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Forever (Chapter 3)
Entering the Crypt of Secrets, Richard's eyes steadily wandered over the destruction before him, taking in the scattered shards of glass, the fractured pieces of wood, the artifacts and books that were strewn haphazardly about the room. Observing the destruction before him, he suddenly became so ashamed that he'd allowed his anger and grief to swallow him up like that. He was the Seeker, always in control, able to keep his emotions in check. But when he thought he had lost Kahlan forever, something inside of him died and an ugly beast of rage and anguish had been reborn.
He hadn't felt anything as close to that blinding rage since being with the Minders. He felt his stomach twist into knots at the reminder, squeezing his eyes shut against the horrifying memories, forcing them back down in the darkest corners of his mind where he could once more forget the heinous acts his fury had led him to perform.
Even though Zedd had worked through that endless night with him, teaching him how to control the animalistic fury that resided in his soul, Richard still lived with the persistent fear of losing control like that again, of hurting someone that he loved. It was something that he hated, that he wished he could purge from his nature, but he knew that he never could. It was something that was a part of him, something dark and sinister that coursed through his veins...Rahl blood.
Whether he liked it or not, whether he chose to accept it or ignore it, it was still the truth and it could not be changed. All he could do now was acknowledge it, try to understand his ancestry, strive to make a difference and not repeat his namesake's past mistakes or heinous acts. He had to control the beast that always laid in wait just beneath the surface of his subconscious, ready to strike if he ever let his guard down.
Except that he had lost control, momentarily letting his anguish and fury consume him. Here in this crypt where his beloved had disappeared in a blinding crescendo of white light, a twisted tempest of emotion had erupted inside of him, threatening to sweep him away into the abyss of madness.
This time, though, he had been able to regain that tight grip of restraint and rein in his fury because he knew that Kahlan needed him. The faint flickering bond in his heart had told him so. It had been barely perceptible, but it was there and he had clung to it with everything he had because it was all he had left.
Staring at the chaos before him now, Richard sighed dejectedly, knowing it was going to take a lot more than a day to clean up the mess he'd created. His eyes finally settled on the Ta'all Ruk'tan lying forgotten on the stone floor, his chest tightening making it difficult to draw air. The staff would always be a constant reminder of how close he'd come to never seeing Kahlan again, never again feeling the warmth of her touch or tasting the sweetness of her kisses, seeing the blueness of her eyes.
The room was a grim tomb of silence, haunting him and mocking him for his failure. Failure to protect Kahlan…failure to contain the raging monster that resided deep inside his soul. Walking over to it, he bent over and picked up the staff. Holding it carefully in his hands, he stared at it, silently thanking the spirits once again for bringing her back to him as he ran his thumb back and forth over the smooth wood.
As he held it in his hands, the ruby red eyes of the viper began to softly glow as it seemed to sense something in him, as if perceiving the swarming turmoil that still consumed him. A strange sensation swiftly came over him, comparable to what he felt when he held his sword and yet different. It was a sensation that stirred his blood. Similar to the Sword of Truth, the Ta'all Ruk'tan seemed to sense something that was a part of him, awakening the hideous thing that lived in his soul.
Laying the staff back down, Richard felt the anger subside once more, dissipating back into a tight swirling eddy that resided subconsciously within his core. He wondered if this was what Kahlan felt with her Confessor magic. That tight coil of something that existed deep inside that cannot be reached or touched, but was always ready to be sprung like the deadliest of traps at a moment's notice, instantly rising to the surface when needed. While it was not magic in and of itself, his rage was what the magic of his sword called upon, manipulated and thrived on to perform the righteous justice that it dispensed. And it was because of that sword that he now had to control something that he had never battled with before.
Picking up a fallen bookcase, Richard set it upright against a nearby wall, wiping the dust off the shelves with his hand. He hoped that now that his quest was over and there was peace once again, he would no longer have to worry about that rage. He would still have his sword at the ready in case it was needed to protect Kahlan or when Darken Rahl decided to slither out of whatever bottomless pit he had crawled into.
Inside though, Richard knew that, no matter how desperately he wanted it, things wouldn't stay quiet or peaceful for long. He didn't think it ever really would for them, not with the titles they held. Richard wanted nothing more than to marry Kahlan and whisk her away from Aydindril, take her away from all their responsibilities, the sense of duty that they carried in their hearts. But he also knew that they could never escape what they had been chosen to be…protectors from evil.
