Disclaimer: I do not own Once Upon a Time and am only borrowing the characters

Chapter 2-Discussions

The next morning she walked with her parents to Granny's. Neal and Kili were in front of them, talking non-stop. Neal was not quite sure what to make of this much older sister who had been gone for so long but took right to his two year younger nephew. David was carrying Leo who at only two was unable to walk the long distances but did not want to ride in a stroller. Her eyes stayed on Kili and Neal though. She loved seeing her son this happy and outgoing.

"I think Neal likes the role of big brother. Leo here is too small to really count yet."

When they entered Granny's she was greeted casually. No one enthusiastically called to her but neither did they snub her. She had only just started on her pancakes when the door was pulled open and two dark haired children, who looked around four, raced in and all but vaulted onto two stools. Granny put down an already poured glass of milk in front of the boy and orange juice in front of the girl. "Who did you outrun this morning?" she asked with a smile.

"Daddy!" They chorused together cheerfully.

The door opened again and Killian strode quickly to the two. "What is the rule?" His voice was stern but there was a hint of laughter and exasperation in his voice.

They again answered in unison, "Do not run away from Mommy and Daddy. We could be hurt and that would cause Mommy and Daddy pain."

The little boy grinned winsomely. "We only came to Granny's."

"Granny would protect us," the little girl said with an equally charming grin.

"We're sorry, Daddy," they again chorused in unison.

"Daddy," Emma repeated in shock, her eyes now locked on the trio

No one answered her as Killian sat down next to the little girl, nodding a quick thanks at Granny for the coffee she placed in front of him, but keeping his eyes on the children. "What have I told you about apologizing to me when you do not mean it?"

Both looked at the ground, for the first time appearing upset. "Don't," the boy whispered.

"It is lying to you," the girl continued, her voice almost a sob. She looked up at Killian. "We like to beat you and Mommy here, it is fun," she explained almost desperately.

Killian maintained his stern voice as he answered. "That is fine when we race or are playing. NOT when you just take off. As punishment you must hold hands, with an approved adult, for the next four days."

"Ooo," Henry commented, sliding into the booth next to Emma, putting Kili on his lap. "He is pulling out the big guns this morning." He glanced at his confused birth mother. "There is nothing the Twins hate more than having to walk sedately beside an adult. And his addition of approved adult means that they cannot try to weasel around the restriction with Roland and some of his friends. Who do enjoy their antics."

Kili had slipped off Henry's lap during the explanation and followed Neal over to the counter.

Laughter pulled her eyes back to the trio. Neal and Kili had taken seats on the other side of Killian and he was apparently telling a story that had all four kids laughing and Granny smiling. "Daddy," she repeated again, proud of how even her voice was. "Killian is married and has children?"

David glanced at her and quickly away, back to the counter. "Not married, but two kids."

Before anymore could be said Kili was back, dragging the dark haired twins with him. "Mom, I want you to meet Colin and Catie." Up close the children could not be anyone other than Killian Jones' children. The boy was almost his spitting image with the same unruly dark hair and deep, too blue eyes. The little girl's hair was lighter with a slight wave and lighter blue eyes. Her face was a mixture of Killian's and someone she could almost but not quite place. They were adorable and it hurt her heart like the devil to see them. "Hi," she said weakly.

Killian joined them, lifting the little girl, Catie, into his arms and reaching out to take Colin's hand. A bag of takeout was dangling from his hook. "Mommy is waiting for you two monsters." He nodded his head at them. "Charmings, Swan, Henry."

"We are not monsters," Colin objected.

The door opened before Killian could answer. Regina and Robin entered with a pre-teen who had to be Roland, and a young girl about the twin's age. "What have we here?" Regina asked, noting the kids being held by their father.

"You ran away again," Roland chortled. "How long?"

Colin scuffed his shoe. "Four days." He kept his eyes on the ground.

"Look at someone when they are speaking to you," Killian reminded him.

