AN: Sorry for the wait

Chapter 3

Ahsoka balled her fists tightly, turning the inside of her palms white, and she glared at the wall, she didn't want to be going on this mission, not at all. It had only been three weeks since the massacre; the council couldn't seriously think she was ready to go back into the field yet. This was far too soon.

Anakin sat opposite the young teen, watching her discreetly, she wasn't coping well. He could see it in her eyes, in her every movement, she was hurting. He knew what it was like to lose someone close to you, it never gets any easier, it seems to haunt you wherever you go, he had naively hoped his Padawan would never feel what it is to lose someone close – your family - after all the girls were practically sisters.

Anakin turned slightly, watching as his Padawan stared out the viewport, watching hyperspace fly past in its usual dazzling manner, her eyes unusually shiny and her head bowed ever so slightly, as if that fire of hope, that burning flicker of light within her had been extinguished. As if she had given up. He watched her fight with her emotions in silence, watched quietly when her lips began to tremble from the sobs waiting to burst out of her, when she was thrown back into the realm of her own memories.

But she didn't cry, not one tear escaped her eyes, nor did a sob escape her mouth. He commended her strength but when would she ever realised that she didn't have to be so strong all the time, that her pride was unnecessary when it was just her and him, he'd never judge her for her emotions and definitely not for crying and he couldn't quiet describe how it - knowing she didn't trust him - felt but he could say it felt like a weight on his heart.

When had things gotten this bad between them? What had happened to the trust they'd both had in each other? Everything in their lives was the same as it was just last year, the same ships, the same war, the same temple; it was just the people who had changed. He wished they hadn't, he wished she hadn't, maybe that was his fault, for not protecting her from all the horrors of the war. Perhaps she wouldn't be so mistrustful then, maybe her innocence wouldn't be as tainted.

"Snips, are you alright?" Anakin asked, tilting his head slightly to try and see her face.

"Fine." Came her quiet reply.

Then they lapsed into yet another long silence, Anakin usually preferred the silence but not now, not when it was so strained. He could almost feel the tension in the air, it was almost unbearable, since when did she get so quiet?

Anakin looked over to the teen, his eyes running over her, she'd changed a lot since their first meeting, she wasn't the scrawny little Padawan he'd been given on Christophsis anymore. She'd blossomed into a beautiful young lady to his dismay - everyone had noticed - particularly the clones who rarely got chance to see any other women than her, he'd already had to speak to – meaning threaten – some of his own men for some of the inappropriate comments he had heard passing by.

Ahsoka looked over to him, noticing his staring, and levelled him with a cool glare. The one that made him shiver a little and made the entire room seem colder. She wasn't quite as good as that glare as Padme, that woman had it perfected, but she still could scare him. Anakin sighed. He hated when things were rough between him and Ahsoka, it always made him feel guilty, even if he wasn't the one at fault.

"I know how you feel." If sharing his experiences, letting Ahsoka know she wasn't alone, was how he was going to reach out to her, then so be it, he'd do anything to have his bubbly playful Padawan back. "A few years ago, I had terrible dreams, visions, I saw my mother in pain…I told Obi-Wan but he told me they'd pass so I followed his advice but they got worse."

Anakin nearly smiled when he saw Ahsoka turn slightly to face him, her curiosity captured by the tales of his past, the yet another thing he'd gone out of his way to keep from her.

"I was assigned to protect Senator Amidala…" Anakin paused for a second, thinking off how to exclude all the more sensitive details. "…I woke up one night from a terrible dream, and decided I needed to go find her, Padme insisted on accompanying me. When I got to Tatooine I traced my mother to a small moisture farm but, true to my visions, she was missing, she had been taken by Tusken Raiders. I went to find her…and I did, but she died in my arms."

Anakin stood and knelt in front of the young Togruta, putting a hand on her shoulder. "I know how you feel, Snips, don't push me away."

"What am I supposed to say, Master?" Ahsoka looked away from his gaze.

"Anything." Anakin attempted to regain her eye contact. "That's better than moping to yourself."

Ahsoka opened her mouth slightly, a defiant and insulted look on her face, before closing it and appearing to rethink her words, she closed her eyes and exhaled before opening her eyes, still shying from her Master's attempts to get her to look at him.

"I miss her…how do I stop missing her?" Ahsoka asked quietly

"You don't." Anakin ran a hand through his hair. "You never do, but eventually you learn to put it behind you, you have to leave it all behind or it will consume you. Do you think Blissany would like it if you lost yourself because of her death?"

"She's dead; we don't know what she'd want."

