EDWARD

I was so fucked up it was getting ridiculous. What the hell was wrong with me? I don't even know where it all started. Bella's words were circling my head for days after the pool party. She had called Emmett the muscle and me the brains, she'd called me a coward and at first I was shocked but as it sunk in I realised how right she was. Emmett and I were suckers for women, I called it the Cullen Curse. I was never able to say no to Rose and clearly so couldn't Emmett. Emmett had too many breakups to count since high school. his longest relationship was six months in senior year. He was weak for any woman that gave him the time of day, and so was I until Rose. I met Rose in freshman year of high school but never gave her a second glance until Sophomore year when she made the cheerleading squad and Emmett was a prodigy in the football team. They started hanging around the same group of friends and since I hung around my brother, I was sort of thrown in. I didn't mind it though, although I didn't enjoy playing football like Emmett I liked to watch it, I liked the guys, they were decent enough and I quickly fell into their group. When the footballers started hanging out with the cheerleaders, Bella came along. I guess she was like me in a way, Rose wanted her around so she was accepted into the cheerleading group even though she couldn't stand on one leg without falling over.

I didn't really speak to Bella, it was mostly Rose and a few of the other girls, Rose and I clicked instantly, there was something about her that drew me to her, she was manipulative and proud but she was also the most selfless and kind person I knew. The two traits I admired more than anything. We started spending a lot of time together outside our group and quickly things became more. I couldn't get enough of her, I was in love with her by the time I turned 17. The end of Junior year things changed for Rose. There weren't many seniors on the cheerleading team so she was made Head Cheerleader a year early. She threw herself into the role and was always practicing in spare time she normally spent with me in school. It didn't bother me though, I had began to panic on how to juggle a girlfriend and school work so late into high school and I knew I had to work hard to get into a good college for medicine if I wanted to be a surgeon one day. I began spending my time in the library when Rose was practicing and in turn I started to get to know Bella a lot more than I had the previous year. She spent most of her time in the library too, she was always there before classes started and there until the school closed. I didn't realise when I first met her that she was avoiding going home at all costs. Her father died in freshman year and her mother was a waste of space. Bella consumed herself with her studies and novels to keep her mind off the hell at home. We became friends and eventually I thought of her as my best friend. We were so alike I scolded myself for not noticing her sooner. We couldn't talk much in the library because the librarian was so strict with the silence rule but we shared a few classes and I'd often walk her to the next if Rose wasn't around for me to do my boyfriend duties with. Over the next two years Bella and I developed a friendship that was untouchable. Even when Rose went through a jealous phase I still didn't stop seeing Bella. She was my escape from my crazy life and relationship with Rose. I didn't realise it then but I was in love with her even then.

Senior year, Bella and I graduated top of our class, I knew I wanted to go to college with my brother and so we found the perfect one that had a great medicine programme and one for Emmett's athletic side. Rose was just happy to go where I went and Bella could excel in any school she attended and was awarded a full scholarship for even considering going to the school. By the end of high school we were set, I wanted us to all share a house off campus but my parents were adamant we were going to get the full college experience and live in dorms for two years first. In the end I was grateful, dorm life had led us to Jasper who fit in with me and Emmett like a long lost brother. With Jasper came Alice, a spunky energetic little woman that had Jasper wrapped around her finger. I envied their relationship. They had it all worked out so early, I struggled to engage Rose in a conversation half the time. Bella and I remained close but when we both chose our majors we only saw each other occasionally in the library. I mostly saw her at parties or my house when we had our friends over. The routine continued into junior year and we were finally seniors. We had parties nearly every weekend and as much as I studied hard in the week, playing hard at the weekend was just as important.

Life was going great... until I realised that Rose and I were slowly drifting apart, the only time I saw her was when she wanted sex. I didn't know if it was our busy lives or being torn between study and friends but I eventually found myself in the library a lot more this year than the three previous. Part of me knew that this was the most important time in my life, if I wanted to be who I wanted to be I had to work hard for it. Rose understood it, and found other things to fill her time with, however in public and our friends we were very much 'in love' as she was too proud for our friends to see our troubles.

