THANKS: A big thank you to Karen Joy who worked hard as my Beta on this chapter.
THREE: The Ghost of Jack O'Neill
Colorado Springs mall
October 25th, 2004
1523 hrs
Sara had moved the teary Jac into a small cafe inside the mall and plied her with a very good cup of coffee. If she hadn't already been on the verge of crying, Jac laughingly told herself that the coffee would have moved her to tears. Over the coffee and between suppressed sobs, Jac haltingly explained what had brought on her sudden mood swing in the SUV.
She had not only lost her identity as Jack O'Neill, but with it all her personal ties. SG-1, who had for the last few years become his only friends, and Cassandra Fraiser, who was like a surrogate daughter for Jack. Jacqueline O'Neill had neither of these supports. Jac considered herself lousy at making and keeping her friends, having been badly burned so many times in the past, and had begun to worry that she would struggle to have friends again.
That she would have to interact with her old friends as if they were strangers was an added blow to the distance that had already been growing between them. Something she had felt keenly. Having already lost one child to a gun, Jac was not keen on loosing a second, this time Cassie, to her sudden gender change. It would be like grieving for Charlie all over again and she wasn't sure if she was strong enough to survive a second time through the wringer.
Sara was struggling to help relieve Jac of her burden. She was beginning to wonder if perhaps Hammond and Brightman were unaware of just how broken Jack O'Neill had been, on the inside. He had always been good at hiding it and it had taken her all her marriage to finally spot the gaps in his armour and see the real Jack hiding inside. The phone call she'd received from Hammond that morning was only going to make Jac's situation more pitiable and was something that she needed to know now rather than learn about it when she returned to the SGC.
Having finished their coffees Sara took the younger woman for a walk around the mall, letting the mass of people distract Jac from her current line of thought. After half an hour of a slowly growing, comfortable silence, Sara led Jac to a seat outside the mall and sat her down. This was going to be hard she realised, playing with her hands.
"What's wrong, Sara?" asked Jac.
Sara looked up surprised and Jac gestured to the married woman's hands. "You're playing with your hands. I may not be that good at the whole relationship thing, but that always was a red flag to me."
"General Hammond phoned this morning, while you were in the shower."
Jac went rigid. "What did he have to tell you?"
"That not only did SG-5 not find anything of help for you off-world, but that they appear to have gone missing. They're seven days overdue and a rescue team found no trace of them." Sara paused. "Jac, they locked the planet this happened to you on out of their computer. You won't ever get the chance to go back there as they're worried what might happen to you or others if you do."
"It's not like Hammond to give up so quickly," argued Jac.
"He's back at the Pentagon, Jac. They've already appointed your replacement and he got orders from above to lock the planet out. I'm sorry."
Jac turned her face away from Sara and looked down at her hands. "But that means that only person on the entire base who'll know who I really am is Doctor Brightman. At least with the idea of going off world with SG-5, I could picture myself relaxing somewhat. But now? You're not going to leave either are you, Sara?"
Jac's voice had taken on a pleading tone and Sara was loath to add rather than take away from the young woman's mountain of burdens. "No, but Michael has applied for several better paying jobs in Boston. If he gets one we'll be moving out before Christmas."
This was to be her life.
It was all gone, Jac thought. Like sand it just keep slipping through her fingers and each time she tried to grab harder to what she had left the more it slid away from her. Her gender, her job, her friends, her surrogate daughter, her support.
'Damn this body', cried Jac in her mind as she felt the onset of another bout of crying overcoming her. She felt Sara enfold her in her arms as they sat in the slightly chilly November air and relaxed slightly. When Sara remarked that 'she would remain Jac's friend and would talk to her by phone whenever she was needed', it served only to remind Jac of what she was losing and was like throwing fuel onto a fire in terms of her tears.
Michael & Sara Daniels' house, Colorado Springs
October 28th, 2004
1956 hrs
Three days later Michael had returned home with the news that Jac had been dreading. He'd won a better paying position with a firm in Boston who would be supplying the expectant couple with a house till they could find a property of their own. With the movers due to arrive in the first week of November while Jac was at the SGC undergoing her physical tests, the young woman knew that tomorrow would be spent helping Sara beginning the process of boxing up the house for the transfer.
As she watched from the stairs as the happy couple talked in the hall about this new chapter in their lives, all Jac could feel was the hollowness of her own existence. Jack O'Neill had been 'walking wounded' for a long time, shuffling zombie-like through his life, but at least he'd been alive at some point in time. This was more than could be said for Jacqueline O'Neill, a paper phantom who was less substantial than the ghost of the dead Jack O'Neill that seemed to cast a shadow over her future.
She couldn't reclaim what she had lost after P5X-878, it seemed that her future would be as empty as Jack's had been. Everything was now in limbo due to Sara's impending departure and the loss of SG-5. She was a paper soldier without a life or a team. Was she going to be carried wherever the wind blew her, constantly floating on a breeze of orders till she grew old and useless once more? Could she face another sixty-plus years of being alone with nothing to show for her life?
Jac retreated back to her room. She had only been there four weeks, but she had already begun calling it 'her' room due to the sense of family that Michael and Sara had provided for her. Now that stability was going. She had only one more month to enjoy being part of a family before she had to move back into her huge, empty house as Sara had already given the tenants there notice. She was too young to rattle around that old house by herself, yet she was too old to really change her ways and patterns of life.
Laying her head down on her pillow Jac surveyed the head-on car crash that was her life and came to the conclusion that perhaps this was just karma for the ugly, dark things she had done in her life. That perhaps she didn't deserve a life and that the best she could expect was to be a soldier till she died, forever trying to work off the guilt for all the lives she had cut short.
Jac mentally kicked herself, as Sara would have verbally done had she been in the room to see the woman's distress. Here she was with a second chance at life and she was mourning for her old one. How mad was that? How so terribly like Jack O'Neill to sink into her guilt and pain rather than finding a way to turn events into something positive. Jack O'Neill was dead and if she was ever going to move on then she was going to have to shed his ghost as well.
Closing her eyes Jac did what she had always done when the government had come to her with a new life to live. She tried to visualise in her mind her old life and picture her new self-walking away. In the past it had usually been very easy, as having never spent very long in an identity she never made the ties with people that would hold her back. But living as Jack O'Neill had gone on for well over a decade and the life she imagined herself now walking away from was one with so many emotional ties that she found it extremely difficult.
Sleep tugged at her tired and frayed mind and despite the early hour Jac found herself falling asleep on her bed.
SGC
2007 hrs
"You wanted to speak to me?" called a voice across the lab.
Samantha Carter almost jumped in her seat where she was playing with a small metal object that had been recovered from P8X-345. It was a piece of Ancient technology and because of that, Sam had found herself desperately wishing that Jack O'Neill was there with her. While the object being of Ancient origin had been enough to trigger thoughts of Jack, she hadn't wanted him there because of it. She found she just wanted him to be there playing with the 'doohickey' because those moments of just the two of them she now found were like precious memories to her.
