A/N: This is the chapter where all the loose ends are tied up from my last fic "A Necessary Darkness". If you haven't read that yet I suggest you do so just so it makes more sense, though it's not entirely necessary. Also, to anyone who thought this was going to eventually be A/H...you shall be disappointed and I'm not sorry. I respect A/H stories and some of them are really good but I just never found it realistic that they would actually factually be together, I know, I know...blasphemy right? I just don't like A/H, its everywhere and ugh just no. Make it stop.

That doesn't mean that Arty and Holly don't get closer in this story though, so there is plenty of important interaction and feelings and blah between them so read on, but no romance. still not sorry.

Thank you to everyone who reviewed or favorited this story! You guys rock!

Also, This is a LONG freakin chapter, 8000 words. There was no way I could cut it in half though because it wouldn't make any sense that way. so here ya go. ya lucky ducks.

The soundtrack to this chapter will be: Tourniquet by Evanescence. An old favorite.

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"That corpse you planted last year in your garden,

has it begun to sprout? Will it bloom this year?

Or has the sudden frost disturbed its bed?"

-T.S Eliot

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Something moves in the darkness, something patient yet threatening weaves its way soundlessly through the shadows. It skips gracefully around any patches of moonlight that tumble in through the window, so he can never get a good look at it. Logic tells him it's stalking, it's a predator though he sees no claws, no dangerous flashing eyes. It has no shape but it is darker than the blackness that it dwells in. It crawls, along the walls and ceiling, always getting closer. Fear grips him, the kind of fear that stills logic and he knows that it wants to get inside him. It wants to devour him from the inside out. This game of sudden appearance and swift receding is all a tactic. He's being hunted.

He trembles, he can't see it anywhere now. He whirls around in a terrified circle, eyes darting frantically, his dilated pupils, starved for light, grow larger as they try to capture any movement that will help him discern where the danger has gone.

Then, a small sound like a sigh, directly above him.

He throws his head back with enough force to snap his neck, his breath grating in his lungs, it's staring down at him. He was wrong, it does have eyes. They are an eery white, pupil-less and seemingly blind, large and bulbous like boiled eggs. He falls to the floor in a vain attempt to put some distance between himself and...it. He is paralyzed, he doesn't dare shift his gaze for fear that it will sink back into the shadows and the thought alone is beyond horrific. Even though the sight grates against his nerves and sends waves of raw panic spiraling through his body, at least for now, he knows where it is.

It's eyes are horrible, bearing down on him with an almost physical force. Fear squeezes the breath from his lungs. It knows. Something like a smile spreads from beneath it's spider egg eyes, a mouth that Artemis didn't know it had yawns open like a bubble in a tar pit, slowly stretching wider and wider. It's mouth is huge, its teeth are vicious. They are wickedly sharp, pointed and nasty, they hook and curl in every direction and little spikes dot along their length. They aren't serrated for a clean cut, they are built to rip flesh apart.

Artemis shuffles backwards in an attempt to escape, never taking his eyes off his predator. It's gaze follows him to the door, he reaches behind his head for the handle, turning it violently with no results. The creature is calm, almost mockingly so. Suddenly its smile broadens. Something drips from its open mouth, landing and splattering in small black droplets on Artemis' arm. The liquid is searingly cold to the point of burning, it almost seems to be ink until it solidifies, an exoskeleton forming rigidly from the substance. The droplets transform into spiders before his eyes and in panic he thrashes. More droplets. They crawl up his body, towards his face.

They want to get into my ears! He realizes. He clamps his hands over his ears and curls in on himself. He raises wide terror stricken eyes to the creature above him and realizes that its no longer shapeless. It too is a spider, twice the length of his own body, thick and muscular. It's crouched in a striking position, its bulbous eyes multiplied to a hundred glowing white orbs spreading across its face, above its dripping mandible. It is covered in oily, thick black hairs that sway as it cocks its enormous head. It emits a high pitched shaking whine, like there are a thousand more spiders inside its head chittering with it. The sound is so far from anything Artemis has ever heard, so inhuman that in terror he rakes his fingernails down the sides of his face.

How does it know?

He wants so badly to scream, to cry out. He wants to say the word that shatters darkness, the only word that death fears. But he can't remember! He rocks back and forth, spiders in his hair, shaking violently. Safe, safe, what word means safe? No...not a word, a name. He knows it, a name so close to his heart, so full of strength and courage that the force of remembering sends him rocking back on his heals. How could he have forgotten?

Domovoi!