The pain in Emma's heart increased as she watched Killian be a father. How she wished Killian was Kili's father. He was as good a father as she had thought he would be. She ignored her mother's sympathetic look as she took a sip of her hot chocolate with cinnamon.

The little girl pulled away from Robin. "Time to go see Aunt Belle," she cheered.

Neal joined them at the table. "Can Kili go with us?"

"Story time at the library," Snow told her. All the preschool aged children like to go. During the summer and holidays it is most of the children under twelve."

"The more the merrier," Killian commented from the door. "One more will not be a problem."

Emma nodded her agreement and watched as Killian led them out the door.

Regina and Robin joined them, Regina next to Henry and Robin next to David, Roland pulled up a chair. "Belle has been a lifesaver," Regina commented.

Emma's gaze was still on the door. "Who is their mother?"

Nobody answered her immediately. After a strained silence it was Regina who spoke, looking her in the eyes. "That is a question for Killian to answer." She turned the discussion to Henry's upcoming graduation ceremony.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

A few hours later she was wandering around town. Mary Margaret and David had gone to work, Henry to school, Killian had never returned after taking his children to the library. His children. She still struggled with that. Deep in her heart, a part that she was ashamed of, she had not thought he would move on even though he had the right to. Kili was still at the library, he did not need to be picked up until dinner time. Not sure what to do with herself she just roamed. She almost went to the sheriff's station but was not yet ready to find out who had replaced her. David had told her he no longer worked as a deputy. It had been too hard after she left. He was now running the animal shelter. He had been reluctant to say too much other than about himself and Mary Margaret, claiming it was not his tale to tell her. Mary Margaret had reluctantly followed her husband's lead. In some ways this did bother her but not as much as she thought it should. After all her parents' lying to her was what had set her flight instincts in motion, even if it had not overwhelmed her for a few more months. But she also knew that she did not know how much she actually wanted to know. She had been deliberately vague about how long she would be staying. Also they did not necessarily have all the details she would have wanted. Mary Margaret had seemed hesitant while talking about Killian while Henry was openly glad of his presence. David had said little but seemed comfortable if he came up. Dropping wearily onto a bench overlooking the lake, where she had once told Killian her definition of home and he had tried to talk her into staying, she forced herself to stop lying to herself. She wanted to know how Killian was and what his life was like after she left. Her desire for that was as strong as it was to know about her son. The difference was while she had missed her son desperately she had known he would be loved and supported by Regina and her parents, his grandparents. Killian had not had that support system so she had worried more about him. About how easy it could have been for him to fall back into the Darkness. From what she had seen today and during the return trip to Storybrooke he had coped well and had not fallen back into the Dark. A small part of her wondered if he had mourned her loss as she had his. Deep inside she knew those thoughts were unworthy. She had left him, she had had a child less than a year after she had left. But the thought and fear that went with it could not be completely suppressed. When he had knocked on her door in Chicago she had hoped for a white knight to rescue her, to take her back home where she belonged. For once tough, independent Emma Swan wanted the fairytale. Her White Knight however had two children with another woman and a life she knew nothing about. As unfair as it was to feel that way, it hurt.

Closing her eyes she allowed herself to remember the first glimpse of the man she loved in six years:

It had started as a normal Saturday morning.Kili was buzzing around madly, wanting to go out and run.But she had errands to get done and was trying to corral him into getting ready to go.When the doorbell rang she had been ready to strangle whoever was at the door.She did not have time for this.Opening the door her jaw had dropped and she was taken back in time to New York when this man had shown up at her door to take her back to her family and away from her life of lies.A hidden part of her she could barely acknowledge hoped he was here for the same thing. "Killian."

"Swan," his voice was neutral, not showing the pain or anger he had the right to feel or the happiness she hoped he was feeling. "I-"

Whatever he had been about to say was interrupted by Kili running up and pulling on her pants leg. "Mommy!Mommy, my dinosaur broke."

