A/N: Hey Y'all! Hope you guys are having a great New Year so far! Hope you like this chapter! IT took me a while to get it how I wanted it and for those of you who have read this story in it's previous state I can promise you it will be completely different from now on so enjoy!

Nose dive, crash to the bottom
Angel, your wing was always broken

We pulled up to the jail and found a parking space. The parking lot was almost empty; no one would be visiting the prisoners so early. We headed to the front desk to ask if we could see Dally. They virtually knew us by name and just sent us back without us even coming to the desk. I laughed silently. We headed back to the meeting area. They used to only tell us talk through phones, and sheets of glass. But now we were allowed to go back and sit with Dally at the tables.

We still had to get checked by the guards for weapons of any sort before we could go through the gate to see Dally. Then they let us in they escorted us to an empty table for us to wait. They still had not told him we were here. All three of us were getting more nervous the longer we had to wait. I noticed that I was absentmindedly chewing on my fingernails, Soda was tapping, and Darry was pacing back and forth. All our nervous habits. We all did them every once and a while, Darry more frequently. He had a lot to be nervous about.

Just then, Dally came walking into the room. Escorted by two guards. He looked even more rugged than usual. He looked like he hadn't slept in days. His hair was in a mess and he had bags under his broken eyes. He was dressed in the typical convict orange, but they didn't force him to have the handcuffs that connected his hands and feet, only around his wrists. They sat him down at the same circle table as us on one of the four benches. They walked away and left us alone. No one said anything for a few minutes, and no one looked at each other. I felt like I needed to talk to Dally alone for a few minutes, just to let him know I'm here for him. He'd be more likely to listen if I was by myself. "Can we have a minute you guys?" I asked my brothers, saying at my hands. Darry gave me a speculative look, but dragged Soda away anyway.

Dally finally looked up at me. I guess he wanted to talk alone too. "Why are you here, Ponyboy?" He asked. He even sounded different. The harshness had left his tone and was replaced by utter loss. "I just wanted to see you." I said, not exactly wanting to explain my dream to him. He saw right through me. "What's the real reason you're here?" He asked, knowingly. I sighed in defeat.

"I had a dream last night. A dream that I can't shake. It was of last night, except your plan worked." I said, timidly. He cringed, looking anywhere but at me. He looked like he wanted to apologize, or at least explain himself, and started to but I wouldn't let him finish. I think I might have broken down if he did. "Johnny was there too. He was trying to stop you. Screaming, hitting, he grabbed the gun a couple of times, but you couldn't feel or hear him. But I could. Once you went down, I knew you were gone, and so did he, but I couldn't help but run to you. I begged you not to die, but you just fussed at me and told me that I didn't need you and to get tough so nothing would touch me, and then you-you died, right in front of me.

"Johnny pushed me back and started screaming at me, telling me that everything was my fault and that if I hadn't been a coward and ran from Darry that night, none of this would've happened. We wouldn't have had to run away and you wouldn't have died. I guess I was saying out loud that it was my fault because Soda had to wake me up. He tried convincing me that it wasn't my fault, but I know it was. I know Darry blames himself, for hitting me and all. But, it isn't his fault. And it's not yours either. It's all on me. I should be in here, and you should be out, living life. I'm sorry Dally. So sorry." I felt a tear or two run down my face. I quickly glanced around to see if there was anyone else in the room: there wasn't. Except for Darry and Soda who were on the other end of the room, staring worriedly at me. I gave them the best smile I could muster, but neither of them believed it.

My attention was drawn back to Dally. "Don't you dare say that, Ponyboy. None of it is your fault. We each have our own share in it. We each made our own decisions. I understand that now. We can't pin this on one person. I'm glad I'm the one behind bars. I'm used to it. You couldn't last a day in here Pony. You'd get eaten alive. You're to good for this place." He paused for a second and ran his hand roughly through his hair. "If anything I have the most blame. I killed Johnny more than any of you could imagine. All he wanted was for me to be proud of him. He looked up to me, for reasons we'll never understand. I didn't tell him nearly enough. I was always proud of that kid. He meant more to me than any of you ever will know. He should've died that night he was mugged. He should've been mean and harsh like me for getting beat all the time from his folk's. He never did though. I could've protected him. I could've stopped him. I should've. I should've." He said. I knew he was kicking himself on the inside. You could see it in his face.

"Dally, it's gonna be okay. Johnny's not mad at you. He never could be." I tried. None of us had experience with working with Dally this way. He was always the tough one. The one who told everyone to suck it up. I didn't know how to approach it.

