Chapter 03: Without You (I'm Not Okay)
Author's Notes: If you're still reading this story that means you probably don't need this warning but just in case: here be flashbacks. They are painful. I tried not to make them too graphic but writing this from experience I know that a. it will hurt to read and b. it may trigger some people so proceed with caution. I don't want anyone who might find the flashbacks triggering to be triggered by them.

Skye stared up at the twinkling, pink ceiling, both hands on her middle, counting her breaths. Were she in a better mood she might find the redecorating of her childhood room amusing. A new shade of pink. A bigger bed. The redoing of the constellations on her ceiling. The rocking chair filled with her old stuffed animals. As if he parents had known she'd need to move home but didn't want to let go of her childhood either.

But she wasn't in a good mood. And this wasn't cute or nostalgic; it was just sad.

Because here she was at thirty-three, living at home, marriage over, and unable to get out of bed because she didn't want to and because she was too weak from all of the crying.

Skye lay curled into a ball on her side, fist pressed to her mouth as she sobbed quietly. She should have told him. Forgiven him. Been more understanding. If she had, maybe…Skye hiccupped loudly as more tears came rushing out. If she hadn't been so angry with him maybe she wouldn't be here. Sad. Empty. Alone.

She didn't even know how she could be this distraught over something she'd never really had but she'd never felt pain like this and the truth was she'd loved him…she still loved him. And she loved their baby. It may not have been anything more than a small bump before she'd lost it but it was hers. It was theirs. And she couldn't pretend to be okay, because she wasn't. Nothing was okay.

Two arms slid around her from behind and a beard scratched at the side of her face as a pair of lips brushed across her temple. Her chest heaved as the sobbing got worse and Skye turned, burying her face in Trip's neck as he held her closer.

"I'm sorry, Skye."

She nodded, unable to speak, and cried harder. She hadn't been able to tell anyone else. How could she? They wouldn't understand. They all hated him. And while it was with good reason, their pitying looks were too much to deal with before; she wasn't sure she could handle them now.

Poor Skye in love with traitor.

Poor Skye fell for the murderer.

Poor Skye.

She was sick of it all. She didn't need even more pity. Not now. Not when she could barely keep it together.

So she'd kept it to herself, not sure how to tell anyone she'd let Ward seduce her, let alone get her pregnant. And she didn't want to deal with their judgement because no matter what he'd done, it wasn't their baby's fault. The baby was innocent and Skye loved it and when she found out she hadn't been scared or angry or anything else her friends and family would expect her to be. She'd been happy; she wanted this. And if she told them, their reactions would ruin it; and after everything she'd been through Skye needed to hold on to this happiness, just for a little while.

But leave it to Trip to be the understanding one.

Skye snuck down to the vaults every night, stood outside his door, and just…tried to find the strength to walk in and forgive him. But she never could. Because the truth was Skye could forgive the lying, the betrayal, hell, even the killing but the thing she couldn't forgive was that he hadn't loved her enough to walk away and tell her the truth. She hadn't been enough for him. And that was what broke her heart.

And she knew that anger, that sadness…the sound that left her small body wasn't human but Trip didn't mind, he just held her closer while she wailed in agony.

She wasn't enough for Ward and she wasn't enough for their baby either; she wasn't strong enough to save him and she hadn't been strong enough to keep their baby alive.

She was a complete and utter failure.

"It really isn't your fault, you know?"

Skye pressed her lips together and fought off more tears. She did her best to compose herself and glanced over at her best friend, finding even his warm-hearted smile heartbreaking.

"You of all people should know how dangerous I am."

Trip cocked his head to the side and kept on smiling. "You need to forgive yourself."

Skye turned away and stared back up at the ceiling. "I can't. We both know it's my fault," she whispered, trying and failing to block out the memories.

"If you're planning to stand here all night without going in to yell at him the least you can do it let me know so I can go get a snack."

Skye whipped around in surprise to find Trip leaning against the wall, watching her. She hadn't even heard him follow her…Was this the first time? Or…How long has he been here?

"Trip. I-"

"Want to see your boyfriend but you're still too mad at him?"

Skye looked down at her feet, ashamed, and tried to come up with an excuse.

