A/N: First off Merry Christmas! Hope you've all had a lovely day. Just in case anyone hasn't seen today's episode of Eastenders all I will say about it is wow! Anyway, here's an update present for everyone. Thanks for all the reviews so far! Enjoy :)
Chapter 3: Decisions
A few days later and Lauren was released from hospital. Upon returning home, she was greeted by her sister, Abi, and her young brother, Oscar.
"Lozzy! I missed you." Oscar told Lauren as he climbed onto the sofa next to her.
"I wasn't gone for that long, Oscar." He wrapped his arms around her and Lauren couldn't help feeling a little uncomfortable. Oscar made her think about her baby; as much as she loved her little brother she couldn't cope being around him for long periods of time and taking full responsibility for him. If she couldn't manage to do that for her brother, how could she raise a baby that would demand her attention twenty four hours a day, seven days a week, three and fifty six days a year.
"Lozzy, is it true what Abi said? That you have a baby in your tummy?" His innocent question made Lauren feel sick. She couldn't do this; act normal around her family.
"Yeah." Lauren heard Abi close their bedroom door upstairs while her parents had wondered into the kitchen to talk in private about her.
When she heard the door shut in the kitchen, she turned to her brother. "Oscar, can you do me a favour?" The little boy nodded at his eldest sister. "Can you tell Mummy and Daddy in a bit I had to go out but I'll be ok and will be back later?"
"Ok." Lauren hugged her brother before standing up and walking back out the door she hadn't long walked in through.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
Lauren's P.O.V.
Sitting in the park, I sighed. I had felt trapped by people ever since I wound up in the hospital so it felt good to finally have some alone time to try and absorb everything that had happened in the last few days and how I true felt. What I wanted for myself and this baby rather than just everyone else's (ok my Mum and Dad's) thoughts on what I should do. It was hard to swallow as I recalled what the Doctor had said about how my irresponsible drinking could have hurt the baby. Although I wasn't sure whether I was keeping the baby, it felt like I was already being criticised for being a bad Mum and if I was already this bad in the early stages of my pregnancy, I probably wouldn't be getting any better.
"You got a search party going back in the square." I jumped at the voice coming from behind. Holding a hand to my chest to try and calm my racing heart, I turned round to see the culprit who had put me in this state.
"Whit, you scared me half to death!" Whitney, one of my best friends, smiled at me and sat on the bench next to me, still giving me a bit of space though. "What are you doing here?"
"Like I said, your parents have got a bit of a search party going on for you as they were worried about how long you've been gone. They wouldn't quite say what the urgency was about you being out was." Whitney explained; I couldn't help but roll my eyes. Did my parents not trust me? It wasn't exactly late.
"I'm fine. Geez, they are over reacting, aren't they."
"It's because they are your parents, Lauren; it's their job to protect you and love you." I couldn't help but feel a sting at Whit's words. Why was it then that I didn't feel that already for this thing growing my child? "Do you want to tell me what's going on? You know you can talk to me about anything, Lauren. I'll never judge you."
"I'm pregnant." I whispered; it felt strange hearing the words actually leave my mouth; to actually be saying it for the first time. I'd avoided doing so before now.
"Are you serious?" I nodded. "I didn't even know you were seeing anyone. Have you decided what you are going to do? Does the father know? Who is the father?" Whitney's questions just came out I could tell as my predicament really hit her.
"I'm not sure about what I want to do. Everyone keeps going on about how I need to start looking after myself now or I need to start the process of looking for adoption parents but I'm not even sure I want it to get that far." As I spoke and thought about what I was saying, I finally knew after days of uncertainty what I wanted to do.
"Lauren, are you saying what I think you are saying?" Whitney was serious as she looked at me.
I nodded, biting my lip as I looked her dead in the eye. "I want to have an abortion."
"I can't tell you what to do but have you spoken to the father. Is he around?" I hesitated. "Lauren, do I know him?"
"I can't tell you but he does know."
"Ok fine. But please don't rush into anything; don't do something as rash as this on a sudden spur of the moment as you could end up regretting it. I think you should also consider the dad's feelings in all this." She told me. I could understand what she was saying but it was my body so wasn't it my choice to decide what I wanted to do?
"I won't."
Whitney finally spoke again after a few minutes. "Lauren, please talk to me. I'm worried about you." I looked at Whitney and knew I could trust her. Maybe I should tell her. Besides, people were bound to find out sooner or later and I really, really wanted to talk to someone who wasn't family. I gave in and proceeded to tell Whitney all about my relationship with Joey and Derek's lies to the police and finally finding out about the pregnancy.
Whitney looked stunned as I explained everything up to what happened a few days ago.