Turning Sam caught the speaker leaning against the doorway.
"Agent Barrett. Thank you for coming. I didn't hear you arrive as I was busy..." Sam waved a hand over her workbench and the object from P8X-345.
"It's always good to see you again, Colonel Carter. How are things with you and Pete?"
Daniel and Teal'c had managed not to ask the million-dollar question since their departure for P1X-078; Sam convinced her response to their last attempt had been enough to cow them into refraining for a little while longer. Landry didn't know about Pete, Siler and Harriman never talked to her about her personal life anyway, and the rest of the staff it seemed were still in too much of an awe of her 'brain' to even summon the spit to ask. Yet here was Malcolm Barrett, blithely asking away a question which she had been studiously avoiding asking even herself.
She had stonewalled Pete since SG-1's return from P7X-135, and tomorrow had to face the consequences. Her first day of a seven-day break and Pete was going to show up on her doorstep to 'put the zing back into their engagement' lest she change her mind before he got her to the altar. That she was even thinking like this was like a large neon sign to Carter that all was not well in her relationship with Pete.
"Not so good," she admitted and found it was like a weight from her shoulders. Perhaps she should have admitted that aloud a long time ago, but at least she had finally said it.
"Oh," remarked Barrett who had clearly not expected such a personal and forthright answer from her. "Well, I'm sorry to hear that. Do I still keep my schedule clear for an April wedding?"
Sam froze. While she had understood that she had said 'yes' to Pete's proposal she hadn't really though through the whole scenario despite her fiancé continuing to make plans for a wedding without her help. She looked at the bland floor of the lab. "At this stage Malcolm, I wouldn't even count on the engagement lasting till Christmas."
"Ah," he said as if he understood her predicament. "Well, how about we talk about what you called me down here for instead, hey?"
Nodding she gestured for the man to take a seat.
"So?"
"So I take it you've heard about General O'Neill being transferred away from the SGC?"
Malcolm nodded.
"The problem is no one seems to know where he was transferred to, who he is working with, or even what he is doing. More importantly, we want to get in touch with him, but because no one can answer our questions, we've had no luck so far. Daniel suggested that he might have been seconded to something a bit more hush-hush than even the SGC."
"And you were hoping that I might know more since that is the sort of field I tend to operate in?" finished Barrett for her.
"Yes," huffed Sam.
The agent pulled a small device out of his pocket and set it down on Sam's lab desk. He pressed one of the buttons on the device and a small light began winking. "Bug suppressor," he explained at Sam's curious look. "I can't have people over hearing me when I'm talking about state secrets."
"So he is on some sort of undercover assignment?"
"Sort of," hedged Barrett. "I'm not really sure of all the details, but I'll give you what I have been able to verify myself."
"Okay. That's better than the 'I don't know' my team I have been getting so far."
"Whatever is was that went down at the end of September, it went as high as the President and the Joint Chiefs because Hammond phoned them and they convened a meeting straight away to decide what to do. I'm almost sure that was the who and where for the decision on O'Neill's removal from the SGC. What I am surprised about is the seeming lack of protest from Hammond and Hayes."
"Protest?"
"Yeah, while O'Neill may not consider his contribution to the SGC to amount to much, both Hayes and Hammond had the General pegged to take over Hammond's position as Head of Homeworld Security when he retires in July next year. Jack has a lot of political enemies because of his tendency to do the right thing and worry about protocol later, and they have pushed time and again to have him removed as far away from the SGC as possible.
"It has only been the effort of Hayes, Hammond and a few others that has prevented O'Neill from being forcibly retired from the SGC some time ago. So, yes, I was surprised at the lack of protest over O'Neill's removal. Something really big must have happened for that to occur. This still leaves us with the 'why'."
"And you don't have an answer to that?" asked Sam, more worried than ever at what fate Jack had met during SG-1's absence.
"I have some bits and pieces, nothing concrete yet. What I do know is that it has something to do with an off-world site that SG-5 visited back in late September."
Her blood froze in her veins at the mention of SG-5. "They're dead."
"Pardon?"
"They're dead, Malcolm. They failed to clock in on time and were eventually declared dead when they were seven days overdue."
"I don't think whatever happened with Jack warranted SG-5 being killed off by our own people, Sam, if that is what you are thinking."
The blonde shook her head. "It's not, but General Landry had made the comment to me that prior to loosing SG-5 there had been plans to alter the make up of the team. Do you think that perhaps they knew something?"
"It's possible, but there is no way of knowing now."
"True."
"What I was able to glean from various sources about what was decided at that meeting strongly suggests that O'Neill isn't part of the SGC anymore, or even possibly the Air Force."
"They retired him?" queried Carter.
"No, as I said Hayes and Hammond would have protested that. It appears, and this is merely only slightly supported speculation, that O'Neill has been forced to assume a new identity for his own protection. I have no clues as to the new identity or where he might be, but can tell you that this isn't the first time this has happened to him."
"He's in some sort of witness protection programme? What does that have to do with SG-5? This isn't making any sense?"
"That is why I warned you that it was only flimsy speculation. I'll say again, whatever it was that has happened is big. Big enough for Hammond and Hayes to forego their plans for Jack's future."
Sam tried to understand what she was being told. "And you say this isn't the first time he's had to assume a new identity that General O'Neill has had to pretend to be other people before?"
"No."
"No?"
Barrett inclined his head. "You're looking at it from the wrong point of view Sam. O'Neill is an identity that he had to assume to avoid another problem."
"You mean...?" began Carter, unable to finish the sentence.
"That Brigadier General Jonathan 'Jack' O'Neill is a false identity for someone the government wanted to protect? Yes."
She couldn't help herself, but she felt her arms and legs go rubbery at the thought. The concept that Jack O'Neill was simply a construct, a facade for a possibly completely different person, threw her whole world into a spin. Sam felt Malcolm steadying her with his arms. After a moment or two, she felt strong enough to stand on her own.
"You okay?"
She nodded, not trusting her voice. The agent switched off the 'suppressor' and put it back in his coat pocket. "I'll be going now. If I learn anything more I'll let you and your team know, okay?"
"Okay. Thank you, Agent Barrett."
"My pleasure, Colonel Carter."
With that, the man was gone and Sam sat back on her stool, reflecting that she was now somehow on the other side of the looking glass where the world she knew was a strange and twisted reflection. Nothing looked the same in this place, her relationship with Pete, the SGC, her team, and especially not what she thought she knew about the man named Jack O'Neill.
Michael & Sara Daniels' house, Colorado Springs
November 7th, 2004
1656 hrs
Jac placed the last newspaper wrapped item into the box and closed the lid. Cutting a length of duct tape, she sealed the lid of the box and scrawled the words 'Sara's study' on the side in black marker. Dropping the marker on the floor next the pile of old newspapers, Jac gracefully picked the box up and carried it into the lounge where she stacked it next to the growing pile of boxes that represented the packed goods of several rooms in the house.
