I sat and watched the world spin around me, I watched my friends graduate from high school. Brittany and Rachel had found a small apartment in New York, Rach was going to NYADA and Brittany had finally worked up the courage to accept her place at Juilliard and it made me happy knowing that she would at least have one familiar face too make her pancakes in the morning.

It made my heart want to double over and do backflips when I saw from the outside how much my friends rallied around Brittany. But it also made my heart want to crack into a million pieces seeing everyone leave that choir room for the last time.

They lit a candle on top of the piano next to my photo and dedicated their last song together to me; I'd say Valerie was a pretty fitting tribute.

Brittany is finally starting to let herself be happy without me; she even agreed to her mom's idea of going to a group bereavement session once a week before she left for Juilliard.

It was baby steps but my girl is making progress.

I watched everyone leave the choir room that day not knowing if I'd ever see any of them again, I placed my hand on Quinn's shoulder and a tear rolled down her cheek, she muttered something under her breathe inaudible to the rest of the group but I heard her. "I miss you so much Santana."

I didn't think it was possible for anyone to see me, but when me and Brittany walked to her bereavement session for the first time that day, a blind man stopped her in the street and asked her for directions.

She politely told him she didn't know the way but then he turned to face me "excuse me mam, do you know the directions?"

I told him it was three blocks away and gave him a route, Brittany's heart quickened and she continued to walk on but I know that she smiled at the possibility of me always being two steps behind her. Always being there to guide her through.

When we got to the group session Brittany took her seat in the circle and I stood firmly behind her, it made me feel a little less lonely seeing the other people like me standing behind their loved ones.

Some of them were young, some of them were parents, I swear there was even a dog that sat by its former owners chair.

Brittany went too her sessions every week, she even struck up a friendship with a boy named Eric, it turns out he was going to Juilliard as well too study Liberal Arts.

Eric and Brittany would go for coffee after the sessions and me and his guardian Lisa made small chit chat, it turns out that much like me and Brittany they too were in love.

Lisa had died of complications of a heart surgery a few months prior to my own demise. I began to warm to her slightly more when I saw that she too wasn't keen on the idea of our living half's getting together, but I could see it in Eric's soul that just like my Brittany he wasn't ready to move on from Lisa, I could see that they were both just looking for support, which they found in one another.

The day Brittany left for Juilliard my parents came too her house with a gift, they gave her my grandmothers engagement ring. They told her that my father's mother had passed away some weeks before in Mexico and that she hadn't changed her will after I died. They told her that I would have wanted her to have the ring.

I wrapped my arms around my mother's back and kissed her shoulder as she breathed in a large gulp of air. I know it broke her heart having to watch the world carry on spinning without me.

Brittany packed her boxes, she didn't take much but she didn't throw away anything that reminded her of me, my tshirt, toothbrush, cheerio's jacket, photos and letter were neatly packed into a box. I heard her mutter a few times that we were going to Juilliard together.

Eric and Brittany drove to New York, me and Lisa sat in the back and I felt like I had made a friend, I told her how sometimes when Brittany needs me she'll see me in her dreams.

Lisa told me how Eric talks to her when he goes on his fishing trips, sometimes he sees her reflection in the water and for a second before he realises the absurdity of it all, he'll smile back at her and it feels like the weekends they spent by the lake house when she was alive.

I took a second too admire Lisa and Eric when they stopped at a gas station, they truly were soul mates like me and Britt.

I watched as her light ginger hair contrasted with his black t shirt, how a twinkle in his eyes and a smile on his lips formed when she ran her hair through his dark brown curly mop.

It was during that road trip that I heard Brittany laugh for the first time, it broke my heart and made me ecstatic all at the same time seeing my girl start to live again.

Berry had left for New York a few days before us, she had already prepared the apartment when Brittany arrived, there were strawberry pancakes waiting on the table and I knew that this was a good place for Britt to be.

Rachel and Brittany sat at the table as they ate dinner that night, "Rachel do you think Santana is still around us?" it was the first time Brittany had mentioned my name to anyone other than our parents.

Rachel looked at her with her doe eyed gaze "Brittany, I think Santana is sat in that chair right now laughing at my sweater and holding your pinky. I think if there is an afterlife she's spending hers with you"

I smiled at the sentiment of Rachel's reply. She got my location wrong, I was actually stood behind Brittany with my arms draped over her shoulders but still the sentiment pretty much hit the nail on the head.

