Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach
Rating: PG-13 Again just to be safe
Genre: Humor/Romance
Characters: Hitsugaya Matsumoto (Hitsugaya's POV)
xOx
A lot of people ask how I ended up with Matsumoto as my fukutaicho. The odd thing is I requested her to keep myself from going crazy. I guess that requires an explanation.
xOx
My first couple of weeks as a Taicho were great I didn't have a fukutaicho at the time so I was alone the office, usually all day except for a few times when one of the seated officers would come in briefly to ask a question. It was great no one to report to, no idiots making stupid comments, no fellow officers playing music so loud I couldn't hear my self think, yeah it was great and by the end of the first couple of weeks I was sure I would go insane. You see if a person has no contact with other people long they'll go crazy, I was sure that was happening to me. I started by putting in a stereo and then playing music… didn't help. Then I decided to tape random conversations and play them on the stereo, at least it would sound there were other people in the office. When that didn't work I got a flatscreen TV then it would look and sound like there were other people in the office… in the end I started watching more Comedy Central then doing my paperwork so that had to go. By this time I was so convinced I was going to lose it that I paced around the office talking to myself to at least try to slow down the process. Of course that got me wondering what would happen when I cracked. First I thought I might end doing all kinds of weird and creepy things like Kurotsuchi but then I figured you had to be pretty fucked up to begin with for that to happen. Then I thought I'd turn into some battling maniac like Zaraki but that seemed a little unlikely too for some reason. Then I got a rather vivid mental picture of myself running through Seireitei at top speed stripping and singing Axel F by Crazy Frog… that decided it. That was not a picture I wanted to see ever again and Definitely not one I wanted all of the Gotei 13 seeing so I decided it was time to get a fukutaicho. In order to keep myself from cracking from lack of human contact I requested that the soutaicho give me the loudest and most talkative fukutaicho there was, needless to say he had a candidate.
xOx
Man could Matsumoto talk! I spent my first two weeks wither trying to get her to shut up… which she took too literally. Then I spent my next two weeks trying to get her to say something. Before long I was certain the woman would drive me to insanity far more efficiently than my previous problem ever could have. It wasn't just her talking believe it or not I'm a talkative person it was what she chose to talk about. I didn't realize it was possible for a person to discuss nothing but sex for two weeks straight. The other things that drove me to the edge should be fairly obvious having to drag home from the bar 2 nights out of 3, her coming in to work drunk or hungover and all her random antics. Like the time she got me so drunk that she ended up dragging me home, or the time that she used all the paperwork to throw paper airplanes at those idiots in 11th division, or the time I walked into the office to have a bucket of paint dumped on me she still insists that it was meant for Renji. But eventually you get used to it
xOx
Lately she's been worse than usual though so I think I might go crazy after all… but when I picture myself going insane now I get a… again vivid mental picture of myself and Matsumoto going at it in a bedroom... or an office... or a supply closet. So you know what, call me a pervert but I don't care if she drives me insane cause that's a picture I wouldn't mind seeing more often.
xOx
Randomly came up with this idea while I was trying (and failing) to go to sleep reviews are welcome.