
They just finished their first parchment when Professor Flitwick suddenly entered the room and both teachers went out to have a talk which meant that James and Lilli were alone again.
"Our beloved Head Girl got detention. Just strike me pink!"
Lilli looked up annoyed and angry at him.
"That's your fault!" she hissed, feeling enraged.
"What? Hey, I warned you!"
"You didn't!"
"I asked if you think that it's hot. How should I know that you made fun out of it?"
"Because you always talk big whenever you got a chance to."
"Hey! This time, you got us into this mess. I was absolutely innocent"
"Right, and because you are so innocent, you are sitting in detention with me. Sitting in detention out of fun, Potter?"
"Sometimes, it is hilarious!"
She rolled her eyes, nerved, until her eyes caught his quill, which wrote the sentence all by itself.
"What the -" she started, pointing to his parchment. "How -?"
"Magic," he explained proudly. "Didn't learn it myself though. Anna showed it to me, after I came back one night, having to write twenty parchments full with the sentence: I never play a prank to Professor McGonagall again because that's low down! Anna felt sympathy with me and brought out that spell that made the quill write the sentence by its own."
James took his wand and pointed it towards Lilli's quill: "Scribos!" At once, her own quill started to write the sentence on her parchment by its own.
"But.. That's wrong!"
"What, really?!" James said startled and watched the sentence closely. "Anna said, he would write it correctly."
"Not that! It is wrong to not write it ourself," she said seriously. "We got that lines to learn from our mistakes."
"An we did! One parchment is sufficient."
"You always turn things around to fit into your agenda?"
"Admit it, Evans. You like it."
"Believe me! I do not! You really think everything works that easy? You didn't know the hard life at all!" It blurted out without even thinking twice. Immediately after the words were out, she regretted them. James pointed his wand towards her quill and took the spell off it, looking inaccessibly again.
"If you think, that's fine with me, Evans. I'm not here to explain myself. But in the end Miss Head Girl, you are going to be the one, who didn't know how hard the life really can be."
The door opened again and Professor Ick came back in. James looked back to his parchment and so did she. Lilli didn't understand his words, but she knew that she shouldn't have said the things she said. She was just so angry, felt misunderstood and offended and she was only trying to protect and defend herself!... No... she did wrong. She knew that she was wrong about him and suddenly felt sorry for acting like that.
After detention Professor Ick released them by saying: "I hope, you've learned from this!" Both of them nodded, well-behaved, even so they didn't mean it. They walked next to each other back to their common room without talking for some time, when suddenly Lillli couldn't hold it anymore.
"James?" she blurted hastily out.
"Evans?" he said calmly back.
"I'm sorry about earlier."
She couldn't stop thinking about what happened and just had to say it. She did him wrong and knew that her words wasn't true at all.
"What do you mean?" he asked confused. His hands were burrowed into his pockets and he did look puzzled and not a slight sign were on his expression anymore that he could be mad at her.
"What I said about you and life. That you didn't know how hard it is to live."
"Err – That... Forget about it," he said honestly.
"It just blurted out without thinking. I know that you are not a spoiled brat like many others in this school."
"Spoiled brat? You're not talking about Sirius, are you?"
"Maybe."
He smiled gently. "You are wrong about him. He may act like being untouchable, but he's clearly not. He went through a lot. Sometimes, Evans, it's just easier to ignore the hard reality and escape into another imagined world. Hogwars is a dream, we will wake up once we leave."
It was strange to hear something like that from someone like him. But he was right. Hogwarts was a dream for her as well, where she sometimes could escape from the brutal reality too.
"You know what, Evans?"
"Um, what?"
"I think, this year could still be fun for us. You're not really a stiff plant."
"Stiff plant?" And she felt offended again. "Let me guess, Black?"
"Come on," he laughed. "It's just fun."
"Fun? If someone call you a stiff plant? That's ignominious and -"
"I meant talking!" James cut her off, but was still smiling. Lilli kept silent. He was right though, but this belonged to the things, she didn't really want to admit. The reason was, that everything looked different than he thought. It was not her, who didn't want to talk to them. They were the ones, who avoided her...
"However, Evans. You are Head Girl and I'm Head Boy... Okay, after today, we're probably the first Head Boy and Head Girl burned a teacher in their second week at school but nonetheless, still Head Girl and Head Boy or McGonagall or Dumbledore would've fired us already."
Lilli suddenly smiled, since the thought of Professor Ick's carbon-black face was indeed kind of funny. She never remembered seeing anything like that.
"Anyway, we're going to work together for a long time and it's no fun doing these rounds every evening in a bad mood because my partner go ballistic after every word I'm saying. So let's make peace?"
"Make peace? Did we fight?"
"Did we not? I felt like hearing blades clashing every time Lissy and you've met."
"Because she's a -"
"No insult!" he immediately cut her off again, putting up his hand commandingly. His eyes and his expression were not mad or angry but rather friendly and even amused.
"I know she didn't belong to the nicest people if it comes down to muggelborn ones, but she's Anna's best friend and I love her."
'He loves her... and she loves him...' Lilli thought depressed.
"She's going to leave you alone, if you leave her alone."
"... Why am I thinking, that it's thanks to you she had not yet put an unforgiving spell at me."
"Don't be ridiculous, Evans," James fobbed it off but kept on smiling widely. "Those spells were forbidden because of the ministry of magic. I could never forbid her anything."
"..."
"..."
"How comforting," she said sarcastically, but James just twitched with the corner of his mouth, since it was nothing but the truth.
"Look it that way. As long as the spells aren't going to be legalised, you don't have to be afraid of her. Gotcha!"
