Chapter 3: The New Man of Mystery

"Welcome to the Mystery Shack!" Stanley Pines posed at all the attractions. "Home of mysteries and excitement! Would you dare enter and explore the vast exhibits of this alluring and paranormal town?"

"Uh, Mr. Pines. I already work here." Soos spoke as Ford made his way to the house.

"Yes! I knew that." Stanley showed Soos to his office. "Now we only have a week until Dexter and I leave for adventure. So I'm turning you into a younger version of me. A clear criminal record of me."

Soos squealed to himself. "What's the first lesson?"

Stan took out some charts. "Just to get this out of the way. I'll teach you all the math that no one realizes an employer does. Which if they do know about, employees will complain less to their bosses about money. Now lesson one."

…

Hours later

"Wow. Did not expect you to master that kind of math this fast." Stan looked at a perfect calculation of profits, spends, losses, etc.

"I've been studying business management for years." Soos said.

"Impressive." Stan smiled, feeling proud for Soos. "Well that takes care of the boring parts." Stan toss the sheets away. "Now the next step is-"

The phone suddenly rang.

"Oh, hold on." Stan quickly answered. "Hello, Mystery Shack! … Oh, hey nephew of mine who has a name. Did the kids get home safe? ….. Are you good with the pig? … Great! Mabel really love that pig …. Yeah. The Second uncle. Well to tell you the truth I'm not really Stanford. That will be my brother who was sucked into a portal for thirty years because we were fighting like children. I'm Stanley. … It's complicated….. Hey Ford, get over here! You have to explain a lot to the kids' dad!"

Ford picked up the phone to explain the whole situation to Mr. Pines.

"Soos, I'll get back to you later. I have to tell that story again."

So Soos went to the gift shop to wait of Stanley. As he waits, he looked around the store, coming up with ideas. "If I was a postcard stand; I should be happier here. But those bobble heads are always bobbleing. But it's closer to the snow globes who always give people the Christmas spirit. Which will annoy a lot of people in November."

Stanely returned after a long conversation. "That went off without a hitch." Stanley explained to Soos that the kids' parents now know about what happened 30 years ago and like Stanford very much. "So glad that Stanford's more honest than I am, we may never see the kids here again."

Soos almost had a heart attack.

"Settle down, Soos. Time to learn the art of con!" Stan rubbed his hands together. "But since there's no suckers at this time, we'll just make one!"

…

Ford sat there, very annoyed with his 'sucker lollipop' t-shirt.

"Remember, be as dumb as possible!" Stan said to his non-amused brother.

Soos approached him, feeling very nervous. "Uhhh. Hello money?"

Ford sighed. "Hello, Mr. Mystery. I would like to see your 'real' attractions." Ford bended his fingers. "Because they definitely don't look like stuffed dead animals glued together. Or my old bowling ball painted to look like an eyeball without being preserved in any embalming chemicals!"

"Psst, scam him." Stan whispered.

"Uhh, O.K." Soos gulped. He looked around the museum he worked at for years and was filled with determination. "Heh, just like that kid and that skeleton who likes spaghetti, I mean um. Be amazed!" Soos pulled in a very real looking replica of Multi-Bear. "Behold! The beast that took years to fight to the death, and whos dead boty is said to be haunted, the abominable Bear-Bear!"

"I'm still alive, thank you very much." Multi-Bear spoke. "I just forgot my mix tape here."

"There there, Bear-Bear." Soos patted Multi-Bear on one of his heads. "…Why did I say that?"

Ford shook his head. "You know, I can actually get real attractions. But that will bring in some unwanted guests from the government."

"I won't do that either, bro." Stan said, reminding him of how dangerous the supernatural can be. "Soos. you're doing good!" Stan patted him on the back. "Now let's see you try introducing every attraction here."

"From the Alpha Apple all the way through the Zigzag Zebra Zombie? And also miscellaneous like whatever Mabel made here." Soos took out a model of …. "Definitely a model." Soos then sprung an idea. "Heh, what if Mabel made a wish for this to come alive? Like when she found that old genie lamp."

(Flashback)

"First wish, Ice cream! Second wish, Ice cream! Third wish, …. Nothing!" Mabel shouted with the lamp in her hand, belonging to the ….. red parrot?

"Get it?" Mabel asked. She grinned widely, waiting for an answer. "It's cameo? A cameo from a famous movie made in the nineties? ….. Had two straight to video movies which one of them was terrible …. And an animated series …. And crossed over with Hercules …. Yes that actually happened. Look it up!"

(End)

Stan hugged Soos. "You're a natural!" A tear drop formed in one of his eyes. "Now to show you how to increase prices and-"

"Jesus Alzamirano Ramírez!"

