Meeting the Contestants:

"Maybe if I act like that, that guy will call me back

Porno Paparazzi girl, I don't wanna be a stupid girl

Baby if I act like that, flipping my blond hair back

Push up my bra like that, I don't wanna be a stupid girl"

-Stupid Girls by Pink

The Bennet sisters walked in the house, surprised when nobody was there to greet them. Jane exchanged a shocked glance with Elizabeth, who then shrugged and began walking down the hallway to their right. They stopped when they heard voices behind a door. Elizabeth raised her hand to knock but her arm froze when she heard that the people were arguing.

"Charles, I can't believe you're making me do this. Caroline is absolutely insane and this is just the beginning!"

"These women are really beautiful, Darcy! You may meet someone you really like."

"I've seen the pictures. The only women who can even be considered pretty are Jane and Emma."

They heard a shuffling of paper, and the man named Charles responded. "What about her? Elizabeth Bennet. She's pretty, and she's very intelligent. She graduated from Harvard with a bachelor's degree in two years."

"She's decent looking, but not enough to tempt me into doing this show. Screw it. I already agreed to do this. I suppose I can't back out now. I'll be by the pool."

With that they heard angry footsteps and a door slamming. Elizabeth and Jane rushed back out the hallway before they could be caught eavesdropping. Once they were back they waited for anybody to greet them. After a couple of minutes they heard a door open and somebody walking towards them.

They were met by a man with bright red hair and a contagious smile. Before he had even introduced himself, Elizabeth could see what she called the look. It happened whenever Jane got a new admirer. The slight gazing of the eyes, the dreamy smile, the starstruck appearance. What was even more surprising is that Jane seemed equally affected. She blushed and tilted her head down, looking at the newcomer through her eyelashes.

The man extended his hand to Jane. "I'm Charles Bingley, the host-slash-producer. You must be Jane and Elizabeth Bennet." Charles had reluctantly turned away from Jane to greet Elizabeth as well.

"Why don't you guys go outside and meet the rest of the contestants? In lieu of the formal meetings in front of the house, we opted for casual introductions by the pool."

Jane and Elizabeth took his advice and sauntered outside, where a very attractive man sat by the pool, surrounded by five women. The man, who Elizabeth surmised to be the bachelor, had black hair and blue eyes, and at the moment looked so bored by the conversation that Elizabeth almost felt sorry for him. Almost. One of the women clung to his arm, and as the Bennet sisters neared the group, they could hear the punch line of her apparently not-so-funny joke.

"And that's when I said, 'Vera, dear, that woman doesn't deserve that dress.'"

The woman smirked at her own wit, but the rest of the group didn't find the joke so amusing. One of the other women actually yawned, one erupted into a giggle that was similar to a hyena's, and the other two sat there examining their nails. Jane delicately cleared her throat to begin introductions, and that's when two men sitting on the outskirts of the group haphazardly raised their cameras up. Wow, those cameras... in my face... disconcerting.

"I'm Jane and this is my sister, Elizabeth."

The woman draped over the bachelor held out her limp hand. "Charmed."

Elizabeth inwardly snorted in disgust. Excuse me, Malibu Barbie, am I supposed to kiss your hand?

"I'm Caroline, and this," she said, putting her hand on the man's chest and leaning in, "is William Darcy." The man nodded, then went back to staring at the ocean. Caroline was pretty, with her perfectly manufactured hair and flawless skin, but that condescending sneer on her face overshadowed her beauty. Elizabeth could tell she wasn't going to like her. Pity.

The other women introduced themselves without as much pomp. Louisa was just a clone of Caroline, but much quieter (thank God). Marianne looked as if she belonged in an old film. Her brunette hair was in ringlets and her bathing suit looked Marilyn Monroe-esque. Susanne (it's pronounced Suz-aaaane) sat sprawled on Darcy's other side, thrusting out her fake chest and arching her back in an attempt to catch his attention. Emma was the only genuine one in the group, and looked a startling amount like Jane. Elizabeth couldn't tell if she was a very pleasant person, or if it just seemed that way when you compared her to the other bachelorettes. Elizabeth was busy examining them when she heard a very familiar voice.