They arrived at the portrait of the Fat Lady, telling her the password and climbed into the common room.
'What a crazy bloke,' she thought, shaking her head. Though this was one of the brighter days in her life and she couldn't help but smiling, hoping that this might could be a start of something good.
Chapter 7 – Just feel it
When Lilli arrived in the girls dorm, she was surprised to only find Melissa and Alice sleeping in their bed. Anna's bed was empty. Was she still not back from speaking with the director? She was missed in every class that day so maybe probably something serious happened?
'That's foolish, Lilli! Why do you care about someone, who didn't give a crap about you or maybe even hate you!' she thought bitterly.
That could've been the truth, since Anna White always looked at her disgusted and hostile and she hated that fact. She never did that girl anything wrong but she was hostile towards her anyway and it didn't even matter what Lilli did or said. It didn't take long when the door was opened again and this time Anna was entering. When she noticed Lilli, she suddenly stopped for a second and both of them stared at each other for a moment.
'She had cried' Lilli thought worriedly. Her eyes were still puffy from crying.
"Hi," Lilli said gentle and then after several moments Anna muttered quietly back: "Hi." Then she walked towards her bed, closed the curtains and remained silent for the rest of the night. Lilli was confused, it was the first time Anna even acknowledged her. Normally, she would've ignored her. She wanted to say something like: If you want to talk to somebody, you can talk to me any time. But Lilli immediately realised how stupid this really was. What right did she has to chip in her private things? Anna had so many other friends and if she did want to talk, she preferably would speak to Kingcade or James.
The next day was strange as well. Even so Anna sat next to her friends at breakfast, she kept on staring absently at the jar of marmalade. Lilli found herself again observing the classmate. She saw how Melissa talked and laughed cheerfully with the others. Only James seemed to notice her condition and looked solicitously at her. Anna just shook her head and Lilli saw that James nodded understandingly. She felt uneasy, worrying so much about Anna White, because it was the same, she felt towards James. A feeling that one just wanted to help the person no matter what.
ADVANCED DEFENCE AGAINST DARK ARTS
They group were sitting in a circle and Anna tried to get into the mind of them one by one, while they tried to hold her out of their thought. This task turned out to be harder than they knew. Anna was indeed very strong in Legilimency. Sirius was the first one to start. Anna and Sirius were sitting inside the circle facing each other. On his face, she could make out a very telling grin.
"Legilimens!" she spoke firmly, her wand pointing at Sirius head. He neither winced nor showed any surprising signs, but rather grinned more widely than before. Anna rolled her eyes and took down her wand.
"Very funny," she said sarcastically.
"I know," Sirius answered very meaningfully, still grinning like a child.
"You are suppose to hold me out of your head and didn't show me bare facts."
"But it's more fun like that. Do you like that?"
"So much I'm going to throw up on you."
Sirius pretended to be hurt and pouted. Lilli looked confused at James who just waved with his hand in front of his face to show her that his friends had a screw loose. She nodded hesitantly, not really understanding.
"Next!"
Sirius stood up and passed the place on to Mundungus Fletcher. Anna waved with her hand in front of her face to get rid of his alcoholic breath that suddenly appeared.
"Boy! Dung! Why do you have to drink so much?"
"Woaaaaaaaaaat? I haven't drunk anysssssssssssssing, undersoooood?"
She rolled her eyes and pointed her wand towards him.
"Absolutely undersooooooood. Legilimens!"
WUMS! Dung had fallen asleep.
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"NEXT!" Anna yelled annoyed. Her partner obviously decided to take a nap. Sirius and Kingsley pulled Mundungus away, so James could take the place. Both of them started grinning at each other which would be normal if this wasn't James Potter and Anna White. He stroke across his hair to tussle them, while Anna lifted her wand. "If you dare to do the same thing as Sirius -!"
"I wouldn't dream of it," he answered laughing. It cause a prickle in Lilli's stomach, making her feel strange.
'Stop that nonsense, Lilli. He is dating Melissa Kingcade.' She tried to look to someone else, but couldn't stop that feeling after it already had appeared. She longed for his eyes, his appearance, him! He gave her such a warm feeling, she had never felt anything like that from anyone else in her whole life.
"Legilimens!"
When the spell hit him, James tried hard to hold her out. He looked into her eyes and he knew what to do but this time it was even harder. She might tried it gentle, but he was so weak these days that he couldn't held her out anymore and the magic captured every part of his mind.
Michael Potter, who came home very tired. Maria Potter, who walked from the kitchen towards her husband, furiously yelling at him and the thirteen years old James Potter kept on sitting next to them, looking scared and frustrated.
The nine years old James, who played in the meadow. He suddenly tripped, hurting his knee. His grandfather and Dumbledore were visiting them and both lovingly took care of him. She saw Dumbledore's crystal clear eyes, who looked at the boy with so much love. She never saw that love in his eyes towards her.
Voldemort..., who pointed his wand towards the twelve years old James in front of him and then... pain.
Anna winced and took off her wand immediately. Her heart started to beat like hell, her hands became freezing cold and her body couldn't stop shivering.
"I'm so sorry," James said soundlessly though nobody else knew about them.
"Everything okay?" Sirius asked worried when he noticed something was wrong. She looked as if she was about to faint any moment now, but Anna only nodded and took a deep breath to steady herself.
"Yeah, everything is all right..." she said weakly. "Next one, please."
James changed the place with Lilli, who was now sitting in front of Anna. She noticed that the eyes of the girl were now even more sentimentally than last night and she was sure James was the reason for that.
"Ready?" Anna asked.
"Y-Yes," she stammered.
"Legilimens!"