Bending over, he began gathering fallen books, his thoughts drifting back to where his thoughts always returned. Kahlan. He felt his heart skip a beat with just a single thought of her name. A tidal wave of peace swelled in his heart, filling him with a love so complete as he thought about her. Kahlan soothed his soul like no one ever could. He couldn't wait to marry her, letting everyone know that the Mother Confessor belonged to him and none other, just as the Seeker belonged to none other but her.
"There's that silly grin again," Cara huffed with disapproval as she knelt down to pick up some large golden rings that lay scattered on the stone floor, her leather creaking with her movement. She warily picked up the objects, unsure of what nightmarish magic they possibly contained. Noticing the smile that had spread across her Lord Rahl's face, Cara had decided to annoy him in order to keep her mind off of the dreadful sorts of magic that surrounded her here in the crypt.
Looking up, Richard's smile only grew brighter. "You don't have to stay here, Cara. You can always return to the Confessor's Palace and help Kahlan pick out the color of your dress," he teased, amusement gleaming in his eyes.
"I'd rather have my eyes removed with a dull instrument. I think I'll just work over here where I won't have to look at you anymore," she muttered, moving to the far corner of the room. "And by the way, I am not wearing a dress…not even for you, Lord Rahl."
Chuckling, Zedd came to stand by Richard. "I think she's come a long way, don't you my boy? In the past, she would have just struck you down with her agiels by now."
"Don't think I still won't," she called loudly over her shoulder.
"Are you alright, my boy?" Zedd replied with concern as he watched his grandson. The amusement that had filled his countenance had swiftly dissolved into a look of dismay.
"I'm fine," Richard tightly dismissed as he returned to retrieving books from the floor and putting them in their proper home on the bookshelf.
"You seem as if something is troubling you."
"No, I just want to get this place cleaned up so I can return to Kahlan." Richard didn't feel like talking about the anguish that still had a stranglehold on him or the fear of not being able to control his rage. He hoped he would get past this in time. Besides, he was going to marry his lover in a few days and he didn't want to ruin the sacred event with idle talk and worry that was unwarranted.
"You know you can always talk to me, Richard."
"I know…thanks, Zedd," he replied with a forced smile of reassurance.
Zedd returned to sweeping the crypt, still feeling as though something was wrong with his grandson. He and Kahlan had been through so much over the last several months and days. It would take some time for them both to recover. He hoped that the wedding would help allay some of the fears that he was certain still held Richard captive. Kahlan and Richard's love was stronger than even the most powerful Confessor's magic. It was pure, infinite and could withstand anything…even their worst fears.
XXX
Leaning back in her chair, Kahlan heaved a sigh of exhaustion as she rubbed her forehead. They had been at it all morning and most of the afternoon. She was more than ready for a break. She never realized that planning a wedding could be this time-consuming or detailed. Of course, she never thought that she would actually be allowed the opportunity of planning one let alone her own.
Swatches of material of every shade ever created lay scattered on the table along with rough sketches of wedding dresses. Various menus with every possible combination of foods were stacked on the floor along with list upon list of names of delegates, ambassadors, notable kings and queens that needed to be reviewed for invitation to the grand event. She wasn't sure why they needed such a list of names. She and Richard wanted to be married in the next few days. There wouldn't be time for anyone from any distance to arrive in time for the nuptials, but Aggie had insisted that it was proper etiquette to at least notify them of the blissful event just the same.
After long deliberations, Kahlan had finally decided on the perfect dress and color. She wanted to look absolutely beautiful for Richard, to make him breathless when his eyes fell on her for the first time on their wedding day. Gooseflesh formed on her arms as she thought about how wonderful that day would be and how passionate that night would become when he would at last be able to remove her wedding dress. The thought of him undressing caused her stomach to flutter as if suddenly filled with butterfly wings.
She slowly glided her fingers over the satiny material that lay on the table before her, lost in thought about the one who had stolen her heart. She hadn't seen Richard since that morning, memories of their encounter in the Confessor's Garden causing her to flush with arousal. It had been incredibly intense and erotic to say the least. She decided that she had definitely found a new favorite place to make love with him. They would just have to enforce the fact that the Confessor's Garden was private especially when they were out there.
Kahlan couldn't wait to be his wife, to carry his child. Being with him made her life complete. She missed him terribly and couldn't wait until he returned from the Keep. The Keep… With the thought of the Keep came thoughts of Brey. For her, the two would be forever linked. She shuddered as the painful memories of his assault washed over her again. The feel of his fingers running over her flesh, his lips taking hers against her will. The wild, deranged look that constantly swam in Brey's eyes made her skin crawl.
