Ok. My second fanfic here. I don't own Chuck. Reviews are very welcome. Enjoy!
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Even with new knowledge weighing on his mind, Chuck felt great as he walked into the courtyard outside his house under his own power. Ellie had stuck behind to grab his bag out of the car, and he walked, slowly, to soak it all in. When he strode past the fountain, his heart gave a quick jerk. The last conversation he'd had there was with Sarah, when together, they'd chosen to have the Intersect removed. He turned away and continued to walk to the door. Chuck pulled open the door and was suddenly attacked by a small, bearded man. Chuck patted Morgan on the back and his best friend released him.
"Dude, you got in a car accident? In the Herder!? Are you alright, you need some TLC? I'm gonna be here 24/7, at your beck and call, until you feel all better." Morgan smiled expectantly. Chuck grinned at him and as Awesome strode over to the pair, he explained why that wouldn't be necessary. Awesome grabbed Chuck in a tight hug, and kissed Ellie on the cheek as she walked in. Chuck took his bag and capitalized on the moment when Ellie, Awesome, and Morgan were all involved- talking about him, of course. He walked slowly into his room, where the absence of his TRON poster seemed to be more obvious than usual. He dropped his bag on his bed and looked around in wonder. Everything really was the same. He couldn't have been more pleased. He was also surprised and pleased that the whole crowd hadn't come into his room yet. He assumed Ellie was behind this. Chuck settled into his chair and pulled out his iPhone. He wanted to call Sarah, he desperately needed to talk to her, to have her explain what General Beckman had said, but he was worried. As much as he loved her, and she him, her stony face after the debriefing kept his finger off the button. He would call her later. Maybe he would go over and talk to her, without the threat of Ellie or Awesome's interruption. If he chose the spy path, which, really, he couldn't believe he'd be offered, he'd have to tell Elli, but he just couldn't do that now.
And then the magnitude of the choice he had to make hit him. Join the CIA…essentially disappear for the rest of his life. He'd go through training. Weapons training, how to fight, technology, he'd become as skilled as Casey and Sarah. But then the other aspect of CIA training caught up with him. Casey's merciless prodding…Sarah's "Ice Queen" eyes. He had emotions, he had feelings, and with the CIA, he'd never be allowed to show them. And he'd be in danger, constant danger all the time. He'd been looking forward to the possibility of a life without his health and livelihood being on the line almost daily. He was scared at the thought of where his life would go if he became a spy.
Chuck plopped onto his bed and he caught a quick glimpse of his picture with Sarah in her Princess Leia costume. He thought back to what Beckman had said. If he chose a normal life, his handlers would be reassigned. And he knew from Sarah that agents were not allowed to contact anyone from past missions. If he chose a normal life, he would never see or hear from Sarah again. At just the thought, Chuck's breathing caught, and the pain was almost unbearable. And he knew right then, the only person he could trust with helping him with this decision was Sarah. Immediately, he gathered his iPhone and keys, sprinted past Ellie, Awesome, and Morgan, shouting "Gotta talk to Sarah, see you later!" and raced for the Herder. Chuck flew past traffic and reached the green door of Sarah's room before he had even figured out what to say, how to ask.
Chuck raised his fist to the door and knocked softly, three times. After a minute's wait that felt like a lifetime, he knocked twice more. After two more minutes, Chuck turned from the door and walked away. Chuck had never knocked at Sarah's door without her answering quickly. He was shocked. Chuck immediately dialed his iPhone to Casey's cell. He didn't want to call Sarah and interrupt a workout or a briefing, if that's what she was doing. Casey picked up instantly.
"What is it, Bartowski?" Casey seemed to have no sympathy for Chuck, who had only just gotten out of the hospital.
"Is Sarah with you, are you at Castle?" Chuck kept the edge of apprehension from showing in his voice, but Casey picked up on it anyway.
"Afraid Walker's not gonna be all moon-eyed for ya now that you're not Mr. Intersect, Bartowski?" Chuck grimaced and asked again, only to get a surly, "No, I'm at work right now."