He almost laughs. Of course! Tears prick his eyes at the sheer relief of this memory and he prepares to speak out loud but something is wrong. His hands fly to his mouth and nothing is there. Confused, he runs his hands over his face, searching for his lips, nothing is there but smooth skin where his mouth should be. Tears stream down his face, he was so close to banishing the darkness. He just wants to say the name, even if it won't do anything, just for himself to hear.

Domovoi.

His eyes fly open, some one is shaking him. There is an older man above him whose face is creased with age and worry and incredible kindness. He resists the urge to push the hands away, preferring not to be touched but there is something special about this man, something comforting, so Artemis doesn't stop him. Instead he allows the man to gather him in his arms, surrounding him in a strong embrace. He's on his bed, he had been dreaming. He expects to be sweating but he's not, he just shivers under the duvet.

The man is speaking frantically, he's saying something important, Artemis looks up to try to catch the words.

"Do you remember?" He asks with a gently shaking voice, a sound that Artemis somehow knows is rare coming from this man. "You were saying my name in your sleep." He looks hopeful, tears welling up in his dark blue eyes.

Something in the boy he can't identify jolts at the sight. He leans forward, cupping the older mans face in his hands. He's been here for nearly five days with these kind strangers, listening to their stories, telling him who he is and trying gently to coax memories from him. Now something is familiar, he brushes the lines around the man's eyes lightly with his fingers. Something in those eyes makes him feel...accepted, as if he could do no wrong.

Where you go, I go.

The boy's eyes widen, he rears back. Scenes flash behind his eyes, he holds his head as the memories surface. They swell up in his mind like waves upon waves breaking over dried beach, violent yet necessary. They are painful and confusing at first but once they settle he realizes that they feel comfortable, right in his brain. He sees Butler carrying his four year old self through the rain, Butler, tucking him into bed at night. He remembers speaking with him over dinner, the two of them alone at a huge oak table, sitting side by side. Butler, always listening to him, always interested, concerned. He sees Butler packed in ice, remembers what it felt like to lose him and then re experiences the joy in having him back. Tears stream from his bright blue eyes, he rocks back and sobs.

Another memory erupts, he's alone in a huge house, the doors to his mother's room in the attic loom over head, ominous and frightening. He feels sick, he's much younger. Maybe ten. She hadn't known him...his mother hadn't known who he was and had pushed him out of her room so violently that he had tumbled down the steps. Butler was at his side in moments, picking him up and brushing him off...regarding him with the only eyes that had ever seen him, who he really was, and had somehow never seen him as a monster.

How could I have ever forgotten?

"Yes." He manages to whisper through the sobs racking his thin frame. "I remember, I remember everything...Domovoi." He leans forward and in a rare show of vulnerability, wraps his arms around his friend.

They stay like that for a long time. Butler doesn't let go until Artemis decides to lay back against his bed, tired from the display of emotion, from the act of remembering. There is a silent energy that is suspended between them, their eyes lock and the connection is strong, perhaps even more so than ever before. A small shape enters the room and stops mid step, she drops the tray of food upon seeing them, recognizing the intimacy of the moment, instantly she knows. She looks to Artemis, her eyes glistening.

"Artemis?" She breathes. She says the name so softly, as if the wrong inflection could break it. And then again, with more desperation, like a prayer.

"Holly." The boy nods, unsure of what else he could possibly say.

She covers her mouth with her hands, trembling. He's never seen her look so young. He opens his arms and she rushes into them, sobbing and saying his name over and over like a mantra. And then the three of them are silent, the air heavy with the weight of their collective gratitude.

Bit by bit Artemis returns to them, to himself. They know that his new found recognition of his dearest friends is only scratching the surface. He has almost sixteen years worth of memories to recall and then sort through.

In many ways he is the Artemis of old, brilliant and confident, completely determined. But being without certain experiences renders him vulnerable, he is a violent whirl wind of emotion. He runs through the house at all hours of the day and night, eyes wide with elation, he collects items he remembers have a special meaning, as if they might disappear if he does not claim them.

In sudden fits of agony he locks himself in his room and screams long strings of half nonsense at no one, at the silence. Butler has to break the door to get inside just to hold a flailing Artemis down long enough to stop him from bashing himself into the walls. When its over and the boy is too exhausted to keep screaming he lays in Butlers arms, his friend brushes his hair away from his face, growing concerned at his now hollow gaze into nothing. In the silence the body guard can't help but notice what it was his charge had been saying...his heart dropping as he recalls the words. Through choked sobs he was saying something about a ship, the silence, an attic. About the creatures in the darkness.

He tries not to think about the way these occurrences remind him so much of Angeline's illness, all those years ago.