He didn't say anything for a second. "He left me a note, Pony. He told the nurses to give it to me. I got it last night when they were checking me out at the hospital before we came here." He said, choking back tears. He pulled out a piece of folded paper and slid it across the table to me. I picked it up and unfolded it.

Dally,

I'm not mad at you, and would never blame you for the choices I made. It wasn't your fault, and it wasn't Pony's either. I know you were just trying to help us out by sending us to Windrixville, and you did. And I thank you for that. But I'm also sorry for turning right back around on you and asking you to take us back home. I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry that it had to end this way. I just want to let you know that I've always looked up to you and how you didn't let nothing bother you, and no one ever got in your way. I wanted to be like you. I wanted you to tell me you were proud of me, but I know now that you are. I'll never be gone, Dally, just on a really long break. See you later,

Johnny Cake

I looked at him, and briefly at Darry in the background, as tears ran down mine and Dally's faces. "Pony, what did he mean when he told you to 'Stay gold'?" Dally asked a little shakily.

I had to think for a moment, as I slid the note back to him. My thoughts weren't in order, and I wasn't sure of the best way to word it. "There was this poem that talked about nature being gold. I told it to him, and neither of us knew what it meant until now. Johnny figured it out. He wrote it in the note he left for me. He meant for me to stay who I am inside, and not get tough, I guess." I said.

Dally digested that, and nodded, saying, "Follow his advice, Pony. Stay who you are. You're a good kid. Don't turn hard like me." He looked back at my face. I remembered something that I should tell him. "You know? When we were in that church, we read Gone With the Wind, and there are these cowboys in there who ride off to meet in a battle, that they know they have no chance of winning. They know they are going to die, but they are going to die fighting for a cause they believe in. They were called the 'gallant riders.' When I explained to Johnny what that meant, he said that they reminded him of you, about how tough you were. He wouldn't stop bringing it up." I said, laughing slightly, trying to stop the last few tears from coming. I saw him smile slightly. "He always was a dreamer." Dally said, quietly. Then he looked up at me, "Hey, Pony? Do you think that you could get me a copy of that poem?" I nodded, knowing why he wanted it. Johnny. It all lead back to him.

I looked up at Darry and saw his face of impatience, and jerked my head over to us, telling him he could come over. He sighed in relief and him and Soda made their way back to the table.

"You know, you two kinda look like two bleached-headed twins." Soda smarted off as my brothers joined us at the table.

Dally gave the closest thing to a smirk he could offer. "Nah, lil' Colt here can't touch my looks. Not even if he tried." He seemed like he was back to his old self, but I could see in his eyes that he wasn't.

Soda and Darry could too, but ignored it for the time being. "You're right, you're right. No one can quite pull off the orange jumpsuits like you. It's a gift, really." Soda winked at him from across the table.

Dally leaned back in the chair appearing as comfortable as ever. "I've had a lot of practice, my friend." He said, but something was still off.

Silence covered us for a few tense moments. "How are you, Dal? How are you really?" Darry asked him, getting serious.

Dal leaned forward again and looked straight at my oldest brother. "I'll be alright, Superman, don't you worry about me. I've watched too many of my friends die at the hands of thugs to shatter at this." He was bluffing, I knew he was. I didn't doubt that he'd seen plenty of people get hurt in his old life at New York, but I knew Johnny was the first one he truly, deeply, honestly cared about. You could see in his eyes that it tore him apart. He was only acting for the sake of my brothers, but he didn't need to act with me. We were facing the same thing.

I jumped when Darry slammed his hand on the table. "It shouldn't have to be that way! You shouldn't have to be immune to losing people! None of us should have to deal with have the crap we see everyday! We shouldn't have to worry about getting jumped every single day! And we certainly shouldn't have to sit here and watch them terrorize and nearly kill our friends and family and not be able to do anything about it! It just isn't fair. I thought that just maybe they'd get over it by the time Pony got to high school, but clearly it's only getting started. I saw more than my share of this through High School and I won't just sit by and let it happen to you guys. This has to stop!" He exclaimed.

"And how do you plan to do that, Darry? This hatred between us is deep and it got ten times deeper when Johnny killed Bob. The Socs are gonna kick up their game and you know it. That Rumble didn't solve a thing. Sure, we won that battle, but we've far from won the war. Ponyboy has to go back to school at some point and you know the Socs are already hitting back harder and Ponyboy will be their main target. They'll keep hitting 'till they get revenge and then they won't stop. You just can't stop something like that overnight, Darry." Soda said, anger flooding his voice too.

