The training deck was as busy as any intergalactic battle Star Command ever fought in. Level eight was a tough level for the training rookies.
"Commander Nebula, report to training deck," said the announcer.
In the control room above the training deck, Commander Nebula walked to the microphone. "Cadet Jones, watch your sexy ass!"
Cadet Jones looked at his ass, then he got shot by the one of the Star Command training robots.
"See, people?" yelled Nebula. "Shooting isn't just about firing guns; it's about using your brains, too, if you have any!"
Buzz swooped down to the office. "You wanted to see me, sir?"
"Ah, Lightyear," said Nebula. "I want you to meet someone." Then he turned to the microphone. "All remaining rookies, get ready for level nine!"
"Level nine?" cried Buzz. "They're only rookies, Commander."
"So?"
"Well, that's my level," said Buzz. "And if one of those rangers pass, they're gonna get a higher rank than me and I ain't cool with that at all."
The training deck had more giant robots and huge green bubbles that trapped the space rangers. But one blue-skinned ginger hair woman was the only one who managed to avoid all the giant bubbles and shoot all the robots.
"How about that, bitches?" she cried happily. "Yeah, you don't mess with this body!"
"The villains on level ten will," said Nebula, as he pressed the button to set the training deck.
The rookie came face-to-face with three giant robots. They opened their chests and out came green liquid bubbles which seemed to cause the rookie to melt.
In the office, Buzz yawned. "I'm not getting the point of this and I have a lot of other stuff to do than just watch this – "
"Zip it, Lightyear!" snapped Nebula. "It's ain't over."
The rookie's space suit was sent up. But then out of the floor, came the rookie who vanished through one robot and pulled out the wires. Then she did the same with one robot and then she went into the last robot.
The last robot knocked the other two with its arms. Then its head blew off.
"How the hell did she do that?" asked Buzz.
"She's from the Planet Tangea," replied Nebula.
"What, like the word 'Intangible'?" asked Buzz. Then he pondered this. "Of course, it all makes sense."
Then the Tangean ranger came into the office. "Ranger Mira Nova, reporting for duty, sir," she said flirting towards the Commander.
"Mira Nova?" pondered Buzz. "Oh, yeah! The heir to the Tangean throne. Remember me, Your Highness?"
"Yeah, you're the one who saved my planet," said Mira. "Was there another one?"
"Buzz, meet your new partner," said Nebula.
"Oh, that's good," said Buzz. "Because I thought you said – PARTNER?"
"Sir, what you did for my people," smiled Mira, "it inspired me to join and you guys appear to be better role models than my older spoiled as (beep) sister."
"No," said Buzz, as he began to walk away.
"No, what?" demanded Nebula.
"No divas," said Buzz. "Too bitchy!"
"Look, son," sighed the commander. "I know she's not Wrap, but – "
"That woman is not even worth looking at, let alone looking out for!" snapped Buzz.
"Even if the woman saves your ass?" Nebula snapped back.
"Okay, hello," said Mira. "The 'woman' has a name!"
"I'm sorry, wo – Mira!" snapped Buzz. "I work alone."
"So you plan to take out Zurg all by yourself?
"That's the plan," said Buzz.
"I'm not just a pretty face," said Mira. "I've done my research and I know what the regulations clearly state. They – "
"If you were clever as you boast you are," Buzz said, "you would know that I wrote half of those regulations."
"So you should that YOU ARE NOT GOING OUT THERE WITHOUT BACKUP!" yelled Nebula.
"Sorry, Commander," said Buzz, "but from now on, Buzz Lightyear files solo." And, with that, the space ranger shot up through the entrance hole in the ceiling.
Outside the launch bay, six L.G.M.s were going over some inspection papers when they noticed a big red dinosaur-like creature in a green janitor uniform wearing glasses.
"Hello," they said together. "Don't be shy."
"Shy?" scoffed the janitor. "Who's being shy? I'm just cleaning the floor and stuff."
"Clean is awesome!" exclaimed the L.G.M.s together.
"Yeah, it's the coolest thing ever!" exclaimed the janitor.
"All L.G.M.s. report to launch bay," ordered the announcer.
The bay doors opened and the L.G.M.s walked through.
The obese janitor couldn't resist walking through. He was lost in thought as he was wondering around all the Star Command rockets.
"Wow, here's the pre-1900s Star Command rocket," said the janitor. Then he moved from all the ships from the 20th century to the ships to the present.
"Wow!" he exclaimed as he looked at the ship that was being development. "Is that the future Star Command ship?"
"Well, it won't matter to you if you're not here at Star Command to see it," snapped a stern voice.
"What are you talking about?" asked the janitor. Then he turned to see a stern-looking man looking at him. He frightened him. "I was just, em – " He got out a mop and started mopping, but the officer wasn't buying it.
"You don't fool me with that crap," snapped the officer. "Guess what, pal, you're through!"
"You have no authority to say who's through, like me!" snapped Buzz to the officer.
"Captain Lightyear!" The officer saluted.
