Disclaimer:
I do not own anyone or anything associated with the Haruhi Suzumiya Series and whatever else I'm going to include here in this fanfic; they all belong to their respective creators - so no surprise there.
I'm just writing this down for my personal entertainment as well as for others.
Trapped in the SOS Brigade's clubroom at North High and surrounded by rabid fangirls with no other options for a desperate escape but suicide, Koizumi Itsuki looked at the bottle of sleeping pills he had on his hand and sadly, sighed. He did not really believe that this was happening. How could this have happened in the first place, anyway?
Oh wait, he knew.
It happened because of a crack in his reality which leaked out to another reality formed an impossible bridge of travel that let people from his world to go to the other world and vice versa due to Haruhi Suzumiya's bizarre ability to warp reality itself to her whims. The Esper remembered feeling his smiling facade break when he noticed.
Outside his weakening safe haven, countless pretty fangirls foamed at the mouth as they repeatedly swung their fireaxes (Where the hell did they get that many, by the way?) at the somehow heavily fortified clubroom, all screaming obscure profanities and each claiming that he would be with the said claimant forever - a thought that chilled him to his very core - as they slowly closed the distance, the distance being the battered wooden door.
Koizumi was glad he was alone to spend his final moments, because at least no-one would see him commit suicide whilst crying like a man. Taking off the lid of the bottle and peering inside it, he felt himself renewed by the thought of leaving this mortal plane with his virginity intact (He was saving it for Kyon). Then in one swoop he took all the pills into his mouth and drank it down with some alcohol he had retrieved sometime ago, because why the fuck not?
"Good-bye, cruel world!" He said melodramatically, his body shaking in anticipation of his death as if it was paper.
Then suddenly, his stomach stopped working and the door burst open, revealing his murderous fangirls.
Five seconds later, Koizumi's face paled.
And then, he finally died.
Not of the pills he took, but of the numerous fireaxes that tore him apart.