Chapter Three .. Bella

I Can't Imagine How Our Life Came To This.

"Emma, sweetie, please eat your breakfast." I practically begged her as I pushed the plate back in front of her. She frowned at me, but reached out to pick up her fork. She fiddled with it for a moment before stabbing the small sliver of waffle that I cut for her.

I shook my head, more at myself, as I slowly picked at my own breakfast. We ate slowly, quietly. Much different from a year or so ago. I watched as my daughter ate through the pain of her Daddy not being present for breakfast. But this wasn't the first time I'd seen this. Every time Edward skipped out on breakfast I saw this. That's why I had to keep reminding myself that it wasn't entirely my fault. I had to keep telling my brain that this had been going on before my asking him to leave. Maybe I was trying to place blame elsewhere, or maybe I was just trying to keep my own sanity in a situation where it could go at any time.

Or maybe Edward and I were slowly ruining our beautiful baby girl.

"Momma," she spoke, catching my attention. "We go see Uncle Em today?"

I smiled at her, anything to make her happy. "Of course sweetheart. We'll go as soon as you're finished with you food, okay?"

She nodded, a spark of happiness lighting up her bright green eyes. They glittered with excitement as she scrabbled her breakfast down. I reminded her to slow down before she got a tummy ache. She made me laugh. My daughter made me the happiest person on earth. She held so much excitement, so much happiness and eagerness. She held passion and kindness. She was my world, and everything that revolved around it. She was biased and completely trusting. Never could anything dull her moment. She was a perfect mixture of Edward and myself.

When she was done eating, she pushed her plate away and sat patiently, waiting for me to lift her out of her booster seat. I wiped my face and set my napkin down atop my own unfinished food and got up to help her out. She reached her arms up, smiling at me as I pulled her up and out. Once her feet hit the floor, she ran off upstairs, tripping over the first step. I cringed as she quickly lifted herself up and wiped her knees. She turned to smile at me, letting me know she was okay, and bounded up the rest of the stairs.

I cleared the table, washing the dishes quickly before heading upstairs myself.

As I passed Emma's room, I saw her sitting on the floor in front of her dresser. She had her tiny pink shoes laying just in front of her. "Emma?" I peeked my head inside. "Do you need any help?"

She nodded slowly. "Daddy always help me."

I swallowed hard and nodded, stepping inside her room and kneeling in front of her. I grabbed her shoes and carefully pushed them onto her foot. She helped me. Then I tied them and reached up to straighten out her shirt. "All done, sweet girl."

She smiled at me and gingerly wiped the hair from my face, placing her tiny palm on my cheek. "Now momma get ready."

I smiled wide, grateful for my daughter's kind nature.

Emma helped me get ready, picking out her favorite shirt of mine.

"No Momma," she argued. "Dis one!"

I laughed and grabbed it from her hands. "Fine." Then I slipped it on over my lace tank top and buttoned up the front of it. "What would I do without you, baby girl?"

She giggled and shrugged her tiny shoulders as she ran off back into the closet to find my shoes. I hate to say it, but my daughter inherited a lot more from her Aunt Alice then I wanted her too. Moments later she came back out holding the shoes she wanted me to wear. "Here go."

I knelt down, taking them from her so I could slip them on. She sat patiently awaiting for me to be ready so we could go.

My plan was to keep her busy. If I kept her moving and happy and busied with something else, maybe I wouldn't have to explain where Edward was. That was probably wishful thinking, but I didn't see it hurting any. And Emmett was a great source to keep her mind off of things. She could spend hours upon hours playing with Uncle Emmett. And seeing as it was spring break, he wouldn't be up at the school field today.

"Ready?" I asked her as I grabbed my keys off of the dresser. She nodded quickly and reached up for my hand, practically dragging me out of the room and down the stairs. She grabbed her rain coat off the arm of the chair and threw it over her head. I had to assist her, but she managed to get it on correctly.

On the way there I made sure to call Rosalie and let her know we were on our way. She happily agreed and said she would see us soon.