"Oh, goody! Buzz!" The relived janitor sighed.
Buzz stroked the floor with his finger. "Ah, space dust. This place is filthy as hell and we have about warnings from twenty space health inspectors each. That's why this young man is in here with his mop. Carry on, Booster!"
"Yes, sir!" replied Booster as he carried on mopping.
"My mistake, sir," the officer apologized.
"Beat it, Corporal," ordered Buzz.
The corporal went back to his duty.
"Third time this week, Booster!" snapped Buzz. "Look, I know you wanna be a space ranger but this is not the way to be one."
"But I'm working my fat butt keeping this whole space station clean and studying for the final space test," moaned Booster. "The only thing that doesn't make me quit from all the stress is the fantasy in my head where I'm the hero and I'm gonna be the greatest Star Command space ranger; even better than you, Buzz!"
Buzz was a little shocked about that last comment, but he completely shook it off. "Well, since you put that way, don't give up your fantasy. I still have my fantasy on all the time, even when I'm flying my Star Command cruiser. But don't tell anyone."
Then his wrist communicator beeped. "Buzz Lightyear to Science Bay," said an L.G.M. voice.
"Gotta run, Booster," said Buzz. "Keep up the good work."
"Yes, sir," said Booster, as he kept mopping.
"Oh, Booster?"
"Yes, sir."
"If I catch sneaking in here again, I won't help you next time and, if you get fired, tough!" Then Buzz was gone.
"Okay, Buzz," whined Booster quietly.
On Planet Z, there stood the biggest building of all: Zurg Tower. And inside it, Evil Emperor Zurg entered his armour room.
"Good morning, lackeys," said Zurg. "How's my new henchman coming on?"
"They'll finish him in two minutes, dog," said Brain Pod Robert.
"Does he have a flame thrower?" asked Zurg. "And a sword? And a nuclear bomb? And Wolverine's knives?"
"He has a bomb that could wipe out an entire planet, including himself," said Brain Pod Arch.
The grubs were working on a huge metal suit.
"His gun arm seems to be right," said Lester the grub.
"But how well can it fire?" asked Holt the grub.
Then the gun fired and it shot Lester to the wall.
"Oh, better than my rifle," moaned Lester.
"Finally!" snapped a male voice coming out of the suit. Then it started to move and get off the table.
"I shall call you Agent Z!" Zurg declared.
"That's bullshit!" scoffed the metal man.
"That was my mother's nickname for me when I was four!" snapped Zurg.
"He's been saving that name for the evillest henchmen ever in the Zurg dynasty," said Tim the grub. "Being a Christian and not a Satanist, I would never know."
"Since you put that way," said Agent Z, "I love that name, Agent Z. Especially the whole Z thing. Yep, definitely the whole Z thing."
"You don't fool me with that crap," said Zurg. "But because all of you did to get this rank, I'm gonna let you off. But if you ever argue with me again – "
"Yo, if I can interrupt, sir?" said Brain Pod Kenny. "Your spy drone is on the planet of the green weirdoes, man."
"Excellent!" smiled Zurg. "Come, Agent Z. Let's see if we can't find this so-called Uni-Mind!"
"I'll bet we do," said Agent Z, "and, if I win, I'll lead the attack myself."
"And if you lose," said Zurg, "you'll be in charge of cleaning my tower for two months."
They went to the spy room.
On the planet of the Little Green Men, the huge horns were being blown. Then a hidden compartments with stairs appeared everywhere on the planet and the L.G.M.s went down. They were all busy walking down the stairs that no one noticed Zurg's spy drone turning into a balloon body disguised as a L.G.M. It walked down under a doorway, which took it down the stairs and it entered a big room where it joined all the other L.G.M.s.
The Chief of the L.G.M.s. stood above them and above a metal platform. "The Uni-Mind!" he shouted.
The platform opened and a giant hook went down. Everyone watched it picked up the big bright planet-look-like orb.
"We are one," said the chief, touching the Uni-Mind.
"We are one," said the other L.G.M.s, waving their antennas.
"We are healthy," said the chief.
"We are healthy."
"We do not have bathroom problems."
"We do not have bathroom problems," said the L.G.M.s.
"I think I have rectum cancer," said one.
"In other words, you have cancer in your ass," joked one.
Back on Planet Z, Zurg and his minions had watched the whole thing on a big screen that was linked through the spy drone's hidden camera.
"I must have this Uni-Mind," cried Zurg. Then he turned to Agent Z. "Launch an attack on the Planet of the Little Green Men."
"Oh, goody!" cried Agent Z. "A chance to use this." Flames came out of his gun arm.
"Oh, a flamethrower!" exclaimed Zurg. "You got anything else that's exciting."
"Yeah, I got this ass bomb," replied Agent Z.
"Ass bomb?"
"Yeah, I bend over," Agent Z went on demonstrating, "and I press this red button above my ass and then – " He was about to press it, when –
"Stop!" yelled Zurg. "We don't need that for this mission. Now get over there and steal that orb!"