I woke up this morning with a hangover, and I wasn't even drinking, so that's not fair.
I had agreed to stay yesterday, haven't I? That's why I spent the rest of that day washing dishes.
Tifa had to leave the kitchen because she said that the sound of my claw on the dishes was giving her goose bumps. I can't believe I was cleaning a kitchen for 5 hours. That has to be a record for me. Neither of us dealt with the dishes during the week before the funeral.
My human hand got all wrinkly and now it's all dry and itchy. Let those be all my problems.
Tifa had to go grocery shopping to open the bar today and left me to be here in case Marlene woke up. I nearly begged her to let me go in her stead, but she mentioned wisely that I haven't a clue what is needed to run a bar and that I should finish cleaning the kitchen.
Now I'm sitting here in the living area behind the bar, praying that Marlene doesn't wake up.
My relationship with Marlene is a peculiar one: While most adults avert their eyes from me and are afraid to meet my gaze, she as unafraid of me as I am terrified of her.
It's the way she looks at me that scares me: She has complete trust in me. She has some inexplicable faith that I wouldn't hurt her.
She treats me just like she treats anybody else. It's… unnatural.
I like her, don't get me wrong. There was a time I would not have cared a fig if something were to happen to her but now that time is passed.
The time of pondering is passed as well, because a shrill wailing pierces my ears. She's awake, and she's crying.
Of course she's crying. She's just a kid, and her second dad died. It must be terrible for her. I know how she feels, and I know there really isn't anything anyone can do to help her. The pain won't go away, but you can learn where to put it so it only hurt when you breath.
I hear her cry.
I didn't care when my father died. I knew him by name and nothing else. Mother never spoke about him, he never came to visit. When I was recruited by ShinRa I was introduced to him, but our relationship never had a chance.
When he died I didn't care.
I wish sometimes I got to know either of my parents better. Marlene will never have that chance, either.
I shouldn't say that; Tifa's her mother in almost every way. Now if only Cloud would step up and be the father she needs…
She keeps on crying. I cover my ears and close my eyes.
I want it to stop.
Tifa comes back a while later. Marlene, I assume, fell back asleep, because she stopped crying a while ago. I tell Tifa this and she slaps my arm.
Ow! Does she have any idea how strong she is?
"You didn't go to her?!" She seems incredulous. What is it she wants me to do?
"No." I rub my arm. I just told her I didn't. I can't take care of kids. I don't know what to do. She shouldn't have made me stay.
"Why didn't you go?" She seems honestly upset with me. This is not a good start for my stay here. I blink at her, but I know I need to answer.
"I… There would have been no point." I say, "I can't bring her father back."
Tifa rolls her eyes, continuing to put away groceries.
"You gotta be kidding me." She says, more frustrated than vexed, "you, of all people, should know she just needs someone there."
Hey, that's not a fair comparison. It stings.
But it reminds me of that one time… Where Marlene had helped me. I didn't know it at the time, but her presence… it helped me. It feels ages ago, now. I had forgotten about it. Tried so hard to forget about it...
"Sorry." I say, trying to add a bit of softness to my voice. Tifa gives me a look. I think it's supposed to be comforting.
"I'm sure they'll be plenty of opportunities for you to redeem yourself when you're taking care of her tonight."
"What?" I snap to attention. Please tell me she's joking. She didn't ask me to stay just so I could be her live-in babysitter, did she?
"Well," She finished putting the last ingredients away and leans with her hip on the counter, "I need to open the bar tonight. I have rent to pay." She looks too tired, too grieving. I don't think she's ready. "And someone needs to look after her."
I grimace.
"Can I help with the bar somehow?" Anything but to take care of the sad little thing. I don't want to look into her grief. I don't want to hear her sobs. Please. My heart stings like someone's poring acid on it whenever I see her like that.
"Can you mix drinks?" She knows the answer.
"No."
"Can you chat people up?" She knows the answer.
"No."
"Can you clear tables?"
"I suppose?"
"Well, I can do that just fine, thank you." She gives me this condescending little smile, tilting her head just so. "I guess you're taking care of Marlene, then." She knows the answer.
"I don't know how to do that either." I protest.
She's grabbing a cloth. To clean tables with, I assume.
"You practicing how to interact with children doesn't cost me costumers if you fail." Just costs Marlene emotional fortitude and me patience. She smiles again. "And besides," She starts going from table to table, wiping while I lift the chairs from atop them. "Besides, don't you like Marlene?"
I want to say something mean just to get off the hook, but I choose honesty instead.
"I do."
"That's all she needs right now. Attention and care."
I don't agree. I didn't want attention or care when Lucrecia died. I just wanted to die. I wanted to disappear off the face of the earth. I wanted…
Oh, never mind.
If it's just until Cloud comes back, I'll do what I came here to do.
"Fine." I try not to pout.
"There you go." She nods, "That's the attitude." Then she snickers, "Did you put up this much of a fuss over chores when you were a Turk?"
I find it strange that she should bring that up. She always very deliberately stayed away from the topic of my past.
"Should I look at this as my mission, then?"
"If it'll make you suffer less doing it, sure."
I frown.
"It's not what I meant." I don't want her to think that she's twisting my arm into staying. I don't want her to be in any more pain than she already is. I'm here, so I should do what I'm asked quietly. "Sorry."
She stops for a moment and gives me a half-smile, half sigh.
"No, I'm sorry, Vincent. I'm so used to having to do everything myself… I didn't mean to force you—"
That's exactly what I didn't want.
"You didn't." I cut her off a bit stronger than I intend, "I'm here to help." Softer.
We stare at each other a moment. I'm trying to give her a serious look, but it's hard to keep a straight face around her kind eyes.
"That's probably the expression you used on missions back then." She muses.
What? Where did that come from? Is she suddenly worried about my history? Is she concerned that I'll be a threat to Marlene? No, she never cared before, then what…?
She scrutinizes my expression for a long moment before averting her attention to the bar.
"Do you think it looks alright?"
Change of topic much? I look around;
Chairs neatly on top of tables. Color schemes of grays and browns, mute enough to allow her patrons their own brooding. Old pictures of various places and of Avalanche on the walls. The furniture has seen better days, and the floor shows the scuff marks of countless shoes. The place looks a little like Tifa right now, tired, grayed out by too much people coming and going from her life. She's still beautiful, though. She's still Tifa. It's just like… There's a layer of dust on her heart.
Her brown hair is a little frazzled, but standing beside her I can see it's softness and richness. He face is softly lit by the windows facing the street, while her hips are casually cocked. She seems to take a lot of pride in this bar of hers. Her endeavor to support the children. Her life's work. Her place. I'm proud of her, for what that's worth.
"Looks good." I look at her and not the bar. She notices and her smile widens,
"Liar."
Alright, alright. This isn't much, I know. I hope you guys enjoy.
As far as I have written now I think the story is not up to the Dark Outside. I think this is a lot... simpler? Plainer? I'm not sure how to explain. Please let me know what you think about it! I eagerly await your comments as I am certain how this is received. My wish here is to make a story of peacefulness. A story just about growing and learning, but if that's really boring or I just can't seem to convey it...
See you probably Tuesday or Wednesday!
LunarBlade.