After still remembering the feeling from last time Jaivenko forced her way into her memories, Lilli tried hard to focus on holding her off her head. She didn't want another one reading her private secrets like an open book. 'No!' she thought resolutely but the light blinded her again and the events just passed in her mind's eye one after another.
The eight years old Lilli and her first day in primary school, accompanied by her parents and her younger sister. She had a good childhood. Her parents and her sister loved her very much.
The eleven years old Lilli, who received the letter from Hogwarts and McGonagall, who handed the letter over to her parents, explaining everything. Lilli glared curiously.
The eleven years old Anna, standing in Diagon Alley next to her parents, staring sadly into space. Her parents ignored her, but Lilli could see the death wish in those dark cheerless eyes.
Anna slowly put down her wand and the feeling, that forced itself inside Lilli, finally decreased and went away. She knew Anna saw what she never wanted her to know. She tried to find out if this was a good thing or a bad thing, but the girl's eyes were again completely blank.
There was no chance for Lilli to talk with Anna, since she left the room after class very fast as if she wanted to escape from her. She decided to ask James about that. At least, they would have something to talk about when they do their rounds.
"James?"
"Evans?"
"You know Anna White very well, don't you?"
"Nope, Anna White? Who's that? Never heard about her."
"Very funny," she said sarcastically, because he grinned again broadly from ear to ear.
"Or did you mean Ahhnnnnnna Weideeeeee?" he joked.
"Stop kidding about Professor Jaivenko. The poor woman has enough problems with the language."
"Killjoy."
"Come on, back to Anna."
"All right. What do you want to know?" James smiled.
"Well, she saw something today in my mind..."
"Something, you are embarrassed about?"
"Yeah, something like that. Actually, it's about her."
"About her?" He grinned naughty. "Let me guess -"
"No way!" she immediately cut him off. After attending class with him for about six years, she knew the results if he tried to guess about those matters. "So, it concerns the following: It was in our first year... or before school even started. I saw her with her parents in Diagon Alley. Just for a short moment, but..."
"But?" he prompted gently. Lilli stopped for a long time, looking doubtfully.
"Promise to not regard me as crazy?"
"Can't do that."
"Why?"
"Already regard you as that."
"You -!"
"Kidding, Evans!" he said immediately, laughing boldly.
"I'll laugh later," came her sarcastic respond.
"Too bad. Okay, promise, so but?"
"Is it true, that she and her parents aren't close?"
"Hmm..." James stopped and leaned against the wall. Lilli was surprised, but followed him, leaning next to him against the wall as well. She observed him from the side and noticed with a smile that he really looked cute while thinking like that. Right now, he was charming, serious and keen. He was completely different when he played pranks with the others. It was a side on him, she saw for the first time, but she liked it a lot.
"You know, what people say about her?"
"What exactly?"
"That she is a dark magical witch?"
"Yes, even though I think it's confusing. She's related to Dumbledore and more white magical than him is not possible..."
"Absolutely right. And Anna's Dad is Dumbledore's grandson. He's a dark wizard and he did a lot for Voldemort."
"So... Anna belongs to him as well? And that's the reason why she and Dumbledore aren't close?"
His voice became a little bit crazy, but also remained serious, when he shook his head.
"I don't know why I tell you that though... but no, that's not the reason they aren't close. It's more about proofing a point."
"Proofing what point?"
"You remember that I told you, that what you think of her is exactly what she wants you to think about her?"
"Yes?" she said confused.
"Yeah and what Dumbledore thinks of her is not what she wants him to think of her. Anna tried fiercely to control the picture other's have about her and it didn't work with the headmaster."
"Why? What did Dumbledore think about her?"
"You really want to spend the rounds talking about Anna?" he asked, baffled. "You two aren't even friends."
"Well... I feel sorry for her... somehow..."
"There is no need to. She manage her life just fine. Don't even try to understand her, because..."
He smirked. "She will steer it like she wants anyway."
"So... your point?"
"Stop thinking about Anna White. I know her very well and there's no need for you to worry about her."
"You are funny, it's not easy to do that, though."
"Have another funny thing," James smirked. "I told you something from Anna and now, you have to tell me something about you."
"Whaaaaaaaaaat?" she asked shocked.
"Trust build on give and take."
"Very prudent..."
"Read it at the back of a cereal box and underneath: carpe diem! Cereal is healthy for every strong witch and wizard!"
Lilli couldn't help but laughed at his grimace and so did he. He pushed away from the wall and they continued their rounds. It was unbelievable but Lilli did start to like him more than she thought she would, even his behaviour. He wasn't arrogant anymore and didn't has any rubbish in his head. He was exactly like his eyes had described him.
"So, tell me why you despise Melissa."
"What?" she asked bitterly and couldn't stop a disdainfully snort. She expected everything but that. Wasn't the answer rather obvious?
"Tell my why don't like Melissa."
"Well, because she is a stupid bimbo, a cow, who kept on bullying others for no reason, but because she is a skank. She thinks she is above us all and gives nothing on others. She is the embodiment of the evil! Reasons enough?"
He smiled slightly. "And those are reason for me to be with her. Just to answer your question from the train ride."
They arrived back at the portrait hole. "Good night, Evans," he said smiling and turned to climb up the staircase to his dorm, when Lilli stopped him.
"James? Does that mean you support her behaviour? I mean... all the wrongdoings towards others?"
"My answer was clear, wasn't it? No more or less. Tomorrow, we continue with a question from me. Night."
"Night," she said gently, watching him disappeared behind the walls. Was this really the reason why he loved her? Because she was evil? Did she miss something? Since when did it became in to be nasty? Frustrated and completely confused, she walked up to her dorm to get some sleep.