"Richard, that pick up line is so old it should be in a museum."

Elizabeth turned to see a familiar head of hair about 20 feet away, talking to a man holding a camera by his side. Elizabeth didn't hesitate to run, much to the confusion of the people she left behind.

"CHHHHARRRRLOTTTTE!" Elizabeth screamed before jumping on her old roommate. "You bitch, why didn't you tell me you would be here?"

Charlotte had turned around just in the nick of time to catch her exuberant friend. "Lizzie! Forget the bachelor and run away with me."

She giggled at her friend's dramatic statement. "Seriously though, this is quite a coincidence. What are the odds?" Elizabeth paused as the clues started coming together. "Wait a damn second. Did your mother convince you to come on here?"

Charlotte nodded her head slowly and her eyes opened wide as realization hit her. "Holy shit. Do you think they planned this?"

"Things make so much sense now. This is supposed to be some sort of competition between them?"

Charlotte gasped. "That certainly explains the bribe!"

At Elizabeth's questioning look, Charlotte bowed her head in embarrassment and blushed a little. "My mother agreed to buy me a condo if I did the show."

Elizabeth gaped at her friend, who then smiled and held her hands up defensively. "Some of us can't afford one by ourselves! What did your mom offer you?"

"She said if I did this then she wouldn't complain about my love life."

"What the hell?! I got gypped!" Charlotte exclaimed, and Elizabeth laughed at the outrage on her face.

"You most certainly did. I obviously got the better deal. So what have you been up to since you visited me last month?"

"Still thinking about killing the boss. The people in the apartment above me decided to start a band. And they like to play at 2:00 AM. Yet another reason why I agreed to this. Anyways, how are you? Still going through that dry spell? Two years is a long time, Lizzie."

Elizabeth swatted her friend on her arm, ignoring the smirk plastered across her face. At the snicker behind her, Elizabeth finally remembered that there was another person there.

Elizabeth turned around to face him. "I'm Elizabeth, and you are?"

The man mockingly bowed his head in salutation. "Richard Fitzwilliam, at your service."

Only when Charlotte started laughing did Richard realize why that could be considered funny. "Oh God no. I didn't mean I would service your..."

He trailed off and pointed towards Elizabeth's lower abdomen as she looked at him with an amused smile. "Only that I- I mean, not sexually. Don't get me wrong you're really pretty, but- gah."

Richard finally stopped talking and put his hand over his face as Charlotte and Elizabeth erupted in giggles. Once their peals of laughter quieted, Richard pointed to Darcy. "Would you guys mind actually talking to the bachelor? The more interaction we have between him and the bachelorettes, the less we have to film."

He then held up the heavy camera to emphasize his point. Charlotte and Elizabeth nodded, and together they walked back over to the group. Elizabeth used this time to think about the easiest way to be eliminated from the show. Then she had a brilliant idea. She could just be herself! Men were usually intimidated by her intelligence and ambition( hence, the dry spell) and apparently Darcy didn't think she was good looking enough anyways. This is going to be effortless.

Silence reigned as they approached the group, and not surprisingly, Caroline decided to end it by questioning- slash- demeaning the other candidates.

"Elizabeth, what do you do for a living?" Caroline asked, picking out whom she thought was the easiest prey.

Elizabeth crossed her legs and took the drink that Jane offered her, sipping a little of the water before answering the question.

"Actually, I'm an accountant."

Caroline's upper lip curled and she smiled at her success. "Oh... How mundane."

Elizabeth was marveling at how she was simultaneously impressed that Caroline used that word casually and annoyed because she was belittling her job, but was interrupted when Richard loudly guffawed. She raised an eyebrow at him, but before he had a chance to explain, Darcy answered her unasked question.