Dusting her hands lightly Jac surveyed the pile. It felt strange helping Sara pack up her and Michael's belongings, and she wondered if this is what it had felt like for the nameless SFs who had without complaint boxed up her old life of Jack O'Neill. The movers were coming tomorrow to begin moving Michael and Sara's things to their temporary home in Boston and Jac had offered to spend the day packing the last few boxes while the couple in question enjoyed their last Sunday in Colorado Springs.
The three of them would be moving to Boston together, something Sara had managed to persuade Michael to agree to after her bout of tears at the mall. That would give the neo-woman somewhere to live till she was able to reclaim Jack's house at the end of the month. It also provided her with the regular feature of Sara in her life to provide some sense of family. Near the end of November she was due back in Colorado Springs for her fitness test at the SGC and that would spell the end of her temporary family.
Casting her eye about the blank walls and empty rooms Jac decided that the house, as it stood right now, was an apt metaphor for her life as it currently was. Hollow with no friends or family to help fill it, and all her past thoughts, feelings, and experiences packed away in boxes. She had over a week ago decided to try and live her new life without dwelling on her past, but with things constantly reminding her of what she had lost it had proven to be something of a hard ask for herself.
She had never really enjoyed those sorts of deep ties with people before and now that she had lost them, she was loath to give up the feelings that went behind them least she loose everything she once was. Drying a tear from her left eye with the knuckle of her hand, she reaffirmed to herself that she would just have to work harder at dealing with her loss. She could tuck those emotional memories deep inside herself where they would still be a part of her but at the same time not a facet of her new self that anybody would ever see.
Wandering into the bare kitchen and chuckling at the idea of herself as Old Mother Hubbard, Jac reached for the phone and dialled the local pizza place. She felt like an early snack and since Sara and Michael wouldn't be back till late, she didn't have to worry about feeding them.
Samantha Carter's apartment, Colorado Springs
November 8th, 2004
1309 hrs
Her fiancé Pete Shanahan had shown up shortly after she had finished lunch and had just begun settling down with a cup of good coffee and a scientific journal, repeatedly using the buzzer till she let him in.
If he'd noticed the scowl on her face he gave no indication of it as he swept past her, dumped his bags on the sofa she'd been getting comfortable on, and as she turned back to welcome him landed a desperately searching kiss on her - with tongue. Her cold fish routine eventually got through to him and he backed off slightly, but not far enough that he wasn't still invading her personal space. "So, Sam," he said excitedly as if she had returned the kiss with equal vigour, "I managed to get some time off from my boss so that we can spend the next few days together just reconnecting as an engaged couple."
She stared at him. What was he saying? Days? "Pete that may not be possible if I have to go back to work."
"But General Landry told me that he'd given you seven whole days off and that he wasn't likely to call you in during that time if he could help it."
Sam felt like she had just been depth charged. He'd gone behind her back to find out what time she had off from General Landry. She had worried yesterday about his controlling nature and about her secure oasis of 'Sam time' that was the SGC that he had tried to chip away at. Here he was proving that her work was not the secure bastion that she had believed it was.
"Pete, just what do you think we are going to be doing for the next few days?" She may have been on downtime but she had hoped that she was going to hear from Agent Barrett again later in the week about his leads on Jack ...the General and was also going to clock in with Daniel and Teal'c one evening to fill them in on what the agent had already told her.
The cop had a silly grin on his face and the realisation of what he was thinking didn't bring a warm sensation to here belly as it had done in the past. With all the soul-searching that she undergone in the last month she felt like falling into bed with Pete was akin to reaffirming her decision after the Prometheus escapade to give up on the idle dream of a life with her commanding officer. She had to sort things out in her own mind before she felt comfortable with sharing herself with Pete like that.
Sam crossed her arms and hoped that the body language signal to 'back off' would register with the man in her apartment. It seemed to work as he pulled further away from her and threw himself into one of the seats in her lounge.
"We haven't talked with each other in over a month other than me phoning you to let you know I'm coming here. Something, which I'll have you note, you didn't object to. So what is with the 'don't touch me' routine when I get here?"
Climbing onto her sofa and avoiding Pete's bag she surveyed her fiancé from across the room. Never before had such a short distance seemed so vast or insurmountable.
"Pete..." She let the word hang as she realised that she wasn't sure what she wanted to say. They had been engaged for two months now and that first month when he'd been able to drop by the Springs every week had been wonderful.
Even though she felt that perhaps Pete had rushed them a little in becoming engaged, her decision to say 'yes' was something she hadn't taken lightly after the last man she had been engaged to. She had recently been forced to reconsider why she had said 'yes' in the first place. Her thoughts at the time had all been about going out and getting the life that she thought she deserved, the romance, the fun, and a man who could love her without restraints.
Yet she had taken two weeks to make her decision. She had told herself that she was just taking due time to consider all her options. That she had held on to the ring for most of those two weeks, unable to even take it out of the box and look at it, was something she had ignored. In fact, the only time it had come out to be seen since Pete had shown her it was when she'd gone to the General and handed him the box. That she had done that, and then said 'yes' after the subsequent short conversation with O'Neill, was something that Daniel had forced her to re-examine.
Why had she held onto the ring for so long if she thought Pete was the man to marry? Why had see deemed it necessary to talk to the General about it before deciding when it was a personal issue wholly unconnected to the workings of SG-1 and the SGC? These were questions that she desperately needed answers to before she let her relationship with Pete move on.
That wonderful first month with its euphoria at her engagement had faded into the revelation that General O'Neill was no longer at the SGC and a part of her life after SG-1's accidental snubbing of the older man. He had been abruptly, and as she reflected back, painfully ripped from their lives with no obvious way of stitching things back together to restore the status quo. While that seemed like a good idea, Sam didn't want the status quo back if it meant continuing to ignore the man who had had the most influence on her life. She wanted him back in her life in all the important ways.
"You're thinking about him aren't you?" muttered Pete as he interrupted her train of thought.
"Pardon?" she asked confusedly.
"The General. O'Neill. Jack. Now that he's no longer your CO you are seriously entertaining the idea of a relationship with him aren't you?"
Sam sat stunned, unable to comprehend where the conversation was going. "He's a friend Pete; you're the one I'm engaged to." The reply was glib and had required no thought.
"That may be true, Sam," said Pete taking a deep breath as if he was able to plunge on into something he didn't really want to face. "But you and I both know that if he hadn't been your CO when I proposed to you that we wouldn't be sitting here together."
"Pete, you're jealous?"
The cop looked at her as if she'd grown another head. "Jealous? Of course I'm jealous, you talk about the man practically twenty-four-seven and when you're not talking it more than looks like you're thinking of him. Tell me that you weren't just thinking about him now."
"Of course I was, he's disappeared on some mission and my team and I are worried about him," she argued back somewhat lamely. O'Neill's mysterious transfer hadn't been the central, unifying thought when she had been thinking about him.
"And you can't see what is wrong, Sam? Here you are in the same room with your fiancé and you are thinking about another man!" Pete thumped the arm of the chair he sat in.
