Chapter 3 : Suicidal Boyfriend (a.k.a. Mondo)
All right, everyone. We have some great things in this chapter. A more bitchier Jessie in a flashback, Ash actually being smart on something (OO) , suicidal Mondo, and an extra surprise at the end. Enjoy, and cookies are in the fridge for any reviewers or people who fav this !
During the time that Delia had to go to her court hearing for breaking the law and getting veeeery wasted, Ash was sitting on the couch playing Blastoise Blackjack with Domino.
" Damn it ! How do you always win ?! " Ash demanded, heaving the pack of cards into the nearest garbage can (or closet).
" Uh, 'cause your stupid, " Domino coolly replied, sipping at a glass of iced tea.
" Well, how the hell did you end up living here anyway ?! Why can't you live with your flippin' boyfriend, Tracey ?! "
Domino sighed. " Oh, Ashy. If only you knew the kind of crappy life I live, what with being bitched at by your dad for spilling coffee on him and all. "
" So ?! Tracey has a worse life than you ! We found him in the Orange Islands , and we later found out that he was a homeless guy and his mom is that Vicodin-addicted Professor Ivy ! " (reference to Chapter 17 of Giovanni's New Neighbor)
" Eh. I'm eighteen. I have three more years before I'm a legitimate adult. So sue me. I'm going over to the kitchen and help Molly score some pointers with that cute nerdy kid. "
The blonde haired girl left Ash to curse and shout.
A few minutes later, somebody knocked on the door. Ash grumbled as he got a stress mark in one of his veins. " HEY ! SOMEBODY OPEN THE FLIPPIN' DOOR ! "
Nobody responded, since Domino, Molly, Max, Misty, and Carid were outside in the back and completely ignoring the teenage boy. Ash cursed as he opened the door to a tall boy with medium-long brown hair wearing a blue striped white shirt and shorts. " Uh, who the hell are you ? " Ash asked.
" Hi ! I'm Mondo ! "
" Where are you from again ? " Ash asked.
" Oh, well, I'm from that one Drama CD ! I was also the mascot for K-Mart before they kicked me out because I tried to do suicide ! "
O.o " Yeah... Who are you for again ? "
-sob- " Domino. "
" Oh. Well, Blondie's hooked up with Tracey now. "
" Is he a dude ? "
" Well...yeah. "
" NOOOOO ! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENIIIIING ! "
" Yeah..."
-slams door-
(Five minutes later...)
-knock-knock-knock-
" Hello ? "
" Hi, friend ! Has Domino been dumped yet ! "
Ash groaned as Mondo hopped up and down like a four - year old. " No. And I have a name. IT'S ASH ! "
" Really ? You look more like a Charlie. "
-.- " Yeah, my dad wanted to name me Ludwig or Vivaldi, but my mom protested against it. She wanted Charlie...or Leslie. -shudders- "
" Wow ! So...Domino is still with that guy ? "
" Uh, yeah. "
" NOOOOOO ! MY LIFE IS OVEEEEER ! "
-SLAMS DOOR-
(Another five minutes later...)
" DOOOMINOOOOOOOO ! COME BAAAAAAACK ! "
BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG !
" PLEAAAAAASEEEE ! I LOOOOOOVE YOUUUUU ! "
BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG !
" WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH ! "
KNIFE'D x15 !
(Few hours later...)
" Damn it, Domino ! Tell your ex-boyfriend to get the hell off of our property ! " Ash hissed.
" Eh. I don't wanna. "
Misty sighed. " You know, Domino, normally I would agree with you. But that guy has been glued to that door for four hours now ! He's driving everyone psycho, especially Mr. Ketchum ! "
They all turned to Giovanni, who was banging his head against the table repeatedly. Carid sweatdropped. " Uh, Domino ? Did you do anything to upset him ? "
Domino shook her head. " I only dumped him because he was mentally unstable. It all started after he got rejected by Jessie for the eleventh time. "
(Two years ago - sometime after the Mt. Quena arc.)
