"We're supposed to be a couple, remember?" Kakashi added when Gai showed no reaction beyond changing the color of his face to a light shade of crimson. Just typical, Kakashi thought, Gai got flustered at the speed of light, hands clenched and nostrils flaring within seconds – and just as quickly he calmed down again.

Gai puffed out his chest and took a deep breath.

Kakashi braced himself.

"Hah, Kakashi, of course I remember! Who do you take me for?"

"So?" Kakashi prompted. He even managed to suppress the eye roll, barely.

"So! This is not like you, my Rival! Making a rookie-mistake like that!" Gai threw his head back, roaring with laughter in a way that made Kakashi want to dig a book out of his backpack. But before he had the chance, Gai leaned closer, continuing in a loud stage whisper, "We're not supposed to be a couple, no, the people we'll pretend to be are supposed to be a couple!"

"Great. Your genius is dazzling."

"Isn't it, though?!" That manic glint in his eyes… It made even Kakashi wish he had something to shield himself from it.

Well, there was always sarcasm.

"I'm completely awestruck."

Which wasn't much of a comfort when your audience was one hundred percent immune to it. Gai's grin only widened, his teeth gleaming an eerie white in the smothered green semi-darkness of the thick forest.

"Hn, you haven't seen anything yet!" With a graceful shrug he let his backpack slide off his shoulders. "Kakashi, my Rival!" Gai exclaimed, his volume scaring up a murder of crows that burst black into the foliage, allowing shafts of orange light to pierce through for a few seconds. Gai used that magical moment to fling himself around in some bastardized version of a pirouette, shedding his vest and pulling frantically at his suit. He came to a halt only half-done, his suit gaping open, hair mussed. "Meet Yatou Tora!" he shouted, obviously pretending that this was the effect he'd been going for all along, that his transformation was complete and utterly perfect.

This time Kakashi did not hold back on the eye rolling.

"Tora? You sure you wanna go with that?" he drawled. "It's a little on the nose…"

But Gai wasn't listening. He was in glorious rant-mode, all aglow with pride in the character he'd invented.

"Tora-kun is the young, hot-blooded son of a farmer," he explained, waving his index finger in Kakashi's face. "He was born on a stormy night in November, the third of his family's four sons! As a matter of fact, the house was struck by lightning the night he was born and his poor, beloved mother died in the merciless flames—"

Kakashi would have proceeded to roll his eye, but the forest was starting to spin dangerously.

"How can he be the third of four kids if his mother died giving birth to him?" he asked instead.

"Haha, my Rival, such an intelligent question! A genius like you picks up on the smallest details! Actually! The fourth son, Yonmaru, was adopted after his biological parents died during an earthquake!"

"That's way too much back-story, Gai…" Kakashi groaned. And Yonmaru? Gai's story was seriously making him want to crawl into a dark, damp hole. Frustrated, he tried to massage away the headache building behind his eyes, his fingers rubbing at his temples with more force than could be healthy. "The only important part is how he got here and why he's with me."

"What's your alias then?" Once more Gai was looking decidedly pouty.

"… Shiba Souku." Kakashi sighed. The name had only just occurred to him. It would do. "No siblings," he added snidely. "Although I might have had an older twin who died in the womb. His name would have been Ichimaru. It was very tragic."

Gai didn't even bat an eyelash. "Hm… Souku-kun?"

Kakashi shrugged.

"I figure we met at school. Childhood sweethearts, that sort of thing."

"Hmmm…" he really didn't like that curl of Gai's lower lip.

"What?"

"Such a bland story!"

"It's boring and believable, which makes it perfect for us. Let's say we built a small business together. A shop, maybe a general store, or a bookshop…"

Kakashi had to admit that he could picture himself owning a bookshop, almost too easily. As for "Tora"… he would have come in handy for the heavy lifting if nothing else.

"Anyway, it burned down; there's your drama." And their reason for showing up on Tsukeyaki's doorstep. "We lost everything and now we're looking for some way to start over," Kakashi finished, ignoring the disappointed look on Gai's face. "Let's get changed. We'd better make it to the gate before nightfall."

"Hmpf, I can be there in two seconds, Rival! And I'm not afraid to race you and prove it," Gai grumbled, the challenge punctuated by the high-pitched whine of his zipper being pulled down forcefully.

"Because nothing says I love you like running away from someone," Kakashi sighed as he shrugged off his vest. "Can you try not to blow our cover within the first five minutes of the mission?"

"Wh—" Gai gasped, clearly offended. "I— Playfully chasing each other! Lovers do that! All the time!"

"So… when I catch you, we'll have a tumble in the grass?" Kakashi raised an eyebrow at Gai's crimson face and sputtering attempts to form a coherent reply. He tsked, shaking his head in disappointment. "Tora, our store just burned down. We've lost everything we had. I can't believe all you think about right now is sex."

"I—Kakashi!"

There was something extremely satisfying about driving Gai to the point where his eyes were tearing up out of frustration. Kakashi really couldn't hold back the smirk grazing his lips. Thankfully, he was still wearing his mask.

"It's Souku," he said gravely, "if you're supposed to be my boyfriend, you'd better at least remember my name."