Things changed for me the most about two months ago. It was a day I didn't have any classes but Emmett had some of his buddies over at the house so I couldn't concentrate and headed to spend my day in silence. Sitting in the same couch as she always sat in was Bella with a book in her hand. The table by the couch was empty so I headed over and lay my bag and started taking out my books. Her hand raised without even lifting her head and I met her in the air with our standard greeting. She went back to her novel and I started to get my books out to get my head round the molecular structure of cancer cells. I didn't know how long we were there, it was like my own little world. My head was starting to ache from concentrating so I decided to look at what Bella was reading. I had been taking peaks at her all morning but she always had her face behind the book. I actually read the title this time and laughed.

"Isn't that a sex book?" I asked her. She dropped it to stare at me.

"Excuse me?" she asked.

"Isn't that like porn?" I asked pointing to what she was holding.

"Edward Cullen it is not porn." she scolded me and lifted it back up to read.

"Rose took me to see the movie on valentine's day. She said the book was much more graphic" I told her.

"It is an adult novel" she corrected me with a smile.

"So porn?" I laughed right as the librarian shh'd us. She turned to whisper.

"Its research" she hissed at me.

"Jake that bad?" I teased her and her mouth dropped open.

"For school!" she replied and the librarian glared at us again. "You're going to get us kicked out, go back to your work" she said going back to her novel but I was bored of my work, I needed a break and teasing her was just too easy.

"I'm too interested in the research you need to do. I can help you out" I chuckled and she rolled her eyes.

"I get enough information from Rose" she replied not moving the novel.

"What?" I hissed. "She tells you?"

"She used to in high school, not so much anymore" she informed me right as the librarian stopped.

"I'm sorry Bella but maybe you two need to have this conversation outside" Mrs Johns said to us with her arms crossed. "If I don't kick you out it will be special treatment. You can come back tomorrow," she apologised.

"I'm sorry" she mumbled and bookmarked her book.

"Sorry" I murmured and pulled my books in my bag. Bella slapped me with her novel and we headed for the door I just grinned.

"Coffee?" I asked her as the library doors closed behind us.

"Yes please" she sighed and we left the building. Bella and I spent the afternoon in the couches in the coffee shop instead. I managed to get a bit more work done but was too busy asking Bella about what she had been up to. We had such a silent friendship through the first 3 years of college that I hadn't realised what such an amazing woman she was becoming. It became a regular thing meeting there instead of the library so we could actually have conversations between our hours of work and reading. It became the best part of my day until about a month after when I realised that I wanted to spend more time with Bella than my own girlfriend. I quickly toned it back, in fear of Rose thinking something was happening between us but nothing ever did. At least not in reality. The girl in my dreams shifted from faceless to Bella and she was all I thought about when I was awake. The girl had seeped into my veins and I couldn't get her out. I look back now and I practically pushed Rose into Emmett's bed. I could count on one hand how many times Rose was in my bed for the past month.

It wasn't long after Bella and I started to become closer that I realised Rose was in bed with my brother. I wasn't feeling good one day and decided to head home earlier and miss my last lecture when I heard her laughing as soon as I stepped foot in the house. I didn't even know what I thought until I made my way closer to the stairs. I heard her moan my brother's name and I bolted for the door. I walked around the entire neighbourhood and campus that night wondering what the hell I was going to do. Thinking back I was a damn fool to think that if I tried harder with her she'd come back to me. I tried to forget it, I made an effort with Rose and whilst she seemed to like it, after she'd had a few drinks I notice her eyes lingering on Emmett entirely longer than they should. About a week later Emmett said he was dating Irina and I thought that was it, that they officially ended it, Rose seemed more attentive and so I figured things would go back to normal. I tried to push Bella out of my head as much as possible. We still had our coffee days but I tried not look at her as much as I wanted to.