Eric came over to the apartment at least twice a week, me and Lisa already knew the pair of them better than they knew there selves but it was the first time Brittany ever told anyone our story when they sat and drank coffee that evening.

She looked into his deep brown eyes that somewhat reminded her of my own, and just started to speak.

"Santana was my true love, we were best friends since kindergarten, I fell in love with her before I even knew what love was. We were planning on coming to New York together, going to Juilliard and living our dreams, we were supposed to be the forever couple.

But then a freight rig came crashing through our hopes and before I knew it I was sat holding her hand whilst she died in her hospital bed. People keep telling me that she's around, sometimes I convince myself that she is… Little things you know? Like the way I can almost feel her fingers through my hair, or I'll dream of her telling me the things I need to hear, sometimes I'll look out the window and I can almost see her looking back at me.

But she's dead and gone, and I don't know how I am supposed to live every day watching my life pass before me, because the truth is I don't know how to live without her."

She traced her pale blonde fingers over the mug and looked up at Eric waiting for a response; Lisa leaned in to the conversation, neither of us sure where all of this was going.

"Her name was Lisa and we met at middle school, I was always a band nerd. But she, oh god she was the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen. We used to sneak up to the lake house and just sit on the decking watching the birds fly over the water.

We never had to say one word, we were just comfortable around each other. We had dreams of running away to Cali, but then she got sick. I kept telling myself she would get better, I never even got to say goodbye.

Before they wheeled her to her surgery she tried to tell me her goodbyes and I wouldn't listen. I told her that she'd see me afterwards and she never did."

I placed my hand on Lisa's back as she broke a gentle sob, "Santana I wanted to tell him how much I loved him, I wanted to tell him how if I didn't make it I wanted him to find someone who would take care of him like I would of, but he was always so adamant that everything was going to be okay!"

I pulled the smaller woman into me for a hug, stroking the ginger hair that fell down her back "this is about us moving on just as much as its about them, they know we love them – but we have to love them enough to let them live without us"

We turned back to face the pair who sat in a comfortable silence, just the way me and Britt used too and just the way Eric and Lisa used too. I placed my hand on top of Lisa's for moral support "Lis, I don't know about you but I would sooner they be happy together than miserable on their own"

Lisa walked forward placing a kiss on the mop of brown hair that sat opposite my Brittany, "Eric I love you so much, but it's my time."

I watched as she spent a lasting moment stroking the mop of brown hair, grazing her fingers down his toned arms before wrapping her own around his chest.

"Santana I wanted to tell him before I died that if the worst happened, I wanted him to move on and find a girl who would take care of him, then when I saw him cry in the waiting room when the doctors told him there were complications with the surgery I said I'd never leave him all alone. But Eric and Brittany have each other to get through this; it's time for me to go wait for him on the other side – come with me Santana?"

I looked at my soul mate whose nose scrunched up as Eric told her about a time he and Lisa fell in the lake. I knew in my heart they would be together and that it would break me but as much as I wanted to go into the light and wait for my lover I knew I could never leave her.

"Lisa I can't leave her, you know I can't. She's my world and I won't leave her side until we cross over together"

Lisa smiled at me, extending her hand as she pulled me into a tight hug "Santana, if you ever get the chance you tell my Eric I loved him more than he will ever know, you tell him that I'm waiting for him and that I went in peace" I pulled my head back and looked into her eyes "Lisa I will see you again one day, send me a postcard from time to time and let me know what it's really like up there"

She smiled and put her hand on my arm "It's time for me to go San, you look after our two"

I nodded my head before watching her step into the light that embraced her, she slowly faded from view and a slight gust of wind blew through apartment.

"I'll just close a window it's getting a little chilly in here" Brittany walked up to the window and closed it before turning back to Eric who looked from his coffee to her cobalt eyes.

"Brittany, I know that you're not ready to move on just yet and I don't know if I am either, but do you think I could take you for dinner sometime?"

I felt the bile rose in my throat as well as Brittany's as she processed the information that just left Eric's mouth, her bottom lip quivering as she began to tear up. I felt her heart in two minds, I knew she didn't want to leave my memory and that I would always be her soul mate but I could feel the loneliness that was starting to consume her.

