Falling, Flailing-Chapter 3

It felt late by the time Spike made his way back to the SRU headquarters. It was still light out but within minutes dusk would fall upon them, relatively unnoticed. It was funny, Spike thought, how people rarely noticed the in between phases of things. They notice that they're hungry and then remember a great meal they had to satisfy that hunger but they don't remember the process of cooking the food; they remember procrastinating a job, waiting until the last minute before writing the report and they remember feeling accomplished with the finished product in hand but they don't remember the pain it took to actually write it. People remember the light afternoon and the darkness of night, but they don't appreciate the transitional dusk; they don't appreciate how fast everything can change. One moment, Spike was fine, really fine. He got through some tough times, he had some scars (physical and mental) but he was doing okay, holding his own in a world that would inevitably forget about him. But so abruptly things were able to change.

He felt like a different person, everything about him felt different. He felt like he was walking funny, like his boots made more noise on the hard floors than he remembered. He forgot what to do with his arms; it felt silly, childish, to swing them as he walked but he felt stiff and robotic if he forced his hands to stay by his sides. He wasn't sure where to look. He didn't want to see Winnie and deal with one more heartbreak, one more reason to hate the world and it's rules today; he knew that he couldn't look in the briefing room and catch the Boss' eye, it was like the Medusa's stare. He had the best intentions, Spike knew that, but the moment he caught Greg's eye he knew that out of respect he would have to stop and listen to what he was saying, try to explain how he was feeling...no...scratch that...he would have to lie and tell Greg he was fine. He didn't want to be dissected but he also knew that he couldn't hold up a lie against the best profiler in the city. If he went around through the gym to the locker room it would be too obvious, his avoidance definitely wouldn't go unnoticed and it would only be more cause for alarm in Greg's world. He had to walk down the long hallway, past the dispatcher desk, past the glass windowed briefing room where Greg would inevitably be. He had to be quick and quiet and get into the locker room before either of the two figures could realize he was there, that was the only option.

"Hey." He mumbled to Winnie as he walked by quickly, not turning his head to see if she responded. He couldn't just ignore her now, even if he didn't want to talk to her and even if she didn't want to have a serious relationship with him there was still that persistent part of his brain that knew he had to try. He kept his head down as he walked past the briefing room. He felt like a teenager sneaking in past curfew. All he had to do was get to the safety behind the door of the locker room and then 'daddy' would never know that he snuck in late, snuck in to avoid talking about his feelings. Except, Greg wasn't really 'daddy,' no, Spike was shocked to open the door and see a figure sitting on a bench playing some kind of game on his phone. Ed was more like the father honestly, at least in the scary, authoritative tone that he was able to take. Stop comparing Ed and Greg to your father! Spike's subconscious seemed to yell at him as he walked into the locker room slowly, a bit skeptically.

"Ugh," Ed said as he finally looked up from his phone. "I don't understand the big fuss about this game, the birds don't even have wings! If they had wings then maybe they wouldn't need a giant slingshot to neutralize the green pigs." Spike rubbed his eyes for a moment, making sure that he was really understanding the scene before him.

"You're…playing Angry Birds?" He asked, still not sure what was going on in the locker room right now. Ed pulled his finger back on his phone again and released it before balling his fist in frustration.

"How do poeple get addicted to this crap?" Ed asked, answering the question without realizing.

"Well, Ed, how long have you been playing?" Spike asked as he started changing.

"Not long," Ed said as he glanced at his watch. "Oh...that long, huh?" He said, more to himself as he put his phone away. A silence fell over them as Spike packed his gear back into his locker and started lacing up his sneakers. Ed knew that on a normal day, Spike would have jumped on the idea that he was playing Angry Birds…really any video game…and lectured him on the physics and the different adjustments that had to be made for him to win. His lack of communication, even if it was his normal joking manner or his fast talking ramble. "How was SIU?" He said as lightly as he could, trying to keep things conversational. Spike shrugged but didn't elaborate. "Yeah, it sucks, I know." Ed said with a nod as he stood. He couldn't help but let out a small grunt of pain as his body shifted. He was cleared by the medics but the bullet had hit his vest hard, at close range, and had left a nasty bruise on one of his ribs radiating out into the rest of his chest.

"How's your ribs?" Spike asked as he shut his locker.

"Ah, it's not too bad. I've had worse." He said as he also shrugged. Spike nodded before closing his locker.

"Well, I'm gonna get going. We've got an early shift in the morning..." Spike said as he kept his eyes down and started to make his way to the door.

"Not so fast buddy," Ed said as he stepped between Spike and the exit. He smiled and kept his tone light. "You know how it is, I get shot, I buy the first round…" Spike looked at him skeptically as Ed continued. "I'm really not in the mood for alcohol though so, if you don't mind maybe just a coffee?" Spike seemed to be getting a bit frustrated as he moved past Ed, knocking their shoulders as he did.

"Ed, I'm really not in the mood. I just want to go home and get some rest." Spike said firmly as Ed again moved in front of him, more serious this time.

"Yeah, well I don't really want you to be alone right now." Spike's eyes narrowed as he felt himself growing angry.

"I'm not a rookie, Ed!" He said a little louder than he had intended. "I've taken lethal shots before and you pretending to want to hang out isn't going to help me. I don't want to go out. I don't want to talk. I'm fine." Spike accentuated each sentence as he felt his hands shake again. He was angry and emotional and couldn't hold it in any longer but he just needed to get out of there and needed to be alone for a bit to sort through all his thoughts.

"It's not pretending Spike." Ed said strongly but quieter, forcing Spike to listen and calm down. "I do want to hang out with you, I do want you to talk about this, and I know that you're not fine. You've never lost your temper with me before Spike." He paused for a moment. "Never in six years have you raised your voice in anger and I think you're hiding behind it because you're hurting." Ed pushed, knowing that he did the same thing and knowing that this wasn't Spike. "I want to help you, buddy, please let me in." Spike's eyes had softened a bit while Ed was talking though he still stood defensively, like he was ready to throw a punch at any moment. His stance softened a bit again as his face fell, he didn't look upset or angry anymore, he just looked tough, cold almost.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Ed." His tone left absolutely no room for arguments as he walked out of the locker room, never meeting Ed's eyes.

I know these chapters are kind of on the short side for my average but the whole story's going to be a bit shorter than what I usually do so, sorry. But I'd still really love feedback and I'm open to any suggestions people have about direction and if the characters are right. I feel like I might be a little OOC on both Ed and Spike so please let me know.