Anakin gently grabbed a hold of her chin, forcing her to look at him, before speaking again, "She's not truly gone; a part of her will always be with you and you can honour her by staying true to yourself and moving on."

"I should've been with her." Ahsoka mumbled. "I could've helped, I could've saved her."

"Look at me." Anakin ducked his head a little in attempt to meet her averted eyes. "Hey, look at me." Only when she did, did Anakin speak again. "There was nothing you could've done, had you been there, you would've been killed too."

"At least she wouldn't die alone." Came Ahsoka's quiet reply

"Don't talk like that, Snips." Anakin scolded lightly. "We need you here. I need you here"

Ahsoka shrugged a little, her eyes still downcast but Anakin could swear that fire, the one that once burned so bright in her eyes – the one that had completely disappeared these past few weeks - had started burning again. Maybe he was a bit better at this then he gave himself credit for, he was no Obi-Wan – he was nowhere near that good – but maybe, just maybe they would both get through this alive.

"Why don't you get some sleep?" Seeing Ahsoka was about to protest, Anakin cut her off before she had chance. "I'll be right here, you'll be fine."

Anakin slouched back in his chair, folding his arms over his chest and exhaling deeply, shaking his head a little to get his hair from out of his face. He was tired; they all were. This war seemed to drag on and no-one could yet see out the other side of it, it just seemed so hopelessly endless.

It was worse for Ahsoka.

It was alright for him, he had grown up in a time of relative peace, he'd never been thrust into a massive galactic war whilst he was a young Padawan, he'd never had to wonder if he would die in the next mission or who he would lose in the next battle. He'd never had to wonder when his time would run out, but she had, he could see it in her eyes. She didn't fear death, she was too much of a Jedi for that, but he believed she feared upsetting those around her, she always went out of her way to impress and help, he knew it would break her heart for her death to strike deeply.

And the worst part was that she knew it would, she knew he would struggle to deal with her death, that is if he even was able to cope at all, she knew that were she ever to die it would cut him deeply and he could see she hated herself for that, the one thing she couldn't control – the people who cared about her – and she hated that, one day, she might hurt them.

He looked over to the sleeping girl, her brow furrowed and body tense, as if she was expecting an attack. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair on him, he had to try and take care of her in this massive war and keep her safe so that she could live to see tomorrow, it was an almost impossible duty. But, more importantly, it was certainly not fair on her, she'd been dumped in the deep end because of him, he was always on the frontlines and she was forced to follow him, putting her life at risk before it had really begun.

Ahsoka stirred slightly, her brow creasing even more, no doubt because of the bouts of unpleasant dreams that seem to stalk her as if it were a new hobby.

"Anakin." Obi-Wan walked out of the cockpit. "We've landed, this is where we must split up, I need to rendezvous with Master Windu back at the temple."

"Okay." Anakin stood slowly, stretching out his back.

"You do need to take her with you." Obi-Wan gestured, with a small smile, to the sleeping teen. "I doubt she'd take kindly to being left behind."

"Yeah, I don't wanna wake her." Anakin crouched next to the troubled Togruta. "She hasn't slept in weeks."

Anakin put a hand on Ahsoka's shoulder and gently shook, "Snips." She was warm to the touch, the lack of sleep combined with the little food she ate was contributing to her deteriorating health, she was going to get sick. "Come on, time to get up."

Birds chirped happily as sunshine spilled down onto the grateful surface of Coruscant, it was a glorious day, the best they'd had in quite almost an entire quarter; months upon months of rain did become rather repetitive after a while.

The Amanzi Gardens, one of the last masses of flora untouched by man on Coruscant, was a sight to behold. The long, tickling grass stretched on for a little over a kilometre, with fauna and foliage sprouting up through the flourishing grass. A gushing river flowed through the grassy plain, trickling and laughing as it bounced over the rocky water bed before tipping off the edge of the garden square, falling into tube so it could be pumped back to the start and stream through the gardens again. It was artificial but that did not taint its beauty.

The gardens were a favourite of civilians and Jedi alike, the aura of the beautiful plain soothed and provided comforted to all. The Jedi had plenty of gardens within the temple but, nevertheless, this public garden a little south of the temple attracted plenty of the Jedi. Perhaps because they were no longer in the temple and were free to be more than just Jedi, they could be people.

A young Togruta lazed about peacefully in the lush grass, in the shade of a large tree with beautiful leaves, all different blends of pinks and oranges; this place was so magical to her. It made her feel free; the abundance of flora seemed to breathe alongside her, its rhythmic ballade of life moving alongside everything surrounding it, waving in the wind.