Pete's words forced her to go back over some of her conversations with Daniel and Teal'c on P7X-135 when the pair had pointed out the same thing. Her working relationship with O'Neill was a huge wedge in her life with Pete, constantly keeping them apart. Pieces tumbled into place that, while not leaving her with the whole picture, at least made the final image somewhat easier to guess. Pete obviously feared that her relationship with the General was going to eventually undermine their own relationship.
How could she reassure him that it wouldn't when she'd confessed to Daniel a month ago that she didn't know what she wanted, or more correctly which man she wanted, and still didn't know even now? She loved them both, differently of course, but it was still love. And that was why, she now reasoned, that she was pushing so desperately to find the General. She needed to be able to sort out her feelings for the man and settle things whichever way they went before she could ever truly move on with her life.
And that meant that Pete had to wait as well, had to sit on the sidelines and watch as she wrestled with her feelings for both of them knowing that there was a good chance that in the end she wouldn't pick him. Could she do that to the man in front of her who was, like Daniel had, forcing her to really look at her heart even when it could cost him his future with her? Her eyes began to tear up knowing now that she was putting two good men through the emotional wringer all because her heart and head were at war with each other.
"I need time," she finally announced to the silent room.
"Time" Pete sounded defeated yet not surprised, as if he had half expected that to be her response. He sat up in his chair, looking less vibrant that he had in the past as if the life had been sucked from him.
Sam guessed that must pretty much be how a man felt when a woman essentially told him that she had unresolved feelings for another man.
"I'm sorry, Pete, I shouldn't be putting you through this. Not after I said 'yes' to being engaged. I just..."
The Denver law enforcement officer waved her off before more hollow sounding words poured from her mouth. "I'm not going to pretend I understand, because I don't. But you're a wonderful woman Sam and I love you, so I'm willing to wait and hope that when the time comes that it will be me that you turn to."
He stood and then crossed the distance between them. Snagging his bags with one hand he planted a chaste kiss on her forehead and pulled back, dragging his bags off the sofa as he did so.
"I'm going to find a motel and crash there for the night Sam and in the morning I'll head back to Denver. Say you had some emergency come up and you lost your free time. My boss will understand."
"Pete —"
"No, Sam," he argued as he moved to the door. "You need time to work this out and having me around won't help things. It may even just slow it down. Call me when you know what you want."
Then he was gone and Sam found herself alone in her apartment on a sunny Monday afternoon, unable to think or do anything, as her life seemed to unravel around her.
Michael & Sara Daniels' apartment, Boston
November 21st, 2004
1756 hrs
Jac stood looking out the apartment window at the falling snow that was blanketing the city, covering everything in a layer of pure white that worked wonders to hide the sins of the large city like ugly buildings, industrialisation, and overpopulation. It brought a serene calmness to her thoughts as she reviewed her life since waking up in the SGC infirmary to find what she had considered one of the few concrete things in her life, her gender, wasn't quite as set in stone as she had thought it was.
It was now almost two months since whatever had happened on P5X-878 had taken place and her life, what little had remained of it, had been placed in a blender and set on puree. When the contents had settled the only things that had remained were her commitment to the Air Force and a place in her life for her ex-wife Sara. Everything else, friends and family, was gone.
While she had remained in Colorado Springs with Sara and her new husband Michael, Jac had attempted to piece together a new life by using bits of her old. After Iraq and all its Technicolor horrors Major O'Neill had been dubbed 'Humpty Dumpty' by one of the more astute airmen that he had served with. He had been knocked off his wall so many times in his life that piecing him back together had become second nature. But, as the nickname suggested, he had never been able to truly put himself back together each time no matter what help he received from the King's horses and men.
Charlie, Iraq, Ba'al. Just three names in a long list of events that had seen his self- image shattered into little pieces. Each time trying to pick himself up and carry on was like putting a glass window back together broken sliver by broken sliver of glass, leaving himself with bloodied hands at the end of the futile effort. By the time he'd been dealt the final body blows of Carter's engagement and his gender bender Jac figured that the pieces of herself must have resembled grains of sand thanks to the repeated beatings he had taken.
She giggled lightly at the image of her former male self, sitting in the middle of a pile of sand, the nice shiny type that Daniel always liked to go digging in, trying to glue one grain to another in the hopes of putting 'Humpty' back together. Jac reached out a short arm to touch her pale reflection in the window, nodding to herself in reaffirmation that her decision was the only one that she could make.
After packing and moving with the Daniels to Boston Jac had waved a white flag over the idea of rebuilding her life with the pieces of Jack O'Neill that remained. Instead, she had bravely decided to forge a brand new life as Jacqueline O'Neill, a life that didn't rely on the emotional ties and attachments of her previous life. Yes, she'd have to deal and interact with facets of that past life, most notably at the SGC, but when she did, it would always be in the context of building a new relationship, not repairing an old one.
It would hurt. She knew that, but if there was one thing that she was supremely good at in every identity that she had ever taken on then it was working past the hurt till she could confidently not acknowledge its existence. That was what she had spent her time in Boston doing, pushing down and locking away the pain that giving up her old life brought her. That and more lessons in what it meant to be a woman. Despite moving cities and everything that that involved, Sara had determined to make the most of Jac's now limited time with her and had dragged the younger woman out almost every day in order to give her crash course lessons in womanhood.
She had been included in the formal dinner with Michael's new boss, forcing Jac to use what she learnt from Sara or observations of other women while out in public in order to mix with a group of people she had never met before and, like Michael, knew nothing of her past. The following morning after Sara got off the phone from talking to the boss' wife, she excitedly told the twenty-four year old that she had put up a convincing performance. That the other women attending the dinner had decided that she was a wonderful young woman who was worth getting to know.
At first Jac had been confused. She had chalked this up to being thought of as a 'wonderful young woman'. It was later, when she realised that she had reacted to everything that dinner night in a casual and natural way that it dawned on her that, despite Sara's choice of the word 'performance', her behaviour had in no way been artificial or staged. The new 'self' that she had worked on shaping and soaking in since arriving in Boston had finally asserted itself and buried Jack O'Neill. In essence, Jacqueline O'Neill had had her coming out at that dinner party.
Eyes still focussed on the translucent image of a woman reflected in the window Jac allowed herself a small smile. She had a new life now, a second chance. Jack O'Neill might have let it pass him by, still mourning the past, but Jac was not that sort of person. She had her eyes fixed on a new future. A by-product of being young once more perhaps? She didn't know what that future would look like but at least she now had the will to face it head on and make of it what she could.
Yesterday Sara had declared that Jac had learned all that she could teach in the time they had had and that only a lifetime of living as a woman could teach her more. Today was her last day living with Sara and her husband, of living in Boston, and of talking to those people she had befriended here already. She had a list of people who would welcome a visit from her should she visit the city again, top of the list being her hosts Sara and Michael. Tomorrow she would be on a plane back to Colorado Springs to face the physical test, the last hurdle before she would be back among the staff of the SGC.