"Or maybe you want to tell him about the baby but you don't know how to do it without punching him in the face again?"

Her heart stopped for a moment and her entire body went cold. Skye slowly glanced up, meeting his eyes, and her mouth went dry. How did he know?

Trip took one step forward and reached for her hand. "It's okay, Skye. You didn't know what he was and…Come on, girl, it's not that baby's fault her dad's a Hydra bastard."

Her eyes filled with tears and she took one step forward, trying not to breakdown. She should have known Trip would be the one person she could trust with this. The one person who wouldn't judge.

"How did you know?"

He shrugged. "You've lost too much weight and you don't talk to anyone anymore. At first I thought you were really depressed but then you would start putting your hand right here," he whispered, putting a hand on her stomach, "like you were trying to keep something safe before you caught yourself. And you've been sneaking down here every night. Why didn't you just tell someone, Skye? You don't have to deal with everything alone."

Skye wiped at her eyes angrily. "You and I both know what will happen when I tell everyone. Jemma will get all judgy and she'll be overbearing because it's who she is but she'll still look at me like I'm carrying some demon spawn. And my mother will be so disappointed and my dad will…he'll try to be there and fake he's happy but he'll just be sad."

"What about me?" Trip whispered and she realized he was hurt. She'd lied to him and…God, she was no better than Ward, was she?

"I didn't want you to have to lie for me," Skye whispered, unable to fight the tears anymore.

"Dammit, Skye," Trip whispered, pulling her into a hug. She sobbed into his chest for what felt like hours but Trip didn't say a damn word, not until she finally found the strength to pull away and wipe her eyes.

"You ready to go see him?"

Skye stared back at the door for a long moment before shaking her head.

Trip nodded and took her by the shoulder and led her towards the staircase. "We'll try again tomorrow night." Skye smiled and leaned into him, grateful to have one person on her side. "Now, tell me all about my niece, will you?"

Skye would have never gotten through that time without him. He'd been her rock, the one person she could confide in. And when she'd lost everything, again, he'd been there to help her pick up the pieces.

"It's my fault." Skye whispered, staring behind Trip at a spot on the wall, doing her best to focus on it instead of the pain in her chest.

"Don't be…it's no one's fault, Skye. These things just happen."

It was her fault. Her body hadn't been able to handle a pregnancy. She'd been too depressed. She hadn't been enough. Trip couldn't see that because he could only see the good in people. She knew the truth; she'd failed.

"I need to tell him," she whispered, not wanting to hurt him but…Okay, maybe she did…a little. The way he'd hurt her. But not like this. Never like this.

"Are you saying-"

"I need to see him." She was ready. She…he was a part of what she'd lost. She needed to see him and hold him and forgive him. She couldn't keep hating him, not when what she'd done was so much worse.

Trip didn't argue or say a word. He simply helped Skye to her feet and down to the vaults. She could feel the eyes on her, everyone knew now. Most of the base had been witness to her loss and while she knew she had to talk to her parents about everything, it wasn't going to happen tonight.

"I can come in with you if you'd-"

Skye shook her head and handed over the tablet to him the moment the light over the door went green. "Lock it when I'm inside. Don't let anyone else in."

He stared down at the controls in surprise. "Skye, are you sure about this?"

Skye met his eyes and nodded. "He won't hurt me."

She'd watched him on the feeds every night. She knew he called her name in his sleep. Knew he did nothing but ask for her. Knew who he really was, deep down. He wasn't a monster, not really. He'd done some bad things, yes, but she also knew he loved her. She wasn't afraid of him but for him. This would destroy him but she couldn't keep this from him; she couldn't do what he'd done. She had to tell him the truth.

Poor Ward hadn't even noticed the wall was down. Skye stood on the bottom step and watched him sit at the edge of his cot, head in his hands, sobbing.

This wasn't a monster. Monsters didn't feel remorse. They gloated, like the other bastards they'd handed over to US government. He was the only one left. The only one her dad felt was worth saving. The one who hadn't really been loyal to Hydra, just misguided by a real monster.

Maybe Skye couldn't understand desperately wanting a father figure, but she could see why someone would fall for John's act. Because Ward wasn't as lucky as she was, he didn't have someone like Phil Coulson for a father, and she couldn't fault him for wanting to find that.