Chapter 8 – My wish
The next day, Lilli woke up later than everybody else. Those rounds needed their fair share of time and were harder than she expected. After taking a shower, she put on her jeans, sweater, shoes and school uniform and decided to walk directly to class, since she already missed breakfast. She stormed out of the room and was about to climb the stairs down, but suddenly stopped, after hearing two familiar voices coming from the common room.
"No? Why should I be worried about him?" asked Sirius' voice, sounding very annoyed and peevish which Lilli noticed very fast. The other voice belonged to Anna.
"You didn't notice that he had nightmares?"
"Come on! From what?"
"Doesn't matter. He doesn't feel well and you could be a nice best friend and be there for him."
"I am!" he said upset.
"Hitting on his girlfriend doesn't count as being there for him."
"Wait! Lissy is hitting on me! I'm the one get chatted up!"
"Ever heard of: To cheat on someone needs two people?"
"Yeah, like you cheat on your brain with insanity. Nothing happened with Lissy! What makes you think I had? Wait! Did Lissy say that?"
Lilli didn't hear Anna say anything, but obviously she looked insistently at him, because it was Sirius, who went on defending himself.
"Look, she came on me and it was just a kiss... okay, a deep kiss."
"You can't fool me."
"I don't try! Come on, Anna." His voice changed from loud and gruff to gentle as if he begged her to believe him. "Prongs is my best friend, he's like a brother to me even more than my own brother. I would never ever hit on his girlfriend on purpose. Were the summer holidays with me really that bad, that you see me as a betraying wimp?"
"No," she said with the same gentle voice as his, telling that she believed him.
"How could she lie about that? Sod it! If I lay my hands on her -"
"Sirius," Anna said calming. "Melissa didn't say that you had sex with her, but she made a point that you wasn't averse to that."
"Who would have been?" he noticed crudely. "You're a cuckoo, if you reject someone like Melissa Kingcade. That girl is simply too hot!"
"So you thought: Why don't just mack on her?"
"It was just a kiss, not more."
"Then, why don't you tell him that?" she asked, her voice became harder.
"I don't think he would be interested in that."
"You really think, that it doesn't matter to a James Potter, if his girlfriend wants to do his best friend, he considers a brother?"
"You say that as if it's a crime," he joked, but Lilli could see that Anna didn't smile, not even a little bit. "Come on. Melissa felt lonely, because Prongs withdraw from her."
'Withdraw?' Lilli thought irritated. 'They are rarely not be seen without each other and if I saw them, they practically clinched to each other.'
"And I can't say no to her," Sirius continued softly. "Like I said, I stopped before it got to hot."
"Really? And when was that? Before it could really get into something? Damn, Sirius! When will you learn that your limits are not the limits of others? I won't tell James, because if he knew, he would -" But Anna stopped herself, looking afraid and worried.
"He would do what?" he prompted her, but she shook her head.
"Forget it."
"Come on, tell me."
"You're his best friend and you close your eyes and ignore the obvious! Really great best friend you are. Excuse me! I have to go to class!"
"So do I!"
Lilli saw both of them running out of the common room, leaving her with her thoughts. She overheard their talk but she didn't really understand everything. She started to think that Sirius might not be a bad guy at all and then he pulled out something like that. Hitting on his best friend's girlfriend? What kind of guy did something like that? But after this talk, Lilli understood that Sirius obviously didn't know the things Anna knew and also the things Lilli knew about James.
POTIONS
With a strange sensation Lilli noticed that some students were missing in class. Actually, she noticed that because the students, who were missing, were her partners. Anna and James were two of those students. They attended transformation though and even Sirius was missing along with them.
'Maybe Anna has told James and now they are fighting somewhere else? Stop that nonsense, Lilli! Why are you worrying about people, who should be indifferent to you!'
Professor Ick entered the class room, closed the door and sat down behind his desk. He frowned after looking through the rows.
"Looks like our Quidditch players are missed."
"Yes, Sir," Alice came forward. "Madame Hooch called them to a meeting to discuss this years Quidditch cup."
"Ah, I understand. Thank you very much, Miss Stattler. This means some of you have to change seats. Miss Stattler, please take a seat by Mr. Prais and Miss Kingcade, please take your new seat by Miss Evans."
'Great,' Lilli thought, appalled. That was exactly the person she wanted the least to work with. It could not be Alice for a change, it had to be the person she couldn't stand.
They were brewing the warming potion again and since Lilli had a gift for spotting the little things, she immediately understood that Melissa Kingcade was very gifted with potions. James, on the other hand, was terrible, since he kept on throwing the ingredients into the mug without thinking.
"You should not put this one in, Evans," she said before Lilli could threw in the grated lemon peel into the mug. Kingcade took it off her hand and carefully trickled them in a very unique way into the boiled water.
"If you do it this way, the effect will be better and greater," she explained.
"Thanks, so that's what I did wrong all the time."
"You are welcome. I want a good mark, too."
"Yeah... Thanks anyway."
"You can thank me by stop sucking up to my people."
"Pardon me, what am I doing?" Lilli asked, completely taken aback.
She wondered for a moment that they managed to have a normal talk together but that vanished at once after her partner spoke more. That girl eyed her with such a poisonous look in her face she'd never seen something like that before. It only took one look into those cold eyes for her to understand how much Kingcade are hating her.
"You suck up to my people, to everyone. I don't just talk about James and Anna, but also Sirius. You are nothing, Evans. You're a mudblood and that's all. You don't deserve pureblood friends like them! So get your hands off of them."
