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The world is not always kind to people who are different, but since coming out you find that you can be at least a little kinder to yourself. The air is not as suffocating, your house is not as restricting, and your style has definitely shifted more to your liking. You, against all odds, are actually kind of happy. Happy enough to start actually connecting with people; happy enough to try and reach out to Emily. You are fully aware that Maya has been back in the picture for a little while now, and you are aware that you are not that kind of person to try and steal people away, but you are also aware that you would like some type of connection to Emily again. You are not sure if you have ever been more excited than when you tell her you came out to your family. If the shock in her face is anything to go by you made the right decision in letting her know. During the remainder of your volunteering experience you can feel her eyes on you, hear the lightness in her laughter, and you can feel a jolt of something special when she smiles at you as she leaves. You are not sure what it means, but you know it cannot be bad. Your honesty has made her willing to open up to you again. Perhaps not in the way you are hoping, since dating Emily Fields has always been atop your hidden bucket list, but you much prefer being a participant in her life than a fly on her wall. Which is why when she asks you for your friendship at the school dance, wearing that flawlessly fitted green ball gown, you cannot help but glow. You are thankful she also wants you back in her life, but you are the same amount grateful in yourself that you are finally strong enough to just be around Emily without any condition. You talk for as much as you can throughout the dance: catching up on the other's life while enjoying the peace that so naturally settles when you are together.

You are excited to be making the amends you have sought, joyous for the future, until you hear of Maya's tragedy, and although you reach out to Emily in solidarity you do not dare try to step on any toes as she grieves. You attend your father's church regularly during the summer, something you have not done since middle school, praying deeply for Emily's well-being and healing while she is in Haiti. She arrives home in August and it takes everything you have to not go embrace her in a hug of support, but you recognize she needs space from the world and so you continue your daily prayers. When she arrives drunk and upset at your house one night you help as best you can: you grab water, a blanket, and you offer any comforting words that come to mind. As she sloppily pulls your lips onto hers you still feel that electric shock, but it is so consumed by heartbreak that you cannot help but to gently shove her off. As she stumbles out of the doorway this will become the first interaction you two have ever had where you hope she does not remember.

Weeks pass in which all you can do is watch her exist within a haze of her former self. You can feel her depression and your heart is more broken than ever as you witness her pain. You send her encouraging texts and warm smiles, but you never try to push her limits. Until the day she decides she wants to hang out. Admittedly, you would go hang out with her in a sewer if needed but a Katy Perry concert is definitely better. That is, until it is not a concert, but a fancy birthday party where everyone is uppity and the only plus is Emily in a tie. All you wish to do is get a chance to make Emily smile again, however, the next thing you know you are at the hospital getting stiches and hiding away from her with the hopes the world swallows you whole so you do not have to deal with the internal shame of getting drugged. But she finds you, of course she finds you, and as you wait for her to drop the hammer of her opinions she grabs your face. She tells you not to look away, and she kisses you. She kisses you and you kiss back and the energy surrounding you is static. She clings to both your body and presence and you have never felt more alive. She is asking for all of you, all that you have to give- in every way, and you have been desiring to open yourself to her for longer than you can remember. Clothes are off and you are in the pool, introducing one another to your bodies. You come together and it is perfect. As she leaves that night you swear the smile on your face will never fade away: Emily Fields asked you to be her girlfriend and for the first time ever you are not afraid to say yes.

There are not enough happy descriptors that allow you to express aloud how you feel when you are with Emily. You hold hands in public, you hug in public, you kiss in public. You do dirty things, not necessarily in public, but the fact that the option is there is thrilling. Skinny dipping in the pool, baking cupcakes on rainy days, Netflix and chilling when A has been far too much: the world of being with Emily Fields is far more interesting than the world itself. She is in constant danger, but there is a not so secret pride you have in knowing that you are one of the very few who she feels safe around. You are definitely the only one whom she shares her intimate dreams with. She will come to you for comfort, and you will go to her for love. She will come to you for a break from reality, and you will go to her for excitement. The balance between the both of you is palpable, and even if her friends are not always supportive they still begrudgingly admit that a strong bond is present. A bond that can withstand beatings.

One of the first beatings comes with Emily's brief infidelity. When you watch her kiss Nate you are angry. How could you not find a way to be good enough for her? But then she tells you honestly about what happened, without any prodding, and you find yourself accepting the situation more than you ever thought possible. Emily's heart still hurts, and although you make it clear that cheating is never alright, you forgive her because the joy she brings is far more meaningful than any kiss she gave away.

You assume all is in the clear until her friends start accusing you of being A. You would be more hurt (seriously how could they ever assume you would do anything to even annoy Emily) if it were not for Emily's steadfast trust in you. She knows who you really are, where your affections lie, and you are grateful. You appreciate her support even when the oppressors are her friends and if you were not fully confident in the depth of your relationship before you most certainly are aware now. In fact, you are so confident in your connection at this point that you decide to finally open up to Emily about your past with Alison the bully, as you knew her. You almost feel bad painting Emily's deceased friend in a bad light, but you want openness in your relationship, and since Emily wants the true you without reservations it is time that she understands what you have suffered. Few things are harder than coming clean about your torment, but she holds you stronger than anyone ever has and the process to mend the scars accelerates with ease. She looks at you not as a victim, but as a brave and brilliant young woman who has overcome so much. No one has looked at you with that kind of admiration and you finally allow yourself to start moving on; she wants to move forward by your side.

