Title: In Common Hours
Timeline: Alternate Events (Timeline)? Takes place in an imaginary time in an early season, soon after Scully's return, pre-cancer.
Disclaimer: These characters are the property of Chris Carter and 1013 Productions.
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The disc in my hands weighed two ounces, my heart about a million pounds more. Scully will want to know if it was worth it, worth missing the first precious days of her pregnancy for and I can say unequivocally, without looking, that no, it's not.
But I didn't know what else to do. It's been two days and I was a lousy father already. Burdening her with this inevitable fact so soon, that I'm about as capable of normal fatherhood as my own father was ...
It seemed fairer to make a run for it, to be honest.
I should have thought this one out, should have used protection for her sake but using contraception felt like injury on top of insult after what those bastards did to her. Or sort of did to her. In a way I'm grateful for their incompetence. Scully will make a spectacular mother, brilliant and loving, sensible and kind, she deserved this more than any woman I know. Maybe the timing was awful, and she certainly could have picked a better partner in this lifelong project but I can't say it shouldn't have happened.
The thought of another sparkling little Scully in the world makes me believe that God might not hate the human race so much after all.
Then I remembered that it'll be half Mulder and my faith plummeted again.
It turned out to be a mind-numbingly long day, trying not to bother her with calls that would do little than remind her that I wasn't where I should have been -- by her side. The Gumen bothered me incessantly enough throughout the case, with mysterious appearances at my motel room and phone contacts about as subtle as a megaphone in a shopping mall.
I'm surprised they haven't figured it out yet but they will. They won't be the only ones either.
The thought of the smoking bastard discovering that their little reproductive experimentation on Scully was a failure filled me with a cold, shivering dread. They don't like when their well-laid plans go wrong and have interesting ways of fixing things.
This is where things will get ugly. Because I will kill every single one of them with my bare hands before they hurt Scully this time. Before they hurt the ... our ... baby.
Not one of those motherfuckers will live to try. I might have said this before, about other, less important, things but this time, it's not a threat -- it's a fact.
My stomach churned a little at the thought but I shook the tension off with a little help from a impromptu cocktail made of Diet Coke and one of those little bottles of rot-gut vodka from the motel's mini-fridge. It smelled like gasoline and tasted even worse, but it did the trick, allowing me to breathe while the TV blared some nonsense about the local school board meeting.
School boards. PTA meetings. Diapers and bottles and sleepless nights. This was my future, something I knew nothing about and had never cared to discover. I took another swig of the drink, wincing as I swallowed.
I was going to be the worst father ever.
I was already the world's worst partner. To hell with that, I thought, putting down the drink and picking up my phone. "Scully, it's me," I said, hearing her sleepy yawn on the other end. I glanced at my watch. Damn, it was already eleven-thirty?
"Everything all right, Mulder?"
"Yeah, everything's fine. Sorry, I wasn't keeping track of the time."
I heard her shifting into a more comfortable position. The thought of her, lying there, so beautiful, soft red hair spread out over the pillows made a sharp thrill of desire snake down my spine. "Did you find it?"
Her voice was so warm, it was distracting. "Find it?"
"The files? Remember? That thing you went looking for?"
"Oh, yeah. I did and no, it wasn't worth it. Just in case you were going to ask."
She was silent for a few seconds. "I try not to question your judgement when it comes to our work, Mulder." She blew out a long breath at my disbelieving chuckle. "Okay, maybe I do a little. Sometimes."
"That's all you do, Scully. And I've become immensely grateful for it."
She laughed, an honest-to-goodness guffaw. "You've been drinking, haven't you?"
"Maybe a little," I admitted.
"You only drink when you're nervous. Want to tell me what's bothering you or should I take a wild guess?" she said, suddenly sounding tired.
"Scully ... I ..." God, why did I have so much trouble communicating the most rudimentary things? "It's not what you might be thinking. I'm ... I'm happy. Especially for you. I can't think of anyone who'd be a better mother on this planet or any other."
"But?"
I glanced over at my drink, itching to take another swig, but I didn't. "I'm not as certain of how well I fit into this scenario, that's all. If you haven't noticed by now, I'm kind of a mess. At least as far as normal, every day life is concerned."
"Oh, Mulder." She paused, as if searching for the words. "As much as I appreciate your faith in me, I'm just as lost as you are in this. I have no idea how to be a parent, I wasn't prepared for this either, maybe even less than you might have been, had you been with someone else. And as far as not leading a normal life goes ... we're messes together, aren't we?"
Her understanding made my eyes water, just a little. "We're each other's messes?"
"I'm hoping so. Because I don't think I could be anyone else's."
It was an admission that hit me hard, in all the best ways. My throat was tight when I replied. "Me neither, Scully."
We talked for a while after that, about everything, about nothing too and it was in those comfortable silences that I knew, again, she was the one. I was still afraid, more for her and the baby than myself, but it was a fear tempered with hope ... as well as overwhelming love.
After hanging up, the itch to run back to her was unbearable but I'd been drinking so getting behind the wheel of the car was out of the question. She'd kick my ass if I showed up and that thought sobered me up enough to turn on the T.V and stay put until I fell asleep.
My dreams that night were a disconcerting mix of the delightful and the terrifying -- a loving, happy Scully interspersed with visions of failure, as a father, as well as a partner. The smoking man laughing at me as he walked away with our baby and I awoke in a sweat in the middle of the night, gasping for air.
I didn't sleep for the rest of the night. The room was cold and I spent the next few hours huddled under the cheap blankets, cursing the motel's lack of a heating system. Childishly thought about calling Scully again, for no other reason than the desire to hear her voice, but somehow I gathered enough maturity to resist.
If there was any time to grow up, now was it.
I watched the sun rise through the blinds. Dragged myself into the shower and threw whatever clothes I'd brought into an overnight bag. Two cups of coffee later I was awake enough to make the trip back home, back to Scully and realized about halfway through the trip that I hadn't even bothered looking at the precious disc I'd come all the way out here for.
Laughing, I turned on the radio and sang along all the way home. All the way back to my life -- to my loves.
Both of them.
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to be continued in Chapter Four
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