The first two weeks are the most bizarre. At first when Artemis didn't remember them or anything at all, everything was quiet, filled with a hesitant hope. More hope than anyone had felt in six long months. It was surreal, it was all a waking dream. Butler spent every moment at his bedside, afraid that he would once again disappear if he didn't keep him in his line of sight. The body guard only slept when Holly had insisted that he do so under threat of blasting him with her neutrino. He reluctantly agreed as long as he could sleep in Artemis' room, the boy was a bit perturbed when the giant lugged an over sized cot into the room and promptly fell asleep against the opposite wall.

Holly had taken that time to speak to Artemis, trying, as they all had, to get him to remember his life. Holly still found looking at him rather painful. When he had been just a clone, a shell suspended in nutrient rich nano gel, she had visited him frequently. She would sit in front of his chrysalis after work everyday, just as she had done with Nopal, and stare at his serene features. He had looked so much like a child, so helpless and innocent. So much so that Holly had almost questioned the validity of cloning, had they truly rebuilt Artemis or just an Artemis look-alike who would share his body and nothing more? What if this clone was some one else entirely? What right did they have to make this sort of choice?

And that's when she would remember his eyes, as he gently laid her down and made her comfortable so that he could take her place. So he could sacrifice himself. She remembered the warmth there, so obvious at that moment beneath the layers of ice blue, as if it had always been right there but she had failed to see it, pulsed an electric heat of understanding and acceptance. There was real fear there too, and love and sadness and Holly had never seen him look so...real. There had been a fragility in his presence that night, a willingness to let her see into him for the first time and not be deceived. He didn't create someone he thought she wanted to see or project some feeling that would throw her off his mental scent, he just was. And in that silent act of love and trust there had been a tremendous strength.

In the months following his death she thought she had seen who he might have been in those last moments, if the circumstances in his life had been different. But then she realized that was not who he would have been, that was who he was. Who he had become. Underneath everything, the layers of deception, the facade of strength and logic, they had all been so impossibly intricate and carefully constructed to keep that part of him safe, alive. To keep his spark of decency from fading to ash. For all his genius and astonishing ventures, it was much easier for him to build himself into some sort of super human than it was to nurture his sense of true self. In a twisted sort of way it made sense. He had been both gifted and cursed with intelligence, with sight...would it have been fair for him to have to also carry the burden of emotion that accompanies great understanding without a shield of armor?

I was a broken boy. And you fixed me.

And then she forgave him, all at once. Any remaining anger or resentment was washed away and looking into his face became impossible because he was just a little boy and he was dead and no one had ever truly understood him. Not really. And she cried for him, standing there, great heaving sobs that she hadn't felt since her mother's death shook her frame and she collapsed to her knees. She cried for the young man who had given his life and for the child he had never been...and for the friend that he had become. Bathed in the blue light of the chrysalis she leaned her head against the glass as her sobs ebbed to silent shaking.

A soft thud from the other side pulled her from her grief. Startled, she blinked up through her tears at the clone. His sleepy eyes were cracked open just enough for a sliver of pale blue to escape, reminding Holly briefly of the eyes of a new born. Then he moved, laboriously but with great intent and lifted a slim hand to meet the glass and pushed until his fingertips turned white. For a moment Holly was confused, the sight of her friend trapped in a glass case hooked up to various wires and tubes, slapping at the glass for escape filled her mind with panic and she almost called for out for Foaly. But then she realized.

He felt me.

She sat back on her knees and mirrored his actions. She brought her hand to the glass and tapped five times. A moment passed and something unidentifiable built up inside her chest. And then he copied her, a great deal slower but unmistakably intentional, five light taps. She trembled and let out a shaky breath she hadn't realized she was holding. She started again, this time a rhythm, something simple but if he could do it then this was more than just reaction, it would mean that some part of him was aware.

She could almost feel his hand on her shoulder, hear his softly clipped voice.

See that? Intelligence.

She tapped three times in quick succession, then paused for one count, then two rapid taps, another pause for one count, three rapid taps, one count pause and then one last staccato on the glass. Thirty seconds passed and she thought it had been too much to hope for, a part of her mentally berated herself for even considering something like this. This is what Trouble had been saying just the other day, she needed to stop being so masochistic, always pushing her own emotional envelope. And then he mimicked her, tapping out the rhythm perfectly. When he was done his fingertips twitched almost as if in anticipation, his eyes moved behind his lids. Holly's eyes grew wide and she laughed, breathy and high as if she were unsure of the sound she wanted to make. She was flushed with relief and a giddy excitement was roiling around her insides. In a small way, she was talking to Artemis.