You wish it did not have to take a kidnapping to prove you were not A, but at least Spencer has backed off. Emily has been a constant. She calls every evening, texts every hour, and plans hidden meeting spots so that you could be together even for a little while without the concerned monitoring of your parents. Perhaps the craziest part of the whole ordeal is that even though you were abducted, held hostage, and almost murdered you have never felt a need to run away from Emily. In fact, you feel closer, having officially promised yourself that you will do all in your power to protect her now that you know the lengths some people will go to hurt the girls. You team up with Caleb to research any possible clue they have come across, you stay up late while Emily sleeps so that you can scare off any monster under the bed, and you even went so low as to reach out to your ex-girlfriend for help. The meeting between Emily and Shana may not have been the way you hoped for Emily to find out about your dating history but you are thankful for the reminder of how great life is now compared to that summer. Emily's jealousy is surprising, but admittedly not unwelcomed. You are learning to let yourself enjoy being loved, and feeling Emily's need to claim you as her own is great motivation. Shana was a nice distraction, but you finally have the girl you have always desired, the girl you have always loved, and you are appreciative for the moment you are able to tell Emily this.

As your parents constantly remind you: college applications are due soon. You are not fully sure where you want to go, you have some nice offers that you really were not expecting, but you are more concerned with who you would be going with. As you spend the day mustering up the courage to ask Emily to invest in your collective future, you wonder if you are now the one pushing too far. But you will never know if you do not ask, and you would rather know how committed you both are as a couple as opposed to potentially letting a good thing fizzle out due to fear. When she responds with an elated yes to Stanford you think you may pass out. When she tells you she loves you, you know you will pass out. She grounds you, as she always has, with a kiss that speaks of inevitability and destiny far more than just attraction.

Then she gets hurt. Evil A ruining another great opportunity, but you refuse to give up. Swimming may be what initially connected you two but love will hold you together. She says she still wants a future with you, only you, and you are sure there has never been a greater phrase of affection.

You want to make her birthday special and you want to help her with Stanford recruitment, but you push a little too far. She is not happy with the surprise party and especially not happy with the surprise meeting with the coach. You know her reactions are stress related, but you also know you will never stop trying to heal the wounds. She says you guys will probably have to end things next year before you move 3000 miles away and you are positive a heart has never broken as quick. Even with the awkward air, neither of you is willing to relinquish the relationship yet so you proceed forward. At first it is hard, not really knowing how to continue on, until Emily asks you to dance at the Hoedown. As she holds you tight and spins you around you have finally convinced yourself that everything will work out. You go on dates again. You cook her breakfast in bed when her parents are not home and she sneaks into your bedroom almost every night so that she could be closer to you. You both start looking in to colleges that could make the distance a little less stifling. Laughter becomes easier again, the love strengthens even further.

All of a sudden she gets distant, starts mentioning Ali. You try to be respectful and not blanch at the name of her deceased friend and apparent former crush. She does not exactly push you away but her thoughts are rarely with you anymore. You try your best to be supportive with whatever situation she is experiencing. You surprise her with little adventures and trinkets of love, and although she seemingly enjoys each moment she is definitely not herself. You think it is an ordinary day: she is distant but will find at least a moment to give you some loving while you continue to plot ways to spoil her, when you find out about Ali being alive. You panic, not necessarily at what this means regarding your relationship, but definitely regarding what this means for you and Emily as individuals. You recognize that may be a selfish thought but the scars have dug themselves so deep that they are impossible to ignore. You try talking some sense into Emily: Ali has been gone for years, Emily's life has already been threatened, why take the risk? But Emily is loyal and stubborn like a mule; as much as you hate to admit it you may actually love her more for how dedicated she is to anyone that gives her the chance. What you cannot swallow is how nonchalant the girls are treating this moment. The dead girl is alive. The dead girl who has been missing the entire time that Emily has been hurt and threatened and scared now expects everyone to drop everything and help her. You are so tired of the games these girls have to go through; so tired of the confusion and instability they suffer; tired enough to take matters into your own hands with the hopes that the police have more connections. You write up a note and drop it into the cop car.

You should not be surprised to find out that Emily knows what you did. Her extreme anger is a little off-putting: you were trying to help, you were protecting her like you promised you would. She does not recognize that Ali can find help elsewhere in her family or the police, and this scares you. Not for your own sake, but because you just hope that Emily does not fall into Alison's manipulations as easily as she once did. Emily has become a beautifully strong young woman and the greatest heartache you could suffer is watching that brilliance fade away because someone else darkens her light. Emily does not bother listening to your reasoning, she is enraged at you, but you refuse to feel guilty. You cannot feel guilty because you did what you had to do to protect Emily and her friends. But as Emily looks at you with her broken, watery eyes and says goodbye you wish that reasoning was enough to stop the bleeding in your heart. You let her go, and go back to being just Paige.