"Jac?"
Sara's voice from behind her drew her attention away from her reflection and toward the blonde woman as she stood in the doorway that led to the kitchen.
"Hmmm?"
Since that dinner evening Jac had been more than comfortable in her own skin, she had been happy. It was quite evident to Sara the change that had taken place. While on one hand she grieved for the loss of the man who had once been her husband, she could not help on the other but be glad that the woman who had replaced him on the face of the Earth was now alive and able to build a new future. Rather than point out the change, something she felt sure Jac knew had happened, she simply announced, "Dinner is ready. Would you care to join us?"
Nodding Jac bounced across the room on her sock clad feet, pausing in the doorway to give Sara a bone crushing hug and whisper 'thank you' in her ear before entering the kitchen with a cry of "Your team hasn't a hope this round, you know that don't you, Michael?"
P2X-117
1805 hrs
Lt. Colonel Samantha Carter had hoped that she would be on base at the SGC when her new teammate Captain Jacqueline O'Neill arrived to undergo her final physical test before officially joining the ranks of SGC personnel. Unfortunately, Major General Hank Landry had had other ideas and had signed SG-1 off on a mission to P2X-117 in order to study a series of ruins that had caught Daniel's eye. Carter was inclined to believe that Daniel had purposely put the mission forward to General Landry in order to get her off world when Captain O'Neill arrived. She had to admit that she had been somewhat overly keen to meet the young woman who was General O'Neill's niece.
She had been excited for several reasons. One of which was the fact that it was going to be nice to have another woman on the team. She hadn't mentioned that one to Daniel or Teal'c lest they feel slighted, but even thought she loved working side by side with the pair, and with O'Neill when he had been team leader, she missed the company of talking with another woman about things she could just never bring herself to share with 'the guys'. On top of that, she had been all set to start picking the brain of the SGC's latest recruit as soon as the woman had set foot inside the mountain, wanting to bounce ideas and theories off possibly one of the few people who would be able to keep up with her when she began bending the laws of physics for missions. The possibility of being able to spar with someone intellectually about topics that fell under her own interests was something she was excited about.
There was a third reason, one which she felt was the one that Daniel subscribed to, and that was that Captain O'Neill represented the chance to know more about her notoriously tight lipped ex-CO, to learn things about the man's past and family that he had never willing given up when he had been at the SGC. He had never mentioned an ex-wife, nor the loss of a child, to her or Teal'c until the events of the crystalline alien Charlie, even then he had explained as little as possible, giving the bare facts and withholding the detail.
Despite three very good reasons to want to meet the young Captain Carter, fate with a little help from Daniel and Landry had conspired to delay their introductions. Instead, she was here, sitting alone in her little tent as she listened to the sound of the raining falling. While they had got in a good days worth of exploring, just as they had settled down to prepare their evening meal the rain clouds had settled in. Sam was glad that she had a tent to herself, as she didn't feel like dealing with the Laurel and Hardy team in the other tent.
She had made the mistake at lunchtime, in an attempt to find a way forward with her personal life, to tell Daniel about her confrontation with Pete in her apartment almost two weeks ago. The archaeologist had taken that as permission to pick up where he had left off on P7X-135 although this time he didn't give his opinions in the same unvarnished manner. Her temporary freezing out of the man she thought of as a brother having had something positive come out of it. The man was like a dog with a bone and now that she had given him a sniff once more he had locked his jaws around the problem and wasn't go to let go again like last time.
As she turned over in her sleeping bag and tried to get warm, she made a little prayer to whoever was listening that when they got back to the SGC that Agent Barrett might have something more about Jack's situation to give her.
The Jaf'fa watched the horizon keenly, standing some three or four long paces away from where ColonelCarter crouched over one of her many tests. A little further away from the pair he could see DanielJackson sat in front of one wall of the ruins, butt-end of the pencil in his hands being tapped repeatedly against his lips as he worked through the translation of the carvings.
In an attempt to sidetrack the archaeologist from his noble pursuit of getting their team leader to listen to her heart, their CO had told them what little AgentBarrett had managed to already dig up about the sudden transfer of their friend O'Neill from the SGC. What little information that was to be had disturbed the big man. On one hand, they were being told that whatever had triggered the transfer had been big enough to risk O'Neill's future. On the other, they had basically been told that O'Neill wasn't the man they had thought he was.
Dealing with the first issue Teal'c pondered just what could be so important that O'Neill had to be removed from the SGC. Both DanielJackson and ColonelCarter had speculated about some sort of NID sting-type mission. At first the Jaf'fa considered this a reasonable supposition to make given the scattered and sketchy details of O'Neill's past suggested that those sorts of Black Ops missions were indeed part of his repertoire. But on reflection Teal'c had to weigh up the physical limitations of age and O'Neill now relatively high status within the world of military covert projects. He was too high profile and with recurring problems like his knees, he was not a good choice to send out on a covert mission. If he wasn't recognised first, then there was a good chance that his body might betray him at the worst possible time.
Which brought things back to what the Tau'ri referred to as 'square one'. What had happened that necessitated the removal of O'Neill from the SGC? AgentBarrett had suggested that SG-5 might somehow have been involved. In order to better understand that angle Teal'c resolved to access the mission logs of the team and identify anything that might have made Barrett suggest such a connection. He did not put the same faith in the man as ColonelCarter did, feeling that he was holding something back from them.
The second half of the issue was the hint that the man known to SG-1 as Jack O'Neill was nothing more than a cover and that a potentially very different man lived beneath the skin of O'Neill. For Teal'c this was a far more worrying and pressing issue because it struck him to the core, throwing him right back to the most life changing decision he had ever made. He could still picture in his mind that day when he had made the decision to trust the then Colonel O'Neill and betray his position as First Prime of Apophis. He did not regret the decision, even in the light of these revelations about the man's past, but it did make him wonder if he had truly judged the man's character that day.
Based on what he had seen since then and right up to the last time he had witnessed O'Neill in action at their mission briefing for P7X-135, he would have to say that he had judged O'Neill correctly, coming away with a true measure of the man. But now there was a small creeping doubt. Had O'Neill somehow deceived him? Looked him straight in the eye and lied to him about a great many things? Had their bond as brothers in arms been nothing more than a sham? The Jaf'fa did not like to think so and tried to bolster his confidence in his initial judgment of the man. For that was all he could do for now. But like ColonelCarter he now had a pressing reason to find the General. He too had issues to settle.
SGC
1000 hrs
Precisely on time, Captain Jacqueline O'Neill stepped into the SGC infirmary in order to undergo the physical tests that would be the last hurdle to overcome before being allowed out in the field. If she had been General O'Neill, she would have arrived several minutes late, fidgeted with everything in sight to deal with her nerves and generally made the medical staff angry with him. She felt somewhat overdressed standing there in her dress blues, but since this was her 'first' time at the SGC she didn't have any BDUs to wear.
