Disclaimer: POTC or any of its characters are, sadly, not mine. My OCs are mine, as are numerous posters, trinkets, t-shirts, mugs, etc, etc.

A Sparrow's Shadow on the Sea

To Be or Not To Be

I was relieved to wake up and find that Jack was snuggled with me as usual. I had feared he might not be. My eyes felt swollen and puffy from crying so much. I buried my head under the covers, cuddling against Jack's chest. He stirred and wrapped his arms around me, and I instantly felt safer. I loved him so much, and my fears had matched that intensity. They lingered still, creating uncertainty, making me second guess all his motives. I had pledged to trust him completely, I reminded myself. He told me he didn't want me to go, I also reminded myself.

I just couldn't help but feel that suddenly we were being intruded upon, by this unseen presence that had chosen to inhabit my body. Not exactly maternal feelings, I thought. Everything would be so much simpler if it would just go away. Maybe it could? I could go see a midwife. She would know of a way, if one existed. And life could be back to normal.

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Apparently, in my exhaustion, I'd fallen asleep again. I felt something brush my cheek softly as I was waking up. As I slowly opened my eyes, I saw Jack's eyes. Those beautiful, warm brown depths. I longed desperately to see that sparkle that he always had in them when he'd thought of some wickedly fun way to pass the time. I wondered if I'd ever see it again. I wondered if he would ever look at me with desire and lust again.

" 'Ello, luv," he said softly as he lightly caressed my cheek.

"I'm so tired," I whispered, "I can barely keep my eyes open, Jack." My voice was tiny and plaintive.

"Hush, darlin'," he said quietly, "Come here." He pulled me close to him, enveloping me in his arms. I felt like a small child. All the fear, anxiety, and worry I'd been feeling had drained me. I just felt weak and tired.

"I love you, Jack," I said quietly.

He kissed my forehead, "And I love you, darlin'."

I looked up at him. "I'm scared," I admitted.

He pulled me closer and said, "I know, luv."

There was a knock on the doors. When Jack got up to answer it, Gibbs entered carrying a tray full of fresh fruit. He put it on the table, saying, "Rise and shine, lass. Ye need to keep yer strength up."

"Thank you, Gibbs," Jack said, ushering him out of the cabin, as he followed behind.

Once outside the cabin with the doors closed, Gibbs asked, "How's she doin'?"

"I'm not sure," Jack responded. "Gibbs, you'll not mention any of this to the rest of the crew, savvy?"

"Of course not, Cap'n," Gibbs replied.

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I'd slept in my clothes, so there was no need to dress. I got up and walked to the table, and started eating. The fruit tasted wonderful, and I realized I'd been starving. I hoped I wouldn't end up throwing it all up again.

Jack re-entered the cabin and came to sit with me at the table, nibbling on some of the fruit with me. Things were awkward and uncomfortable between us, and I hated it.

"I'd imagine we have a great many plans to make then, don't we, luv?" Jack mentioned hesitantly.

"It would seem so," I replied. And I couldn't help myself, I just blurted everything out. "I'm so sorry, Jack. It's all my fault! I wasn't even thinking about the possibility of this happening. I was just too busy being swept off my feet by you, and falling in love with you, and…I was foolish and stupid not to…"

"Stop it, Eve," he interrupted. "I'm just as responsible as you are. I just wasn't thinking. I presumed you…"

"Would be intelligent enough to take precautions?" I said bitterly. "What sort of precautions does one take in this era anyway?" I looked at him expectantly, but he said nothing.

"So, I don't suppose you know of any good midwives, do you?" I asked.

"As a matter of fact, I do," he remarked, "I don't know if you remember a certain red haired woman who slapped me during our first visit to Tortuga?"

"I do remember. I assumed she was just some jilted wench of yours," I told him.

"Scarlett is the finest, most skilled midwife on the entire island," he explained.

"She's a prostitute and a midwife?" I asked.

"Aye, luv," he answered, "Knows all the ins and outs, as it were."

"Well, I suppose she would, Jack, wouldn't she," I commented.

"I'll tell Gibbs to set a course for Tortuga, then," Jack said.

"Good. The sooner we get there, the better," I replied.

Jack watched me, considering his thoughts. Finally, he said, "Eve, I'm getting the impression you're not being entirely forthcoming with me."

"I just want to get it over with," I said quietly to myself.

"What do you mean?" Jack asked, with some reluctance.

"I've been doing nothing but thinking, Jack, and I don't see that many options available," I replied somewhat vaguely. I stood and began to pace the cabin.

"And?" he said, warily.

"And, I've decided I will not be shacked up in a hovel somewhere, raising your pirate spawn, while you're off gallivanting all over the Caribbean, having all sorts of adventures, without me," I told him.

"I would make certain you weren't in a hovel, luv," he said, his voice noticeably strained.

"Please, Jack," I said, succumbing to the grim truth I had to tell him. "It's no more possible for me to give birth to this child, than it would be for you."

"Eve, what are you saying?" he questioned. I could hear the tension in his voice.

I looked at Jack and my heart filled with dread. I hoped he wouldn't hate me. He couldn't possibly be happy about any of this. He couldn't possibly actually want to have this baby and raise it. It was a ridiculous idea! Completely impractical!

I felt the tears fill my eyes as I confessed, "I can't do this."

Jack stood and approached me. He looked at me intensely, with a seriousness that was almost ominous. "Can't, luv?" he asked, "Or won't?"

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A/N: So, bet you guys didn't know that about Scarlett! Haha! (Neither did I until I wrote it). Many thanks to all the wonderful readers who took the time to review! I LOVE to read your comments and reactions! Always greatly appreciated! And regarding the nasty cliffhanger, I'll just quote my arch nemesis: "I'm not sorry."