Emma happily bobbed her head in the backseat to the music. She listened carefully to every word, recognizing every note. She got that from Edward. I felt my heart sink at the thought of him. I felt the strings pull and my blood pulse. I felt the hammering of my heart in my chest. All those familiar feelings never went away, it just seemed to hurt more now. Now that I knew everything could possibly be coming to an end. I knew I had to call him at some point. We had to talk, and we had to work things out. We had to either fix this, or end the suffering. But the idea of ending anything with Edward broke me in half. I couldn't take that sort of pain right now.

If this was indeed the end of Edward and I, I wasn't sure what I was going to do with myself. I wasn't sure how I was going to live. How was I going to raise Emma? I never pictured raising my daughter in two separate households. I never wanted that for her.

But that was what Edward and I got for being so blind. Everything had been perfect for so long that we were blinded to what could go wrong. And now we were paying for that. In the most painful way.

"Bella!" Rosalie greeted us as I got out of the drivers side. She walked down the sidewalk to give me a quick hug. "How are you?"

I heard the sympathy in her voice and shook my head, giving her a weak smile as I pulled away from her. "I'm fine." Then I proceeded to get Emma out.

Emma was bouncing with joy as she saw her Aunt Rose. She nearly leaped out of my grasp and into Rosalie's. Rose picked her up and hugged her tightly, carrying her inside. I followed closely behind, locking the car before stepping inside.

As soon as we stepped inside the door, Emmett jumped up off of the couch. He looked at me, his eyes wide, and then to Emma. "Well, hello there." He stuttered out, reaching out for Emma. "What brings you guys over here?"

"Emma wanted to see her Uncle Em," I replied, eyeing him carefully. "You alright Emmett."

Rosalie just chuckled and walked away, offering to grab drinks.

"Yeah, it's, um, alright." He shook his head and turned his focus back on Emma. "And how have you been little squirt? Giving mommy a hard time yet?"

Emma giggled and shook her head, reaching out to hug Emmett's neck. She managed to attach to Emmett rather quickly over the years. It probably had something to do with Emmett's toddler mentality. It made him very accessible to her. It made her feel like she had someone of equal mind.

"Here, Bella." Rosalie handed me a bottle of water and motioned for me to sit down. I had no doubt at all that she already heard about what was going on between Edward and I. Alice got me yesterday, bickering and arguing with me about the sanctity of a marriage. She got lucky. She got to marry Jasper with no complications. Her and Jasper were happy and blissful. They chose a normal wedding, very unlike Edward and I's. I couldn't help but think that if maybe Edward and I had taken things a bit slower..

No. I couldn't think like that. I loved Edward, and I had never once regretted anything he and I did. Not our marriage, not our baby girl, not the life we worked so hard to build. I just wish things would stop being so hard for us, and become a little easier.

"How are you doing?" Rose asked carefully, eyeing my reaction. "How's Emma?"

"We're fine." I assured. "Adjusting."

Emmett shook his head. "Don't adjust." Then he looked away from Emma and to me, giving me his best big brother look. "Don't adjust to him not being there. You two will work things out."

"Emmett," Rose cut in. "Don't lecture her. I'm pretty sure Alice did enough of that yesterday. With the both of them."

"Both of us?" I questioned, setting my water down on the table.

Rosalie nodded. "Edward said that Alice went into his office yesterday. Caused quite a scene with the receptionist." Then she shook her head. "Little busybody."

I sighed. So she had gotten a hold of Edward too. I figured she must have.

"You know Alice, Rose." Emmett started. "She can't live without knowing exactly what's going on every where. She thrives off of that."

I smiled as I watched Emma play with Emmett. She giggled and slapped around as Emmett dodged her hits and tickled her sides. He was a perfect distraction for her. He was a good Uncle. Someone Emma trusted with her happiness. Someone I trusted with her happiness.

"Emmett, I forgot my socks at home, so I just borrowed yours."

I twisted around quickly just as Edward proceeded down the stairs, wiping his wet hair with a towel.

"Hope you don't.." He cut himself off as his eyes met mine. "Oh,"

I stood up quickly, looking back at Rosalie, who just stood up with me and nodded her head towards the kitchen. "Bella, I um, need," she stammered "some help."

I nodded and followed her into the kitchen as I heard Emma squeal. She leaped off of Emmett's lap and into Edward's arms. I smiled as I stepped into their kitchen.

