Not Mine.

To be honest she knew from the very beginning exactly how this story would end.

That doesn't mean this hurts any less.

When Nina Howard first met Will McAvoy at the New Years Eve party she was taken aback. He was nothing like she imagined him and she had imagined him a fucking lot. He was nice and charming and certainly affable nothing like the Vertigo addicted journalist she had been expecting.

Then Mackenzie walked on over and she suddenly it hit her.

The Will she had been expecting was Will of the past three years. The Will that didn't have Mackenzie and the Will that just didn't care. But in the past 6 months everything had changed and the Will that Nina didn't know was back.

The problem was the Will that would sleep with her was the Will that no longer existed and the Will she wanted was the Will that wasn't Mac's.

So she knew she was screwed from the very beginning but there was a reason that Will felt the need to civilise her.

And that's because Nina is not nice.

She knew on New Years Eve that he wasn't available, knew that he was Mac's; so she made it abundantly clear that she was a sure thing. She wonders what's with that because she's almost certain she wasn't like this when she was younger.

Because when she was younger she was kind and idealistic and just starting out and wanting to save the world. Then she got a taste of fame and gossip and told herself she was still saving the world but just from rich women with too much plastic surgery.

The morning after the Bin Ladin broadcast she gets an email and she realises she was fucking screwed over. She got fucking civilised.

Suddenly she doesn't want to destroy and take down and humiliate but help and save and tip off Mackenzie. Because she's been given a conscience and humility and then left for dead because no matter how much time she spends with Will she still knows Mackenzie already marked her territory. It's not fair she wants to scream but then her new found good nature takes hold and she backs off of the cliff that will end in her falling for a taken man.

Nina really does try to back off and she was never going to actually write the story about 9/11 because you're forgetting the fact that she's almost about to fall for the guy and she's apparently a good person.

But then he asked her out and she tried to turn him down because he doesn't love her and he loves Mac and he can't really deny it because she heard voicemail with her own ears and nobody can fake that sort of love but your forgetting that she's still a girl and turning down amazing men is no easy task.

When he asked her out the second time she said yes because even good people have their limits and she still new at the whole conscience thing and for fucks sake he bought her flowers and chocolate and it's been so long since that's happened. So she let herself revel in that evil side, one last time and decidedly broke Mackenzie heart with a simple he said you were excellent.

She tries her best to ignore the fact that he knows so little about her that the chocolate and flowers aren't even the ones she likes.

The next few weeks are equally a dream and a nightmare because she's trying her best not to fall in love but with the restaurants and his glorious skills in bed it's no easy task. She wishes she could just let herself fall but she won't because she also knows as soon that as she does he'll finally find Mackenzie.

Being a good person fucking sucks.

To be honest she was expecting page 6 to break the story much sooner then when it did. She wasn't naïve. She's a fucking gossip columnist and she knew sooner than later somebody was going to see them. Neither of them can exactly blend in. So she wasn't surprised when it happened but she was even more surprised by Will's actions.

When Wills calls her after the story breaks she's certain he's going to end it with her. Because now Mac knows and if there's one person Will can't stand to hurt it's his precious fucking EP (and there's not even a hint of jealousy) but miraculously he only tells her maybe they should eat in tonight as he doesn't feel the need to be photographed again. She can't agree fast enough.

He brings her flowers and chocolates (still not her favourites but that doesn't meant they aren't any good) and treats her like a Queen and she thinks she might be ready to dive head first off of the cliff when it suddenly hit her. It's simply a case of a man over compensating. He doesn't love her, he never will but he's still too scared to actually chase after the person he is in love with. She should hate him for so clearly using her but after all the time they've spent together she can't help but feel sorry for him.

The good, kind part of her is back with a vengeance and it suck. Like majorly fucking sucks.

Hey William. Mine tonight? X

She invites him over because she's a good person and she doesn't want her 'old friend' Mackenzie to be in much more pain and she hopes after this concession they might actually be old friends. She has to do this one thing though cause you can't exactly be screwing the love of your friends lives. She's just musing over how life sucks that way when he replies.

Yeah. Be there at 7 x

By the time he arrives she's changed her outfit multiple times and planned out a new speech even more. So when he goes to kiss her she musters up everything ounce of strength and goodwill inside of her and pushes him away.

"Nina are yo-" She can hear his questioning tone but if she's going to be able to do this then she needs to follow the good old band aid theory. Rip it off quick and the pain shall be minimum. Yeah like that's going to be any fucking use.

"Will, we have to get real." Because as much as she wishes she could pretend that he's in love with her and not his EP she became a journalist for a reason and that's because she wants to expose truths and stop making up her own.

"I-I don't know what your talki-"

"I know I'm just a gossip columnist but after the last few weeks I at least deserve to hear the truth William. You love Mac."

"No, I promise you I don't. I respect her and sometimes I even miss her but after everything she did I don't think I can love her." Lie, lie, lie.

"Trust me when I tell you that people change William. If anyone were an example of the ability to transform it would be myself. For example a few months ago I would have revelled in the chance to write a take down piece all about your missus." And it's true and it's hard and if it weren't something she's sort of proud of she'd want to kill for what he's done to her.

"But she cheated on me. If she really love-"

"For fucks sake William. Move. On. We all screw up." For example Nina decided to date a man who she can't have.

"I know that and I want to forgive her so much but I just can't stop picturing her with him."

"Will she's does everything she can to make it up to you. People aren't defined by their mistakes but what they do to fix them and I think we all know Mac's taken every punishment thrown her way." She really hopes that's true because she doesn't want to just be the gossip columnist that went after his team one time anymore and if Mac cant be forgiven then why the fuck should she be.

"I don't know what to do."

"Go to her William. Kiss her, make love to her, marry her, have her bear your children and then fucking grow old together. It's pretty simple."

"What if she does it again?"

"She won't."

"You can't promise that."

"No but if she does anything to hurt you in that way again I'll beat her fucking English ass."

"She's American actually."

"So not the fucking point Will."

"You really think I should just be with her? That forgiveness will come in time."

"I think you'll find forgiveness when you can admit to her how you feel."

"I love her."

"I know. That's why I am stepping aside." Because she's a good person remember.

"I'm sorry Nina. I never wanted to hurt you."

"I know and you didn't." Or at least not very much.

"Still."

"Go William. Now."

"I will. Thankyou."

He leaves almost straight away and for that Nina is thankful because although she didn't fall in love she liked him a lot and she's starting to wonder if she'll ever find love or if it's going to be another failed experiment in the opposite sex after another.

Tomorrow or the day after she'll call Mac again and try to set up a lunch date because she's nice now and wants friends and maybe Mac has somebody to recommend for a date. That's what 'old friends' are for right? For tonight however she'll crawl into bed with a bottle of Vodka and a tub of Sara Lee ice cream and cry because she fucking started to care for Will and now he's only ever going to be a really great fucking friend.

To be honest she knew from the very beginning exactly how this story would end.

That doesn't mean this hurts any less.

Still to be continued…

Seriously though who is proud of me? Two chapters in less than 24 hours and it's Saturday here in Australia so you might even get another chapter by tonight… or I could do my year 12 homework.

How about if you review you get another chapter? ;)

Wahahaha… I'm so manipulative :b

This is when you press the pretty 'Review' button and tell me how amazing I am ;)