And after all those months of waiting, sitting in front of him now felt odd. Seeing his bright blue eyes wandering, exceptionally cognizant and analyzing. Hearing his almost musical voice, cherishing the privilege of holding his hand or brushing the hair from his face. She had never seen him this way before, he had always been the annoying mud boy who started fights he couldn't finish and needed her to swoop in and save him, or the liar or the thief. He couldn't keep himself out of trouble if he were living in a monastery. He had only truly become her friend after he had regained his memories following their near death experience with trolls.

"Bonded by Trauma" he had called it. But she knew that their was a part of him that had known, all along. That's why he had lied to make her feel as if he had regained his memories right before they were about to be ripped to shreds, so she would feel she had a friend. The boy who had kidnapped her would never have done that, even with his memories erased he had retained a small part of himself that could connect with others, that could care.

But now he wasn't just a mud boy...or even just her friend. There was something deeper there. They shared a sort of love for one another, they loved each other in a way that only they could understand. It only made sense for what they had been through together. It wasn't a sibling sort of love but it wasn't romantic either. But it ran deep and it was unshakable. Looking at him now she knew, he would be a part of her for the rest of their lives. Fate had forged them together and now nothing felt right without him.

Artemis' soft voice severed her thoughts.

"Holly, who is that rather tall gentleman? A business partner Father has procured in my absence?"

Confused, Holly raised an eyebrow at the youth, not so much at the question but at the fact that his speech was slowly returning to its overly complicated and truthfully maddening (where Holly was concerned), if not sophisticated, state.

"It's probably just one of your thousands of staff members." The elf made an exaggerated gesture towards the high vaulted ceiling of Artemis' bedroom, one that suggested she found his life style a bit over indulgent. Artemis decided not to take offense. "Maybe Angeline hired a new gardener?"

Now it was Artemis' turn to raise an eyebrow, if only marginally. "A gardener wearing a vintage 1960's, undeniably American, designer suit? I think not."

Holly waved Artemis' sarcasm aside, secretly relieved at its familiarity. "I have no clue who your talking about, mind being a little more specific? I must have seen about two dozen of your father's business partners since your parents returned and honestly, they are all starting to look the same."

Artemis tilted his head skeptically. "You didn't notice him in the door way not even three minutes ago? Come now Holly, I thought you were a soldier. Aren't you supposed to have some sort of exceptional awareness and what not?"

Holly shot him a recriminating glance. "And I thought you were supposed to be a genius, shouldn't you be able to deduce an astonishing amount of information on this man from oh, I don't know, the kind of shoes he's wearing?"

Artemis did not appreciate the jibe. "I'm a genius Holly, not a magician or...Doctor House. Though shoes do say a lot about a person they aren't exactly going to tell my why he's in the Manor."

Holly rolled her eyes at this unnecessary explanation. "I see you haven't lost your ability to take everything way too seriously."

Artemis gave her a sad smile at this and looked away. Holly took his hand.

"Artemis, why don't we talk more about your life? Now that you remember who we are, has anything else surfaced?" Holly said this tentatively, steering the conversation back to something constructive.

Artemis shrugged, obviously a little embarrassed at what he deemed an ineptitude at triggering recall. "I'm slowly uncovering small memories, bits and pieces of my past but nothing really important." He leaned back against his head board, closing his eyes. "It's like living inside a kaleidoscope, I have all these random moments, little memories and fragments of time and its all very promising but its still leaving me incomplete. All I have are these...emotions. I can't seem to place them with any of my memories so far."

Holly fought the urge to hug her struggling friend, knowing that he'd shut down if he felt he was being pitied. And that would get them all exactly nowhere, instead she nodded and urged him to continue.

He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I have a vague sense of who I am, enough to know how to act in front of you and my family. I don't remember a lot of time spent with my parents or the twins but I do feel that they are a part of me. It's just that lately, I've been starting to remember some of my childhood and it's...disturbing."

Holly shifted in her seat, obviously a little uncomfortable. Artemis had never really spoken of his past with her beyond the Fowl siege. Due to his abrasive behavior upon being asked she never thought to push the subject. She had always just suspected that his life had been normal, if not better than most until the disappearance of his father. She knew about his mother's illness of course but Artemis had always changed the subject when asked about his life prior to those events. He would, of course, talk about the numerous awards he'd won at an early age for music and art, showcasing his genius, but it was as if he was trying to cover up some shameful act by redirecting the light onto his achievements. Holly had never realized it before, he had been so good at negating and manipulating the conversation that it seemed natural. But in this altered state, unencumbered by past memories of distrust and secrecy, Artemis was as close to genuine as Holly had ever seen him. He retained his genius and a good amount of sophistication but she could see his confusion and distress clearly. It was bizarre, looking at Artemis Fowl and seeing the boy for what he was.