Two weeks ago was the first time I actually saw it. I was about to do some work on my laptop at the park down the road when the camera software popped up and I saw Emmett kissing someone with blonde hair. I saw Rose tilt her head back in pleasure and I knew I couldn't watch anymore. I had no idea I was even connected to wifi never mind that I'd see that the first time I opened it. My head fell into my hands, I had been wrong this entire time and the one thing I couldn't get over was that it was my damn brother. How could he even do this to me? I went to the library that day and Bella was in the same spot as always. She knew something was wrong, I saw her look at me several times and I wanted nothing more than to tell her, to admit everything to her including my new realisation about her. I knew she'd had a crush on me in high school, Rose had done the duty of informing me that, she told me it ended by senior year but I wasn't so sure. I'd caught Bella watching me over the years or blush at the sight of my bare chest or defend me to Rose during one of our fights. I was starting to see into everything she did around me and wanted to kick myself at how obvious it was, I knew she felt the same way but she wouldn't think about doing or saying anything whilst I was still with Rose, maybe even after that. Had I officially screwed up anything before anything even happened?

The following week I wasn't even sure what my life was. It was a mess, I had to end things with Rose, I knew I did. I thought I'd be able to forgive her and we could move on. I thought she'd have her fun and find her way back to me but as time passed it proved how very wrong I was. She started lying to me and Emmett became shifty. The dude was never one for words but I honestly thought he'd have come clean by now. I felt alone, my girlfriend of nearly six years and my best friend and brother were like aliens to me.

The day Emmett told us all he'd broken up with Irina I wanted to drink myself to death. Although I was glad he wasn't cheating on the poor girl anymore, he was still trying to keep up a damn charade about heartbreak when the only one that was truly heartbroken was me in the corner because as much I was convinced at that point I was in love with Bella, I had also spent the last six years of my life with Rose, I was grieving the future we could have had. I declared it was time for a party and I told Rose to invite Bella, after all I knew she had broken up with her boyfriend a few weeks previously. She said she wouldn't come to a party so I made it a friend gathering instead. I wanted Bella there. I wanted to see her, just to serenade my anger. Everything was better when Bella was around. I didn't know how much I drank that night but I found myself knocked out on the couch at about 3am. I woke groggy and incoherent at first and decided I'd make my way to my bedroom to sleep instead. That was when I saw Bella by the bathroom and invited her into my room instead. On the way past Emmett's room I had heard Rose gasp in pleasure and I wanted to drink myself into a coma again. Was he seriously fucking her with people in the house? With me in the house? I mean we were all pretty drunk that night but that had to be an all time low. I watched as Bella walked in front of me and I wanted nothing more than to take that bikini off her and fuck her until she screamed louder than Rose.

I knew that was anger and I knew I wouldn't actually act on it. At least I didn't think I would. As I left my bathroom and saw her just standing there waiting I took the signals wrong and tried to kiss her. Her reaction proved that she definitely didn't want it. I felt like shit so I just blurted that Rose was cheating on me and wanted to prove it to her.

I knew I was fucking shitty but I was also angry and I was also drunk. I wanted Rose to feel what I was feeling, if she was getting to cheat on me why couldn't I?

In reality, I should have left that house and not looked back but Bella was there, and she was so perfect and whilst I knew she wasn't drunk, she was definitely tipsy and her eyes kept falling to my lips so I took the signal to kiss her again.

It was like I had ignited something inside of her and it was amazing.

I lay on my bed, Bella curled into my side fast asleep and just watched her for a while. I wanted her and I was going to break up with Rose and do my best to repair anything I had with Bella to get us to a place we could actually build a relationship. I found her overnight bag in one of the spare rooms and made sure it was waiting for her in the morning and then I crawled back next to her warm body and had the best few hours of sleep in my life.

The next morning wasn't so pleasant. Bella was sick with guilt. Literally. I got her to talk and we decided on a plan. I had been right all along, she loved me back and hearing those words just intensified everything I felt for her.

I confronted Rose as soon as she walked into the house after her run. The conversation was nasty and I basically threw her out. I couldn't stand her fake crying when she was lying to my face. It's like she forgot that i knew her every trick, that I hadn't spent the last five years learning her tells and knowing when she was actually upset or faking it for attention. It woke Emmett up and I couldn't control the words coming out of my mouth. I tried to call Bella to warn her about Rose's mental state but there was no answer so I sent her a quick text as Emmett descended the stairs.

"Leave me alone" I hissed at him, taking the stairs two at a time. I couldn't deal with him right now, id confront him later.