It truly was beautiful and could rival the magical atmosphere in the 'Chamber of Dreams.'

"Hey, 'Soka." A young girl with platinum blonde hair came and sat next to the lounging Togruta. "It's a gorgeous day, yeah?"

"Definitely." Ahsoka rolled onto her back, reclining on her elbows. "I've missed the sun."

"Me too."

"You're not even supposed to be here." Ahsoka raised her eyebrows slightly. "You've not been chosen as a Padawan yet, and younglings aren't allowed out of the temple…not until selected to be a Padawan and even then, you have to get express permission from your Master."

"Which I'm sure you did." Came Blissany's taunting reply.

"Well…" Ahsoka backpedalled and took on a defensive tone. "…I can never find him, it's his own fault."

"I love how you automatically come to that conclusion, is blaming your Master an innate conditioned response now?" Blissany pulled out a handful of grass and began to play with the soft blades, pulling them apart in her hands

"It's either him or you, it's always one of you that's to blame." Ahsoka lightly pushed her friend. "And stop tearing up the grass, there isn't much of it on this planet."

"Yes, mum."Blissany threw the blades into the air, watching the wind sweep them away. "So, I hear you have a new mission."

"Yeah, me and my Master are shipping out to the Outer rim tomorrow, we've been assigned to help with the sieges." Ahsoka sat up and crossed her legs underneath her. "I can't wait to kick some droid ass."

"I can't wait to get a Master so I can join you." Blissany balled her fists in excitement, "We can be like 'wham', 'pow', 'boom', they won't know what hit them."

"We'll be the ultimate team." Ahsoka agreed cheerfully. "I hear that Knight Forrest has been watching you, my Master tells me he's thinking about taking you as a Padawan. Don't tell anyone I told you."

"I thought Knight Forrest didn't ever want a Padawan." Blissany asked curiously, running her hands through her mass of long wavy hair.

"Neither did my Master and look at us now." Ahsoka posed slightly before letting out a loud laugh.

"Master Yoda assigned you to him, Skywalker didn't get much of a say."

Ahsoka stuck her tongue out when her friend batted her argument away effortlessly, before shrugging her shoulders and smirking. "Well then, Forrest must like you quite a bit if he's changed his view of Padawan's because of you." Ahsoka poked her friend. "It's your big heart."

Blissany only chuckled in reply, flinging her hair back when the wind tousled it. Ahsoka's eyes widened as the young girl began to fade, in fact, the whole vision began to fade. She could hear a familiar voice as the memory around her faded to black, but she couldn't quite pinpoint who it was.

"Blissany." Ahsoka watched her friend fade with the world around her. "Don't go!"

"Ahsoka, what's happening to me." Blissany's quiet voice replied back. "I'm disappearing, everything's going. Where am I going?"

"Hold on." Ahsoka desperately tried to hold onto her friend, to keep her with her but it didn't matter. "It's not real, it's all just a memory."

"I'm not real?" Came Blissany's soft, yet sad, tone.

"No!" Ahsoka watched as her hands went straight through her friend. "You are real…you are so real."

"Help me, I don't wanna go."

Then she was gone and the entire world around the Togruta faded to blackness, the trees were gone, the gardens were gone, that entire memory was gone. It was been snatched from her just like her friend had, she remember that time, that day in the gardens. Eventually, they had both left, Blissany had gotten into trouble for leaving the grounds and she for not seeking her Master's permission but it had been worth it. That was a perfect day.

"Come on, time to get up." There was the voice again

That was her Master, and with that thought at the forefront of her mind, the young Togruta when surging back to consciousness, returning to the real world, albeit unwillingly.

Ahsoka's bleary eyes blinked opened groggily, slightly disorientated and confused as she tried to recall where she was, she met her Master's gaze and nodded slightly before nestling her head back in the crook of her arm, making a gurgled groaning noise which sounded suspiciously like a stream of curses.

"That's not getting up, Snips." Anakin chuckled a little. "Come on, we're here."

"Okay, okay." Came her hoarse whisper. "I'm getting up."

And to prove testament to this, the young Togruta forced herself to sit up, waiting a few moments when a bout of vertigo hit her from the sudden change in position, her hands went of their own accord to massage her aching head before she rose shakily to her feet.

"You alright?" Anakin queried, scowling at the unsteady teen.

"Fine." Ahsoka walked past her Master, refusing to meet his gaze, before heading down the landing ramp, her mind a haze of sleep-deprived mush.

AN: Please review, it'll motivate me to write the next chapter quicker!