"Artemis, you can tell me anything. I'm not judging you. Trust me, please?"

The boy looked at his friend, dropping what little facade he was maintaining. He looked relieved at her words but a great deal more distressed at the memories he was replaying in his mind.

Holly's heart jumped a bit, and immediately she felt guilty over her excitement. She grasped the gravity of the situation but it was just so rare that Artemis ever let someone in or told them the truth of how he was feeling that this little exchange was akin to winning the lottery. What with his vulnerable state, the timing was impeccable, and if she played her cards right she'd gain an insight into the enigma that was her best friend. Holly blinked at her own thought process.

'Gods, hes beginning to rub off on me'

"Have I ever mentioned any of this to you before?" The boy was gauging just how much information the elf already had, his gaze wary.

Catching his hesitation she answered him nonchalantly, vying for control of the situation, she nodded. "You've shared a lot with me over the years Arty, you've spoken of your childhood rarely but you always promised me that you'd tell me the whole story once we had some time together outside of saving the world." She smiled up at him despite the lie weighing heavy in her mouth. 'It's for his own good' she rationalized.

He seemed satisfied enough with this answer to continue. "Well, I remember my mother's...illness, that surfaced first."

Holly noticed Artemis' odd inflection and filed it away to ask about later, not wanting to interrupt, fearing that he'd think better of releasing the information. Holly had shifted to the end of her seat, sitting forward with her hands clasped in front of her, knuckles whitening. Her gaze was intense but concerned.

Artemis noticed her posturing and came to a conclusion. "Holly, I know I never told you any of this. You look like your about to watch me drown a litter of kittens and your attempting to figure out how to knock me out without alerting Butler."

Holly's eyes widened a bit and she slowly slid back in her seat, mentally cursing her display of eagerness. She sighed, crossing her arms. "So I guess your just gonna keep it all bottled up then, right? I knew I was hoping for too much. You're never going to heal if you don't let yourself be a person Artemis. Don't you understand that?" She looked at him with a mixture of agitation and pleading, it was the kind of anger reserved for ones close friends when they were being impossible. Holly resisted the urge to reach out and shake the boy.

Artemis winced at her bitter tone and continued. "But I realize that if I wait for the rest of my memories to surface before I tell you I'd be hindering this process and...a part of me that I know I will dismiss once I am myself again, realizes that I...really need to tell someone about this."

The elf was more than a little surprised to hear this and took his hand once again, squeezing in reassurance, elated to not have lost her chance. "You're the smartest person I know Arty, you should really take your own advice."

He gave her a halfhearted smile and squeezed back, he looked down at his duvet and then over to the sleeping man on the other side of the room, his eyes lingering for a few moments. Something Holly couldn't identify moved behind her friends eyes, deepening the blue. Was it fear?

Finally he spoke. "He can't know, Holly."

The weight behind Artemis' words made her skin prickle, suddenly she was nervous. She had expected the boy's life long companion to have been present for this event. If Butler wasn't there and Artemis didn't want him to know that meant that it would obviously garner a rather violent reaction from his body guard. Whatever happened to Artemis...it was a carefully guarded secret.

"Wait." She held up a hand. "Your telling me Butler wasn't there for whatever this is? I thought it was his job to stalk you."

"Not when my Father specifically instructs him to stand down."

Holly's eyes widened. "Did your father...did he hurt you?"

Artemis quickly shook his head. "No, no. It was nothing so forthcoming. And Butler would have intervened if that were the case, orders or no he would never have let that happen."

The elf's expression turned from shock to confusion. "Then what happened Arty? You can tell me, it stays between us."

Artemis looked her dead in the eyes and something there flashed dangerously. "I know." He said it with such an air of finality that it almost sounded like a threat. Holly was just beginning to rethink this whole situation but Artemis chose that moment to speak, sensing her unease.

"I don't want to alter your perception of my father, he has become an upstanding, if not noble, man and I'm not sure if he even recalls most of what I'm about to tell you. Back in the Arctic, when I told you that the thought of harming another being was repulsive to my father...I was lying. My father has never killed with his own hands but he has been the indirect cause of death to more than a few men."

"You remember that?" asked Holly, sounding relieved despite this new information.

"Yes, I recalled my father's rescue a few days ago, which was the prompting of these other memories." He paused, searching Holly's expression at his admittance of the lie. She seemed on edge but not particularly wrathful.