Jessie stomped off in the right direction, Mondo following her. " Miss Jessie ? Do you need some more Tylenol ? "
" NO, I DON'T ! " Jessie snapped. " I WANT YOU TO GET THE HELL OUT OF MY FACE ! "
Mondo's eyes began to water. " But, Miss Jessie...you already had five Tylenol earlier to make you feel better since you had a hang - over. And...and...I WANT TO GO OUT WITH YOU ! "
" Okay, then...look. Mondo. You do know that I've been seeing James for six months now, right ? "
" ...WHAT ?! "
O.o " I guess not... "
" NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ! "
" So, I heard him being suicidal. I kinda pitied him. Truth was, he was really annoying. Still, I liked picking on him, so I went out with him for a couple of years. But, right before I met you losers (no offense), I kinda told him to f--k off and I broke off our relationship. He didn't take it well. "
(Few days before meeting with losers...)
" WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH ! DOMINO ! HOW COULD YOU BREAK UP WITH ME ?! "
T.T " Mondo, I swear to Bob if you don't get off of me right now..."
" NO ! I WON'T ! "
SMACK ! PURSE !
" GET OFF OF ME ! IT'S OVER ! "
" Wow. Your past really sucks, " Molly muttered.
" Yeah. Mondo's like a leech. If he likes you, it is very, very, very hard to get him to go away. "
" Wow. That's exactly like how Brendan sticks to May all the time ! " Max exclaimed as he snapped his fingers.
" So ?! He's a freakin' stalker ! " Ash hissed. "Get him the hell away from here ! "
Domino rose from her seat and slapped the table with her hands, causing her bowl of mashed potatoes to crash to the floor. " Have you been listening to a word I've said, you little asshole ?! " she screeched. " I've tried ! He always comes back ! It's not like I can nuke him to oblivion ! "
Ash gave a nasty grin. " Not true, Domino. Not true at all. "
" Uh, what do you mean ? "
" I have this bomb under my bed of my 'so-called room' that I've been working on while Max has been sleeping late at night. "
" You've been watching me sleep ?! " Max demanded.
T.T " Details, details. That isn't the point ! "
" Yeah, the point is that you're gonna use that 'bomb' to rob every single Dairy Queen and Baskin Robbins in the four regions ! " Misty interrupted.
" WHAT ?! NO ! "
Misty snickered. " It's the truth, though. "
" SHUT THE HELL UP, MISTY ! I'M SERIOUS ! "
MALLET !
-.- " Anyway, one word, and I can blow up Mondo into billions of pieces ! And it would be an awesome explosion ! "
-severe facefaults from all the kids and Pikachu!-
(Giovanni) O.O " Ash, please don't tell me that you've been watching my DVDs again ! "
Ash nodded. " What the hell am I supposed to do in a tent at three in the morning with a pair of soiled underwear ?! Train ? I think not ! "
" Where's the bomb ? "
" Huh ? Oh, don't worry about it, Mom. "
" WHERE'S THE GOTDAMN BOMB ?! "
(Several voices) " Under his bed. "
Delia quickly ran up the stairs with a giant vacuum cleaner in her hands. Everyone else (except Ash) sweatdropped.
(3 : 00 a.m.)
BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG !
" Did you get that thing ? " Domino asked.
" Yep. Thank God that Mom's a heavy sleeper, or I would never have attempted it, " Ash said, slyly grinning as he held up the bomb.
Ash and Domino quietly crept outside to where Mondo was standing. What they didn't expect was that Mondo had a gun with him. Domino sweatdropped. " Oh, God. Are you gonna attempt to kill yourself again ?! "
Mondo shook his head. " No. I've made some contacts. Behold ! "
In an instant a hi-jacked Jeep appeared with two people inside. One of them was in a cloaked hood, not showing face, hair, or anything. The other person was...Lucas ?!
" Hey ! You're that dude that sold us out ! " Ash shouted.
Lucas grinned. " Yep. Better watch out for your nerdy friend, Ketchum. We'll be watching. "
" Oh, I really don't care about Max. Shoot the little bastard. See if I care ! "
" ASH ! "
" What ?! I don't ! "
The hooded figure spoke. " MAN - WHORE ! I HATE YOU ! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE WITH MAY AND MAKE ADVANCESHIPPY LOVE ! "
Ash sweatdropped. " What ?! Who are you ?! "
" Never mind who I am ! "
-gasp- " Holy crap ! Are you that Shadowy Guy ?! " (hehe...couldn't resist taking a crack at that.)
