A/N: Sorry for not updating in like a while, there were some problems that unexpectedly showed up so I couldn't update(insert tears) also I'd like to thank everyone who reviewed the last two chapters! Fran is the feature of this chapter! I hope you like it!
Warning(s): Language, OOC-ish, A bit of Levi bashing(what can I say, that guy's a weird pervert)
Disclaimer: I don't own KHR, if I did the girls would take over the world...
"Make way for the Xanxus-sama." Every single body present, save Xanxus of course, groaned in disgust, and maybe a bit of slight hatred, at the person who for some reason decided it was necessary to announce their boss's arrival, like they didn't fucking know that their boss was here, and was it really essential to call their boss, 'The Xanxus-sama'? Glares of evil intent were sent in Levi's general direction.
The pedophile- err facial haired man gulped nervously, it seems that they weren't all over that baby incident last night. But it certainly wasn't his fault that brat decided to get the boss's attention! Of course not, and so Levi declared that it was not in fact his fault but Nicoli's; if this were a fiction story his nose would have grown like Pinocchio's, you dirty liar old pervert man.
"Voii shut the fuck up trash." Squalo scowled and took his seat next to Nicoli, who oh so happily enjoyed his company.
Breakfast was painstakingly boring and dreadful; the only sounds produced throughout the entire meal were the chomping and chewing of mouths, the clanking and clacking of silverware, the cooing of Lussuria, the messy gurgling of Nicoli, and an occasional 'ushishi' from Bel.
They were down to the last roll, Squalo made a grab at it, as did Xanxus. The entire dining room became silent, two hands at equal distance from the piece of bread.
Squalo broke the silence as their boss and he both proceeded forward towards the food, "VOIIII TRASH BOSS THIS IS MINE, I SAW IT FIRST." Cue the throwing of Xanxus' wine glass to his head. Xanxus was the bread winner and Squalo took a wine bath. Nicoli giggled and clapped his hands, what a funny show.
"Hey Lussuria," Fran chomped on his carrot, "exactly how old is Nicoli?"
Lussuria stopped eating to ponder on that question, "Hmm, well he can crawl already so about 7 to 9 months old?" Nicoli giggled again. "OH HOW CUTE!" Lussuria squealed.
"Ushishishi can't Froggie just go in the baby's head and look around for the earliest memories?" The table was silent again, how weird for an assassin group to be honest.
"No, I'd rather not; children have terrifying minds believe it or not." It was true though, "their heads are like filled of weird crap like rainbow blobs chasing people, it's kind of like if you were to get extremely high." A shiver of knowing passed through everyone save Xanxus.
"Ushishishi."
Fran faced the audience with a deadpan face. "Yeah, don't get high at home kids."
"Isn't it supposed to be, don't get high at all kids." Fran shrugged.
"I'm not the one writing this story." He says. Everyone looks at Fran with an incredulous expression.
"Fran, honey, who are you talking to?" Lussuria asks the mint haired kid, Fran shrugs again. So what he broke the 4th wall, this wasn't the first time he did it either, nor will it be the last time.
"Asgjdsfkas." Nicoli spoke, wanting to join the weird conversation; his mashed peas flying everywhere. Good god that was disgusting.
"Kyaa my baby spoke! Say mama Nicoli ma-ma!" Lussuria cooed at the adorable blonde haired baby. Nicoli clapped instead.
"HAHAHAHAHA VOIIIIIIIIIIII THE BABY DIDN'T SAY SHIT."
Nicoli huffed, "Mmmaaaaa…." They all froze and leaned in towards the baby. "Aaaaa… Vvvv… Rrrrr… Mmmmm…. VOI." They all stared.
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA VOIIIIIIIII, IN YOUR FACES, DUMB BITCHES, I bet he takes it after me." No one else spoke, but Squalo he's not even your son he can't take things after you, they wanted to say.
"Shut up trash." Another perfectly good glass of wine wasted on the silver haired strategy captain. Squalo waves his arm-sword around in rage, Nicoli grabs his spoon and copies the guy.