Her eyes had shot to Killian and she saw the flash of hurt before they shifted back to neutral. She had desperately wanted to explain how lonely she had been, how she had tried to replace the emptiness in her heart with someone who appeared like him but couldn't. She had chosen to leave, it had been her decision to break both their hearts and steal his happy ending away, just as he had feared would happen, but not at her hands. Instead she picked Kili up. "Kili, I would like you to meet Killian Jones, an old and good friend. Killian, my son, Killian Swan."

Kili had smiled brightly at him. "We have the same name."

"It would appear we do."

"Can you fix my dinosaur?"He held up the toy with one of the legs broken off.

Before Emma could interrupt Killian had reached for the toy and quickly snapped it back in place.To her surprise he had a gloved left hand. "Prosthetic," he stated simply, handing the toy back to Kili. "All better."

Kili smiled brightly before wiggling to get down and go back to his toys. "Thank you."

For a moment they stood in silence. Emma half wished he would kiss her like he had all those years ago. Although today her response would not be to knee him in the groin. Killian broke the quiet before it could grow uncomfortable. "Henry requested that I find you.He is graduating high school and his coming of age birthday. He would like you to attend both celebrations."

Dazedly Emma backed into the kitchen counter, sinking onto one of the stools.While she knew logically the Henry had grown older while she was gone, the reality did not hit her until Killian had spoken. She had spent a lot of time trying not think about Henry, or Killian, or Storybrooke. "He really wants to see me?" she asked the pirate, who was still standing just inside the door he had closed.

"It was his request," Killian confirmed.

A long moment of silence dragged out. "My parents?"

"They hope you will choose to return."

For a long time Emma was silent, thinking.In the background she could hear Kili playing.Part of her wanted desperately to return to Storybrooke.If she was completely honest with herself she had wanted to return for years.Another part of her screamed against gong back.Her current life was occasionally lonely and she missed her family but it was emotionally safer.But Henry was asking for her and she owed her first born son more than she had given him. "OK."

Now, two days later, she was sitting alone on a park bench wondering if she had made the right decision. So much was different, so much she was not a part of. Her Mom was acting as though the separation was no big deal, her father was cautious around her but she could see the longing, fear and pain in his eyes. Her little brothers did not know her. Henry could not stand to be in the same room as her, Killian treated her as a casual acquaintance. She did not know how to make things right with any of them or even if it could be done. Maybe she should just take Kili and leave. Their life in Chicago was not bad.

No. With a quick shake of her head she dislodged that thought. She would stay, at least for Henrys birthday and graduation. And if she did decide to leave she would not sneak away or try to. She would face her family and explain her decision.

Henry approached the lake hesitantly. He'd seen his birth mother siting on the bench. Seeing her staring out at the lake he stopped, not sure how to approach. He felt suddenly much younger than his almost eighteen years. He wanted to be that little boy who had gone to Boston looking for his mother to break a curse. He wanted to again have the heart of the truest believer. Emma had, in many ways torn that from him when she left and did not return or contact him. Life was no longer so simple. One thing he knew, he would not run away. That did not solve anything. He was upset with himself for running last night. It had made him so angry that her only excuse for leaving was 'falling back on old instincts'. All of his carefully planned questions had fled his mind and he had felt again like the little lost boy he had nearly become when she abandoned him and Storybrooke. Afraid of what he would say he had excused himself and left. Fled, he reminded himself bitterly. 'Regrouped,' he heard Killian say in his head. 'You needed to get your thoughts together not go off half-cocked and say something you may regret.'

Of course he had run straight to Killian when he left his grandparents' house. When it came to Emma Killian had always been the person he could go to. Both of them had been hurt and shared their pain. Mary Margaret and David had been different, he couldn't connect with them the same way and the fact that their lie, omission of the truth, had been the catalyst that had started the running thoughts had prevented him from going to them. Mary Margaret accusing Killian of causing Emma to leave had widened the breech. Killian had called them rash words and to not take them seriously, but Henry had seen the hurt in the pirate's eyes.

