Doubts Elliot's POV

Elliot goes to Olivia, to talk but he is having doubts about it, he also reaches the conclusion that his feelings for his partner go a lot farther than just feelings of friendship.

They belong to DW and NBC.

All the mistakes are mine, so no one to blame but me and Words.

This is the second chapter of three.

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Olivia Benson's Building

10:30 PM

I'll been standing here, in front of her building for the last twenty five minutes now, trying to get the nerve to go up there and talk to her and ask her what really happen in that basement and for the last twenty five minutes all the lights in her apartment had been on.

I need to know, otherwise I won't be able to sleep or for that matter live with my self if there is more than she is telling, I won't be able to stay at home and keep my nervousness from Kathy and the last thing I need at the moment is another argument with her.

I should've never gone back home, should've stayed at my apartment and just let more time go by so I could have work things out with the woman that has managed to capture my heart, my feelings, the woman that been occupying my thoughts, Olivia.

My partner and best friend, Olivia Benson, thought lately we been kind of distant towards each other, I know she still considers me her best friend and it was just because of the situations and me going back home, that our friendship's been kind of strain.

I know she wishes the best for Kathy and my self, and that's why she has pull away from me, that's why she volunteers to stay late so I can go home early since little Eli was born, she pulled away to give me space and the opportunity to reacquaint with my wife and family and I have done the same.

But when you fall out of love with your wife, there is nothing anybody can do to rescue that, you can't dictated the heart to feel something that don't exist anymore, can you? Or for that matter, denied the heart to fall in love with someone else.

When I saw her in the precinct and saw how she was trying to fool others telling them she was ok, I knew better and I knew that she was as far away from been OK, like me professing my real feelings for her to my wife or even to myself.

I saw her walk into the bullpen, Fin by her side after the mandatory trip to the hospital, I knew she would refuse to go, but Cragen just order her to, he order Fin to take her and make sure she was fine before she got out of the hospital, before either one of them return to the office.

I know of her dislike of doctors, even more going to the hospital, but according to Fin's explanation of what happen in Sealview, she needed to be check out, and Cragen hadn't take any chances, and apparently he had been right on his orders.

When Olivia had enter the bullpen, her walk was slow and tentative, she move with caution, not like the strong and secure woman she is, when she got closer to where I was, I had to practice the breathing technique Huang teach me, in order for me to stop and not go marching into the interrogation room Lowell Harris was been held and commit an act of murder.

She had bruises on her neck, her arm's, I saw her wrists, and they were raw from the restrain and pulling on the metal, on what appeared to be an attempt to escape them, and she also portray a big angry bruise on the left side of her face, the slime ball had punched her on the face, and those where only the bruises I could see, I don't want to image what other parts of her body got bruise, what other parts of her, the bastard had managed to harm and touched.

She tried to smile when she saw me, but her smile had been a ghost of the real one, and her eyes show embarrassment, sadness and emptiness, I turn to looked at Fin, and he just shook his head, asking me to don't ask anything, to keep my mouth shout, and they walked by me into Cragen's office.

I followed behind them, after all she is my partner and there was no way in hell, I could have stay out of that conversation, I needed to know I needed to hear her voice.

She fought Cragen on his decision to let Lake and Munch conduct the interrogation, there was no way in hell Cragen would allow me into that room, no, not after I had seen her condition, but what blow me thru the roof was her determination on doing the interrogation herself, Cragen told her, that was the last thing she needed, but she had insisted until Don agree, only with the condition he be in there with her.

What compel Cragen, or what he saw in her, I didn't know, but I knew Don had been right in allowing her on doing it, I was on the other side of the room and Munch, Fin and Lake had been there with me, waiting for the moment when things got out of hand, waiting to see if she needed me, but that never happen.

She had been her cool self, Detective Benson in charge, she had reel Harris in and she would have got what she wanted and get a confession, if not for the presence of Mr. Hunter, his attorney.

Just before the moron walk in the room, Olivia was face to face with Harris, after she had said something about Harris "manhood" and he liking men, he had gotten angry and push to his feet confronting her, face to face but she didn't steep back, she never hesitated, she challenge him with her eyes and posture, and I knew she needed that, she needed to feel in control.

I felt so proud of her, just like when Dickie hits a home run for his team.

But when Hunter walked in the room announcing that they had no proof for keeping his "client" in custody and had handled her the papers for his release, I saw her control and assurance slip away, I saw her lips tremble and the utter confusion in her face, I saw the hurt and the desperation in her.

She had assure Cragen that it was not over, and when he told her Ashley was getting worse, the look on her face was of pure desolation and anguish.

Then I saw her sitting at her desk, scrutinizing the mug shoot of Harris, she seem lost in her thoughts, and the only thing in my mind was to find out what had happen in that basement, Fin had said nothing, just gave me the superficial information, but I just knew for the way Fin keep fidgeting, and Fin isn't a man to be uncomfortable when asked a question, that I knew what had happen was more than what she wanted to let know.

So I had stayed and used the "Avoiding dipper duty" excuse, pathetic as it sounded but the only reason for me to still be in the office was, in reality to be there for her.

She said she was fine, that she was Ok, but she was not, she was other than fine.

An then when we finally had what we needed to nail the bastard, when we where at Melinda's lab, she had keep her face and eyes away from him, not even when I joke abut "his private" did she join in the joke, she was miles away, and then she wasn't there at my side when I took him to booking.

I call her cell but it when to voice mail, then I call Melinda and she just said that they had a talk and that she was doing better, I try to get her to tell me what they talk about but she just told me that it was a matter of Olivia's privacy, that it was up to her to tell me anything and that when she was ready to talk to me she'll do it.

But I can't wait for that, I'm not the waiting type, I need to know she is fine, I need to know noting more happen to her, she had gone home, she call Cragen and told him she was going home, he gave her a week but she refuse and only agree on three days. She didn't call me.

That's why I know something's up, she is not the type to just go home and nurse her bruises, because she is the hands on type, that's why I'm here now, I manage to get into the building, and now I'm standing at her door, not knowing how to star this conversation.

What let me think that she willingly is going to tell me what's bothering her? Especially, when I had managed to push her away for the last months with my actions and my "I don't want to talk about me" right now attitude? What in the world was I thinking when I desired on coming here?

Apparently I wasn't, 'cause I been standing at her door for the last five minutes and I know her neighbor next door told her I was here 'cause I haven't make my presence known, but she opens her door and just looks at me.

"Elliot? What are you doing here?"

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Next chapter Elliot and Liv have a talk about the case and how it is affecting Olivia.

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