"You could have at least told me." I said, staring at Rose and she stood on the other side of the counter.

She nodded. "I could have." Then she shrugged. "But it's not like you two are getting divorced, right? It's not like you're hiding from each other. He has to see Emma, therefore, you have to see him."

I nodded. "Exactly. But," And I stopped. I had no argument. She was right. We had to see each other, and we were not divorced. "Yeah." I finally sighed.

"Bella," I heard the ever familiar velvet voice whisper from behind me.

I turned around slowly, meeting his piercing gaze. I suddenly felt myself melting beneath his stare. "Yes?"

He carefully stepped forward, looking over my shoulder at Rosalie. "Do you mind if Bella and I talk for a moment?"

Rosalie quickly shook her head, "Of course." Then hurried around the counter and out of the kitchen. She stopped just in time to grin at me as she rounded the corner and disappeared.

"Bella," Edward started, "I wanna start by apologizing. I can't imagine how our life came to this."

I propped myself up on one of the kitchen stools and stared at him, nodding my head. "I'm sorry too, Edward. It's just that," I paused, shaking my head and trying to find the right words to day. I didn't know how to explain how I felt about everything that was happening to us. "I don't know how to deal with this anymore. I can't keep allowing things to go this way."

He nodded, quickly moving to stand in front of me. "I know. I understand. I can't either, but Bella, love," he grabbed my hands in his, taking them firmly in his grasp. "I can't live without you."

"Edward," I sighed quietly. "I love you, so very much, but we need time."

I watched the agony instantly hit his eyes, turning his sparkling, hopeful green eyes to a saddened, defeated shell of there former self. I hated doing this, the pain thrusting through my chest assured me of that, but what else could I do? We agreed on time, that we needed adequate time to reevaluate everything. Reevaluate ourselves, as a couple, and as individuals. Our biggest mistake in our life spent together so far was that we rushed into everything. A serious relationship, our marriage, having a child. We rushed through college, both working our asses off to get out of there early, instead of taking our time and enjoying our years. We knew our mistakes, and I was determined to not let it hurt us any further.

We couldn't just rush back into this, into being the same old married couple we were just days ago. It would only lead us right back to where we were. Nothing would get solved, and I just couldn't do that.

"I have to think of Emma." I whispered. "I have to think of her, and what this is doing to her. What it could possibly do if we continue this any longer." I shook my head, gripping his fingers tightly. "We need help. We need to fix this, Edward. We can't just keep pretending it's not there. It's going to ruin us, and her," I nodded toward the living room. "She's too important."

He nodded slowly and let go of my hands, letting them fall to my lap. "I understand. And I'll do whatever it takes Bella. I'll give you as much time as you need." And as he turned to walk away, I felt the pang in my chest rise, the sickness set in, a hurt that never went away.

"Edward," I called out for him, stopping him dead in his tracks. I didn't want to watch him walk away again. "Do you work today?"

He shook his head as he turned back around. "No, I called the day off. It's too hard to concentrate."

I nodded, and then sighed as I hopped down off of the stool. "I was thinking about taking Emma to Port Angeles Zoo today. I would love it if you would join."

His smile returned, brighter than ever. "I would love that. Thank you for thinking to include me."

"Of course." I smiled back. "You're still her father, Edward. I would never take that away from you. Besides," I shrugged, " It'll be best to try raising her together while we work on this. She still needs the both of us."

His happiness was a sight to see. I hadn't seen it in a while, and I couldn't help but think that maybe, just maybe, this wouldn't end badly. Maybe we still stood a chance. Maybe we still had hopes for the happiness we always dreamed of. The cover of happiness that once threatened to tear us to pieces showed that it could be the other way around. We just needed a different sort of happiness, not that shard of joy that we once thrived off of. We needed real happiness.

We deserved real happiness. Not the kind you read in books, or newspaper. Not the kind you see in sappy over-rated movies. And not the kind that you see on the surface. We needed the happiness that radiated below the surface, that when the cameras turned away, was still there. We needed the happiness that long written love stories thrived off of - got their inspiration from.

We needed us back.