"What?" Lilli was too horror-striken to react appropriately at that very moment. She always felt Kingcade thought something like that about her, but hearing those words loud and clear was something else. She said those things without even batting an eyelid. Her horrifying appearance was not normal and for the first time in her life, Lilli understood why other girls followed her so willingly and listened to whatever she said to them.
"You catch that right. Stay away from them, if your filthy life meant anything to you. I warn you, Evans. Don't fuck with me, cause you'll lose out to me. I promise!"
"Everything all right here?" Professor Ick asked after turning towards them.
"Of course, Professor. Everything's great," Kingcade answered sickly sweet. Lilli couldn't get it how someone was so banefully in one moment and suddenly changed into sweetly innocent in the next moment. No wonder so many teachers didn't get a clue how nasty she really was. Not even a second later after Ick turned away, Kingcade's expression became vicious again.
"I warn you, Evans!"
"You know what?" Lilli started. It took all her courage she got to said that after she finally got her voice back. Even though, she might appeared to be weak, she surely was not. "Tell that to a wall. I don't take threats, and especially not from someone like you."
"So, does this mean you won't keep your filthy hands off them?"
"Exactly."
"You really wanna take me on, you filthy little mudblood? So it's war!"
"I don't mind... wanna-clean-blood!"
"What?" Kingcade asked puzzled, but Lilli didn't want to explain anything to her or even talk more than necessary with that girl, who obviously started to prepare a big fight in her mind. She was quite happy, when Ick dismissed the class and found herself packing her stuff a lot faster than really intended. The whole time, she forced herself to not show any signs of fear, even so she did feel it. She didn't know why she was so afraid of her and why Kingcade had such an impact on her. Lilli was never scared of anything or anyone her whole life and she was never scared of telling others what she thought of them, but it was different with Melissa Kingcade. Lilli had hesitated to tell her off, because she somehow felt scared inside. 'Strange...'
In the afternoon, Lilli met up with Diana to sit at the sea and spend their free time together. Diana sat there with a book she was reading, while Lilli sat next to her staring into space, thinking about everything that happened. So, Sirius had something like an affair with Melissa and she had told Anna about that or maybe she had bragged about it. What would James say to everything, if he knew about that? If he knew what went on behind his back? Or maybe he even already knew?
"Lils, look!"
She startled, looking to her friend after hearing her voice.
"Look to what?"
"You can see the Quidditch field from this place. Guess who is training with his team?"
Lilli looked towards the field and recognized James. There was nobody else with such unruly hair, looking as if it was hit by a storm. She unintentionally started to smile, but shook her head immediately. That was stupid. James was with Kingcade and Lilli was just a classmate to him, nothing more. The thought that he might liked her more was laughable... probably...
"There is going to be the first game against Hufflepuff in one moth and they are already practising very hard," Diana told her softly. "As I heard, they had a chance to win the cup nearly every year after James joined the team in second grade. Unfortunately, every year happened something bad and they missed it by a hair's breadth. I hope for them to win it this year. They would deserve it."
Lilli didn't really say a lot about that matter and time passed very fast. Diana finally left and went back to her common room, while Lilli decided to pick up James on the Quidditch field. She was sure that he would've flown the whole night otherwise.
When she finally arrived, everyone except James were already gone. 'He really trained very hard and never won...' she thought sympathetically. He spotted her very quickly and sank on his broom down to her.
"Hey!" she said gentle, while he got off his broom, sat exhaustedly down the field and panted for breath.
"Hey... Already time?"
"No, you still have some time to catch your breath."
"A break? Bad idea. I would rise again and keep on flying. Just let me take a shower quickly, than we can get the rounds over with."
'Get the rounds over with... Is it really that awful with me?' she thought with a sad smile.
"Okay, I'll wait here."
"Here?" He asked, smirking.
"Yes."
"Exactly here?"
"Yes."
"At exactly this point? If I return, you won't have walked an inch away or else!"
"Very funny," she said sarcastically.
"Come on, Evans. Let's go."
"Go? Where?"
"Into the changing room. It's warm and safe."
'Safe?' she thought confusedly. "Am I in danger?"
He didn't answer her, but smiled slightly, before turning around and walked to the changing room. Lilli hesitated one moment before following him.
After she entered the room, she sat down on one of the benches, while he took his stuff and walked towards the showers. He stopped for a moment, before he left the room.
"My question for this evening is: If you can make one wish, what would you wish for?"
"What?" she asked, puzzled.
"If you can make one wish, what would you wish for?"
"What?"
"Am I suppose to write it down for you or something?" he asked not really angry, more confused. "If you can -"
"I got it!"
"Then why are you asking?" He grinned boldly.
"Can't believe you're serious."
"Surely. So think thoroughly," he said smiling naughty. "Oh and Evans? Don't peek."
He winked before entering the shower, causing Lilli to shake her head, laughing amused. Actually, she had expected some perverse question or something really stupid, he wanted to know her opinion about but not that. If she had a wish, what would that be? What would she wish for? She didn't know and somehow started to feel awkward. Why do he had to ask such nonsense? What would she wish for... what would she wish for... Did he want to fulfil it?
Her view caught something gleaming in the open closet above his stuff. It was his glasses. She stood up and walked to it. 'Yeah, why should he wear it in the shower,' she thought softly. Lilli didn't know why she did it, but she took his glasses and sat back down on the bench with them. She tried to look through his glasses when suddenly James appeared back in the room.
"So?" He asked. He had a white towel around his lower part of the body now, revealing a very brawny upper part. His hair were still unruly and rigid even so they were completely wet. As he looked at her, it seemed more as if he stared at the wall behind her, rather than herself.
"How is your visual acuity?"
"My visual acuity? Why?"