"Shit, Britty I'm so sorry I didn't mean to upset you. Fuck I don't know what I was thinking"

Brittany's sobs began to grow hysterical as she turned to face the man who had risen from his chair "S-S-San used to call me Britty"

I walked up to my girl, encompassing her in my tanned arms and placing gentle kisses on the side of her face as my heart began to crumble at the thought of her moving on from our relationship, but I tried to remind myself that she couldn't be alone for all her life and that she'd have to move on at some point.

As if by miracle Rachel walked through the front door from her orientation day at NYADA, "oh god Brittany what's happened?" she rushed over and embraced her, I'm sure she felt the cool air tingle her skin as her arms and mine overlapped.

She turned to Eric who was slowly backing away unsure of what to do. Her voice growing quieter and slightly sterner "Eric I think you need to leave."

He quickly obeyed the request and ran down the stairs of the apartment building and all Brittany could choke out was the word that was the start and end of her… my name.

After Brittany had calmed down, she explained what had happened and how she and Eric talked about me and Lisa.

How for the first time since I died she felt happy to be in someone else's company, she told her how Eric asked if he could take her for dinner sometime but she that she could never just forget about me like that.

Rachel wrapped her arms around my blonde, kissing her forehead and wiping the tears from the corners of her eyes

"Brittany, Santana wouldn't want you to be alone - she wouldn't want you to mourn her like this. She would want you to start moving on and get to know other people"

Brittany violently shook her head before blubbering through broken sentences how she could never leave me in the dust, how I was her soul mate and she'd never love another.

Rachel placed her hand on the pale shoulder that shook next to her "Brittany, just because Santana was your soul mate doesn't mean you can't learn to love again, it doesn't mean you can't learn to be happy even though she's not here"

Brittany wiped her tears and excused herself to her bedroom, I followed her through and sat on her bed as she grabbed my picture from the bedside table and hunched herself into the smallest of balls around it

"San I don't know what to do, why can't you just be here? Why did you have to be in the car that night?"

It breaks my heart to see her like this but I know it will take her a while to learn to adjust to life without me, the same way it will take Eric time to adjust without Lisa.

I sat by and watched over her as she sobbed herself to sleep, knowing that she would come to speak to me once she fell into her dreams and sure enough her conscience moved away from her physical body and into the centre of the room.

Her voice croaking as she cried out my name before wrapping her arms around me. "Its okay Britt-Britt, I'm here, I've got you. It's okay"

I let her sob on my shoulder for a few minutes before cupping her face "Brittany go on the date with Eric" I watched as her face crumpled slightly. "No Santana I won't"

I argued with her for a few minutes explaining that I wanted her to move on and that she deserved someone who'd make her happy "Santana I'm not going on a date, forget it."

I gave her my sternest look before crossing my arms "why the hell not Brittany?" her watery eyes looked up to meet my own "because Eric's not you and he never will be. There will never be another you"

I pulled her into my arms and kissed her temple before smoothing out her blonde locks,

"you don't need another me Britt, you've already got me. I've never left your side, but he's a good guy and I can feel it in your heart that he makes you happy in a way other people don't.

We will always be soul mates and we will have all of eternity one day to be together but you can't spend your life on your own.

So you are going to go on that date with Eric and it will be fucking magical and happy and goddamn it you will have a good time!"

The last of my rant made her giggle that infectious laughter that used to take all the anger from me. "Santana I miss you so much, the pain never goes away"

I kiss her shoulder and wrap her up in my arms trying to protect her from all of the badness in the world even if its only for a few seconds

"the pain will get duller and eventually you will be able to accept that and you will learn to fill the void where it all hurts with happiness.

Eric is the start too filling that void so you tell that curly haired shnitzl to take care of my girl"

I saw the familiar stir of the body in the bed to know that Brittany was about to wake up, she saw it too and wrapped her arms around my neck and peppered my face with kisses "don't ever leave me San"

I smiled into her kisses as she began to slowly fade "I'm always right here, I will always be right here until we cross over together" I closed my eyes as the feeling of the pale hand against my cheek faded and she woke up on the bed panting before she turned to my picture.