Thanks guys for following :) here's another chapter.. I was thinking about doing a flashback chapter to when they first got to new York? what do you guys think?

"Rach.." I wait to see if she answers as I walk into the house I figured after she left she wouldn't be home for awhile and it gave me plenty of time to set everything up. I walked down stairs into our theater room and pulled everything I needed out of the closet, our special blanket followed by our picnic basket and after going in the kitchen and pulling out little things of food I brought home earlier I knew everything was ready. I put her favorite movie on and got a bottle of her favorite wine, we have been in a bad place lately and for once I want to be able to make it right. My phone is off for tonight because I'm going to spend every hour I have free making her understand how much she means to me.

Around 12 I started to get worried, I called her phone and it went straight to voicemail. I honestly figured it would she was probably still mad and she had the right to be. I eventually went back up stairs to get sit in the living room and wait for her. When I heard someone whispering outside the door, I knew it couldn't be anyone but her so I ran to the door to open and greet her.

Drunk, she's at our front door with her friends Alex completely inebriated. She started to giggle and finally picks up the keys I'm guessing she had dropped when she tried to get inside the house. "Rachel, what the hell are you doing?" I try not to let the anger that's building be heard in my voice. "BABY! Hey.. ok so umm.. Alex is staying in the..the.. umm.. guest room! Yeah that's the word." She starts to laugh and kisses me on the cheek as she drags Alex pass and into the guest room. A few seconds later shes walking out and she blows me a kiss " I love you finny!" and before I could answer she's closing the door to our room. So much for the night.. so much for making her forgive me.

I stood there for awhile wondering when and how long my life has been going down the drain. 3 years ago we left our past behind, the addiction that I deal with everyday is a reminder of how much not having control over your life can ruin it, it a blink of an eye. We left the abuse and the pain and our fathers to sit with their guilt. Now we're here in a new world that we have created and somehow we aren't even happy. We lost what we mean to each other, and to busy to notice that with every passing day it get worse and to stubborn to take the blame for our own faults.

I should go up the steps and help her into the shower and rubs her head until she's fast asleep on my chest. That's what I should do, but I can't, it honestly hurts to damn much. I know I'll always love Rachel, but I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I grab my coat and lock the door behind me, I jump in my car and before I even know where I'm going I'm pulling up to my office. I can see the light on the top floor is still on, I figure it must be the cleaning crew, walking into the office this late feels right. I shouldn't be home right now.. I should give us each time to think and figure out if this is really what we want.

"Mr. Hudson what are you doing here this late?" I hear someone call from behind me, I look over my shoulder to see its Ashley. "Well Ash I could ask you the same thing?" I say with a small laugh, trying to make that look of fear fall from her face. " I'm so sorry, I was behind on some stuff so I went home and ate and then decided to come back and try to get ahead of my work. Again, I'm truly sorry" Ashley really is a beautiful young girl, but to me no one is more beautiful then Rachel, I sometimes laugh at how much I compare other women to her. Every man should be so lucky to have a woman like Rachel and here I am losing mine. " it's fine Ash, I'll be in my office if you need me." I walk in my office and realize how extremely cold it is, and I turn around to see her in nothing but the dress she was wearing earlier. I forgot that at night the heat automatically goes off. I walk over and wrap my coat around her. "Thank you Mr. Hudson, I completely forgot how cold it gets in here at night." She smiles and pulls the coat around her more.

"Don't mention it Ash" and with that I went back into my office and pulled out a few blankets I had stashed in my closet.

I didn't think tonight would consist of me sleeping in my office, while my fiancé is passed out in our bed and her male companion passed out down the hall. I can feel a tear fall down my face and I start to slowly fall asleep. I don't feel anything anymore just anger.

"Ray get up! I'm leaving.." I open my eyes to see Alex leaning over me, I rub my eyes to see that we are in my house. Not the apartment, the house that, the house that I share with my fiancé. "Ok Alex, bye!" he disappears as he closes my door. I reached my arm out to my any chance he be there. Empty..shit!

My head feels like a damn brick keeps falling on it, and I'm still not sure how after studying and going to the bar we ended up at the house. Either way I'll have to deal with that later.

"Finn!...baby?" I walk throughout the house yelling, to hear nothing but my echo back. I start to walk down to the theater room he probably slept down there last night to get away from me, I couldn't blame him.

I'm almost immediately stopped by the beautiful picnic that has been laid out for me, the bottle of wine now sitting in water since the ice had obviously melted. Finn tried to make everything right and I go out and get drunk and bring the one friend that my fiancé hates to our home. I hate the feeling of guilt and pain when they mixed together it's almost enough to make you stop breathing, that's how im feeling right now. My fiancé isn't at home, he was so mad last night that he left the comforts of his own home to get away from me. I wish life had a rewind button, so I could go back and pin point the moment when being with Finn was hard. When it changed from something that was almost made to fit me, to this point. The horrible place we are right now, I fight to have his eyes and mind on me and scared to think he'll leave me so I push him away. Finn is my soul mate, he's everything that is good about me I get from being with him. So I don't understand when something as simple as love became something so difficult as this.

I climb the stairs to our bedroom and lay on his side, just to get the chance to smell his fragrance. I stay for awhile because I'm almost afraid that I won't smell it again. I'm woken up next by our alarm and I force myself out of the bed and on the mission to finding Finn, although I kind of have a guess of where he might be.

I down a few pain pills and start on my way to the office, I don't know what scared me more the idea that I'll get there and he won't talk to me. Of the idea that I get there and he does talk to me and the only thing he has to say is that he's done with me. But this is Finn right? He wouldn't do that to me ..i mean under everything that has been going on. He loves me more then anything else in this world and that is something I know for a fact.

I knock lightly at his door, "Finn? Can I come in?" he doesn't say anything but I can tell by the couch he was here last night," I want to say that I'm sorry for last night I over reacted yesterday in your office and that was wrong and I handled the situation wrong… and I think that whatever this is, the things that making it so hard for us. I think we can make it through." He lefts his head and I cant tell what emotion is running through his head, until I see what that I recognize. And he finally breaks his silence. " I do too Rach.. I think we can make it through anything if we both care enough to acknowledge our own fault and work together to fix them." I can hear the sadness in his voice and I want nothing more then to wrap my arms around him and never let him go. When I hear someone knock on the door I could tell he was scared that I might walk away but I gave his a nod telling him that it was alright.

"Yes, who is it?" he called and I would like to know, it's the weekend people should be sleep at this time.

"Its me Scott the janitor I have something for you."

"Come in." the little old man came walking by this Finns jacket in hand. "Sir, Ashley told me that she had to leave early and you were still sleep so to give you your jacket back and to say thank you for letting her wear it last-"

I don't listen to the rest of the conversation; I just slowly walk away with my head down in defeat. When the elevator open and lets me out to find my car tears start to roll down my face, this is what heartbreak feels like. He was with her, here last night and we could have been in our house. This is what losing your soul mate feels like.

Soooooo.. what do you guys think?

also tell me what you guys think about doing a flashback chapter! I really want to hear your thoughts.

please review!