"Can you even spot, where I am?"
"Sure! But more as a very big dab of paint at a very crazy picture."
"Thank you," she said sarcastically. James laughed and went to the closet to get his glasses.
"Um, Evans? You didn't coincidentally snitch my glasses, did you?"
"Your glasses? No – Oh, Sorry!"
"Forget it. Turn around."
"Why?"
"You really wanna see me naked?"
"You nak - Oh, Sorry!" 'The second time' she thought embarrassed and turned around, her face was burning. She hold tight on his glasses and listened to the sounds of him changing his cloth. His brawny chest appeared in her thoughts and the fact how unbelievably strong he looked caused her to smile slightly.
"So, what's your wish?" she heard his muffled voice, while pulling his sweatshirt over his head.
"Honestly?"
"No, lie my head off!"
"..."
"Kidding," he said laughing. "Of course honestly." He walked towards her, fully dressed, to sit down next to her and getting his glasses. He was about to climb with one leg over the bench to sit down when it got stuck, causing him to fell down, dragging down Lilli as well in the process.
"Woahhh!" both shouted simultaneously, falling together to the ground behind the bench.
Lilli laid above his body, while he laid sprawled under her. She was so close to him, his lips were nearly on hers. She could feel his breath on her skin and his warmth on her body. His eyes were so sensitive, full of emotions. Hazelnut brown, with a softly sad spot. Her stomach started to prickle nicely, as if there were dozens of butterflies dancing around. He smiled so charmingly and temptingly. She never had seen or felt something like that with somebody else. It was like her heart was about to break if she didn't immediately drop down to kiss him.
"Evans?" he breathed quietly, looking deep into her eyes.
"Yes?" she asked gently.
"What's your biggest wish?"
His breath was so sweet, being so close to him felt so right and good. 'I want you to fell in love with me, like I fall in love with you.'
"Do I have to answer it now?" she asked awkwardly, which caused an affectionately smile in his expression.
"If you want to ask me a question tomorrow, you should. But it would be nice if you get off me first."
"Sorry..." she said softly, moving down from his body, so he could at least sat up straight. He smiled at her, looking so damn cute that it hurt even more to know that he didn't love her as she loved him. His smile just made her world brighter every time she caught it.
"I guess, I never really give it a lot of thoughts, but... If I make a wish... I would wish... well..."
"Yes?" he prompted mildly. She remained silent for a moment longer to think about her answer. This was her chance. She knew, they weren't really good friends, nor very close, but that wasn't his fault. It was hers. She had pushed him away, always thinking that he was an arrogant, selfish brat. He wasn't all this at all and to win his trust, which honestly would meant a lot to her, she decided to not lie and admit the hurting truth.
"I wished I wouldn't have to be that lonely anymore."
While both of them looked at each others eyes, they felt each others breath and the window of their souls opened for each other, letting the other one in.
"Yeah, so do I," he whispered tenderly back.
Chapter 9 – just open your eyes
Lilli looked confused at James. Did she really hear right? Did he really say those words? His eyes were so full of pain at that very moment, as if the whole world did them wrong and caused them nothing but agony. It was as if they begged her to help him out and stayed on his side.
"You are lonely?" she asked passionately and was about to touch him with her hand, was about to reach out to his cheek to console him, when he suddenly laughed slightly, causing her hand to stop in the middle.
"Not I. You. I wished you wouldn't be that lonely."
"Oh," she said, feeling embarrassed and awkward at the same time. Her face started to burn and she was sure it changed the colour to crimson. Of course, he only pitied her. It was not friendship, that led him to talked to her, it was pity.
"Um, did I say something wrong?" he asked, after realising how doleful she became.
"No," Lilli just answered, putting up a fake smile. She didn't want him to know how much he really hurt her. "Let's finish rounds."
"Of course." He jumped to his feed and pulled her up with him. "Well then, after you, milady."
But Lilli couldn't play along. The situation was so unbelievably frustrating. She remembered the time he wanted to date her and was steadily hitting on her, but she got rid of him like a nerving zit. Now, she fell in love with him, but he already had built himself a life without her.
So they walked their way through the corridors without saying a word, causing both of them to feel uncomfortable.
"I did say something wrong, didn't I?" he said after a while, but she firmly shook her head.
"No, you didn't."
"No?"
"No..."
"Then... Do I stink?"
"What?" she asked, suddenly couldn't help but smile, because he apparently just pretended to be serious.
"Do I stink? You know, like reek of something very ugly?"
"No, you didn't stink."
"Bad breath?"
"No, you neither have a bad breath."
"Um, but you don't want to talk to me?"
"I didn't say that!"
"No?"
"No..."
"So, you are naturally more the quiet type. I get it, I get it, I get it."
'God, why do he has to be so cute. Why can't he be that daft brat again, who only played dumb pranks to everyone to drive them crazy? His scent... it smells so good.'
"How about a game?" James suddenly suggested.
"Game?" she asked mazed.
"Something, people play when they get bored. Commonly seen as something funny, people do that to fill their spare time. There are a lot of different versions with rule -"
"I know what game means."
"Then, why you asked?" He grinned boldly like he did earlier on the Quidditch field.
'He's so sad and yet, he tried to hide it and paper over the cracks.'
"Why did you asked about my wish?"
"Did your Mummy never told you to not answer with a question?"
"Why?" She continued curiously. "You could have asked everything. Like -"
"Like what you wear under your clothes?"
"What?" she asked bewildered.
"No need to ask! I know that you wear Victoria's Need it."
"... secret," she corrected him perpexed.
"Not to me anymore."