Boarding the Jolly Roger he had seen Killian leaning on the railing, staring out to sea. Half wishing he could just run into his arms as he had when he was a young boy and hid from the world he slowly walked to stand beside him at the railing, Killian turned to face him. "I ran from her." Killian stayed silent, knowing as he always did that he had more to say. "I didn't know what to say or do. I expected reasons, excuses-but there were none. Only that she ran because she always had. What kind of reason is that?"

"It is hers," was the simple answer.

"But it's not right! What did she tell you?"

Killian turned back to stare out at the ocean. "I did not ask."

Henry looked at the man who should have been his stepfather and had filled that role even after Emma had left them. "You can still read her, you knew why she left." Henry looked out at the gently rolling waves, urging them to provide him with the usual peace. "It's what you said from the start. I do not think I ever let myself believe it. What do I do now?" Again he felt like the little boy he no longer was.

For a few minutes Killian was silent. "You have to decide if you can live with her answers and if you still want to try to have her in your life and how much."

"I need to talk to her again," Henry decided. "I'll arrange it for tomorrow."Nervously Henry bit his lower lip, glancing at the man beside him. "Will you be there?Not at the table," he hurriedly explained. "Just at the diner."

"As you wish."

Watching the reflection of the setting sun on the sea Henry finally found himself relaxing.

Pulling himself back to the present Henry took a deep breath and walked to the bench Emma was sitting on. "Let's go get something to eat from Granny's."

The walk was made in silence. They had taken seats and ordered before Emma broke the silence. "I am not going to run away from you again."

Henry played with his drink glass. "Words are not really going to matter," he spoke softly, almost reluctantly. "You did leave." Glancing over at the counter Henry caught Killian's quick not of encouragement before he turned back to Emma. "Nothing can change that. Your actions are going to have to prove your words."

Emma laid her hand over the one that was not playing with his water glass. "I know this is going to take time. I will answer any questions you have truthfully. Hopefully I can one day regain your trust."

Henry nodded, deciding on a neutral topic. "Tell me about Kili."

Killian sat at the back of Granny's where he could keep an eye on Henry and Emma, but far enough away that he would not overhear their conversation. He was glad to see Henry had regained his equilibrium. Last night he had almost appeared to be the lost young man who had been heartbroken when his mom left without an explanation and tried to leave without even a goodbye. He had been more thankful than he could convey that Regina had allowed them to remain in contact. Henry needing him had helped to keep the agony of Emma's loss controllable and gave him a reason to hang on and continue to fight for the life he had made for himself.

His ease faded as he saw a familiar head of dark hair heading determinedly toward the diner. Of course Snow White would ignore Henry's request for Killian only to be there. Catching Henry's eye he signaled that he would be back. Getting to his feet he got out the door just as Snow White reached the diner's front gates. "Henry requested a private meeting."

"I am his grandmother and her mother."

Killian wasn't moving out of the entrance. "They are mother and son. Henry has the right to make his own decisions."

"They may be hurt."

"Hurting is a part of life." Killian was still not budging. "They have a right to make their own choices."

Snow wasn't backing down either. "I can help."

Calling on all his patience Killian replied, "It is not your place to." And waited for the explosion his words would cause. His relationship with Snow White, while never perfect to begin with, had destructed after Emma left. The ever optimistic Snow White had seen her hope for a life with her daughter die and she had lashed out. He had been the easiest target. While he had understood her words were just reaction and had managed not to retaliate with the bitter words that had welled up, their relationship had never recovered the ease that it had almost achieved before Emma took the powers of the Dark One. Now they had only casual interactions.

"But it is yours?" the pain in that bitter question was obvious.

His answer was immediate. "No. I am here strictly for moral support and seated far enough away for their conversation to be private."

"Mary Margaret," David came hurrying up. "You should not be here."

She turned to her husband. "I need to be. I need to help."

"No." His tone was implacable, a tone he rarely used with his beloved wife. "We need to make our own peace with Emma, this is Henry's time." He led her away with a quick nod of acknowledgement to Killian.

