"Fenris" Hawke let herself drop on one of his chairs. "Teach me." she said, her eyes more determined and brighter than the elf saw them in a long time.
"What do you wish to learn, Hawke?" he smiled, sitting across the table, a spark of curiosity raising one of his eyebrows.
"All you know about the Qun." Hawke swallowed hard, but then she realized it was too late for hiding. Soon enough, Merrill will tell Varric about their little chat and, one way or another, through him, all of Kirkwall will know. She wondered if her finally opening her heart was but a conspiracy of her subconscious mind, meant to force herself into running as far away from Kirkwall as she could and head to somewhere more… Qunari. Like Par Vollen.
"I thought as much, Hawke. In spite of you trying to hide it. Even people who don't know you that well thought something was amiss." Fenris looked at her, one corner of his mouth raised in a faint smirk.
"Fenris, I am here to learn." Hawke said in a dismissive tone. She did not expect him to understand what she felt, but if someone could even begin to explain the Arishok to her, that was Fenris.
Two months have passed. Hawke was soaking in everything that the elf cared to share about the Qun, every bit of knowledge making her feel closer to understanding the man she loved. She was still hunting Tal Vashoth, telling herself it was the right thing to do, since they were camping so close to the city.
She hid behind a big boulder not far from the cave entrance and waited. She saw about a dozen of them coming out carrying crates. Contraband, no doubt. She listened intently, even though her Qunlat was rough, at best. Her whole body tensed when she heard the words "gaatlok" and "Ferelden". "Were they producing the explosive powder themselves? Were they going to sell it to her country?" she wondered, feeling a drop of sweat falling on her eyelashes. Somebody must've stolen the secret formula. That much she was certain of. For a moment, she didn't know if she wanted to just leave them alone or try her best to foil their plans. Her eyes moved frantically from left to right, a testament to the battle in her heart. And then she stopped. If she were ever to convert, she owed it to her future brethren to stop the Tal Vashoth, no matter who was standing to profit from their dirty deals. She knew she must act. Cloaked in the shadows, she slipped past them and into the cave. Hawke could hear the few that were left inside talking and laughing, unaware of her presence. She got close enough to the first guard that she could feel the heat emanating from his body. He fell without having the chance to alert the others, his throat slashed in one clean, fluid movement. She picked them one by one, until an eerie silence fell on the entire cavern. Hawke furiously broke all their flasks and tools used to make the deadly powder, gathering all the notes she could find and shoving them in her backpack. Stopping in front of a chest, she let herself fall to her knees and picked its lock. "The scroll! This must be the formula!" she thought, holding the piece of parchment in her hands, almost in reverence.
When she sneaked out of the cavern, the other ones were still waiting for the ship to take the merchandise. She screamed "Anaan essam Qun!" and exploded in a flurry of blows, quickly disposing of her enemies. No. "The enemies of the Qun." she corrected herself.
Before leaving, she dragged the crates back into the cave and set them on fire, making everything explode and erase any traces of the Tal Vashoth ever being there. "Aveline would never forgive me if she knew what I just did" she though, grinning.
Hawke opened the door to the Hanged Man with a proud smirk on her face. In had been a good, fruitful day. She had planned her trip already and packed her bags, all that was left to do were the painful goodbyes, but she had a purpose, hopes, and plans for the future, and she knew her friends will be happy for her, too. Above all, she would see him soon and that was all she needed to feel almost giddy with excitement.
"Andraste's tits! It's Hawke!" Varric rose from his chair, a wide smile on his face.
"Hawke?" turned Anders, almost not believing his ears.
"It's me, alright." Hawke said with a warm voice. "I came to say goodbye."
"Are you going somewhere?" inquired Anders. "Can I go with you?"
"Anders, trust me." she said with a shudder. "Where I'm going would be the last place in Thedas you want to be."
"Hawke, unless you're going to Qunari lands, I doubt that…" the mage laughed and drew his chair closer to the table. "Hawke would never do that… Would she?" he wondered. The woman was his friend of many years and she stood, more than once, by his side, sympathetic to the mages' plight.
"Well, I'll be damned!" exploded Varric. "You're actually going after him!"
Hawke smiled, pouring herself a glass of the dwarf's wine. "Yes, I am." she said sheepishly.
"You've lost me." pouted Anders. "What in the name of the Maker are you two talking about, if you don't mind me asking?"
"I'm leaving for Par Vollen at dawn." explained Hawke.
"She's going to retrieve than man of hers." joked Varric, watching intently Anders's reaction.
"What man? Wasn't aware of any love story between you and a Qunari, Hawke." said the mage, puzzled.
"Varric! He's not MY man and I'm not retrieving him. I'm going to move there, convert to the Qun, and get away from all this fake, miserable crap." Hawke defended herself.
"Convert to the Qun? Are you mad? You're the Champion of Kirkwall for…" began Anders.
"Biggest mistake of my life. I am the Champion for something I shouldn't have done in the first place. It was not my duty to defend this poor excuse for a society and what do I get from it? I lost the man I loved and I got burdened with hundreds more problems that everybody wants solved, but nobody wants to do what it takes to solve them." she barked, unaware of both the harshness in her voice, and the steel in her eyes.
"Whoa, Hawke. I don't think I ever saw you so angry." noticed Varric, with a worried look on his face.
"I'm leaving just in time, Varric. Not a moment too soon. I am tired of the sickness in this city. I just wanted to say goodbye." she said with a tired voice, her tone betraying everything she felt in the two years that passed since he left.