AN: BE WARNED OFFENSIVE LANGUAGE......

NOT STRONG ENOUGH

Jack heaved out a long sigh and took a look around the empty Hub. He'd sent his team home the day before, to rest and recover themselves after the disasterous trip to BrynnBlaidd. Truth was he needed to recover himself. He had witnessed many terrible things in his life and it was always humans who were at the centre of it....always...everytime. How was it that one species was capable of so much love and so much compassion and yet be able to commit the worst atrocities imaginable. It made him shudder to think about it....no matter what era...humans were all the same. He found himself wondering, yet again what in Hell's name he was doing there on Earth trying to protect them. Ok, so he was waiting for his Doctor first and foremost....shit when is that man going to come? His rambling thoughts came to an abrupt freeze frame as he vividly recalled the beautiful Rose Tyler now lost at Canary Wharf and his gangling big eared doctor in his scruffy leather jacket with the most jarring northern accent imaginable. Jack sighed abandoning his cluttered desk laden with incomplete reports. He needed a roof. Pulling on his faithful great coat he headed out of the roller door locking up the base behind him as he went.

The British Gas building was always a good spot and George at reception let him in after Jack handed over a bottle of Jack Daniels and a box of chocolates for the old boy's wife. Jack had known them since the early sixties and George was a trustworthy soul. Pulling his coat tightly about him he stepped out through the fire escape into the blustery late evening air. It wasn't the best view from up here, but it would do, after all he just wanted the height and the fresh air. Jack strode purposefully in the direction of his favourite perch only to discover someone else was already seated there. Oh. Shit. Jack paused wondering if said person was about to drop themselves over the edge. Whoever it was remained seated hunched over a cigarette, with an arm wrapped about his slim body. Obviously a man judging from the gait and red hoodie. Jack took a couple of cautious paces forwards.

"It's OK I'm not about to jump." The Welsh accent was almost lost in the wind.

Jack frowned. It couldn't be, could it? "Ianto?"

"You got me."

Jack ambled over and sat himself down at the young man's side, more than a little surprised to see him smoking. Ianto sucked in a long drag and blew the smoke out away from Jack.

"Of all the roof tops in Cardiff you have to pick mine." Another drag.

Jack was at a loss for a moment as he looked to the clouded darkening horizon. "You know that's bad for you right?"

"Filleting is not much better either but I had a good go at that this morning too." He outstretched a freshly bandaged arm. "I tried ending it....saw the blood and rang for an ambulance. How pathetic is that?!"

"Jeez Ianto....So what you thought you'd thought to try the roof instead?" Jack wasn't in the mood for a confessional; he had come here to think.

Ianto shrugged and threw the fag butt over the edge. "I'm too weak to even do that."

"So why come here?"

"You don't have exclusive rights to the need to think you know."

How does he know? Jack winced....This was Ianto of course he would know...Too well most likely.

"Penny for them?"

Ianto offered up a brief glance and Jack caught sight of the blackened bruises on his beautiful face....Yes beautiful, Ianto was definitely that.

"I came here because I have no one to talk to Jack."

"Not, sir, then?"

Ianto shook his head. "Not here.....Humanity sucks....We're a waste of space, you know that right?"

Jack couldn't argue with him. "Sometimes."

"So why do you stay? Why do you do what you do for us?"

"You make it sound like I don't belong." Jack responded uneasily.

Ianto met his look with keen eyes. "I know you don't...I've read through the archives Jack....know your enemy."

Jack sighed. "Is that how you see me?"

"Not any more....So, why do you stay?"

Jack returned his gaze to the dusking sky and shivered at the chill in the breeze. "I have nowhere else to go. You?"

"Ditto."

Ianto pulled out another cigarette and lit it with shaking hands. "I ran up 24 flights of stairs to get to Lisa. When I got into her office I found her with two of her colleagues. She'd been waiting for me....It was our agreement...If there was ever any trouble she'd wait and I'd find her. Simon and Cath waited too. We were just heading out and I turned round to see her friends blown apart by an explosion...The Daleks had shot through the windows . They were ripped to pieces and bits of them landed on me and Lisa. I could taste their blood on lips as it ran down my face. We were too stunned to move and then the Cybermen took us and put us in a line with some others. I was the last one. We could see it...The conversion machines at work...people screaming as they were...well you get the idea. I had to watch as they...as they...Lisa. I had to watch and we just kept looking at each other as she cried with the pain. Then everything just stopped and they went away. I was the last in the line....It could have been the other way round and she'd be ok right now....There's no one I can tell, so I come here and each time I do I get closer to the edge and now I realise all those people....my friends...yep I actually had friends once. They died and those fucking cunts in that village get to live."

Jack noted the appearance of a bottle of scotch and watched worriedly as the young man took a long draught before passing the bottle to his boss.

"I'm not strong enough. I just want to break down and weep and I am not strong to even do that and to let go of my sadness. It's the only thing keeping me alive, if that's living at all."

Jack took a swallow of the whiskey. "It's living of a sort." No comfort though.

"Is this....are we worth it Jack?"

"The very fact that you are asking that question gives me hope Ianto....Yes, you are worth it. I have a friend who watches over this planet and he certainly believes that you are."

Ianto smiled. "Why aren't you with him?"

"What makes you think I want to be?"

Ianto reached back for the bottle. "Your eyes light up when you speak of him, like you love him."

Jack nodded. "Yep, I guess I do, but not in the way that you think...Believe it or not there are some people I've met that I haven't slept with."

"So, why aren't you with him?"

The light died. "He abandoned me." Jack shivered, it was cold and he wondered how on Earth Ianto wasn't freezing.

"So, we're both alone then." Ianto took another deep draught from the bottle.

"Hardly a revelation."

Ianto hissed as she shifted position and Jack threw him a worried look. "You shouldn't be out here. Owen'll have your arse if you get sick as well as having those busted ribs."

"I'd like to see him try."

Jack cautiously reached and grasped Ianto's hand interlacing their fingers. Ianto automatically relaxed into the hold on his hand the unfamiliar gesture a guilty comfort he wanted to cling to. It had been so long since anyone had held him.

"Come on I'll drive you home."

Ianto shook his head. "I'd rather stay here. I need to be alone Jack."

"Can I trust you not to throw yourself over the edge?"

Ianto shrugged.

"Then I'll sit with you." His grip tightened and Ianto looked down at their hands.

"My hands are so small compared to yours."

Jack followed his gaze. "Strong though."

"Can we just sit in silence and pretend the world is a better place?"

"Suits me."

AN: I always felt that Jack and Ianto didn't start off by shagging.....and Ianto is way more perceptive than Jack thinks.