"Voiii!" The baby attempts to mimic Squalo's movements whilst flinging mashed peas everywhere, "Voii!" and in that moment all the Varia officers seemed to have a simultaneous second of weakness. So cute, they all screamed in their heads, 'cept probably Xanxus, and Levi of course who only has eyes for the boss.
"ADORABLE, MY BABY IS A-DORA-BLE!" Cue the spilling of more mashed peas. "That's it, we're going shopping today; my baby needs to have the best quality everything!" Multiple groans erupted from the table, oh god not shopping.
"Ushishishi where did Lussuria even get this stroller from?" It was a rare sight, the Varia officers walking together with a baby in a stroller; it was like a weird family setting, Squalo was the bat-shit crazy mom pushing the stroller of course, Lussuria was obviously the deranged aunt, and Fran and Bel were like the older brothers, Nicoli clearly being the youngest, yup a beautiful family.
"I took it off some other ugly baby who wasn't good enough for it." They all shrugged and went with the story. Why no one has yet to report them was a mystery.
The rag-tag team of a family stopped triumphantly at their destination, the shopping area entrance gate. "Voii, let's split up so we can quickly get the things for the brat, Bel you handle the bedroom necessities,"
"Ushishishi"
"Fran you take the kid to the play place or something,"
"Roger, Shark Captain." He saluted the silveret and took the stroller from their captain.
"Lussuria, you got the clothes and shit like that,"
"Mmmhmm! My baby will have the best clothes ever!"
"And I'll get the diapers and shit." They all mentally nodded at one another before leaving to complete their task.
"VOIIIIIII HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW HOW MANY MONTHS OLD THAT STUPID FUCKING BRAT IS." Squalo shouted at the store worker who cowered in fear.
"S-S-S-Sir, I-I-I-I c-can't g-get you a l-list of things y-you need i-if I don't k-know h-how old your c-child is.." Squalo glared, the worker shivered, oh god was this job even worth it?
"VOIIIIIIIIIIII I SAID HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW, JUST GET ME SHIT FOR BRATS WHO CAN CRAWL AND SHIT OR ELSE I WILL CUT YOU." The worker paled as he nodded and ran away as quickly as he could to appease this customer.
The poor worker hastily ran around the store gathering things appropriate for an 8 month old baby. Oh god, the worker thought, this extremely dangerous man is taking care of an 8 month old baby, he called the cops.
"Sir we're going to have to ask you to leave." The cop calmly asked Squalo.
"VOIIIIIIIIII I WORK WITH THE VONGOLA SO IF YOU DON'T GET ME MY FUCKING THINGS I WILL CUT ALL OF YOU." The cop's eyes widened.
"I am so sorry for the inconvenience sir, we will get you your things, free of charge, if you would please wait here for a moment." Squalo tsked and sat in the chair behind him. How fucking hard is it to get shit for a baby. The cop ushered multiple workers to get the silver haired man's things.
After a good 10 minutes of waiting, the workers returned with a few carts filled with high quality diapers, sanitary wipes, and a baby booster seat. "Here you are sir, also a card for free of charge on anything in this store, we apologize for the whole mess." The manager bowed to Squalo who took the card from him and walked out of the store pulling the carts with him.
"Stupid fucking workers." Squalo, much to everyone's surprise, muttered quietly under his breath.
"Mmmhmm yes, I need your highest quality worker to make me clothes for these exact measurements." Lussuria rambled in the custom clothes shop he always buys from, "I want the best fabrics and real jewels, oh how about diamonds for this part, ooh and maybe a few rubies, no, ruby doesn't match my baby, let's go with aquamarines, it brings out his adorable eyes." The workers, people who were used to Lussuria's demands, quickly ran around with the best quality everything for the man who was a woman at heart.
In the furniture store everyone was shivering in newfound fear as a maniac blond who proclaimed to be a prince tossed a few of his knives around, "Ushishishishi, peasant get The Prince the best baby furniture in this store." They all ran.
