*A warning to Flamers* Please NO NOT make cruel, idiotic comments on this chapter. Don't embarrass yourself by posting something such as "That can't happen in real life" or "No man would put up with that." First of all, remember this is fiction. Second most of you have barely experienced life and some of the weird shit it can throw at you. Third, I personally have experienced circumstances and situations that would make some people seek therapy so don't you dare try to tell me what can and can't happen. If these concepts are so far beyond your reach you can't understand them, that's wonderful. Otherwise, keep your opinions to yourself because your argument is invalid.
Honoka had suddenly become an incredibly attentive servant who worried for the welfare of her mistress. No matter where they were in the house, she would find Sanam and Deidara to offer them tea, snacks, a ride in the carriage to get fresh air, or ask for permission to make purchases for the kitchen or home in general. Never before had the disdainful and haughty servant cared a bit for her mistress much less ask for her permission to do anything. The couple knew they were being watched and being watched very carefully. It was as if the woman had a sixth sense for something amiss in the household especially when it concerned her beloved master that she had raised from his birth and his wife who she hated to the very core of her being.
Sanam had decided to take a walk in the garden to clear her head. She was alone. She was angry. Honoka had recently found a thousand and one chores for Deidara to complete on a daily basis. She knew the devious woman was doing it to keep them apart. Sitting down on the cushion covered bench hidden among a circle of weeping willows, she closed her eyes in an attempt to calm herself. At least she would have him to herself tonight. A lecherous smile pulled at the corners of her lips when she thought about how grateful she was that Deidara was still in charge of running her bath and getting her ready for bed at night. Sighing aloud, she recalled how wonderfully he performed those tasks. Another sigh, this one forlorn and full of longing, followed the first one. It was not just the sex. She enjoyed his company. He regaled her with fantastic stories of his life before he came to her. His life was like a romance, drama, and tragedy all combined into one. She had cried the night he told her about when he was first captured by the slave traders. The traders had taken all of them: himself, his family, and his friends in an extremely cowardly manner. They had all been shot with poison darts to drug them and make them fall asleep. While unconscious, every member of the household was taken to a separate slave ship to be sent to many different parts of the world. Deidara, with tears in his eyes that he refused to shed, took his crying companion into his arms. Sanam had cried the tears for him that he was too proud to release.
"Even bad things happen for a reason," he had whispered to her, wiping away the tears from her cheeks with the loose sleeve of his linen shirt. "Although I love them all and miss them, I would never have found you. One day I'll find them again. I'll take you with me. I'll set us all free from our prisons."
Sanam took deep breaths to dispel the tears that welled in her eyes from the memory of the day she was sold. She had taken Deidara's promise and hidden it deep within her heart, believing with everything inside of her that he would be true to his word. Carefully reclining on the bench, she put her arm over her eyes to block out the fierce sun that found its way through the thin branches and tiny leaves of the gently swaying willow to warm her skin. The plaintive sound the tree made when disturbed by the breeze reminded her of how it got its name. The air whipping through the delicate structures of the tree sounded like a woman quietly crying in the distance. The long tendrils of the tree reached out to graze her golden skin reminding her of the soothing touch of her blonde lover. Despite the callouses on his fingers, his hands were gentle, exciting, and down right magical in the sensations they could awake in her body. She sighed with contentment this time, wiggling to get more comfortable on the bench. She had grown drowsy from the warmth of the sun that was tempered by the cool breeze. The sounds were lulling her to sleep to dream - to dream about the man she truly loved.
"Mistress! Mistress! Where are you?" Honoka's voice screeched, echoing through the garden.
"Oh, dear god," Sanam breathed, enduring a full body cramp that affected her inside as well as outside. She pressed her hand to her mouth since her stomach had squeezed together threatening to expel its contents. Her perfect peace had been hopelessly shattered. That woman had invaded her hiding place, her Garden of Eden; the one her husband had made just for her. It was her shelter and her haven. How dare that woman trespass here. Once the nausea had passed, she jumped up from the bench to stalk out of her garden paradise toward the whining, wailing voice of Honoka. Before she had even appeared through the tall hedge that surrounded the garden, she was yelling, "What? What? WHAT?! What the hell could you possibly want that you would dare to disturb me here?!"