"He's right, Darry. Not even Superman can change a thing. You've gotta be even more on guard than normal, and it probably wouldn't be a smart move to leave Ponyboy alone at all. Them Socs'll take any chance they can get. You still got you're blade, kid?" He directed towards me. "Yeah-yeah, I got it." I said, trying to get the shaking out of my voice. I was the Socs main target and they wouldn't stop until they got me. The thought terrified me.

Dal seemed to catch on. "Don't you worry, kid. The gang won't let no one touch you, and believe me, the second I get out those Socs'll be sorry they ever even thought of messin' with my friends. That's a promise." Dal said, true fire setting back in his eyes. I knew he was thinking about Johnny and what almost happened to the two of us that night we ran.

"That promise will get you right back in the joint and you know it." Darry commented. Dally winked at him. "Yeah, the guards better hope so. They won't admit it, but I'm their favorite convict. Ain't that right, boys?" He called to the nearest officer who simply glowered back. "Hurry it up there, Winston." He said harshly.

Dally ignored him and turned back to us. I could tell in his smirk he was still only pretending like he was broken to pieces. His stone facade seemed to work enough on my brothers, but he couldn't fool me. Darry checked his watch. "Well, we'd better head out. We'll see you later, Dally." Underlying anger still rolled off him like steam, but he tried to appear cool.

Dal's sullen expression came back. "Alright, well I'll see ya'll later then. Don't get into too much fun without me. And don't forget, Ponyboy." He said, and I nodded, knowing he was referring to the poem. "I won't. See ya later, Pal." I said and then we left the gray building that could either become Dally's rehab center, or his biggest Hell hole. Only time could tell, I suppose.

The rest of the day went by without anything eventful happening. Two-Bit and Steve didn't even come over, which was odd, but we all understood.

The three of us just sat around watching t.v.. Well, I was watching t.v.; Soda and Darry were both taking very intentional looks at me at least every five minutes. Soon I'd had enough and made it look like I had fallen asleep, which I eventually did.

I woke up to Soda shaking me. "C'mon Lil' Colt, dinner's ready." He softly tried to urge me from the couch. The mere thought of food made me feel like gagging. How could I eat another meal when my best friend won't even see another day; it just wasn't fair. "I'm not hungry, Soda, just leave me alone." I grumbled and rolled over.

Soda's hands lifted from my shoulders and his footsteps walked to the kitchen. "Darry, he says he isn't hungry. He's never not hungry. He's really starting to worry me, Dare. What if he never comes back? What if he never eats again? What if-" His attempted whisper grew louder, but it didn't matter because I heard every word anyway.

"Soda! Snap out of it. Ponyboy's gonna be fine. He's had a traumatic experience and he's just trying to get through it. Don't you remember when Mom and Dad died? None of us could even look at food. Just let him be. He'll come back; he'll be different, but he'll come back. You'll see." Darry cut him short, but I couldn't tell who he was trying to convince more.

I thought I might be off the hook until Darry came over. "C'mon Little Buddy, you gotta get up. You'll never sleep tonight if you don't get up now, and you have school tomorrow." He said softly, rubbing my bleached hair.

Groaning, I flipped onto my back and opened my eyes to look at my brother. The bags under his eyes stuck out more than ever and the worry was permanently etched into his worn out face. Suddenly I felt guilty, knowing most of it was my fault.

"Alright, I'm up." I said, not even bothering arguing about school, although I wanted so bad to argue. I didn't want to cause more trouble than I already have today. I sat up and put my elbows on my knees and tried to rub the sleep out of my face.

Slowly, I made my way to sit at the table where my brothers were already eating. We sat in silence, no one sure of what to say. It was the first time I'd noticed how worn out Soda looked, too. He looked like he hadn't slept in days, which I knew he probably hadn't. The pain of knowing I was the cause of all of it was too much to take. "I'm goin' out for a smoke." I excused myself and started towards the door when I saw their looks of fear. "Don't worry, I'm just gonna be on the porch." I said and continued on.

The smoke from the cigarette and the cooling air helped calm my senses. The whole town looked different to me. It was like being born again, I suppose, but not in the way everyone talks about it. People always make it seem like being reborn is a good thing, and when you see the world in a different light, it's the best thing that can happen to you. Maybe this is the real world, though, the way it really is out there. I thought that it was just this stupid town that was hard and once I got out of it, it would be different. After seeing all the reporters, though, I'm not sure anymore. They still flood me with questions. I've gotten phone calls asking to interview Mr. Ponyboy Curtis. They're calling me a hero. They don't seem to care that the real hero died. That the real hero was my best friend. They just want their story.

Before I knew it, my cigarette burned out. I reached for another, only to find my pack was empty. I cursed myself inside, but didn't dare go back in the house. I needed to be alone to organize my thoughts and digest what had happened. Darry I guess didn't seem to catch on.

