She kept running. She couldn't stop. She needed to lose more weight. She wasn't good enough yet. She would never be good enough.
She had been running for hours, never stopping. She had no clue where she was, but she'd find her way back. She always did.
Thoughts were going through her head full speed. Had anyone found out? Was she safe to continue her eating rituals? Would she ever be perfect?
She was getting tired, dizzy. She stopped abruptly and watched the world spin around her wildly, an array of colors. It wasn't long before she tipped backwards and hit the ground with a thud.
Wasting
He was driving aimlessly, trying to clear his mind. What was wrong with Clare? These thoughts pounded through his head.
He had been driving for a while and had no clue where he was, but he would find his way back. He always did.
He looked ahead and saw a crumpled body lying on the sidewalk. He slammed on the brakes and jumped out of the car, running over to the body. His breath caught in his throat when he saw her face.
An angel face with porcelain skin and full, pink lips. Light brown hair rested on her sunken shoulders. Clare.
He gathered her in his arms. It was easy to lift her. He could feel every bone in her body as he picked her up. Her head rested on his chest. Even when she was curled up against him, her ribs protruded slightly. He almost cried at the sight.
He carried her to his hearse and laid her down in the backseat. He got behind the wheel and began to drive. He kept driving until he reached her house. There were no cars in the driveway, so he wouldn't have to go in through the window.
He picked Clare up in his arms and carried her into the house, walking up the stairs and entering her bedroom. He laid her down on her bed and stroked her hair. He wished she knew how he felt about her.
He saw an open document on her laptop and sat down at her desk, reading the words on a screen.
It's getting harder every day to keep going. The constant exercise, the food restriction, throwing up. It's too hard. But I have to be strong. I have to be in control. If I let this go, will I ever have any control at all in my life?
God, I want so badly to be perfect. Like Darcy was. She was always the golden child. The one who made my parents proud. With her gone, it's like my parents have given up. Like they don't have the will to stay together. That's why I need to do this. I need to be perfect for them, for everybody. Even if I'm falling apart inside, I need to keep going.
And then there's Eli, who's always made me feel better. And I can't control these feelings I have for him, so I'm doing my best to hide them. I wouldn't want to ruin our friendship because I know he doesn't feel the same way. It would be the worst thing in the world for me to lose him. He's all I have left.
So I have to keep counting calories. I have to keep exercising. I have to keep throwing up. Because if I don't, everything will shatter around me. I wish I could wake up from this nightmare.
Eli didn't even realize he was crying. She was dying. What could he possibly do to save her? And she felt the same way about him as he did about her. He wanted to wrap her in his arms and let her know that things would be okay.
He got up from the chair and sat down next to her again. He leaned down and kissed her bony cheek. Her eyes shot open. She sat up quickly, but blacked out and fell back down again. When she had regained her composure, she sat up and looked around her room.
What had happened? Why was she here? Why was Eli here? The last thing she could remember was the colors spinning around her and then darkness.
"W-what h-happened?" Clare stuttered out, looking around the room in a daze. Eli's eyes became a shade darker than usual.
"Do you want to explain to me why you were passed out on a sidewalk in the middle of nowhere?" He demanded. Clare flinched at his tone.
"If I was in 'the middle of nowhere', why were you there?" She asked him defiantly, refusing to answer his question.
"I was just driving around. It helps me clear my mind. And don't think you can avoid the question like that, Edwards." He said to her. She bit her lip nervously.
"I was running. You know, exercising. I guess I just got tired or something." She finally said. Eli's jaw clenched.
"You've been exercising a lot lately…" He said. Clare's eyes widened in fear. Did he know?
"So? What point are you trying to make, Eli?" She snapped at him. He stood up from the bed.
"I'm gonna go make you something to eat." He said. Her eyes widened again. He left the room before she could protest and she got up and chased him down the stairs.
"I'm not hungry." She said to him, standing in the kitchen. She hated this room. It was the worst section of the house.
"Clare, I haven't seen you eat in weeks." He said. She bit her lip and racked her brain for an excuse.
"I guess you just aren't that observant." She said quietly. But she had already lost the game. He knew. She could feel her whole world crashing down around her. He thought she was disgusting. She would lose him.
"I think you need to leave." She whispered. Eli shook his head.
"I'm not leaving. Will you please just eat something?" He begged her, his eyes pained. She put her backed into the wall, tears threatening to spill over.
"I can't…" She whispered. "Please, just…just leave." She said to him, looking at him through blurry vision.
"Clare…" He said to her reaching out to touch her hand. She pulled her hand back sharply and the tears started falling out. She slid down the wall and wrapped her arms around herself, as if she was trying to hold herself together. Maybe she was.
Let's starve down to the bone, we're looking better boney It feels better now without control, oh girl, Oh poor me, oh poor you, ohhh I'm a one life, hopeless dirty animal baby No food for weeks I've never felt better Oh poor me, oh poor you, ohhh I'm on the verge of self destruction Oh poor me, oh poor you, ohhh
Who needs figure anyway?
Stay with me, stay with me,
So I can dig my nails deep in your cave
You look better blurry angel
Why do we need to be sanitary
when the world's so filthy anyway?
Oh poor me, oh poor you, ohhh
Poor unfortunate child
I can't stop running away
And I bow down to my feeble brain
Aberrated, primitive
Stay with me, stay with me
We look better famished girl
Hightail to our lush escape,
And leave our filthy world away
Oh poor me, oh poor you, ohhh
Poor unfortunate child
I can't stop running away
Suffering because of my selfish vices
I'm on the verge of self destruction
Suffering because I gave up on myself and everyone
Oh poor me, oh poor you, ohhh
Poor unfortunate child,
I can't stop running away
Poor unfortunate child,
I can't stop running away...
A/N: Okay, I cried while writing this. Literally