Nightcloud Speaks
An Ignored Love
Crowfeather… Just the name makes my heart race faster than a vole in new-leaf. Ever since I was an apprentice I've admired him. He always had a sense of courage and stubbornness about him, and it made him mysterious. He wasn't quick to make friends, but somehow I managed to shove my way into the crack. As Nightpaw and Crowpaw, we had similar personalities, sharp and not afraid to protest. I was his closest friend and was delighted about it.. When he disappeared, only Ashfoot, Tornear, Tallstar and I were concerned. He was only an apprentice and he was missing! Then we heard about the other missing cats from other clans. My hopes rose, but all I could do was hope and pray that he was safe with the other warriors somewhere and that he would someday come back to me.
Then the Twolegs invaded. Rapidly, our pray diminished and we were left with nothing but crowfood. Some days we didn't even have that. I went out on almost every patrol, for I was one of the strongest. My clan thought I was going out because I was only thinking of our situation, but they were wrong. I was only thinking about my love. I hoped that if I went out often enough, I would be able to spot Crowpaw. Even if I saw a single hair on his pelt, I'd be satisfied. To see the gleam in his blue eyes would be like heaven. I just hoped that I would see him before I died of starvation with the whole of WindClan.
Then, one day he came. I was lying in camp when I spotted him come over the horizon with Owlpaw and Tornear. My heart leaped into my throat but I couldn't move my skinny frame from the sand. He headed straight for me, his eyes showing his dismay at my condition. I remember us reuniting perfectly, it went like this.
" Nightpaw! I'm so glad you're okay! Did you miss me?"
I remember staring blankly at him, "Nightcloud."
"Huh?" he murmered, "Are you alright?"
Suddenly I remember quivering with excitement, "My warrior name is Nightcloud. And no, I'm not alright, nor is anyone in the clan as you can see. Where've you been?" He never responded though. Tallstar was beckoning him towards his den and Crowpaw shot me an apologetic glance before entering. That was the last I saw of him until we were in the mountains. I met up with him right before his warrior ceremony. His eyes were glazed with grief and he kept murmuring one name, Feathertail. I'd heard stories about this RiverClan warrior and how they'd fallen in love during their quest, but I'd always pushed it aside. Crowpaw couldn't fall in love with another, not my Crowpaw.
When he became Crowfeather, I realized how much he cared for this Feathertail, and wished that in his grief, maybe he'd come to me for support. Surprisingly, he did. As he was sitting vigil, I sat with him and showed my loyalty to our friendship. I could tell in his eyes he was thankful for me, though he couldn't say so himself.
We settled into our new territory and the next moon or so was a breeze. We frolicked in our new friendship and stuck together through everything. Even when we took sides in our quarrel over leaders, we still became closer and closer until I was certain that we were destined to be mates. I didn't even notice when I could feel the tension prickling between him and the ThunderClan medicine cat. Leafpool was her name. I knew that Crowfeather was sneaking out at night, but I covered for him, even though he never told me what was going on. But one night he didn't come back. I was terrified for him, and I told Onestar what I knew. Onestar wouldn't let me on the patrol to find him, so all I could do was wait and pray.
Then the patrol came back empty pawed. Tornear's next words hit me like a horse, "He ran off with Leafpool." All I could do was stand there in shock. The realization struck me so hard I couldn't breathe. Crowfeather never loved me, ever. He never would and now I may never see him again. I hated every hair on his pelt for using me like that! As I conflicted with my mixed emotions, Ashfoot came and talked with me about him. She wanted me to accept Crowfeather if he ever came back because I would probably be his only friend left. Though my hearts screamed for me to agree, I refused.
That night, Midnight came to us. She begged us to help ThunderClan from her kin before they were wiped out. Of course, Onestar agreed, being the ThunderClan lover that he is. I tried to hide behind Barkface, but I was chosen to be in the fighting force anyway. Imagine my surprise when I spotted a familiar gray pelt fighting in the ThunderClan camp! What was the little traitor doing here? I scratched my claws across a badgers ear and blood spattered onto the rockface. Then I bolted over to him, flashing past several injured ThunderClan warriors, but when I saw him with that piece of fox-dung, I stopped. They were gazing at each other with such fierce emotion; I thought they would cause the whole camp to explode!
Soon enough, the fighting was over, and we headed back to camp. I stayed by Weaselfur the entire time, and I ignored Crowfeather's pleading looks. Weaselfur was my best friend, Whitetail's mate, and we were talking about the kits that they expected. Just talking about kits made my fur prickle though, because Crowfeather was the only cat I'd ever wanted to have kits with. When we got back to camp, he kept approaching me every few heartbeats! I didn't know what to do, so I just avoided him or I ignored him altogether.
Though my attempts of ignoring him worked for awhile, he started to grow on me again. We started to talk and I started to fall for him AGAIN! He told me how he would do anything to prove his loyalty to the clan now. That worried me a bit, but I shook it off and tried to become his support. He never loved me with the intensity that he loved Leafpool, I could see it in is clear blue gaze, but somehow, I got pregnant. When I heard I was carrying his kits, I was ecstatic! I remember tearing right out of the medicine den and running right to him. No matter what happened now, he had to love me more than Leafpool. When I told him, his eyes filled with happiness, but it still wasn't the same. I thought he would be bursting out of his skin, but he wasn't, he just seemed pleased. I was disappointed at his reaction, but I knew that it would be alright in the end. Even if he didn't love me now, he'd love me in the end and we'd care for our kits together.
He was by my side everyday, just as I had been for him. He brought me the best fresh kill and bedding. He gave me all the luxuries he could, except his love. I still saw the distracted stare that he had when he looked over the ThunderClan border. Then he announced his love for me in front of the whole clan. I couldn't believe my ears when I heard him state this. Then he looked at me, and his eyes were filled with love, or so I thought.
My birth was a difficult one. My first born was a small pale gray she-cat, but she died soon after. I was devastated and barely noticed the other little kit curled up next to my leg. He looked like a tiny Crowfeather, his little gray body warming by my fur. He opened his tiny pink mouth in a little cry of protest and then buried his muzzle into my belly. Crowfeather arrived soon after, his gaze soft and his pawsteps delicate.
"She died," I croaked, my voice cracked with grief. He nodded solemnly and picked up the dead kit, bringing her out into the clearing so she could make it on her way to StarClan. When my mate padded back into the nursery, I nuzzled his fur and told him how much I loved him. But there was no love in his eyes this time for me, only for the kit. That is when I realized what a mistake I'd made. He used me again, this time to assure his place in the clan. It hurt so much, but by now my heart was used to that and I became stubborn with myself. I told myself that he loved me, that's why he had kits with me. I named our kit Breezekit, because of the breeze that swept across my pelt whenever I thought about Crowfeather.
I watched as Breezekit became Breezepaw, and how Whitetail became his mentor. I was so proud of him. He was every bit like how Crowfeather and I were when we were apprentices, and when we had the Day Gathering, I knew he would win the hunting contest. When he and Lionpaw got caught under the dirt, I was so scared. I couldn't lose my kit, he was my baby! After Jaypaw and Crowfeather got them out, I was even angrier at Crowfeather. He almost lost his kit too, but all he seemed drawn to was that Leafpool and her apprentice Jaypaw. I am forever thankful for Jaypaw for saving Breezepaw, but something about the way he looks and the way he acts makes me suspicious.
But one think disturbed me the most. Crowfeather, however much I loved him, still had feelings for that ThunderClan cat, and I could tell. He was MY mate, not hers! And the worst part about it is, is that I'm expecting again, and I bet you can guess who the father is.