As the Mother Confessor, she had survived crossing the boundary, searching for the Seeker while being hunted like an animal, had been in countless battles and skirmishes. She had been through so much and now she was being haunted by a man who was dead, a friend she had once trusted only to be betrayed and attacked by him. She swore she could still feel his rough fingers grabbing hold of her, his hot panting breath on her face. Waves nausea began crashing down on her.
"Kahlan, do you like these colors for the flowers?" Dennee asked again. "I think the colors will compliment your gown nicely." She had noticed the sad, distant look in Kahlan's eyes, the fear that had gradually filled her face.
"Yes, they're beautiful," Kahlan muttered, exhaustion tugging heavily on her senses besides the thoughts of Brey that frequently occupied her mind. She wanted nothing more than to forget about it forever, but it filled her thoughts whether awake or asleep.
"Kahlan, I think we've done more than enough work on this for today. Time for you to get some much needed rest, my dear. You've been through quite an ordeal. We can't have you getting sick before your wedding," Aggie firmly stated, standing to her feet as she began gathering up the numerous swatches of material and papers strewn all over the table. "Dennee and I have plenty to get us started."
"Really, I'm fine," Kahlan objected as she attempted to stifle a yawn.
"Get some rest, Kahlan," Dennee told her, leaning in and pressing a kiss to her sister's forehead. "You looked exhausted. Now that we have your thoughts and you've picked out your dress, we can take most of it from here."
"Thank you both. I couldn't have done this without you," Kahlan replied, standing to her feet as well. She hated to admit it, but a nap did sound very appealing at that moment. She had wanted to be awake when Richard returned, but she could hardly keep her eyes open any longer.
"I'll send for the seamstress tomorrow and we'll be able to get started on your gown right away," Aggie informed her, tears welling up in her eyes as she stared at the Mother Confessor. She was just so proud of Kahlan and the life that she was about to share with someone she truly loved, not just some immoral criminal that she would be forced by the Council to take as a mate. She couldn't have been happier than if Kahlan had been her own daughter.
As they left, Kahlan walked to the balcony and opened the doors. Removing her dress, Kahlan crawled into her bed, curling up on her side. She hoped that Richard would return soon. She missed him, longed to feel his body pressed firmly against hers, holding her tightly to his chest, his breath caressing the back of her neck.
She craved the security she felt when she was enveloped protectively in his embrace, his chest pillowing her head as she listened to the steady thumping of his heart. Try as she might, though, flashing images of what Brey had done to her still haunted her when she closed her eyes despite the fact that he was now dead and could not harm her ever again. Richard had saved her just like he had saved her countless other times.
Closing her eyes, Kahlan prayed that she would be able to get past it with time, that the lingering dreams would end and she and Richard could just live a peaceful life, build a future filled with happiness. She hoped now as her eyes, heavy with exhaustion, slowly slid closed that the nightmares wouldn't return. Deep down, she knew that they would and that peace in their lives would not last for long. It never did for those who held the titles of Mother Confessor and Seeker of Truth.
XXX
Turning the handle, Richard softly cracked the door open, hoping that Kahlan was sleeping and yet at the same time hoped that she was awake. Soft light from the hallway filtered through the open door into the dark shadows of their suite. Quietly closing the door behind him, Richard found Kahlan sleeping in their bed, her hand tucked under her head on her pillow. She was so angelic even when she was asleep. He could spend hours just watching her as she slept.
He hadn't realized just how much he had actually missed her until he saw her now. He wanted so badly to just crawl right into that bed with her and begin to make love to her, but he was covered in dirt and dust, cobwebs and sweat.
They had worked for hours in the crypt, losing all sense of time despite how badly Richard wanted to be with Kahlan. Zedd had been grumbling all afternoon about how hungry he was, but it wasn't until he finally set his broom down and refused to do another thing that they finally left. Once they had reached the main level of the Keep, Richard's heart sank when he noticed the sun had almost set, the dark sky only faintly lit by dim streaks of pinks and yellows. He had hoped to have made it back to Kahlan long before now.
Despite his deep desire to return to her, Richard had also wanted to get as much of the crypt put back in order as possible so that he wouldn't have to return to it for a while. Removing his boots, Richard silently made his way into the adjoining room to get washed up, anxious to join Kahlan in bed.
Richard felt guilty for staying away from Kahlan all day, but he planned on more than making it up to her. He hoped that she'd been able to get some rest. He was still worried about her even though she was safely back with him now. Thrusting aside the dread that still filled his heart as well as his own worries private fears, Richard quickly washed up. He had more important things on his mind…like waking his lover.