Stepping back inside Killian realized Henry and Emma were done talking, both standing next to the booth. Emma looked at him as he entered. Her eyes flicked down to his waist and she stiffened. "You are the sheriff?" she asked incredulously.

He had left his jacket on the stool next to the one he had been sitting on, leaving the badge clipped to his belt visible. "Yes." Before he could say anything else he felt a tingle at the edge of his senses. "One moment." Turning he tried to pinpoint where it was coming from. Vaguely aware of Henry preventing Emma from disturbing him, he closed his eyes. Whoever or whatever it was knew Storybrooke was there. Blinking his eyes back open he looked at Henry. "Text your mom and Robin to meet me at the town line."

Henry nodded, already pulling out his phone. "Then I will go to the library with Belle."

"Killian," reaching out Emma put a hand on the former pirate's arm. "What-" Before she could say anything else red smoke enveloped them and she felt like she was being pulled apart. Suddenly she felt Killian's arms grab her and the tearing feeling stopped. A moment later they were at the town line. "Killian, what?" she asked, dazed. Had he just done magic?

Killian just released her and stepped away, eyes and seemingly all his attention on the Storybrooke town line.

Before she could say anything else Regina's voice sounded behind her. "Ms. Swan, this is a surprise."

Turning she found Regina and Robin behind her. Robin moved immediately to Killian, turning to scan the woods to either side, Killian appeared to take no notice of their arrival, still focused on the invisible barrier. As Robin turned again she saw the badge on his belt. "Regina, what is going on?"

"The Former Savior grabbed me as I was poofing," Killian commented off-handedly, attention remaining on the shield. "Not a recommended way to travel."

Regina shook her head. "It is never a good idea to interfere with magic in progress. You are lucky Killian can focus his magic better than you ever did. Otherwise who knows where you would have ended up and in what state."

"I didn't know he could do magic. Since when can he do magic?"

"Second villain after you fled," Killian replied absently, turning around and focusing back on those around him. Regina stepped around her to join the two men. Kilian addressed his next words to mayor and outlaw. "Someone was definitely testing our defenses."

Robin was still scanning the trees to either side of the road. "Who do you think it was?"

Killian shook his head. "I don't know, but magical traces are not something I have mastered, although the spell itself was not touched." He glanced at Regina. "Madam Mayor?"

With a smirk she stepped up beside him. "As you command." Laying a hand on his arm over his brace they both focused back on the invisible barrier. After a moment she stepped back. "You are right. It was not friendly or light but is also not overtly threatening. What are you going to do?"

"Strengthen my bond with the shield and up patrols along the border." He glanced at Robin.

"The Merry Men will be happy to do some hiking."

Against her will Emma's mind went back in time, when it was an ice barrier around the town and Killian had stated it was their second date. Her heart clenched at the bittersweet memories.

"I'm going to walk part of the perimeter," Killian went on. "Could you let Belle know I am going to be late?"

Regina nodded and gave Robin a quick kiss on the cheek. "Come, Ms. Swan."

"Killian has magic?" she repeated as Regina poofed them to the library.

The former evil queen just rolled her eyes. "Clearly." She strode toward the library.

Emma huffed out a breath at the non-answer and followed. She had not felt like such an outsider in years. And everything she found out only intensified that feeling. A part of her wanted to run, but most just wanted to feel like she belonged again. It had been so long since she had been in a place that felt like home. Walking into the library she realized that Colin, Catie, Roland, Kerry (Robin and Regina's daughter), Henry and Kili were the only ones left.

Belle rose to greet them. "Mary Margaret picked up Neal but I did not have authorization to release Kili to them," she explained to Emma.

Her son came running up to hug her. "Mommy, Ms. Belle read us stories and we colored. They say sometimes Mrs. Red comes and takes us running. Can I come back?" he got out in a rush. "My uncles come all the time as do Catie and Colin. I like having family! The also go out on a real pirate ship on Saturdays. Can I go?"

It had been a long time since Emma had seen Kili so excited. Maybe he missed having a family too. Her eyes rose to meet Belle's.