"That's not what I meant. The Name is Victoria's secret, not need it. Wait a moment! How do you know that?!"
Lilli looked surprised after realising what he just said. It was not like every girl ran around telling everybody about what underwear she was wearing.
"Lissy. Your room mate."
"Great," Lilli said, enraged. "It's not enough that she threatens me and loathes me. No, she even checked my underpants. What a bimbo!"
James laughed cheerfully.
"You really find that funny, don't you?" she asked unbelievingly.
"You don't?"
"You would find that funny if there's someone around you, making you feel worthless everyday? You're a weird guy."
"Thank you, right back at you! You are not an open cook as well, Evans."
"Book," she corrected him anew.
"I thought your name was Evans?" he asked puzzled. "But I can call you Book up to day, if you like."
"Ha ha," she said sarcastically, but started so smile slightly as well after looking into his friendly face.
'He smiles so charmingly... I just can't take it. I want to touch his cheek... his lips. Why is it just so difficult?"
"I'm not really good with Muggle sayings, so can you please be kind and try to not correct me all the time?"
"Um, of course," she said softly, feeling somehow stupid. 'Yeah, great done, Lilli. Now, he thinks you are a smart-alecky cow.'
"Still have something on your mind?"
"Um, why?"
"Still have some corridors left and it's your turn for the question. So, what do you want to know?"
"You will answer me in any case?"
"If I can, yes, but I won't answer any questions about Anna and Melissa and my relationship with them."
"Relationship? You and Anna -"
"Were never a couple. That's it?"
"No!"
"Bummer. Then, go on. Hit it!"
"Okay... How about a question about a situation and how you would react?"
"Okay?" He said, looking suspiciously.
"Let's say, your best friend betrays you with your girlfriend. How would you react, if you find out about that?"
James seemed to think hard about that matter and after some while, they were still walking through the corridors, he cradled his head from one side to the other and smiled at her.
"He haven't told me?"
"No."
"And neither did she?"
"No."
"And how did he betrayed me?"
"What?"
"What did he do, Evans."
"Well... he... slept with her."
"And... how many times?"
"Don't know about that."
"If you want an answer how I react on a situation, you need to describe the situation a little bite more precisely, Evans. I can't make generalisations. You don't want to be lump together -"
"Okay, I got it! One time."
"So one time... And... how do I found out about it?"
"Um... someone tells you."
"Who?"
"Isn't that irrelevant?" she asked irascibly. If he didn't want to give an answer, he could just told her and didn't play games like that.
"It plays a decisive role," he finally answered simple. "I would never believe anything a schoolmate would tell me about my friends. Let me tell you one thing, Evans. Someone, who retells something, always do this from his angle of view. The truth only knew those, who the rumour regarded. And if those are my friends, I believe them first instead of others. If they say that nothing happened, I believe them."
"And if the person telling you that is a close friend? Like Anna for example?"
"Well... that depends."
"Depends on what?"
"If its Peter, Sirius or Remus, Melissa had sex with."
"What's the difference?"
"Um, if it's Peter, I would ask Anna if she had a warp in her way of looking things. Come on! Wormtail? Lissy must have a big lapse of taste if she choose him over me."
"You're very cocksure of yourself, you know that?" she commented laughing. James Potter was probably the only one at that very moment, who could say something like that without appearing arrogant and cocky, but rather jocular.
'But you are it in a very cute way...' she thought tenderly.
"Okay, what about if it's Remus or Sirius?"
"If it's Remus, I would still ask Anna if she had a warp in her way of looking things. Lissy is not his type. He's into another type... You should know that?"
"Well -" she stuttered awkwardly. "What about Sirius then?"
"I would ask her if she had a warp in her way of looking things. He would never do that!"
"Why are you asking such stupid things, if you would never believe that one of your friends would betray you, anyway?"
"You wanted an answer to your question. I can only answer if I understand the question completely and I would have asked Anna if she had a warp in her way of looking things."
"Concerning all three of them?"
"Yeah! It would be different if I saw it myself, though. Then, every one of them would get a big fat bump on their traitorously head."
They finally arrived on the portrait of the Fat Lady and James said the password to climb into the common room.
"So, you say that you just believe things once you saw them with your own eyes. Is that right?"
He smiled benignly and a charming smirk appeared on the face, she remembered hiding something very sorrowful.
"No, it depends on who said what how. You just can't generalise that, Evans."
"Call me Lilli," she said smiling. For one second nothing happened, than James stepped closer to her, looking deep into her eyes. 'His eyes are so soulful, so many different and intensive feelings. Why did he has to be so close? Why can't I just reach out to him?'
"The last time I did that, you turned around, mad as hell, and snubbed: It's Evans to you!"
And suddenly, an incredible heat pumped up in her face. She almost forgot that she used to tell him off for nearly everything he did to her, especially when he asked her on a date.
"Um... It changed. You used to be a nerving tick to me and I despised you."
"That's not the case anymore?"
"No..."
"Good. That's all I've ever wanted. Good night... Lilli."
With a last very charming smile, he climbed the stairs up to the boys dorm, leaving her alone in the common room. Suddenly, her knees felt wobbling like pudding. It was as if he changed everything towards her by just calling out her first name. Did she really heard right? All he wanted was for her to not despise him? She never really despise him that much... Should she probably has told him that?
'Stupid! You're such a stupid cow!' She thought desperately after realising that and hit her head lightly against the wall, because she just felt so dumb. Why didn't she just tell him that? Maybe, he would have said something very cute back and they would have spoken the whole night to each other and would have got close. Then maybe, she would have had a real chance that he could fall in love with her. 'Stupid!' she bumped her head again against the wall. "You're just sooooo stupid, Lilli Evans! Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid!' Bumped, bumped, bumped, bumped, bum -
"Are you doing this because you are protesting that the wall is too white or why are you wrack the poor wall?"