Everyone gasped as Soos's Abuelita walked in, looking furious. "I hope you're not being a bad boy here."

Soos started panicking. "No, I mean. Don't put me in time out!"

Stanley grunted painfully. "Soos, you don't have to take her advice! You're Mr. Mystery now."

"Oh I can smell a con-artist a mile away." Abuelita poked Stanley in the chest. "And don't get me started on that day where you got the Mystery Shack back from that awful child."

"Awful child? I don't know what you're oooooooooh." Stanley froze as everyone looked at him. Even Stanford gave him a curious look. "Uhh, distraction!" Stan pointed at Gompers the Goat.

The next thing Soos knew, Stan was caught in the powerful grip of Abuelita before he could escape. "Why the heck are you this strong?"

"Soos. You can be the best Mr. Mystery and be a professional business man. But you must make a choice. Will you be a crook, or an honest man?"

"Don't listen to her!" shouted Stan. "I don't care if you won't scam people, money wise! Just as long as you follow your dream and make smart business choices ….. wait. That's sort of what you just said." He turned to Soos. "And I also said I wanted you to have no criminal records. ….. So we're all good?"

"Supongo que sí." Abuelita let him go.

"Well that was another conflict solved." Soos said before the phone rang. "I'll get that."

When he left, Abuelita spoke to Stan. "Just of the record. You are still a better father figure than his good for nothing blood-father who wants nothing to do with him."

"Father figure?" A flashback of that fateful night played in Stan's head. "Yeah, I guess I am. Take that, dad!"

"I am not your father." Abuelita protested.

…

"Really, a fire!?" Soos asked through the phone. "And also the place you work at went out of business?"

"That's right. But at least I was insured." Soos was talking to Melody, Soos's girlfriend from Portland, on the other line. "But now I need to find a job that doesn't require a college degree and a new apartment. Unfortunately I can't find an open one here. Everyone else living in my building took all the open rooms."

"That's a bummer." Soos said.

"Well enough about me, what have you been up to. I couldn't get in contact with you for a week. What happened, did Armageddon happen?" she laughed.

"Actually Weirdmageddon happened."

"…. Another overpowered entity bent on fulfilling its unholy desires?"

"Exactly that."

They spend the next thirty minutes talking about Bill's control over Gravity Falls, how he was defeated, the twins leaving, and Soos's biggest surprise.

"I am now the new Mr. Mystery!"

"Congratulations!" Melody cheered. "Wish I could move up there to see you in action …. Hey. Is there an open house there?"

Soos realize what she means and gasped happily. "Well minus my old small house and that spooky medium sized mansion the Northwest moved in, there's one good house for rent near where Mabel's friends live. And heck, with me as Mr. Mystery and Stan heading out for adventure, I could use another hand."

"Really?" Melody spoke happily.

"Yeah. You can work the cash register and sell merchandise to all our customers who would have their minds blown by my stories!"

"I'll take that job. But won't I need to submit my application first?"

"Of course ….. you're hired."

"Oh thank you, Soos. You're the best!"

Soos's cheek turned pink. "Thanks Melody. You are gonna love it here. I'll contact the owner of that house first thing in the morning. Well after breakfast."

After they gave their goodbyes and hung up, Stanley walked right in. "Well looks like Ford and I will spend rest of the week getting ready. You sure you got this under control?"

Soos informed Stan that Melody will be moving in, he can totally do it. "Yes, Mr. Pines. You can count Soos."

"Thanks, Soos. That really means a lot."

Soos smiled. "Permission to hug you again?"

"Like you'll stop if I say no."

Soos hugged Stanley tightly as Stanley hugged back.

"Soos really is like the son I never had." Stan thought to himself. "Wonder whatever happened to his real dad. Probably got on the wrong side of some shady people. Oh well." The two enjoyed their bonding moment for as long as they wanted, fulfilling the old tradition of father passing down to his son who shall pass it down to their son and so forth till the end of time.

"PLEASE LET ME GO!" shouted a man that sort of resembles Soos by only a tiny pit. He was tied up in an area with small structures, green pathways, and holes.

"NEVER!" shouted the little golf-ball like creatures, the Lilliputtians.

"Do not lose hope, my comrade." said the man's fellow inmate, Sergei. "You've battle your slavery against these creatures far longer than I have."

"I just snuck in here five minutes ago to hide from the cops!" shouted the man. "And my only crimes are ….. well I know its three times bigger than that one guy who ran for mayor …..Steve Oak? Eh, some loser."

All of the Lilliputtians gasped. "He has insulted our once great chief, who had destroyed the One Eye Beast! Burn his most vulnerable area while we sing!"

End of Chapter

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