This only left one place Chuck thought Sarah could be. He jumped in the Herder and headed for the Orange Orange. Chuck walked in and casually hopped the counter sporting the slogan "Yogurt and Fun". He hesitated at the register, but decided that he would just head down directly. He didn't need to be furtive anymore. Chuck quietly entered the freezer, submitted to the eye scan, and pushed into Castle. He walked up to the railing and looked over, and was completely shocked when he saw Sarah, sitting at the main ops table, head in her hands, silent sobs racking her body.
Chuck gasped out loud and ran down the stairs, but Sarah's spy reflexes had her up and gun out before he even reached the ground floor. He froze, hands up, and Sarah realized her mistake quickly. She tucked her gun away and turned from Chuck to wipe the traitor tears that leaked from her eyes.
"Sarah...it's just me. What's wrong?" Chuck and Sarah had taken some extraordinary steps since the cohabitation mishap. When Chuck had gone looking for the creator of the Intersect and almost been killed, in a moment of anger, Sarah had let slip her true feelings for him. Chuck had been shocked when she had told him how painful it would be for her if he was hurt. He received her warmly, but the arrival of Agent Forrester had killed their mood. Chuck still seethed at the injustice. When, from his point of view, he and Sarah were as far apart as ever, Beckman thought that sending in Agent Forrester to evaluate Sarah's efficiency was a grand idea. Forrester, after trying to trick Chuck into betraying his true feelings for Sarah, had left, grudgingly giving Beckman a clean report, but afterward, it seemed that Sarah was sick of hiding. She and Chuck had gone to find his father together, and the resultant kiss… it was full of things she couldn't bring herself to say.
"I'm fine, Chuck." Sarah turned around. Her tears were gone; a plastic smile was pasted onto her otherwise beautiful face. It pained Chuck to see her fake it. Even worse, it pained Chuck to know Sarah would be in pain and not share the burden with him.
"Sarah, please don't do that. I saw you, I know you were crying, please tell me what's wrong." Chuck reached out a hand to take hers, but she sat down quickly and tucked her hands in her lap. Chuck sat down opposite her and asked again what was wrong.
"Chuck…I'm sorry. I didn't want you to see this..because I know how hard this choice is for you." Sarah looked up into Chuck's brown eyes and suddenly was short of breath, and more tears stung her eyes. She cursed her rebellious responses.
"Sarah, what are you talking about? I need your help to make this decision, only you know what it would be like for me in the CIA, and to be honest, what you think I should do plays heavily into what choice I'll make."
"Chuck…I'm not good to give you advice. I'm biased." Sarah looked down, seeming almost ashamed of herself. Chuck reached out a hesitant hand and lifted her chin.
"Sarah. What do you feel about all this? Please, tell me as Sarah, not Agent Walker, not my handler. Please, I need your help."
Sarah got up and walked quickly to a corner of the room, and then strode back before Chuck could even react.
"I, I don't know, Chuck! I know what you should want, what I should want, but that doesn't mean they all correspond! Chuck, I want you to be happy. I know you've wanted to have the Intersect gone for the entirety of your stint in the government. I know that we've been, all this has been," Sarah spread her arms around the room to indicate her point, "a complete intrusion into your life. But I also know what your strengths are, what your opportunities are, and I know what my feelings for you are. I…I love you, Chuck, and I want to be with you, but I can't ask you to give up your life for me, just as I wouldn't expect that from you. I can't say, give up Ellie, and Morgan, and Awesome, and your whole life, and come fight crime with me, Chuck. And I know, I know beyond any doubt, that you could be an enormously successful agent. You're smart, you're quick witted, you think on your feet, and you're the most loyal person I've ever met. I know what you can do, and I know what we could do, together, but I don't know how I can move on from this assignment without you."
It was almost more than Sarah had said in one piece in the entire time Chuck had known her. He stood, mouth agape, as Sarah yet again dissolved into tears, but in an instant, had his arms wrapped around her. She struggled with herself, trying to quell the crying, but Chuck just held her tight against him.
Sarah pulled away, just keeping one hand intertwined with his. She could feel the pressure mounting; she had to ask the question she was afraid to know the answer to.
"Chuck, what do you want from this? Could you give up your normal life? Do you even want to?" She looked, surprisingly in control of her fear, and Chuck opened his mouth to speak.