Sanam stopped short after she burst through the hedges. Sucking in her breath so violently that it made a squeaking sound, she stared at her husband standing between Honoka and Deidara. Her eyes moved to Honoka who stood with her hands folded over her rounded belly with a pleased, bordering on elated, expression on her face. Then her eyes flitted over to Deidara who stood on the other side of her husband with his head down, his eyes hidden. She could feel the anger and hate flowing from the handsome blond in palpable waves. Behind her diminuative husband stood Zabuza, his friend, constant companion, and business partner. He and her husband were still dressed in their business suits; both suits dark grey in color with vests complete with gold pocket watch and a handkerchief neatly folded in the breast pocket of their jackets. It was so cute when lovers dressed alike. A lopsided smirk tilted her lips at the snarky thought. She wondered if he really thought she did not know what was going on between him and Zabuza after all these years.
"My darling," her husband called to her. His warm dark brown eyes scanned her from head to toe before a grin broke across his comely fair-skinned face that was so flawless and feminine he could be considered beautiful. "You're even more gorgeous than when I left. You're positively glowing." His expression of admiration and happiness turned to one of bewilderment. "Aren't you going to come welcome me home?"
Sanam did not want to. Not with Deidara standing right there beside him. The knowing smirk had been instantly wiped from her face to replaced with a frown of sadness and despair. To save her husband's pride, she pushed up the corners of her lips into a smile. She had grown too accustomed to living in a new little world, a new life, that she had made with Deidara. But it was only a dream. Like a dream, reality had come crashing in with its breath stealing and spirit crushing power. Reality stood in front of her with his arms outstretched, expecting a warm welcome. A kiss, a hug, then possibly a trip to his bedroom to get reacquainted with his wife's body. He was her husband so it was her duty. She had loved him once, a long time ago. He had never been a cruel man; just distant and neglectful with his physical presence and his heart. He loved her in a way that defied the true definition of love between a man and his wife. He always made sure she was taken care of and given everything she wanted, but something was missing. Neither one of them had truly committed their heart to each other or the marriage. She never thought she would be able to love again, but her heart belonged to someone else at this time. Stepping forward, her body numb and her heart cold, she slid her arms around her elegant husband's waist while his arms enclosed her shoulders. She opened her tightly closed eyes to chance a glimpse at Deidara. Her heart felt as if it stopped beating when his gorgeous blue eyes met her jade green ones. A tear escaped her eye as he gave her a sad smile that did not match the fury in his eyes. With an almost imperceptible nod, he somehow relayed a silent message to her that everything would be all right. She knew that he understood that she would have to do certain things neither one of them liked since her husband had returned. She closed her eyes, more tears rolling down her cheeks. A sob of agonizing sorrow pushed through her lips with a choking, pitiful sound.
"Oh, Sanam, my love, I missed you too," her husband cooed, petting her head as she cried.
That wasn't it. That's wasn't it at all. He would never understand what she was really crying about. Nor did she really want him to understand. She just wanted to be let go. Freed from this sham of a marriage to be with the one she loved. It would also set him free as well. She opened her eyes, glancing at the tall, intimidating man standing behind them. Zabuza were a frown of disapproval and jealousy. They would all be happy if they could just stop pretending.
...
Haku lay in the bed staring at his wife. She was standing by the window, the bluish moonlight casting its muted light on her. Her gossamer night gown that fitted loosely on her body became transparent in the soft glow, allowing him to see every enticing curve underneath. He could see the tear glistening on her cheek like a drop of liquid moonlight before she hurriedly wiped it away. Rolling onto his side and propping up on his elbow, he continued to study her. Beautiful as always and obedient as ever, but she had become different somehow. There was an obstinance, a stubbornness in her that he had never encountered before. Her body had been warm and inviting when he made love to her; her heart not so much.
"What is it?" he asked, smiling when his voice startled her. "I'm sorry. I had no idea you were so lost in thought."