"What a coincidence. I'm also in accounting."

Caroline blanched and stammered, attempting to recover from her faux pas. Darcy had a little trouble reigning in his glare. He had known Charles, and therefore Caroline, for five years now. He wasn't the most talkative fellow, but her ability to ignore everything out of his mouth that didn't relate to her or his personal relationships was maddening. At his look, Caroline quickly changed the subject, once again struggling to point out Elizabeth's deficiencies.

"I love that dress, Eliza," Caroline simpered obnoxiously. "Wherever did you get it from?"

Elizabeth looked down at her plain outfit. It fit her well, and showed off her curves, but it was by no means designer brand. Despite her wealth, Elizabeth had never outgrown her appreciation of the clearance rack.

She smirked at the snob and replied, "I think I got it at Target."

Caroline looked scandalized, and the tiniest bit triumphant. "Where?"

Elizabeth raised her nose in the air and adopted a snooty British accent. "Target... you know, where all the peasants go? Those poor people are so sad to look at, but having food and clothing in one place is very convenient."

Caroline nodded in agreement, completely ignoring the chuckles from Richard and Charlotte. "Some people just can't afford nice clothes."

Jane and Charlotte had a hard time containing their giggles, considering Elizabeth's six figure salary meant that little to no brands were out of her price range. Instead of contradicting her, Elizabeth nodded solemnly.

"Right you are, Caroline. So... what do you do for a living?"

Caroline flipped her hair over her shoulder. "I'm a socialite."

Elizabeth smiled as if she was telling a joke, and to be fair, she thought Caroline was. "No, seriously, what do you do?"

Caroline looked at her as if she was deranged. "That is what I do." Elizabeth felt exasperated at Caroline's implication that being a socialite could be considered her occupation. Being rich and sitting on your ass does not a job make.

Then Caroline looked at Darcy in a flirtatious manner . "Soon I hope I have the pleasure of changing my occupation to 'stay-at- home mother.'"

Darcy visibly cringed, and tried to peel Caroline's arm off, but she clung to him as if he were a chocolate cake and she was at fat camp.

Up to this point everybody else in the group was looking between Elizabeth and Caroline as they flung questions at each other. When Darcy started leaning a bit more towards her, Susanne scooted closer to him and pulled out a cigarette, lighting it and putting her lips around the thin stick in a suggestive manner. The light breeze blew the smoke in his direction, and instead of being turned on like Susanne had hoped, Darcy collapsed into a coughing fit and began wheezing.

Richard unceremoniously dropped his camera on lounge chair.

"Shit, Darcy's having an asthma attack. I'm going to find his inhaler." With that Richard left the group and ran inside the house.

Caroline started slapping Darcy roughly on the back as if that would help.

Susanne dumped the cigarette in a nearby plant and started looking around innocently.

Marianne wailed dramatically, and Jane and Emma were at a total lost.

Elizabeth held Caroline's wrist in one hand to stop her from assaulting Darcy and the other hand went up to his chin.

"Darcy, look at me." Panicked blue eyes meet her calm green ones. "Sit up and breathe slowly."

Darcy straightened in his chair and tried to slow his breathing. He felt soft fingers loosen his tie and rub his back in a soothing gesture.

"There you go. Just keep breathing. Calm down, everything's going to be okay."

Darcy continued to look at Elizabeth's face, knowing that looking at Caroline would possibly induce a panic attack on top of the asthma attack. She proceeded to whisper comforting words, and Darcy felt his anxiety recede as his breathing became normal. Richard came back out of the house, handing the inhaler to Darcy, who wordlessly took it.

Bingley tried to take control of the situation that had gotten chaotic very fast. "Okay everybody, why don't we continue this later? Our first rose ceremony is tonight. Be excited! Richard, will you show them the confession room and how to use the camera?"

After a concerned glance at Darcy, Richard nodded and the ladies followed him inside the house.