Since she'd shed that life like a snake...like a butterfly coming out a cocoon (she liked that metaphor better) she had told herself that she couldn't afford to display the disrespectful traits that the General had. He had a history of doing things for the country that allowed him some latitude with protocol, but Captain O'Neill did not have that history. If she wanted to make anything of this second chance then she had to toe the line with things like orders and her behaviour around the staff. Because of that she almost gave Doctor Brightman a heart attack with the sight of her standing in the infirmary on time.
"Captain O'Neill, reporting as ordered, Doctor," said Jac as her eyes met the Doctors.
The chief medical officer gestured for the younger woman to follow her to another part of the infirmary and get up on the empty bed. "I'm surprised to see you here on time, O'Neill."
"I'm not my uncle, Ma'am." If she hadn't been trying to 'toe the line', Jac would have collapsed with laughter at the shocked look on Brightman's face.
"Ah...so I can see," managed the Doctor as her brain tried to reboot. Jac had been gone for only a little over a month and a half and already she found it difficult to see anything of the General in her. "Well, let's get these tests out of the way then shall we?"
Jac nodded and the Doctor drew a curtain around the bed. Picking up her clipboard Brightman filled in the standard parts of the chart with things like name and gender. She kicked herself after she nearly crossed the box marked male. "Birth date?"
"Pardon?"
"Your birthday, when is it? Hammond forgot that little detail when he filled me in on your new identity."
"Oh!" exclaimed Jac in understanding. "Twenty-third of March, 1980."
"Same as your uncle?"
Jac grinned at the other woman. "It's what gave my parents the idea to name me after him."
"I see. What can you tell me about the past month and half since you were last here as far as your body goes?"
Jac filled her in with details about her body height, weight, flexibility, as well as her eating patterns, periods, weight gains and loss. She told her how she'd keep up her fitness regime with some modifications from Sara due to her female body. The Doctor took a blood test and tested general things like reaction times, pulse, hearing, and eyesight. Then she sent the Air Force officer off to the commissary to get something to eat while she compared the new data with the baseline she'd created upon Jac's arrival from P5X-878.
It was as Jac was just finishing a particularly good piece of the pie, if compared to standard commissary fare, when an SF approached and informed her that General Landry wished to see her in his office right now. Nodded, she thanked the airman and disposed of her tray. She slipped into the women's toilets without a blink, Sara having long ago hardened her to going in by dragging her to at least one on every outing into the public. She checked her appearance in the mirror and wiped the few stray pie flakes off her dress blues. Quirking a smile at the woman in the mirror she left out a huff of air and went in search of the office that had once been hers, in what seemed a lifetime ago. Passing Walter and Siler with little more than a polite smile, after all, she supposedly didn't know anything about either of them; she knocked lightly on the office door and heard Landry give permission to enter. Once she had closed the door she snapped off a sharp salute of the kind she'd given back when a cadet. Her salutes had grown sloppier the higher in the ranks she had climbed as Jack. However, Jac couldn't afford to give anything less than her best for the General and her new CO.
"Captain O'Neill reporting as ordered, Sir."
"Thank you, Captain, please take a seat."
Jac eased herself into one of the two seats facing the General's desk and waited patiently as the man in the 'big seat' completed the paperwork in front of him. Shuffling the sheets of paper away into a plain manila folder, he dropped it into the Out box and Jac had to suppress a chuckle at Landry's expression when he realised that the pile in the In box was still twice the size of the pile in the Out one. Opening a drawer, Landry pulled out a folder and sat it on the desk in front of him as he got himself somewhat more comfortable in his chair.
"I've read your file, Captain, and I must say I'm impressed. You've done the Air Force proud and we are extremely glad to have you here at the SGC. And as a friend of your uncle who is a fine officer, I'm very happy to be in some way serving with another member of the O'Neill clan."
"Thank you, Sir."
Tapping the still closed folder the General continued, "Now I've had a call from Doctor Brightman and everything has come back clear, so you've got the green light to be let out into the field."
"Sir," acknowledged Jac.
"I take it you have been informed about what happened to the SG team you were due to be assigned to at the end of December?"
"Yes, Sir, Hammond explained that they had been lost off world and declared KIA." Jac had wondered what her posting was going to be with the loss of SG-5; surely they wouldn't tie her down to a lab would they? She had already guessed the nature of her summons to Landry's office; the General was going to tell her what her new assignment was going to be.
"Yes, that wasn't exactly the sort of thing I wanted to have to deal with so soon after taking on the job here. Still, it means that we had to rethink what to do with you. Hammond hadn't outlined any back up plans and so it was up to me to decide."
Jac nodded, not trusting her voice. This was beginning to sound like she was going to be tied to a lab.
"Initially I was going to sign you up to a lab till a new SG team could be assembled, but one of the SG team leaders saw your file and offered to take you on as they had an empty slot going in their team."
Taken aback Jac allowed a small smile to creep onto her face at the prospect of dodging endless days of lab work. Then she mentally flicked through the list of SG teams in search of one that might have a gap. Had they lost someone on top of SG-5 while she had been gone?
"In many ways this is a fitting assignment for you, Captain, as you'll be going in as second in command for our flagship team SG-1."
It was like ice water in her veins. Landry was assigning her to SG-1! Carter had read her file and requested her to be assigned. She was confident that no one on base would ever realize that she had once been General O'Neill, and was secure that in limited exposure to them SG-1 wouldn't realise either. For her to be placed with SG-1 in such close conditions before she had smoothed away all of Jack O'Neill was essentially asking for the three of them to see through the lie. There was no way she could turn this down without raising questions or being trapped in a lab.
Pasting a big smile on her face, she faked it. "Thank you, Sir. I know this is an important assignment and I'll do my best not to let you, SG-1, or the SGC down, Sir."
"It's my pleasure, Captain."
"When will I be introduced to SG-1, Sir?"
Landry eased back in his seat. "Perhaps not for another week. They are off-world on P2X-117 for another couple of days. Since your posting here doesn't officially begin till January, you won't be going off-world with them till then to give you time to settle in here. So your exposure to them will probably be limited before then unless they decide to invite you to a team get together to get to know you better."
"Understood, Sir what will I be doing here till I'm allowed off-world?"
"Well," began Landry, "We've assigned you a lab space of your own, so between fitting that out how you want it, getting your locker sorted, and having all the gear you need issued, that should keep you busy till the Christmas season."
"Yes, Sir."
"Once again, I'll glad to have another O'Neill on board. You may go now, Captain."
"Yes Sir, thank you, Sir."
P2X-117
1459 hrs
It should have been a milk run Carter told herself, despite the rain, there was nothing that could have gone wrong. No natives to offend. No ancient doomsday device that needed destroying. No bizarre disease. Yet the one thing that General O'Neill had always counted on to ruin a milk run mission had turned up once more like a bad penny.
Only fifteen minutes ago, Teal'c had returned from the direction of the stargate where he'd gone to dial Earth and clock in with the SGC, and had begun breaking camp.