She knew she sounded like an idiot girl too blinded by love but she believed in him. She wouldn't be here if she didn't. She just didn't know where to begin.

She took three steps towards him and he seemed to sense her presence because he looked up quickly and when he set eyes on her…Skye had to choke back a sob. There wasn't a person alive who could deny this man loved her. It was written all over his face.

"Sweetheart?"

Skye approached him slowly and nodded, wishing she'd come sooner. Why hadn't she come sooner?

"Yes," she whispered. She reached a hand out to touch his cheek and blinked away tears. "It's me."

Grant fell to his knees and wrapped his arms around her middle and began to sob loudly. Skye sniffled, fighting her own sobbing fit, and held him against her body.

"It's okay, I'm here now," she whispered, running her fingers through his hair.

"I'm sorry," he cried, breaking her.

"I'm sorry, too," Skye sobbed, moving to the floor and wrapping her arms around his neck.

She felt eyes on her and turned to find Trip watching over them. She gave him a nod, appreciating his overprotective big brother act but she didn't need him here; she was safest here. Grant would never let anything happen to her.

Trip set the tablet down and gave her a nod before disappearing up the stairs. Skye watched him go then turned her attentions back to the mess in her arms. She knew she had to tell him, especially if he ever got out of here, there would be no way to spare him that pain, but she could wait a few more minutes before she destroyed what little he had left.

"I'm so sorry, Grant."

"It's no one's fault, Skye."

Skye ignored Trip.

"You're not really here."

"Sure I am. In there."

She was sure this figment of her imagination was pointing to her heart but she ignored him. When she turned her head he was gone and she closed her eyes, trying not to cry.

Trip had always been there for her and how had she repaid him? By getting him killed. She couldn't keep a child alive and she did nothing but hurt the people she loved. She'd been so worried about Grant following her down to that city after she'd made the stupid decision to sacrifice herself she'd shot him. And she'd forgotten to make sure Trip, sweet, overprotective Trip, hadn't tried to play hero too. He'd died trying to protect her, like he always did, and she couldn't forgive herself for that.

Or for the people she'd killed during her transformation. The agents and civilians…

Her best friend was dead and she'd killed him, just like she'd killed…

Skye covered her mouth to hold back a loud sob. She didn't need anyone coming in here to comfort her. She didn't deserve it. She deserved to be in pain. She'd ruined everything with her stupid powers.

No, even before that.

She wasn't meant to be anyone's mother. To be happy. She couldn't risk hurting anyone else. Especially not Grant. He'd been through enough because of her.

"We'll have a baby someday, Skye. I promise."

Skye couldn't bear to look at him. She knew if she saw his red eyes or the hurt there…How could he be here for her? Something was wrong with her. She was broken. He deserved someone who could give him a family. Not someone who couldn't even keep a baby safe.

"I can't do this again," Skye whispered, knowing it would hurt him but maybe it was best. He could leave her and move on to someone better.

She could feel his sadness but it didn't stop him from leaning over to kiss her forehead and wrap his arms around her. "Okay, Skye. We'll be fine. We don't need to…it can be just us."

Skye pulled away from him angrily and pressed her knees to her chest, sobbing into them. "Go! Just leave! I don't want you here." He loved her too much. She didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve to give up what he wanted because she couldn't give it to him.

"Sweetheart, I'm never going anywhere."

Grant wrapped both arms around her and held her tight while she cried.

"I…" she hiccupped and wiped at her eyes, still crying. "I thought this time…what did I do wrong?"

Grant stared back at her sadly and shook his head. He wiped at her cheeks and kissed them before taking her hands. "It's nothing you did, Skye. Sometimes…I don't know why this happens and it's not anyone's fault. I know you think it is because it's happened before but maybe it's just not time. Maybe she's not ready to be born yet."

He sounded like her grandmother. And while she would like to think they'd finally have their baby someday…Skye couldn't handle another miscarriage. The first had been hard enough. She wasn't sure she could survive it this time, let alone again. And again. Until they got it right.

But she wasn't strong enough to fight about this right now. Once she felt better…she wasn't going to let him make more sacrifices for her.