" No...and get the name right. Just because he's not from here, doesn't mean you can mess up his name like Buffy's. "
The backseat waved a hand. " IT'S BUUUUUTCH ! "
Domino scratched her head and turned to Mondo. " You made friends with a beret guy, a psycho, and PotHead ?! "
" It's a harsh world we live in, Domino, honey. Anyway, we gotta go. We're gonna try and bag that hedgehog and that baby of that thing that those pirates wanted. "
Mondo hopped in the backseat with Butch (a.k.a. Pothead). The cloaked figure smirked. " Now you will pay, Ash Ketchum and...his girlfriend ! "
Domino paled. " ...EW ! HE IS NOT MY BOYFRIEND ! "
" So, are you his bitch ? "
" -facefault- "
The cloaked figure shrugged. " Guess not. Anyway, my boyfriend's right around the corner, and when he gets back, we will leave ! CHUCKY ! "
A pudgy figure toddled over and jumped into the backseat. " All set, sweetie ! I got the candy corn ! "
" YAY ! Let's get back to our HQ. I have that one contest to watch. "
The Jeep started and rumbled onto the road as it left Ash and Domino, sweatdropping.
" Whoa. That has got to be the most f--ked up set of villians I have ever seen in my life, " Ash muttered.
" Yeah. Not even your dad is that crazy, and that is saying a lot. "
" Huh. "
Domino looked around. " So...what do we do with this bomb ? If your mom finds out you took it, she'll kill you with nuclear force. "
Ash grinned. " I have an idea... "
(Tent...)
" Okay. So you sure it won't blow him up ? "
Ash nodded. " Yeah. I was just playing earlier. It'll probably set the tent on fire, but it's a risk I'll take. "
Domino gave a small nod. Ash smirked as he carefully placed the bomb in the middle of Giovanni's legs.
The two teenagers slowly walked out of the tent. Ash then held a remote. " Okay. Remember now. Try to snitch, and I will be sure to snitch back. "
" It's a deal...man-whore. "
" -.- Shut up. "
Ash pressed the button on the remote. " Now we wait, Domino. "
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM !
The tent exploded into shredded pieces, leaving Giovanni in the middle of the yard, with only his underwear and a teddy - bear t-shirt, along with a record of Frank Sinatra and a box of Jolly Ranchers. Domino sweatdropped.
SMACK !
" YOU IDIOT ! " she hissed. " I thought you said the tent wouldn't explode ! "
Ash shrugged. " I didn't know... "
" Well, thanks a lot, 'cause now I just saw my boss in his underwear, even though I never wanted to ! "
" Really ? I thought you had a whole bunch of fanfics dedicated to fantasising about that. "
-gasp!-
MACE !
" DON'T BREAK THE FOURTH WALL, DAMN IT ! "
T.T " God, you're worse than Misty ! "
V.V " Thank you. "
" You are weird... "
UMBRELLA ' D !
" DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT ?! "
O.o " No, ma'am. "
Domino gave a sweet smile. " Good. Now, we have to get out of here befo- "
" Before what ?! "
They turned around to see Giovanni glaring at them. Ash stifled his laughter. " Nothing, Dad. "
" Okay. I'm going back to bed. "
Giovanni thumped to the ground again and quickly fell asleep. Domino facefaulted. " Yeah...let's go. "
" Right. "
(Somewhere near the Lab...)
Tracey gasped. " Golly gee ! I found myself a shredded tent ! Wait until I tell Domino about this ! "
As he was about to go back inside, a muffled voice was heard, and a bullet spun into contact, hitting Tracey in the chest and making him subject to unconsciousness...
End
(Next chapter preview...)
" WHO SHOT YOU ?! " Ash demanded.
" Well, this whole case would be easier IF I KNEW ! " Tracey hissed.
" Oh. "
" Another Ash moment, " Gary muttered, rolling his eyes.
" SHUT THE F--K UP, OAKY ! "
Tracey sweatdropped. " Ash, I have this feeling that you had too much sugar today. "
" Yep ! Four and a half cans of pop ! "
-.- " Why do I bother with you ? "