The Jaf'fa explained, as the two humans helped to decamp, that when he'd reached the area of the stargate he'd found that it was now in the hands of a Goa'uld. It wasn't reassuring that Teal'c had managed to identify the Jaf'fa as belonging to Ba'al. The Goa'uld was well aware that a SG team was on the planet having found and destroyed the MALP they had left behind at the gate.
All of this was why, fifteen minutes after Teal'c had come crashing into their camp, SG-1 was packed up and moving silently away from the ruins in the direction of the higher ground offered by some close by foothills. Since Teal'c had been unable to make contact with the SGC at the assigned time, Carter was counting on them dialling P2X-117 and on getting no signal from the MALP sending another one through. That would be enough to alert them to the Jaf'fa. After that all SG-1 had to do was find a way of surviving till the SGC could mount a rescue operation. As the three of them crept along the ridge of the foothills, they debated the reasons for the arrival of Ba'al's Jaf'fa.
What was it about this planet that had led the Goa'uld to decide to lay claim to it? Teal'c offered strategy, that the planet was potentially a possible staging place for an attack on another System Lord. Daniel argued that the ruins might be the reason. The pair had expected her to suggest possible naquadah deposits. Instead, she had muttered something about karma and fate and led them over the ridge in search of secure shelter.
That she'd acted more like their ex-CO in that brief exchange, and less like the Colonel Carter they were used to on missions, did not go unnoticed by the two men. Given how obviously stressed out she was about the evolution her personal life was going through, they opted not to comment verbally on the likeness. So they just followed her lead, as they scrambled into the new valley and made their way toward a promising series of caves further along this side of the ridge.
With the arrival of the Jaf'fa Carter felt a strange sense of ease and relief. It was then that she realised that she'd really stepped into the Twilight Zone if being hunted by Jaf'fa, on an alien planet, brought the comfort of familiarity to her. In a world of cascading change brought on by General O'Neill's transfer, she realised that she was beginning to cling desperately to what she saw as her rocks of stability.
Pete hadn't asked for the engagement ring back because he still loved her and still wanted to marry her, despite the confusion in her heart. She hadn't given Pete the ring back as her doubts grew, because he represented a form of stability for her, despite the changes to her life he brought with him. She'd thought he'd be there for her through everything, except if she gave the ring back. However, even without her giving the ring back to him he'd stepped away, robbing her of that rock in her emotional storm.
She had held fast to her job, rather than leaving it and hunting down Jack in order to solve the crisis of choice her heart was facing, because again it provided order for her a refuge from a social life that was in chaos. Yet with O'Neill gone and Pete working at her commitment to the job, her workplace has also dissolved from calm regulation into an uncertain future.
Her friends, Teal'c and Daniel had been there for her during times of confusion. Unlike in the past when they had just been there, whenever she needed them, now they were unfamiliar. Teal'c seemed to radiate disapproval from every pore and Daniel, instead of shoring up her defences, had been the one to break them down with a series of carefully crafted arguments.
With a choked laugh she could now see why being hunted by Jaf'fa could bring her a sense of peace that she had been unable to obtain from her normal places of sanctuary. SG-1 might be in for a protracted stay on P2X-117, but at least her mind would be at ease. That sort of illogical reasoning brought Jack's grinning face to mind and instead of helping her team establish camp at the mouth of the cave she found herself stumbling into the darkened interior to find a spot where she could bawl her eyes out. Being this emotionally confused sucked.
SGC
1517 hrs
In the gateroom beyond the glass of the control room the stargate was active. The great metal inner ring of the ancient device was rotating, pausing as a fifth chevron now locked into position.
"What is the problem, Walter?"
Landry had stepped up into the control room at the request of Walter Harriman, who'd informed him of a situation that needed dealing with. Sitting in his chair Harriman gave the General a brief glance before returning his eyes to the computer console in from on him.
"SG-1 failed to make their scheduled routine check in for 1400 hours, Sir. We're currently dialling P2X-117 in order to link in with the MALP and see if we can re-establish contact with the team."
Landry cast his eyes to the spinning gate and watched as the final chevron was announced as locked, the wormhole establishing itself in a blast of brilliant bluish-white light.
"No signal, Sir," announced Harriman. "There must be something wrong with the MALP on their end. Send another through?"
The General gave a nod and a minute or two later the replacement device was moving through the stargate. After a few seconds, a signal was received and Harriman brought the video image up on the main screen. For a moment or two, they could see the area around the gate was swarming with Jaf'fa before the MALP signal was lost amid a blaze of staff weapon fire.
"Bring up those last images," ordered Landry.
The monitor image froze on a picture of Jaf'fa platoons spreading out and away from the gate.
"Well that explains why we haven't heard from SG-1." Landry shook his head at the trouble his flagship had managed to land themselves in. He'd read their files and knew that this was almost par for course for them, but he couldn't help but still feel anxious that one of his teams was now trapped off world on a planet riddled with Jaf'fa. "Send that image down to the anthropologists; I want to know which Goa'uld we're dealing with."
Harriman nodded and began e-mailing the still image. As he did so, he looked up at the General. "Are we sending a team in to rescue them, Sir?"
Landry paused. "Who do we have on base right now?"
Flicking through the data Walter replied, "Just SG-7 and SG-15, Sir."
The General looked down at the floor in disgust. "That's it? A team of scientists and a team with too many injuries? Call up the staff list. Who do we have sitting by idle and whom can we recall from their downtime? Have the list, along with the names from SG-7 and those on SG-15 not injured, to me in fifteen minutes."
With that, Landry stalked out of the control, on his way to his office and a stiff drink from the bottle stored in the bottom draw of his desk. Twenty minutes and one drink later Landry was sifting through the files of those people available for a rescue mission. He'd managed to whittle the pile down to five, but wanted a sixth just to give the team some more firepower as well as aid should any of SG-1 be incapacitated when found. Landry sure as hell wasn't going to entertain the notion that any of SG-1 was already dead.
It was as he considered either going himself on to the front lines or having another drink, that there was a knock at his office door. He half hoped it would be Harriman with some good news for once, but being a glass half empty kind of guy he wasn't holding out much hope.
"Come in," he called, and was surprised to see the young Captain O'Neill enter his office.
"Captain?"
"General, Sir, I just wanted to stop by before I left the base. Brightman says there is nothing else I'm needed for so I won't see you again till I'm on duty in December. I wanted to say thank you for welcoming me onto the base and for kind words about my uncle." Jac felt as if she was laying it on a little thick, but it wasn't often someone at his level said something nice about her last identity.
"You're welcome, Captain."
Jac nodded and waited for her dismissal, which after a few seconds didn't come, and she noticed that the General had gone back to staring at the papers in front of him. Figuring that she had been dismissed she made to move for the door.
"I haven't dismissed you yet, Captain."
Freezing, Jac blushed with mortification at her presumption. She felt like a cadet again. That was the sort of behaviour that Jack could have gotten away with, not Jac. "Sorry, Sir. I assumed you were too busy to bother with dismissing me, Sir."