"Okay, Grant," she whispered, leaning into him. She knew he needed to take care of her and she couldn't take care of herself. It was too hard. And maybe…there were other ways to have a baby? They could adopt. She didn't have to go through this again and they could still have a family.

Skye reached up to cup his cheek and pressed a kiss to his mouth, feeling a bit better. "You're right."

He kissed her nose with a small smile. "I know I am."

"But I'm still going to be sad about this," she warned, knowing she would never get over this.

"Me too, sweetheart."

Skye had never gotten over it, not even when she was pregnant with Ellie. She'd shoved the pain down as far as she could, not wanting their little girl to grow up in the shadow of two dead babies. But now? She was in mourning for all three of them and for Trip. Skye had pushed away her feelings for too long and now she couldn't do it anymore.

Yes, she'd blamed herself. And yes, it was her fault. And she knew Grant had shoved his own feelings away too but hearing him finally admit it? That he blamed her? It brought it all back and she couldn't control the pain anymore.

She didn't want to do this anymore. She wanted to be with them. And…she wiped her eyes and buried her face in her pillow, sobbing. She couldn't put him through this. He'd been through enough. And he needed time to see if he loved her enough to forgive her. Because one of them had to and she knew she could never forgive herself.

"You know, as cute as I find your inability to control your emotions, Tremors, I don't think the neighbors need the quakes happening every hour."

Skye frowned and stared down at the bruises on her arms. She slid her sleeves down before Mack could catch sight of them and painfully fought her powers even more than she had been.

"Sorry," she whispered, knowing she had to do better. Her emotions were all over the place, she had no control. The only thing she could do was keep the vibrations contained, no matter the pain they caused.

And she deserved to suffer, it was only fitting.

"I ordered pizza. Why don't you get that tiny ass out of bed and come eat?"

Skye kept her back to him and shook her head. "I'm not hungry."

"Come on, kid, he isn't worth this."

And this was why she hadn't wanted to speak to him. She loved Mack and she appreciated what a good friend he was but he had never been shy about sharing how he felt about her husband. He would always be the traitor to Mack and Skye was not in the mood. Until Ellie's death Grant had been the best husband and he was a good father and he had more than earned forgiveness. Mack needed to let go already.

"Go away, Mack. I'm tired," she whispered, knowing she should take something to sleep. It wouldn't do her any good but it would spare her having to deal with everyone trying to help her. She didn't deserve their concern. She was more worried about Grant. Was he eating? Had anyone looked in on him? Was he off doing something stupid and dangerous to cope with her leaving?

Her pillow was wet now but she didn't move. She wanted to be alone and if Mack caught her crying he wouldn't leave her.

"Fine, but at least let Lincoln in? Baby Doc's got his little med bag and everything. It's kind of pathetic."

A week ago Skye would have laughed but today?

"He's not even a real doctor."

"Okay, how about Jemma? She's a real doctor and she keeps talking my ear off about how you need to get a sufficient amount of nutrition and sun and stimulation in your muscles or something. I don't know, I stop listening once she starts rambling."

Even this didn't make her smile.

"I just want to be alone, Mackenzie."

Mack sighed and sat on the edge of her bed.

"Do you want me to call him? I hate the guy but if you're this miserable…"

"Go away, Mack," Skye whispered, surprised she still had tears left to cry.

"Mack, give me a few minutes with my daughter."

Oh great, the one person she couldn't ignore.

Skye wiped at her eyes and fought the wave of nausea that hit when she smelled the pizza her mother had carried in. Skye was starving but she knew if she ate she wouldn't keep it down. And if she started puking her powers would come rushing out and the East Coast didn't need a catastrophic earthquake event.

Her mother set the plate down and climbed into bed with Skye. She didn't say a word, she just wrapped her arms around Skye and kissed her temple.

"I don't want to talk about it," Skye muttered defensively.

"Good," her mother whispered, "because I need a fucking nap."

Skye smiled for the first time since arriving. "Thanks, mom."

Melinda kissed her again and held her closer. "Anytime, baby girl."

Grant ran one hand through Skye's curls and watched her sleep. Once he was sure she would not wake he pressed his lips to her forehead and slipped out of bed. Skye hadn't slept since the hospital. She needed her rest and he needed…it was incredibly selfish but he needed a break.

