January 25, 2187
Got a letter from one of my students today. E-mail, message, whatever. It was good to hear from her. She and four others are in L.A., helping with the rebuild. Another three are in Vancouver. Two are MIA and presumed dead. Another killed himself last week.
It makes me want to throw up. It's bad enough that we lost two to the war, but for Yannick to commit suicide? Could I have made a difference if I'd been there, with them, instead of up here, away from everything? I should be. I should be working with the Alliance instead of having an enforced vacation.
This is bullshit. I can help. They need to let me help.
February 2, 2187
Request to return to active duty denied.
It's the damned counsellor. She told them I couldn't handle things, I guarantee it. That stupid interview, those stupid questions…
Yes, I'm having headaches, but I've always had headaches. I work through them. Yes, I still have emotions about Shepard's about things, but I think I'm entitled. I lost the woman I loved twice. Twice! Yes, I'm angry!
I'm so damned angry.
You left me. I told you I couldn't lose you again, and you left me anyway.
Fuck you. Fuck all of you.
February 2 or 3 or…whatever
Whiskey works just as good asthe headache meds. Yep. Especilaly a whole botlte of it.
There's something about sititng on the deck here and listenning to the woods. The Reapers took a lot, butthey couldn't take this. Nope. It's cold, no cricketsor anything, but peaceful. It seeps inside you, the quiet.
Did you have a chance to look down and see what you were saving? There's nothin quite like the view of home from Luna Base, and it had to have been something simlar from teh Citadel. Big, blue, maybe somelights here and there. Probabyl red from the fires. You wouldn't have ignroed that. It wouldhave been an extra reminder.
I think the moon has your face. If I shout out I lov eyou to it, will you hear it?
I LOVE YOU.
I love you.
Goddamn it, Shepard.