"Never think that," smiled Landry, before pausing. "I haven't dismissed you because I'm considering a weird and wonderful idea."
"Sir?"
"How much field experience do you have, O'Neill?"
"Off-world, Sir? None?" Stick to the script Jac told herself.
Landry leaned forward in his seat as if sizing up the young officer in front of him. "But you have had experience out in the field, here on Earth, have you not?"
"Yes, Sir."
"And you're up to speed with the zats and staff weapons?"
"Yes, Sir."
Landry pushed himself out of his chair, snatching up a piece of paper with a list of five names on it. "Come with me."
With that order, Landry head back to the control room where he passed the piece of paper to Harriman, ordering to contact those listed and have them report to the briefing room in half an hour. With Jac still trailing he led her deeper into the complex till they arrived at the stores. Grabbing another female officer Landry instructed her to kit Jac out with several sets of BDUs.
"Sir?"
Landry gave Jac a piercing look. "You're going out in the field today, O'Neill."
"Today, Sir?" she squeaked. She could kick herself for squeaking. If Samantha Carter could pull off the self-assured Air Force woman then there was no way in hell that Jacqueline O'Neill couldn't do it too. Which meant no squeaking or giggling while on duty.
"Briefing room, quarter of an hour, Captain" and then Landry was gone.
Jac threw a sheepish look at her fellow female officer and shrugged, giving herself up to the woman to be organised with BDU's.
Fourteen very hurried minutes later, after stuffing her new locker with her selection of BDU's and her now crumpled dress blues in her rush to change her uniform, Jac was rushing to the briefing room in her new BDU's, feeling woefully under prepared for the situation she'd been thrust into. She'd not yet really worked out how to play travelling off-world. How much skill and experience could she display before people began getting suspicious? How little of it before people started dying? Throwing the thought to the wind she breezed into the briefing room and grabbed an empty seat.
"Thank you for coming, Captain," remarked Landry. "I'll open by introducing the team for this mission and then outline what we know and the possible plans. Starting on my left is Colonel Munro from SG-15, Major Killian of SG-4, Lieutenant Jones of SG-9, Captain O'Neill who has been newly assigned to SG-1, Captain Goffrey of SG-15 and Lieutenant Sanderson of SG-7."
The seated personnel all nodded and greeted each other.
"SG-1 were off world on P2X-117 and failed to make the scheduled check in at 1400 hours. On dialling the gate, we received no telemetry from the MALP that had gone through prior to SG-1. A second MALP was dispatched and was destroyed shortly after arrival. From the limited footage that the MALP was able to send back prior to being attacked indicated a planet crawling with Jaf'fa.
"Our team in anthropology was to identify the Goa'uld from the Jaf'fa mark and we now know that we are dealing with Ba'al. Thanks to the first MALP, he will know we have a team on the planet and may well be hunting them right now. Secondly, he will be expecting a rescue team to be coming, which will make gating to '117 a hazardous start.
"Because of the limited teams not currently on downtime or off world I was unable to assign a single team to the rescue effort, hence the team of six at this table I've put together from available personnel."
Jac sent up a little prayer for the protection of Daniel, Sam and Teal'c and groaned inwardly at the realisation of why Landry had drafted her into the mission. He had to be desperate if he had chosen her for this.
"Munro will be leading the rescue with Killian as his second in command. You are all Air Force and have experience in the field so I expect you to work as a team without much effort.
"This will be purely a search and rescue operation. I don't want any heroics from any of you. Just find SG-1 and bring them home. You will gating in half an hour so you don't have long to prep for this. We will be sending several incendiary devices through the gate prior to yourselves, which will hopefully give you the time and space to leave the gate area unmolested. After that, however you will be on your own till you return. Any questions?"
No one had anything to say. Landry dismissed them and the six of them began making their way to the armoury and lockers in order to gear up for the mission. Jac could feel an icy knot forming in her stomach at the prospect of risking Ba'al's Jaf'fa in order to retrieve SG-1. But she knew that no matter how much she invested herself into this new life, she would always be willing to give her all for Jack's former team mates. She could do no less.
Throwing on her gear and rechecking her pack and P90, Jac surveyed her image in the locker room mirror. What looked back at her was an image that was very different to the times she had seen herself in the mirror while living with Sara and Michael. Then she had seen just her new age and new gender and the changes that they had wrought on her body. She had seen the sort of rounded softness that a woman carried with her. Now as she gazed at the dark haired woman in the mirror, loaded down with her battle gear, she saw a soldier and wondered at the contrast.
Surprised at this line of thought she recalled the times she had spent with Sam and realised that this was how Jack had seen the current CO of SG-1. Despite his feelings for her, he had never really seen the woman underneath the rank and wondered, briefly, if that was why Sam had looked elsewhere to find the things she needed to complete her life. Was that what it would be like for her too living as two different people, Jac the woman and Jac the soldier?
For Jack O'Neill there had been no division between man and warrior. That identity had allowed for no difference, which had probably been the root cause in the disintegration of his marriage to Sara. Sure, there had been a myriad of other problems and they had been drifting before Charlie had died, but Jac could look back and see he had quite often treated Sara as a subordinate rather than a wife. Treating things like his emotions as something that was need to know. It hadn't always been like that and with the old O'Neill charm, he had romanced her often, which was probably why the relationship has lasted as long as it had.
Despite the emotional pain involved in Sam's decision to start a relationship with Pete Shanahan, Jac could now look back and think that perhaps a relationship between Carter and her male self would have ended in disaster, Jack O'Neill was too scarred and unable to separate the man from the solider that was her CO. It wasn't something she wanted to dwell on in the face of the foolish dreams that had been nursed over the previous seven years, but Jac thought it might bring her some measure of comfort now that such a romantic relationship with Carter was completely out of the question since the events of P5X-878.
Nodding to herself in the mirror Jac up and left the locker room. She had five more minutes before she was due at the gate room for the rescue team's departure for '117. When she arrived, she found that, as with the briefing room meeting, she was the last of the assembled team to make an appearance. As she entered she thought she caught Jones and Sanderson sharing some comment about 'women taking forever to get ready when going out'. That was something that Jack would have sat on if he had been in charge, even if Carter had never been assigned to SG-1. But Jac wasn't CO or even second in command of the rescue effort, so she had to bite her tongue and hope that Munro or Killian would discipline the pair for the comment.
However neither of them did anything, appearing to dismiss the words as being of no concern, Munro instead keeping his eye on the rotating inner ring of the gate as the sixth chevron was locked into place. Moments later the final symbol was announced as being encoded and locked, the wormhole of the gate spilling outwards into existence. Six SF's took positions at the bottom of the ramp, three standing and three crouching, and all brandishing grenade launchers.
On Landry's order, the six fired, the grenades disappearing into the smooth blue event horizon of the gate. Thirty seconds later the General gave the go ahead and Munro and Killian led the team up the ramp and into the gate. Jac threw one final glance back at the gate room of the SGC and wondered just what waited for Jacqueline O'Neill on the other side of the wormhole.