He knew she thought he was the strong one. That he was the one who kept her safe but she was so wrong. She was the one who kept them together, she was the strongest person he knew, and all he knew how to do was throw a punch.

Grant felt…how was it he could protect strangers from aliens and bad guys and all that shit but he couldn't keep her or their baby safe? He knew it wasn't anyone's fault but he still felt guilty. Because Skye was in more pain than he'd ever seen her in and all he could do was hold her and remind her it wasn't her fault and he felt useless.

He was useless.

He hadn't been there for her when she'd lost the first baby, because he'd been stupid enough to blindly follow John, and now?

How did people survive this?

Grant went right for the gym in the garage, not wanting to wake Skye or her parents. And he needed to hit something. None of this was fair. Sure, maybe he deserved this, maybe this was karma coming back to get him but Skye? She didn't deserve to go through this. She was the best person he knew. She was kind and compassionate and forgiving and her only sin had been falling in love with someone like him.

It wasn't fair that things like this happened, especially not to people like Skye.

And especially not to their sweet, innocent, unborn child.

Grant didn't realize he was crying until his hit the punching bag so hard it broke off the ceiling. He fell to the floor and buried his face in his knees, getting out everything he'd held in so he could take care of Skye.

He didn't deserve to be the one in pain. She was the one who had lost something. She was the one who had a connection with it. All he'd done was help make it.

How could losing something you never had hurt so much?

"Hurting yourself won't make the pain go away."

He glanced up to find May approaching him. She knelt down and took his hands in hers and for the first time he saw his bloody knuckles. That wasn't good, Skye would see these and focus on taking care of him. He didn't want that, he wanted to be the one to take care of her for once.

"What will?" Grant asked, meeting his mother-in-law's eyes. He wasn't usually this open with anyone but Skye but…he needed to get his own pain under control so he could be there for his wife.

Melinda unwrapped his bandages and helped him to his feet. She led him to the first aid kit and once his hands were cleaned and wrapped she looked up at him sadly. "Nothing," she finally answered. "You just learn to live with it."

And he had learned to live with it. They both had. They'd found a way to be happy again, they'd gotten married, bought a house, and moved on. And Grant knew, they could have been happy that way. They were happy that way.

And then…

There were some things you couldn't live with, no matter how hard you tried.

"Skye, why in the hell is there a bed in my office?"

Sure, maybe he never used the damn thing but now he had a mountain of paperwork he'd brought home to work on because he missed his wife and he couldn't stand to be holed up in the office he shared with Bobbi. Not because of Bobbi, no, Bobbi was a damn fine officemate, it was because Hunter never left them alone. He was a needy husband and friend and Grant could not get a damn thing done with those two bickering all the time.

Skye appeared in the doorway with a mischievous smile. "Because you haven't used your office in three years, Grant."

"Well…I was going to use it today," he whined.

She shook her head and pointed to the desk in the corner. "You can still work from home if you want to and now our guests won't be cramped into the smallest room in the house."

He pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance. "What did you do with the guest room we already have?" He could only imagine what his wife had been up to while he'd been away. Every time he went on a long mission he'd come home to find a new paint color on the walls or new curtains or a new kitchen! Skye wasn't capable of sitting still. Even with work, without him around to wear out with sex she got bored and her boredom usually led to remodeling.

Skye took his hand with a smile and led him down the hall while he imagined all of the ridiculous things she could have done with the room.

"I swear, Skye, it better not be that red room we joked about…" He enjoyed spicing up their sex life but not that much.

Skye rolled her eyes and pressed her back to the door, still beaming. "No, but you could call it a pink room, I guess."

"Skye-"

Before he could complain she opened the door with a squeal and led him inside. Grant followed her and glanced around in confusion.

It was certainly…pink.

And…

"Skye?" He whispered, close to tears. "What?" The walls were painted a light pink with princess wall decorations and a crib in the corner. He stared down at his wife and nearly lost his balance. "Skye, are you-"

Skye nodded and he pulled her into a bone crushing hug, sobbing into her neck.

"Grant, I can't breathe," Skye mumbled, squirming in his arms.