"Wow." She remained silent for a few minutes. "You and Joey? Joey's the dad? Are you sure that whatever it was between you was 'love' and not just some crazy lust you felt?"
I nodded. "I know it was real, Whit. It was different somehow between us; not like it has ever been like before with anyone else. Joey even said what we had, what we were doing, was special." I knew Whitney was hesitant because after all Joey didn't exactly have the best of reputations for the way he had treated girls.
"Just please be careful. I don't want Joey to hurt you anymore than he already has done. Lauren, remember he's a player; just like he played me and Lucy." I sighed knowing I couldn't argue about that. But he had changed whether people realised that or not. I knew he would never cheat on me, never. I hope.
"Whit, I really need you to support my decision. You can't tell anyone about this; if Uncle Derek finds out I dread to think what he would do." Whitney smiled a reassuring smile at me and pulled me into a hug.
"Ok. I promise I won't say a thing. And just for the record, I'll always support you; you're my best friend, ain't ya. I'm not going to let you go through this alone."
"Thank you." I relaxed into Whitney's hug, leaning my head on her shoulder, thankful to finally have someone on my side.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
I told Whitney I would go home soon but just wanted to be alone for a while longer. I walked around the park a bit and found myself at the swings. I sat down, remembering how much I used to love going on the swings when I was a kid; back when I could just be a kid and life was so much simpler. I let my feet move slowly in the sand beneath the swings, just enough to move me a little.
After a short while I felt someone come up behind me and give me a small push. I turned to see Joey standing behind me but I instantly turned away from him again. I heard him move so he was in front of me but I refused to look up at him.
"How you feeling?" I heard him ask but I didn't reply; I couldn't reply. There was no way I was going to tell him I was going to have an abortion because I knew if I spoke I would let slip. And he would try and stop me; I knew he would.
Joey sighed and crouched down in front of me. His fingers lifted my head, forcing me to look at him. I couldn't hold it together anymore and started crying; this was all just such a mess. He stood up and pulled me up too, holding me close to him as he played with my hair and tried to soothe me. I hated this.
"Hey, it's ok. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. I want to be with you, Lauren; I want us to raise this baby together. I don't care what Derek says anymore." I shook my head knowing it couldn't happen.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
I eventually calmed down and allowed Joey to take me home. I didn't speak but Joey didn't force the issue anymore, just holding me close, his arm wrapped around my shoulder. I knew I was hurting myself more by allowing this but his comfort was the only thing keeping me going right now. It was almost like a punishment to myself to have Joey so close when he had pulled away and I knew I was going to push him away again.
Joey opened my front door with my key, my Mom and Dad rushing out the living room hearing the door open.
"Oh, thank God. Lauren, where have you been? We've been so worried." I couldn't speak.
Dad turned to Joey. "Thanks for bringing her home." It wasn't much but it was enough. I felt my legs give way underneath me, exhaustion coming over me. Joey caught me before I could fall. He picked me up, the muscles in his arms sending sensations through my body.
"Joey, take her upstairs please. I'll be up in a minute." I heard Mum say as I closed my eyes, letting my body's need for sleep take over.
I heard Joey push open my bedroom door, my cold bed soon replacing Joey's warm muscular arms. I decided not to force myself to wake up, instead just lying there as Joey slipped my shoes and coat off. However, once he covered my body with my quilt, his next move surprised me; he kissed my cheek, his kiss lingering longer than a quick peck. I felt his fingers gently push my hair off my forehead as he whispered three words that made my heart jump but also deflate just as quick, "I love you." I heard him stand up and close the door behind him as he left the room. I was screwed and he was going to hate me when he knew what I was planning on doing.
End P.O.V.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
Joey's P.O.V.
I closed Lauren's bedroom door before heading back downstairs.
"She's asleep." I told Uncle Max and Tanya.
"Joey, thank you." Tanya smiled and hugged me. "We really appreciate you bringing her home. Despite everything."
"I just want her to be safe." Tanya nodded as Uncle Max just looked at me in silence. I suppose at least he wasn't completely kicking me straight out or telling me not to go near Lauren again.
"I should get going. If you need anything or Lauren does, I'm here."
"Thanks. Night, Joey." I closed the front door behind me.
I knew as I walked away, leaving the girl I loved, who was now also carrying my baby, that I would do anything for them. I wouldn't be a bad Dad like my own nor would I give up on my relationship with Lauren. Speaking of, I needed to figure out a way to get around Derek which wouldn't put Lauren or our baby at risk. I knew it wouldn't be easy to be with Lauren again but I was determined to fight, quite literally if I have to.
End P.O.V.