"What I told you back then was not entirely a lie...he would never harm an innocent person, nor a woman or child. But unfortunately, being the kingpin of a criminal empire does come with its casualties...not that that excuses what he did. I merely mean to say that it is basically how you ascend to the top and maintain power. You have to remove any obstacles placed in your way, it is imperative that you are feared." As he spoke his eyes became glassy as he recited the conversation he'd had with his father all those years ago, his expression was an almost impossible cross between admiration and shame.

"Artemis, tell me what he did." Holly's voice was low, threatening. But when Artemis looked up at his friend he knew her anger was not directed at him.

Artemis lowered his voice to a whisper, wary of his bodyguard's presence on the other side of the room.

He rung his hands together, something Holly had only ever seen him do when he was stricken with Atlantis Complex. What he said next sent a chill like a dagger made of ice right through her chest.

"I watched him kill people, Holly. I watched them die." His voice was so low now that she almost asked him to repeat himself. Everything around them seemed to get louder, the clock ticking away was deafening. Artemis didn't look at Holly again until he was finished, when she squeezed his hand again he didn't respond. She knew he had gone somewhere that she couldn't follow, into a nightmare world of blood and fear.

Being a LEPrecon officer, she had of course, watched more than a few people meet their end. But she had been an adult and even though the deaths took their toll on her, she had friends to turn to, she had people around her that had experienced the same. She was not alone in her grieving and even if she didn't take advantage of those around her, the knowledge that she could if she wanted to was comforting. But Artemis had been just a child, yes he was a genius and it's typical to think of him as much older than his physical age because of that fact but his genius, in this situation at least, was probably the worst variable. He had the intelligence to understand and process the violence occurring in front of him but none of the emotional mechanisms to properly handle any of the information his mind was analyzing before he could stop it. And being that he had a photographic memory was just another gift turned curse in the equation. On top of all of that, thanks to his father, he had absolutely no one to turn to.

"It happened twice." Artemis took a breath and continued, his eyes like distant moons reflecting back. "The first one...was the worst. He forced me to watch as his 'business partner' electrocuted this man to death...God, he couldn't have been much older than thirty...I tried to look away but he wouldn't allow it." His voice began to rise as some part of him that had died that day was voiced, forgetting himself he began to visibly tremble.

Holly didn't dare move. Her heart beat so viciously that it was actually shaking her vision.

"It took him more than twenty minutes to die Holly, twenty minutes...screaming, the whole time. I tried to tell them to stop but they wouldn't listen. So I...I tried to intervene...but I just ended up electrocuting myself." He shook his head at his own actions. "I shouldn't have done anything, I should have just let them finish...If I hadn't interrupted..." He swallowed hard, staring at his own hands. He took several breathes to collect his thoughts and forged on.

"After it was done...they cut his body into pieces. It was one of the only times my father had ever picked me up, so I could get a better look at the man they were dismembering." He shook his head, spitting the words. "People say that burning flesh is the most revolting thing you can smell...but have you ever smelled flesh that has been dissolved by acid?" He stared into nothing, his voice trembling furiously. His mind was filled with the image of a vat swirling with the disintegrated remains of a nameless man, dead only minutes before. His fathers hit man removing each massacred limb from the metal slab, slick with blackening blood, and dropping each almost merrily into the vat. He recalled the hissing of the acid as it ate away the flesh from bone, the man's eyes streaming from their sockets in oily bubbles. At one point the deranged man had taken what was left of the dead man's femur and used the pointed end to skim a bit of dissolving skin and hair from the top of the mass, waving it in the young boy's face and laughing. Artemis tried desperately to back pedal but was met with the concrete wall. Artemis' insides twisted, he leaned over the bed and wretched violently onto the area rug below.

When Artemis was done he leaned forward and held his head in his hands. Slowly he looked over at Holly. She was staring at him, disturbingly silent. She was clenching her fists so hard that her hands were turning bright red.

Artemis looked at her pleadingly. "Please understand Holly, he didn't realize what he was doing."

The explanation sounded as fickle to Artemis as it did to Holly but the boy had an overwhelming need to protect his father, despite what he had done.

A noise from across the room startled both of them, sending Holly's hands flying to her mouth. Artemis visibly flinched at the sight of Butler, awake. He was sitting up on his cot, there was no way to tell how long he'd been listening. One question confirmed Artemis' worst fears.

"When?" the word hung heavy in the air. Butlers eyes were hard as he waited for a response.

For perhaps only the third time in his whole life, Artemis could not bring himself to speak.

Butler crossed the room and sat on his charges bed. "Artemis, tell me when this happened, right now."