He let her go quickly and looked her over, panicked. "Did I hurt you? Is she okay? Wait…it's a she?"

Skye shrugged and wrapped her arms around his neck with a huge smile. "We won't know for two more weeks but it feels like a girl."

Grant cupped her cheeks and pressed a kiss to her lips, still crying. "When did you find out?"

"The day after you left for Afghanistan."

"Skye! That was weeks ago."

She shrugged and pulled him closer. "I didn't want to tell you over the phone and…" her smile faltered for a second but only because she was close to crying again. "Grant…I'm sixteen weeks along, do you know what that means?"

She had never made it past the first trimester before. He didn't want to get his hopes up but it was hard to when Skye was so happy.

He pulled her into his arms and buried his face in her curls, crying. "I love you so much, Skye."

"I love you too."

"We're going to have a baby?"

Skye pulled away and touched his cheek gently with a nod. "She's not going anywhere this time, Grant."

Grant scooped Skye up into his arms and carried her to bed to celebrate.

He should have known better than to get his hopes up. He didn't deserve a family or to be happy. He'd never been good enough for Skye and nature seemed to think so too.

Skye had always blamed herself for their inability to be parents, because it was her body, but he knew the truth. He was being punished for his sins and she was paying the price for loving him.

Ellie's death wasn't Skye's fault. It was his. He'd done this. And he'd been stupid enough to blame her all of this time and now…

He stood outside her parent's house, knowing she wouldn't see him and knowing he needed to give her space but he also needed to be near her. Maybe it would be better to let her go, so she could be happy, but he knew she wouldn't do that. She'd choose to be alone, because she loved him too much, and they would both be miserable.

Grant had forgiven her. He knew she wasn't to blame. He loved her. He just needed to figure out how to make her see that.

He watched the light in her window go out and he rubbed at his chest, feeling the loss of her.

This was his fault and it was up to him to fix this.

And while he wasn't sure how he knew giving her the time she needed was the first step. So he stared up at her window for a moment longer and then walked away.

He understood how hard it had been for her all of this time and he hated himself more for the way he'd treated her over the past year.

"You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself, Ward! She needs you!"

He could hear Skye's wailing from the other room but he couldn't force himself to do this. He…it hurt too much and he couldn't be near her, not yet. He'd tried, he really had but…every time he looked at Skye he saw their daughter's face and he couldn't bear to be near her.

"I…can't," he whispered, broken.

The last time he'd seen Skye the nurses had…

He leaned against the wall and shook his head, fighting off the images.

"I can't go back into that room, Phil."

Coulson clapped him on the shoulder and made Grant look at him before speaking. "That pain you're feeling? It's a million times worse for her. She needs you, Grant. She cannot do this alone. Neither of you can. I know it hurts, but…Ellie needs the two of you to be there for each other. Don't let this tear you apart, don't let her life be for nothing. You two made her out of love, don't let her…" Now Phil was having a hard time keeping his composure. "This is no one's fault, Grant. There was nothing either of you could have done. Don't let this destroy you. You are all Skye has left of her and she's all you have left.

I know nothing will make this better but if you aren't there for each other you will make it worse."

Grant wiped at his eyes angrily. "I don't know how to be there for her, Coulson. She…every time I look at her…she didn't even let me hold her."

He'd had to watch as they literally pried their daughter from Skye's arms. She hadn't let anyone touch her, not even him. He hadn't even gotten to say goodbye.

"I'll talk to the funeral home…you can hold her for as long as you want, Grant."

That calmed him down, a little.

"I know it's not fair but…how did that placenta bag get loose, Phil? You weren't there, as soon as she went into labor, the quakes-"

"Don't. She blames herself enough. She doesn't need you blaming her too."

"But I'm not sure I don't," Grant admitted, knowing it was terrible of him. "And I don't know how to be there for her this time, not when…I can't help but wonder if it was her fault."

He regretted saying it out loud but this had to be because of her powers, right?

"Grant…Skye's powers did nothing to harm the baby the entire time she was pregnant. I know you don't want to hear this but this happens. It's horrible and sad but it's no one's fault."

He sighed and ran a hand over his face. "I still don't know how to do this. It's not the same as last time."

"Do you love her?"