"It's okay. I really should be more attentive to you," she said, walking back to the bed. She laid down next to him, softly kissing his lips. "You've been gone so long. I've missed you."
"Have you? Tell me the truth for once, Sanam. You've lied about your feelings for so long I'm not sure that you know how you feel anymore," he murmured, brushing a stray curl out of her face. His finger traced her jaw then her lips before he kissed her again. "Please, I want to know. Tell me how you feel."
Sanam inhaled a deep breath, holding the gaze of his kind brown eyes. She had waited for this moment, an open invitation to express her true feelings, but had never thought it would actually come. With the opportunity of a lifetime being handed to her, she was terrified and unable to find the right words. She cared deeply for Haku and would never want to hurt him. However, they both knew they did not love each other like a husband and wife should. Scooting closer to him, she wrapped her arm around his shoulders, pressing her hand to the back of his neck. Tears dripped from her face onto his cheek. She held him close as she whispered in his ear, "I don't love you. Not as my husband. It's nothing you've done or haven't done. I just - I just don't." She paused, a shudder of sadness running through her body. "I was bought after all. You could buy my body but not my heart. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
"Sanam," he said, his voice gentle and affectionate. He pulled her head back, kissing her once more. "My heart belongs to someone else as well. I bought you as my wife to cover up my real love, a forbidden love, that no one would understand. You are so sweet and wonderful...dutiful and patient. I knew you'd never love me, but I considered that a good thing."
Sanam did not know whether to be happy or sad that her suspicions about the true nature of his relationship with his business partner, Zabuza Momichi, had been confirmed aloud. Her eyes met his, finding sympathy and understanding there along with misery and heartache. Sometimes the truth hurt worse than a lie. The lie they had been living had finally come to startling clarity forcing them to be honest with themselves and each other.
"What do we do now?" she asked, continuing to hold him tightly as he embraced her to comfort her.
"We can stay married. It will shelter the both of us. Should anything happen to me, the trading business will go to you," he informed her, finding it comical when she began to blink in confusion. "I promised that I would always take care of you. It will be yours and you will give it to your first child, whether that child be mine or someone else's. I do care about you, Sanam, quite deeply in fact."
"I understand." She really did understand. Pushing a long strand of his black hair behind his ear, she smiled at him. "I feel the same way about you."
"Would you like to take a vacation? It will give you time to think about things. If you like, I will allow you to stay wherever you chose to go. I'll buy a house for you. I'll make sure that you have everything you need. Zabuza can move into the main house here with me then. You and I can visit each other occasionally just to keep up appearances," he suggested with a smile and a wink. "You can take your man-servant with you."
"Man servant?" she queried, feigning ignorance. Her heart was beating furiously in her chest with deafening intensity making it difficult to think. "You mean maid servant, right?"
"Honey," he cooed, making a tsk tsk sound through his teeth. "I know a man...even when he looks like a woman."
Sanam bit her lower lip to keep from laughing as she looked at her womanly pretty husband. Yes, if anyone would know, he definitely would. He seemed amused, poking fun at his own effeminate appearance. She snorted in the most inelegant manner while trying to stifle her laughter.
"It's okay. Laugh. It's funny," he assured her, tickling her ribs to make her scream with laughter. A big smile of relief and happiness spread across his face as he continued to dig his fingers into her sides to make her giggle. She truly was a wonderful woman. He could and did love her, but the emotion only went so far and not deep enough. Someone else held that deep place in his heart, just like in hers.
Once the silliness and laughter subsided, Sanam sat up to embrace him. "I do love you, Haku. Thank you."
"For what?" he asked, searching her teary eyes as she looked at him.
"For giving me a chance at a life I never thought I would have. I already knew I'd never truly make you happy, to be your everything, and your forever. Hopefully we can both have what we really want," she sighed, hugging him briefly.
"Do you believe in having it all?" he inquired, watching her as she considered his question with serious thoughtfulness.
"I don't know. But we can try, right?"
"Yes. I really want that so everyone will be happy."