Lilli flinched when she heard Anna's voice behind her. Embarrassed, she turned around and saw her standing there with her arms crossed, sneering at her.
"I am... um... I am..."
"Tried to check if the wall is indeed that fixed?"
"Um... yes..." Lilli stuttered thoughtfully, while simultaneously surprising noticed that Anna talked to her and didn't only eyed her ignorantly like she used to do.
"Yeah, right," she said, smilingly walking away and up to the girls dorm.
'Great, Lilli... really great. Now, she thinks you're crazy.'
At the end of the week, James and Lilli came to know a lot about each other. Lilli knew now that James didn't by choice, like everyone else was telling, threw his cloak into the audience at the Quidditch match last year, to let himself be celebrated by his fans. It was Bella, who tried to prevent him from catching the snitch by grabbing his cloak but unfortunately ripped it of and threw it away. She also came to know that it was Sirius fault that Professor McGonagall had to run around with lemon-green hair in fourth year and also that it was not a dragon, Professor Flitwick spottet in their first year after looking through the window but James and Sirius onto their brooms with way to big green cloaks and fire-breathing wands.
On the other side, James understood why Lilli and Diana were friends and promised her to not ignore the quiet Rawenclaw girl anymore but rather notice her forcefully on purpose starting from now on. In addition Lilli confessed to him that she also once did magic in holidays and got a warning from the ministry of magic and also that she later wanted to became an Auror to show the world how strong a muggelborn witch can be.
Lilli noticed that Melissa was against them spending their time together and even had fun. She looked forward to do the rounds and didn't care about her at all. Melissa hated her since first grade, but James and Lilli were just becoming friends and she wanted to savour that time. He might never fall in love with her again, but at least, they could become very close friends.
Saturday afternoon, the Gryffindor team trained very hard on the field and James didn't even give his team a break. They worked as hard as they could, because they really wanted to win the Quidditch cup that year. They trained long, maybe even too long.
Lilli was sitting with Diana in the stands because she promised James to come and watch his training. He wanted an impartial opinion from a girl how he was as the captain of his team. At the end of the training, his team left to take a shower while he flew up to catch the snitch. His eyes spotted it very fast, so he made a run for it.
"You two seemed to get along just fine," Diana stated surprised, but Lilli just smiled shyly. Yes, they got along just fine. "Is there anything going on between you?"
"What?" Lilli asked surprised.
"Between you and James?"
"Don't be silly!" she waved aside, but didn't stop beaming. The past week was so intense and different, the thought of how much everything had changed just made her feeling absolutely happy.
"Lilli!" Diana suddenly cried, pointing towards James. Lilli immediately turned her view up to the sky but could only watch in horror as he felt from his broom crashing down into the stands on the opposite of them. It was as if someone pushed into her stomach. Without hesitating a second both of them ran downstairs to the other stand. Anna also saw the crash and immediately ran to him as well, but Lilli and Diana arrived first.
"What the -" Lilli yelled, starring incomprehensibly at him. What she saw, froze her heart. His face was white as a sheet and his body was moving very slow. Everywhere was blood.
"James?!" she said carefully, trying to support him. He probably had hit his head, because his eyes blinked very fast, trying to get rid of the blackness in front of his eyes or maybe even the headache. It didn't take long for him to stop that blinking. He stared at her... He? No... his eyes, Lilli noticed they had changed, were unrecognisable, not warm like she knew them. His eyes were incredibly dark, full of hatred and unbelievably evil and they scared her. Lilli gave a start, instead of helping. Only a second later, she felt a hand pushing her away and she saw Anna bent down to him.
"James? James?" she shouted, trying to wake him up by joggling his shoulder. "James, not now, okay?!"
He breathed weakly and he was still awake, but there were so much blood around them. Lilli didn't know where it came from, but it was definitely there and it seemed to even became more and more by the time.
"Go! Get Madame Pomfrey! NOW!" she ordered them, but it was only Diana, who ran to follow the order. The other girl stayed, looking afraid at those eyes. It was impossible to move at all. Anna just took a swift look at her, before she turned back to James and distressingly shook her head. "I'm sorry. I don't have a choice... Evans?"
Lilli didn't move. Her heart beat impossibly fast and didn't allow even one sound out of her mouth.
"Evans, what you're about to see, you can't tell anybody! Promise?!"
"I-I..."
"Lilli, please!" Anna pleaded insistently and for the first time, she called her by her first name. Lilli was unsure, but she finally nodded. Anna turned around to James again, pointing her wand towards him. She murmured something Lilli could not understand, but she saw how the green blood appeared in the red blood puddles and how it started bubbling. Lilli twitched and stepped back right into one of the bench seats. James gasped wearily and closed his eyes exhausted. For one moment, it looked as if he was at the end of his powers and about to make his last breath. Lilli's throat was so dry, she felt as if she was only able to choke. She could hear her heart beating loud and noised down everything else, but when James finally opened his eyes again... every evil was washed away from those hazelnut brown eyes. All that was left were the desperate eyes and the painfully gasped guy, who gasped exhaustedly.
"Scourgify," Anna said, pointing the wand towards the puddles of green blood, which vanished at once. Madame Pomfrey approached just a second later with Diana by her side and immediately bend down to James to take a look at him. Anna explained that he got dizzy and crashed down into the stands. He was brought to the hospital wing, so his injuries could be treated appropriately. Lilli had not followed them, but rather sat down onto a bench. She needed a minute to understand what just had happened.