Grant scoffed. "Of course I do."

"Then focus on that. The rest will follow. You won't get through this alone, Grant. Lean on each other. It won't fix anything but it will be better than pushing each other away."

He'd told himself that he'd tried but looking back…he hadn't tried hard enough. He'd been there but not completely. He didn't blame her but he was cruel when he didn't need to be. He'd shut her out without meaning to. And Skye…he hadn't noticed because it happened so slowly but eventually she stopped trying to do it all on her own and she'd given into his cruelty.

He'd focused so much on his own pain he'd forgotten to take care of her.

Grant was surprised she hadn't broken sooner.

"I never said this was your fault!"

Skye threw a shoe in his direction and he ducked out of the way but it didn't stop his blood from boiling.

"You don't have to. Your actions speak a lot louder than your words do, Ward."

"Oh, we're back to 'Ward', now?"

Skye continued to angrily shove his things into a duffle bag and he sighed in annoyance.

"I don't blame you," he lied and she saw right through him.

Skye threw the bag into the hallway with the rest of his things and began dragging the bags across the wood floors, towards the guest room.

"Is this really necessary?"

Skye stood with a huff, face and eyes red, and a wild, angry look in her eyes.

"I forgave you for everything and you can't even find it in you to be kind to me. We lost a baby, Grant. Not just you, we. And I can't stand to keep living with you punishing me. I do it enough for the both of us."

He scoffed. Right, she was bringing up his sins again. "Maybe I should blame myself instead? Maybe this is karma."

Skye stared him dead in the eyes, defeated. "Maybe it is. Maybe no child deserves to have you for a father."

Grant knew now that was the day she broke.

"I'm sorry, baby. I failed your mom, but I promise, I won't do it again," Grant whispered at the only picture they had of her.

He finally understood what Coulson had tried to tell him. He couldn't let Ellie's death be for nothing.

She'd been made in love and he couldn't let her death be the thing that destroyed them. He needed to get her mother back. He needed to fix this.

Grant leaned back, holding the toy rabbit to his chest and rocked in the chair they never got to use.

"Don't give up on me," he whispered. He wasn't sure if he bought into Lian's nonsense about reincarnation but he wanted to. He wanted to believe they'd get their baby back someday.

He needed to believe it because getting her mother back was going to be hell and he needed something to keep him from giving up on himself.

"Someone needs to talk to him," Jemma whispered, watching Grant with worry.

Skye didn't look. She couldn't look. He hadn't left Ellie's side since they'd arrived and…Skye clutched her mother's hands, fighting off the tears. She couldn't bear to see that little face. They'd pried her from Skye's arms and Skye knew if she saw her she would never let her go again.

"You're a monster," he whispered and Skye knew he was speaking to her.

"Don't," Melinda warned and Skye shook her head.

"Let him." He needed someone to be angry at today and she was fine with it being her. She could handle it. There was nothing she couldn't handle. Holding your dead child was the worst thing any person could ever experience. Dealing with her angry husband was a walk in the park compared to that.

"I'm not going to let them take you from me," he whispered, still holding the small bundle in his arms.

Her father appeared, blocking Skye's view. "Grant, it's time."

"No! They're not putting her in the ground!"

Skye never asked how they managed to pry her from Grant's arms and put her in the casket because despite her attempts to be strong she'd fled the room, unable to handle his breakdown. She'd had her own and she couldn't do it again, not in front of all of those people.

She'd simply sat with her mother, not listening to a damn thing anyone said to her that day, in a near comatose state the entire day. Until she'd returned to the cemetery and broken down at her grave, alone, because Grant had been nowhere to be found once they'd taken her away.

"You need to forgive yourself, Skye. Grant has."

Skye shook her head sadly.

"No, he hasn't. He can't."

"Skye," her mother whispered, kissing her temple. "The only person who can't forgive you is you.

"What would you do if it was me?" Skye whispered, staring up at the ceiling.

Her mother hesitated for a moment. "What?"

"If someone took me from you. If someone caused my death. What would you do?"

Her mother didn't answer and Skye turned onto her side and clutched her pillow.

"That's what I thought. Now, tell me again how it's possible for him to forgive me?"

It wasn't. And she was stupid to ever think he could.