I own nothing
Song belongs to Corey Taylor
Contains strong language
Xxx
37 - Corey Taylor - X-M$
Slade walked into his lair and brushed the snow off his shoulders, throwing a bag of stoles electronics onto the floor, Slade wasn't happy man in any sense of the word. He hated most things but most of all he hated Christmas, all the good will and such to all mankind.
"Screw that" he said to no-one as he walked to his super computer and turned it on, snapping to life it showed a picture of the city he haunted.
"Look at it" he thought "with all their lights and tinsel, it's enough to make you sick!"
Walking away to a cabinet in the corner he pulled out a bottle of whisky and a small glass, pouring himself a tumble he raised it to the screen.
"Ho Ho Ho Ho!"
Drinking his drink in one he walked back to the screen zooming onto a group of carol singers standing in front of a massive Christmas tree in all its wonder.
"It makes me sick"
"There ain't nothing more depressing than a pine tree
Gussied up candy canes and balls
Those carolers have kept me up for hours
It's Merry Christmas seeping through my walls"
Raising his voice shouting to them as if they could hear, he didn't care if he looked crazy he was pissed. Walking back to the cabinet he grabbed the bottle before swiftly turning to face the screen once again.
"Now I'm no wiccan commie or nothing
But there's one damn holiday that I can't stand
It ain't Halloween or Thanksgiving or even April Fools
But it'll surely make a fool out of every man
HA"
Taking a swig of whisky straight from the bottle, and raised it to the sky
"If I ain't drunk then it ain't Christmas
You know where to stick those jingle bells
If I ain't hammered it ain't hanukkah
And all you motherfuckers go to hell"
He pointed to the screen at the city that he knew he would one day rule
"The first thing I'll do is ban Christmas"
"If I ain't cockeyed then it Kwanzaa
Joy to the world and jack and coke
If I ain't drunk then it ain't Christmas
Cause I never anything but broke"
He looks around at the place he calls home and remembers a time when he was a normal man and realizes he hated Christmas even back then.
"Now every year the malls are just a madhouse
Full of empty pockets, thoughts and smiles
Just the smell of Eggnog makes me vomit
And those colored lights are fucking infantile
I think we collectively as the people
Should rise against this corporate jolly noise
And tell the world:
"Let's buy some piece and quiet for a change"
Before we spend it all on fucking toys.
HA"
Downing the rest of the whiskey he finally felt drunk enough to start enjoying Christmas smashing the bottle on the floor he heads to the cabinet again.
"So if I ain't drunk then it ain't Christmas
You know where to stick those jingle bells
If I ain't hammered it ain't Hanukkah"
He hears a knocking at the door so he angrily switches the camera on to see that's its some carol singers so he turns the intercom on and shouts
"Fa la la la la go fuck yourself!
If I ain't cockeyed it ain't Kwanzaa
Joy to the world of getting stoned
If I ain't drunk then it ain't Christmas"
Seeing that they still hadn't left he shouted
"So leave this god damn scrooge the fuck alone.
HA"
Turning to his bed he shouted
"MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS!"
Before collapsing on it successfully passing out for the rest of Christmas.