"Hey, Kiddo." He said as he perched down on the stair next to me. "Hey." I mumbled, not looking at him. I couldn't stand the pity in his eyes. I thought that maybe if we all pretended nothing had happened, maybe I could get back to normal. The ache in my heart tugged at me, reminding me it was impossible.

"Dally seemed like he was doing alright, today." He was trying to start conversation with me and I knew it, but i just didn't feel like talking anymore. I just wanted to think. "Yeah, I guess." I responded, hoping Darry'd get the hint and take his own advice to just let me be.

I felt his eyes looking at me, but I still didn't yield. "How are you holding up, Ponyboy?" His voice was hardly louder than a whisper, and it pushed me over the edge. He was so clueless sometimes. He'd always been the stone hard one who never had to have any consoling. He never broke down and he just didn't know.

I shot him a patronizing look. "How do you think I am, Darry? I watched a boy get killed by my best friend. I went into hiding for a week and saw kids almost die from a fire that was my fault, and I watched my best friend fade into oblivion because I couldn't save him! Johnny died because of my prejudice! I never should have run, Darry! It's my fault. I got my best friend killed! So don't come out here and try to pretend you know what I'm going through because you don't, Darry, you just don't!" I screamed, the tears settling behind my eyes at the thought of Johnny.

Darry was struck silent for a moment or two. I tried to get my emotions in check; I had cried to much today already. "You're right, Ponyboy. I don't know exactly how you feel, but I do understand. Dad was like my best friend. I never quite fit in during High School. The Greasers hated me because I interacted with the Socs due to football, and the Socs hated me because I was a Greaser. Dad was the only person I could really talk to, the only person who really got me. And when he died," He choked back tears. "when they died, I felt like my heart had been ripped out. I promised myself that I'd take care of you guys for them, all of you. The rest of the gang were like sons to them too. I swore on my life that I'd never let anyone take you away or hurt any of you, and I've let them down. So many times I've let them down. I mean I guess I always knew that you'd get hurt. That I couldn't keep those Socs away forever, but I never once thought that I'd be the one to hurt you. And I blame myself for it every day, Pony." He said and I swear I saw a few tears roll down his cheek, but he swiped them away.

I didn't know what to say; or if there was anything I even could say. I just gawked at him. Finally, his tear-filled eyes met mine. "I never meant to hit you, you know that right?" He asked quickly and ran his hand over the back of his neck like he does when he's flustered. "I know I don't say it enough but I love you guys. So much. You guys really are my everything. I care about you guys more than you can ever know. That's why I'm so hard on you all the time. I just want a better future for you, because I know you can get it. It's why I'm so strict about you going out alone or being out past dark. I just don't want to see anything happen to you guys. When you didn't come home that night, I was so scared that something had happened to you. The promise I made to never let you get hurt was the only thing I could think about. Soda practically had to chain me down to keep me from going to find you. Then when you got home and I hit you, and you ran off, I just didn't know what to do. The promise kept running against me, weighing guilt on me that I broke it. I thought I lost you for good. The only reason I didn't come after you or send Soda was because I knew Dally helped you, and I knew he could keep you safe. I couldn't sleep that entire week. Neither could Soda. It's all the gang thought about, and Dally wasn't giving up anything, no matter how much we begged. I started losing hope that you'd ever forgive me enough to come home, and it crushed me. It crushed me to know that I was the reason that we would never see you or Johnnycakes again." Tears started coming down his face now and he didn't even bother to try to stop them, just stared at his hands.

"And when I got that call from the hospital that you were back, that you were hurt but you'd be just fine, I didn't know what to think. Then I saw you, all bruised and burnt, with your bleached hair, and I had to look again to make sure it was really you. When you ran into my arms, I never wanted to let go again." He looked back at me and I scooted closer to him and we put our arms around each other.

"I hate to see you like this, Pone. I'm real sorry that this all happened, but it's in the past now and we can't change it, no matter how much we'd like to. Johnny died a hero. He saved those kids. And then you saved Dally. You're both heroes, kiddo. So don't retreat into yourself, okay? Things will look up again soon, I promise." He said to me softly.

I only nodded, hoping he was right. But if I really was such a hero and saved so many people, then why can't I find it in me to save myself?

Walk slowly
Seems like time has stopped
Seems like I'm slow dancing
But I'm flying
Where do I go?

A/N: Well I hope you loved this chapter as much as I did! And in case you are wondering, this story will be a little sad for a while while Ponyboy tries to figure out how to move on, but I promise that it will pick up eventually. And that song is For A Brother by Velvet Revolver, by the way.