Fran had officially conquered the playground and announced himself the king, the children scampered away in terror to their mothers screaming for the snakes to stop chasing them. Everyone left the premises. "I am king of the world." Fran exclaimed standing on top of the monkey bars with no emotion what so ever. "and you, baby, are my squire, we will take over the world one playground at a time." He declared pointing to Nicoli who more or less enjoyed the show. Nicoli giggled and clapped his hands.
Fran jumped down from the bars and proceeded to take Nicoli out of his stroller, "Let's do a Lion King redemption." He told the baby who only giggled as a reply.
At the top of the circular jungle gym Fran stood on his feet and held Nicoli by the armpits, lifting him high up in the air, the playground scenery turned into that one beginning scene from The Lion King. They were on an extremely tall cliff now, "Naaaants ingonyama bagithi Baba, Sithi uhm ingonyama, Nants ingonyama bagithi baba, Sithi uhhmm ingonyama, Ingonyama, Siyo Nqoba, Ingonyama, Ingonyama nengw' enamabala" The beginning people sang. The animals around them gathered and bowed to Nicoli, the new born lion prince.
There was a shark, a mink, and a peacock, the shark and the mink didn't look extremely happy. The sound track stopped and the illusion faded, "Wassup Shark Captain, Bel, Lussuria, come join us in Nicoli's initiation." He deadpanned lifting Nicoli into the air again. The sound track began playing.
"VOIIIII GET DOWN FROM THERE FRAN, WE'RE GOING HOME." Fran tsked and jumped down the the jungle gym with Nicoli happily gurgling in his arms.
Lussuria was holding multiple bags of clothes, Squalo pulled a few carts with him and Bel… Well…
"Phony Prince, how are we supposed to fit a trolley into the car." Fran asked Bel who was indeed dragging an actual trolley filled with baby furniture with him.
"Ushishishishi, we don't." No one understood exactly what Bel meant by that, they all shrugged and walked to the parking lot with their things. They all finally understood what Bel had meant when he took the fast route home by riding on the Trolley down an extremely steep hill.
"Ah, we can't fit everyone in the car with Nicoli's booster seat taking up so much room so someone is going to have to sit on the roof," Lussuria pouted. Fran raised his hand.
"I volunteer as tribute." He quoted.
"Don't say that Fran, the copy rights police are everywhere!" Lussuria ushered Fran onto the roof of the car and quickly drove to the Varia castle before the police tries to get them. Bel was already there waiting for the rest of the team to come back.
"We're home." Fran spoke a bit louder than his usual voice but with the same emotion, nothing.
"Alright let's get crackin' darlings!" Lussuria clapped his hands for their underlings to come and get Nicoli's stuff.
"How to set up your own crib." Bel tsked and threw away the instructions and proceeded to work on the baby bed. "Ushishishishi why isn't this working for The Prince." He asks no one in particular.
"You have to read the instructions Bel." Lussuria explains to the blond.
"Ushishishishi ,The Prince doesn't need any instructions, why doesn't this piece fit with this one?" He asks again. Fran, who was playing peek-a-boo with Nicoli, face palmed.
"Because according to the instructions, that part is one of the legs Phony Prince, it doesn't go on the side." Fran sighed.
"Ushishishishi The Prince knew that, The Prince was just testing you, also don't we have people to do this for us?" He asked again, they all stopped working, didn't they have people who could do this for them?
"No 'cause the author wanted us to suffer." Fran explained, they all looked at him, confused. Ah he broke the 4th wall again.
"WAIT VOIIIIIII WHY DIDN'T I GET TO TALK YET." Squalo complained.
"Because the author forgot you existed, Shark Captain." Once again, everyone was confused. Stop breaking the 4th wall Fran. Fran shrugged.
"Stop talking and get to work guys, Nicoli's room must be absolutely perfect!" Lussuria exclaimed whilst scolding the other Varia officers. They all grumbled out an 'okay' before continuing their labor.
A/N: Wowie, I hope you liked that. I'm not sure when the next update will be but I hope it's soon omg. Also sorry for any mistakes I didn't catch!