"Dude, no, I need to talk to you" he called after me. This was new. Emmett wasn't one to talk, he'd rather I punched his lights out than have a heart to heart.

"Fuck off Emmett!" I yelled as I slammed my bedroom door.

"Bro, fucking no. I know we don't talk about feelings and shit but this is important" he said forcing his way into my room and sitting on my bed. I walked over to the computer ready to show why I was pissed off.

"I slept with Rose" I heard him mumble and I pivoted. I didn't expect him to admit it to me. "I literally just woke up and I was coming to tell you right away. Dude I'm so fucking sorry" he said his head bowed... he looked serious but the anger was still burning in my stomach.

"I've been trying to stop her for weeks. She's been coming onto me, trying to kiss me, crying over you and shit.. you know how weak I am for a woman dude. I did everything I could to stop her. I told her to break up with you but she said she didn't know how to. She didn't want to look like a failure, she wanted you both to work." He began to explain and I held my hand up to stop him.

"Don't lie to me. You've been fucking her for weeks! You can't tell me last night was the only time. Don't paint this out like you're telling me the night after when I know its lasted longer."

"What?" he genuinely looked confused as he lifted his head. "Bro I swear last night was the first time, and we were drunk and I can't explain what came over me. I've always had a soft spot for her man. I've never ever acted on it." he looked at me with determined eyes and I jumped off the bed to my computer. I went straight to the day and time stamp I needed. It was forever etched into my brain and began to start play back.

"Dude!" he exclaimed as I cut it off. "Did you ever finish watching that?" he asked.

"Of course I didn't. I didn't want to see you balls deep in my girlfriend!" I almost yelled.

"Well if you had you'd have seen that I fucking stopped her man! I told her to go break up with you and maybe we'd stand a chance but she didn't! We didn't have sex that day." he said. He looked... serious. I sighed and turned back. Sure enough about a minute later he pushed her away.

"Why did you wait so long to push her away?" I asked him. He sighed and dropped his head in guilt.

"I'm sorry man. I just... I really like her... I know I shouldn't. I know its fucking wrong of me but she's not the only one that sees it. I hate the way you treat her and I just wanted her to feel special for once."

"The way I treat her?!" I exclaimed in shock.

"You're in love with Bella dude and you know it. Rose knows it, I know it, Jasper and Alice know it. You've been pushing Rose away for months. How do you think that's made her feel man?" he asked me and I was in pure shock as I stared at my twin brother.

Fuck.

I had really fucked this up hadn't I?

"I'm not here to blame you Ed. I'm not here to say it's all your fault. She's the one that cheated on you and I know my part in that. I can only apologise to you" he said, really fucking sad it made my heart ache with guilt. I'd never seen my brother like this. I thought he'd betrayed me when really he'd been on my side this entire time.

"Its alright man" I sighed sitting opposite him, not daring to look up. "You're right, I am in love with Bella and I should have broke up with Rose the moment I realised. I just... long term relationships are fucking messy" I said. I saw him nod in understanding.

"I get that... I mean I used to have a new girl every other week but I've seen you two together for so long. It's like a quarter of your life man. It must have been hard to accept." he said.

"T hanks for coming to tell me, I love you bro" I said looking up to him to smile. He smiled back but laughed.

"You too man." he said and man hugged me. "This is so weird but I'm glad we're okay"

"Me too" I said pulling away.

I knew this wasn't the end though. There was still the matter of Rose finding out about me and Bella. I still wanted to be with Bella and had to get her to talk to me again and who knew what card Rose was going to play after this. She'd just ran from this house fake crying, would she put all the blame on me for this?

"For the record. You and Rose should be happy. Just don't rub it in my face for a bit yeah? And turn off your camera" I warned him.

"Yeah I'm really sorry about that man. Its normally off, I don't even remember turning it on" he said heading for the door.

"Water under the bridge. I just don't want to witness it again" I said with a chuckle.

"Noted" he called and went to leave. "Oh and dude?" he asked. I turned to face him. "Maybe talk to Bella? I'm pretty sure she feels the same" he said and left the room before I could even react.

Well fuck me.