"Killian and some of the fathers take the kids out on the Jolly Roger most Saturdays. Kili is welcome to come. He is also welcome to join us during the week but I will have some paperwork I will need you to fill out."

Emma smiled. "That sounds good. I should check with Killian before agreeing to Saturday though."

"That's silly," Colin had joined them quietly. "Daddy likes taking us on Saturdays. The more the merrier he says."

Belle smiled, finger combing the tousled dark hair in a futile attempt to make it lay neatly. "Colin is right. Killian won't mind another child along."

Regina glanced at Emma. "Even if Killian did for some reason the other fathers would not. It would be a great excuse to add another adult." She smiled in tolerant amusement. "The dads can be as big of kids as the children. There is a whole rotation of father's who accompany them." The mayor turned to Belle. "Killian wanted me to tell you he will be late."

Catie ran up to join them. "When will Daddy get here?"

Belle lifted the girl into her arms with an air of comfortable familiarity. "You know Daddy sometimes has to work late. Should we stay here or go to the park until Daddy joins us?"

The familiarity she had seen in Catie's face that she had been unable to place that morning suddenly came to her. Now Emma recognized it and it staggered her. Belle. The librarian, Rumplestiltskin's ex-wife was the mother of Killian's children.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Why didn't you tell me Belle was Catie and Colin's mother? Or let me know Killian was in a relationship?" Emma burst through her parents' door, the questions almost spewing out of her. She had not been able to think straight since finding out and she was not sure why.

David looked up from the puzzle he was doing with Neal. Leo was asleep on the sofa while Mary Margaret was in the kitchen making dinner. The simple domesticity of it caused another pain in her heart. "It was not our place to tell you or make explanations or guesses. What their exact relationship is besides parenting Colin and Catie, are anyone's guess. If they are together romantically they do not flaunt it or act any different in public than they ever have. They do share a four bedroom house by the ocean. At one point they had separate bedrooms but current sleeping arrangements are not my, or anyone else's, business. If you want to know more you need to talk to Killian." He went back to the puzzle.

Mary Margaret came out of the kitchen and handed Emma a hot chocolate. "Dinner will be ready in fifteen minutes. How did your meeting with Henry go?"

Forcing herself to turn her thoughts from Killian she focused on the relationship she was trying to reforge with her first born son. She sat down on the couch next to David, Kili had sat down next to Neal to help with the puzzle. "Better than I expected."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

After walking the town perimeter and finding nothing else of use Killian had walked to the park. He was not surprised to see Belle sitting on the bench closest to the monkey bars (another odd name in this Land Without Magic) and their children climbing over, under and through said contraption. "Picnic on the Jolly?" he asked, seeing the pizza box and drinks sitting next to her on the bench.

"I thought you could use it." Belle smiled up at him. "And the kids can never get enough of the Jolly, especially when they do not have to share it."

He smiled back at her, extending his hook to carry the bag of drinks. His other hand he used to help her up. Turning to the jungle gym he called, "Colin, Catie, time to go." Both jumped off the bars, Colin from the top and Catie from about two thirds of the way up. Only prior experience with his rambunctious children and knowing their antics would only get worse if he reacted Killian remained still until both children straightened and ran to them. Beside him he was aware of Belle releasing the breath she had been unconsciously holding. He squeezed her should a moment before stepping front of his children. "Hands," he ordered. With a pout Catie took his hand while Colin held Belle's hand that was not carrying the pizza.

Over the children's head Belle gave him a knowing smile. 'How long?' she mouthed.

'Four days,' was his equally silent reply.

"The new boy, Kili-"Colin started.

"Kili and Fili are my favorite hobbit characters," Catie interrupted. "I think the hobbit should be our next bed time story."

Colin glared at his sister. "Of course they are best! But I was talking." He turned back to his father. "His real name is Killian. Why does he have the same name as you?"

"And hair and eyes similar to ours?" Catie added, proudly using her big words. "Is he related to us like Henry's family all is?"