For a moment Artemis felt like he was five again, being scolded for dissecting a dead bird he'd found in the back yard with a kitchen knife. He shook his head at the man. Butler leaned forward and took the boy's face in his hands, trying to reach him.

"Artemis, tell me." His voice shook with the effort of restraining his rage.

With surprising speed, Artemis pushed the hands away and sprung to his feet, reaching the door much more quickly and effortlessly than Butler had ever seen him move, but the man was faster and caught his wrist before he could flea. Pulling Artemis around to face him he grabbed him by the shoulders and gave him a good shake to bring him to his senses. Artemis had never looked more like a deer in headlights, his eyes wide.

Butler's words were a warning. "Tell me, now." He was squeezing harder than he meant to.

In the voice of a child, Artemis answered. "The first time, I was seven."

Butler promptly let go, stepping away from Artemis as if the boy had shocked him.

"The..the first time?" He looked at his charge incredulously. "How many times did this happen?" Artemis noted that he must have woken towards the end of his retelling.

"Twice."

"Where was I when this was going on?"

"Please, old friend, this isn't your fault. You couldn't have-" Butler cut him off.

"It's my job to protect you! Of course it's my fault, why didn't you come to me? Why didn't you tell me about this so I could help you?" The man's voice was strained, on the verge of breaking.

"Father forbade me to speak of it ever again. He told me that if I told anyone that he would have to send me away, that I would be ruining our family and he would never trust me again."

Butler stared at him for a few moments, searching his charges face, unable to accept this horrendous truth. "All this time..." he breathed. "All this time and I never knew...no wonder..." He didn't finish his sentence but Artemis knew what he meant.

No wonder you're so fucked up in the head.

Artemis jerked away from him as if it had been said out loud. Butler recognized the movement and tried again to grab for him. "No, Artemis. Your not running from this. Your not going to just shut me out and pretend like it never happened. What your father...that bastard did to you was-" But Artemis cut him off, whirling around pointing a finger at the man.

"Don't you ever speak of my Father that way again, he's not that person anymore. And don't you dare attempt to confront him about this. I don't think he remembers it and I'd like to keep the past where it belongs." His voice was level but there was a redness creeping into his eyes that betrayed him.

"Artemis, listen to yourself. That's not something you can just forgive and move on from, it's not fair to you that he just gets to forget. He's never been fair to you."

Holly interjected, finally finding her voice. "Artemis, Butler's right. I know you're a genius and everything but you need to come to terms with this instead of just burying it under mountains of rationalization. It was NOT okay, what he did, no matter what you think he was trying to do for you. You need to admit that."

Artemis' pale features were tinged red with growing frustration. Against his best efforts he began to shout. "He was trying to prepare me for the life I had been born into! What was he supposed to do? Just let me figure it out on my own?"

Holly raised her voice to match his. "He was supposed to protect you! He's your father, he was supposed to love you...not..not purposely scar you for life by forcing you to watch him kill someone just to fulfill his own demented need for you to be some kind of...of..." She trailed off, unable to find the right word. Though Artemis was sure he knew exactly what she meant. "That's just not what a father does Artemis!" Flustered, she threw her hands into the air.

"Well that's what mine did, Holly!" His voice was raw with an emotion he couldn't remember ever expressing aloud. "That's what he gave me." He laughed harshly, his eyes red rimmed. "The twins don't have to beg for his attention, he spends every waking moment with them. He loves them. It's too late for me."

He smiled bitterly and shook his head. "You know what the most maddening part of it is? I tried so hard to make him proud of me but he never noticed, and when he disappeared I knew it was my chance. In his absence I became the son he'd always dreamed of. When he woke up after we rescued him, I was so excited to show him what I'd done, how I'd maintained the Fowl fortune just like he had always taught me. I was so certain that I would finally get his attention, that I'd be important enough to look at for five seconds. And then all of the sudden..." He trailed off, shrugging in an 'oh-well-what-can-you-do?' manner. The gesture contained a lightness that didn't do the situation justice.

He looked down and when he spoke again it was in a very small voice. "All of the sudden, it just so happened, that was no longer what he wanted."

Holly and Butler were stunned into silence. Artemis had never spoken this way before. Holly took a tentative step forward, her eyes brimming with tears.

"Artemis...I never knew..." She reached out to take his hand but he moved away. "I'm sorry." The words were inadequate, she knew that, but she didn't know what else to say. There was nothing she could say to the child who had been ignored and terrified, keeping this secret his whole life.

Artemis gave her a genuine apologetic smile, dialing back his bitterness at the concerned tone of his friend. "Don't be, there's nothing anyone can do now. What's done is done."

Butler and Holly glanced at each other, unsure of what to do next. A figure in the doorway broke the silence, making Holly jump.

"What's going on up here, is everything okay?" Angeline's concerned gaze traveled the room, finally settling on her eldest son.

"Everything is fine mother, we were just talking."

Angeline was unconvinced, she could sense the tension in the room, like a physical weight. "Are you sure? It sounded like you were shouting, Arty."

"No, no. Everything is fine. I'm just...frustrated. Butler and Holly are taking good care of me though, don't worry about it."

Angeline gave her son a searching look but she relented. She knew that if Artemis didn't want her to know something there was no sense in trying to figure it out, she'd just have to wait until he was ready to talk. "Okay, well you know you can come to me or your father if you need to talk, right?"

The boy nodded. "I know that."

"Good." Her voice was gentle. "Well, brunch is ready if you three would like to join us, the twins have been asking to see their big brother all day." She finished, her eyes lighting up.

He smiled warmly at her and nodded once more, she bowed her head slightly in return and retreated down the hallway.

As soon as Angeline was out of sight Artemis allowed his spine to slacken, releasing some of the tension in his stance. Holly, having recently decided to take advantage of Artemis' temporary openness, couldn't help but comment. She looked to her friend, concern and a hint of amusement etched in her features.

"You really try for them don't you?"

"What do you mean?" Though the boy already knew.

Holly rolled her eyes at his feigned ignorance and gestured to the now empty doorway. "Your parents, your brothers, even Butler." The man nodded in agreement. "It's like your always on stage, putting on some sort of show. It needs to stop, no one questions that you love your family Arty, and you want to protect them but you need protection too. You need to allow yourself to be who you are in front of them. You're always on guard, pretending."

Artemis looked directly into Holly's eyes and for a second she could see the hesitance there, the fear hovering just beneath the steely blue. And then it was gone, he raised his head a bit to make sure she was aware that he was unaffected by her speech, adapting an air of smugness, though it lacked some of its usual potency.

"My family knows as much as they need to know and I am perfectly capable of letting my guard down around them. After all we have been through I simply choose to make certain that they are not burdened by my own state of affairs."

The elf let out a puff of air, something between a sigh and a scoff. "Trust me, they are more disturbed by your lack of emotion than they would be if you would just be genuine. And you could start by not talking about them as if you're at a press conference."

But there was an unspoken truth to what Artemis had said and Holly knew it. Artemis was complicated, that couldn't be debated. But if he really was to be open and vulnerable with his family it would be too much for them. He had always fared on his own, he'd been making his own life decisions from the age of ten and even before the first tragedy of his life struck, his parents never truly bothered with raising him. So to let them in now, after all these years of secrets and carefully orchestrated half truths, would be pointless.

Artemis had always had a sneaking suspicion that this was the way they preferred it anyway. After years of isolation it was too much work and pain to get close to their son. He was practically a stranger. He had no doubt that at the very least his mother loved him, as she always had. But not in the same way that she loved the twins, not the way she'd loved him before his father's disappearance. And with each of his own disappearances that bond dwindled more and more. Until eventually it got to be the way it is now.

His parents had returned three days early and their arrival had startled Butler and Holly enough to just want to get it over with. When Butler had practically pulled Angeline into her son's bedroom, where he lay awake, confused but alive. He hadn't known it then but as his memories surfaced one by one, the realization had dawned on him. She stood in the doorway, the sight of him had knocked the breath from her lungs, she clapped a hand over her mouth to keep herself from screaming. Her eyes were not the eyes of a mother whose son had turned up alive despite his funeral. She didn't say a word to him but lingered for several moments, regarding him almost fearfully and then turned her back stiffly and climbed the stairs back to her bedroom.

In his absence, she'd let him go.

After years of grief she must have learned to loosen her grip on him and when he'd passed, body present and all, it must have been almost a relief to finally end the struggle to hold on to a son that she neither understood nor could control. Despite all the sense that this made, it still left Artemis with a hollow ache in his chest whenever he thought too much about it.

"What is it Arty?" Holly's voice snapped him out of his thoughts. "You look like someone died."

"It's nothing." He gave a weak smile but he could tell she wasn't convinced.

The elf rolled her eyes and grabbed his tie, pulling him forward and out of the room. "We'll have that discussion later, for now lets get to brunch before Angeline kills all of us."

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Please tell me what you think, I'd love some constructive criticism or even just suggestions. The faster you guys review the faster the next chapter will be posted!

I tried to keep everyone in character for that intense scene, so I hope I accomplished that XD