Eyes meeting over the twins' heads Belle and Killian held a silent conversation. After a few seconds he looked down at this children. "No one's family is like Henry's. No, Kili is not part of our family or a lost older brother."

Colin was silent for a few moments, swinging his mom's hand and thinking. "But his Mommy looks at you like you were the Daddy. And when she saw who Mommy was," he stopped, not sure how to interpret what he had sensed. "She was surprised and, and hurt, I think." He looked up at his parents. "I don't understand."

"I would like an older brother," Catie commented. "Even if he is not as old or as good as Henry, I wouldn't mind."

Once again Killian met Belle's eyes, at a loss. He had barely come to terms with Emma being in town and having a son she had gotten pregnant with right after running away. He had not even started coming to terms with the implications of her son having similar coloring to his and his name. Luckily they had reached the Jolly Roger and he crouched down by the gangplank. Belle took the drinks so he could place his hand and hook on his children's shoulders. "Kili's mom and I were dating before she suddenly left town. I am not sure why she named Kili for me. I am not his father."

Catie shook her head, exasperated at adult stupidity. "She wants you to be the Daddy of course." Pulling away she looked at her brother. "Race you."

As the children raced up the gangplank and to the helm Killian slowly stood, absently taking the drinks back from Belle. Colin's questions and Catie's observations were forcing him to face Emma's return and just what Kili meant.

Belle squeezed his shoulder in reassurance, then dropped her hand to hold his. "We can talk once the children are in bed."

He smiled, once again thankful for her constant and comforting presence in his life.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Later that night, after a delightful on deck picnic and a couple of hours playing with their children in the sea air, an evening tide to set sail and putting the children to bed in their cabins Belle found Killian on deck, staring out at the ocean. He had anchored them far enough out that the lights of Storybrooke were just pinpricks in the distance. He did not react to her presence until she slipped her arm around his waist and laid her hand over his. "How are you doing?" She did not bother to ask if he was okay, with Emma's presence in town he was not going to be fine, not until they dealt with the repercussions of Emma's presence back in their lives.

"I've been better," he admitted.

Belle let the silence drag out, knowing that when Killian was ready to he would talk. One of the things she loved most about their relationship was the complete trust they shared. They knew they could rely on the other not to judge and simply be a sounding board. Sometimes she thought it was because she had seen Killian at his worst and seen how hard he had worked to find his way back to the light and to stay there. And he knew how easy it was to slip away from the light and understand her wanting more and sometimes making bad decisions in her desire to be a hero. It had also helped that they had not been interested in each other romantically-there was no need to fear the other in that way. They had both been caught up in their recent relationships and could share hurts, doubts and recriminations. She remained leaning by his side, allowing him the physical comfort of her presence.

"I'm not sure how I feel. I spent so long chasing her, then we were together, then she was gone. Now she is back and I am unusually indecisive of what I want." He turned to face her, leaning his hip on the railing. She shifted as well to maintain eye contact and continue holding his hand. "I know we need to converse, I just am unsure of what we need to discuss."

His reversion to his initial speaking pattern spoke of his uncertainty. Over the years he had worked hard to learn and use modern language and speech patterns. "What about Kili?"

For a moment his eyes dropped away from her before lifting back up. "I think he is the most confusing thing. He was named for me, his coloring similar to mine, so she must have sought out someone similar to me in appearance." He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he reopened them he was not even attempting to hide the pain from her. "Emma gave a complete stranger, someone who then abandoned her, a child. A chance at a family. Something I desperately wanted and dreamed of with her, even if we had not yet achieved that level of intimacy with each other." He smiled weakly at her. "I was here, waiting for her, missing her." He smiled weakly. "It is painful"

Belle stepped into his arms. With them actions often spoke louder than words. She knew he was not talking about regretting their children or the life they had built. They both loved their current life but also had their share of regrets and might-have-beens. "We should get some sleep. The kids are going to want to help you dock the Jolly in the morning."

With a real, but slightly melancholy, smile he kissed the top of her head and slipped an arm around her waist to walk with her below decks.