Episode 3: Wedding Bells
Disclaimer: I do not own America's Next Top Model or Harry P.
"Welcome everyone to America's Next Top Model: Harry Potter Edition, today's episode is 'Wedding Bells'." inducted KayKrissi "I am your host KayKrissi, my co-host is Cylobaby, Voldemort is one of the regulars, and our guest judge today is Professor Snape."
Everyone starts to cough, even Voldie..
"Last episode, we had Neville Longbutt get voted off the show by our judges and Narcissa was a judge as well, Malfoy's mommy," laughed Cylo.
"For the last firkin' time, why the heck did you get my mother to be a judge, you insane bitch," shrieked Malfoy.
"Even though I love you Draco dear, you need to let the professionals handle the job," corrected Kay, winking at him several times.
"I can fix that twitch if you want me too, I have the best magical skills in the world because I am Hermione Granger," bragged Hermione.
"I don't need any witches help, and besides Cylo stole your wands," shouted Kay "Anyhow, the show is going to be based off of a Bridal Ad for a magazine called Abnormal Gowns, ya'll will be paired as a groom and a bride; but some might be a groom and a groom."
"If…I still..had my form..I would be a groom, a groom that cleans floors, but I put that past aside me and I became the first to…RULE THE WORLD," hissed Voldemort.
"Shut up Voldie, no one cares that you tried to kill everyone in the wizard world?" said Cylo, snickering and kicking the back of Voldemort's chair.
"Hey, I care! My parents got killed by him, you unrespectful load of …..-" shouted Harry.
"The boy has a point…," hissed Voldie to Cylo, then cringed as she glowered at him.
"Ha I stick finger up Krum nose, Krum pull finger," chuckled Viktor picking his nose with frustration.
"I am leaving for a long bathroom break, and Hufflepuff looses 60 points," shrieked Snape "Next time I want to be on television, I'll say…hmph," he cut off suddenly, becoming aware of Cylobaby's fierce presence at his side.
"I will name out the pairs, you will go into costume and make-up and pose for the camera, okay, here goes," smiled Kay.
"What did you do to Neville anyway?" asked Hermione.
"Let's just say he went to Care Bear Land, a nice WARM place," shouted Cylo "And stop being a smart butt."
"Sorry Kay, but Cylo seems to be the woman for me. Want to meet later at the crib for some one on one, X and X," growled Malfoy, licking his teeth and smirking.
"Excuse me!" yelled Kay and Hermione at the same time.
"No one cares about your needs, Herm-a-Toad, and, Cylo, lay off the man meat, you get Serious and I get Blondie! That was our deal," roared Kay "Ok, let's get on with the pairing," she simpered, suddenly sweet.
"I think it's spelled Sirius, even Ron knows that," corrected Harry rolling his eyes.
"What, did someone say my name again?" asked Ron waking up from drooling on his shirt.
"Malfoy and Kay are our first couple," said Kay with a grin.
"What? You're a judge, that can't happen," screamed Ginny.
"Well, if you like Draco, you can be paired with him," said Cylo while strangling Voldemort.
"I am almost dead, remember? ALMOST still means I am alive," hissed Voldemort.
"Fine, then I will be paired with Malfoy, if it makes you guys happy," said Ginny.
"But Ginny…your my girlfriend…remember back at the house?" cried Harry, completely out of no where.
"Sorry Fuckotter, she is my girl now..I like this show Potter loses girl, I get girl, I get Kay, and I get Cylo; life is good being born beautiful," Malfoy laughed.
(Harry begins to cry really loud and Voldemort finds out his weakness).
"Malfoy and Ginny."
"Hermione and Viktor."
"Harry and Ron."
"What, did someone say my name again?" asked Ron who started picking crumbs off of his shirt and eating them.
"You paired me up with Ron, but I am a man, see? Look I have a man hair cut, why does this happen to me," whined Harry pleading to the sky.
"Maybe because you wouldn't let me kill you," hissed Voldemort.
"You're gay anyways, so just get over it, okay Malfoy and Ginny get your dress and suit on for the photo shoot; we will be back after this short commercial break from our sponsors," smiled Kay, who sighed right when the cameras stopped rolling.
Commercial:
"Hey Bobby do you like to read," – Announcer
"Yeah," – Boy
"Then read a book," – Announcer
"I want to read Harry Potter and the Crap Stone," – Boy
"Don't read that one, Harry Potter cried on live television, don't be a pansy!" – Announcer
"Okay, I will go read Fluffy Love in The Clouds of Flying Ponies," – Boy
"That's better, son, don't be a pansy like Harry Potter," – Announcer
America's Next Top Model-
"Great how many people watch this cheap show," sighed Harry disgusted by the commercial.
"Everyone who is anyone who wants to be someone watches this show for someone who wants to be anyone who watches it like everyone," hissed Cylo, who was getting angry with Potter.
"Back to the show, this is America's Next Top Model: Harry Potter Edition, and Ginny and Malfoy will be sporting the regular white and black garment," smiled Kay, who had a long nap during the commercial break.
(Cylo takes her place behind the camera and the couple poses).
"Okay, I want you two to kiss and that will be it after I say three and then you two will go into the lobby to wait for judging," shrugged Cylo, who was chewing on a piece of gum.
"What the…first, my girl leaves me and know she kisses Draco in front of me of all people, I quit!" screamed Harry who began to cry again.
"You can't quit, because I am the one who teleports you home; and the show has a new twist if you win you don't go to the WARM place," shouted Kay.
"One, Three."
(Ginny and Malfoy start to make-out.)
"Get...a room...get a room," hissed Voldemort.
"Fine, we'll get it on in the lobby; let's go Ginny," chuckled Malfoy grabbing Ginny and carrying her out.
"My life sucks…please, somebody kill me," Harry shouted to the skies.
"With pleasure…" hissed Voldemort.
"You can kill him after the episode…geez Louise," Kay snickered.
"Hermione and Viktor will be sporting the famous neon underwater garment; they got dressed during the commercial about pansy boy," Kay explained.
"Hey did someone say my name?" asked Ron, who jumped at the word pansy.
"One, One ½, Two, Two ½, Two ¾, Three,"
(Viktor is picking his nose and Hermione is hugging her mermaid tail around him.)
"Viktor is handsome devil. Krum looks good," Krum laughed while the two went into the lobby.
"And last we have Harry and Ron sporting the new Slytherin collection of tuxes!" said Kay, motioning for them to enter the stage.
"I feel like an evil git," muttered Harry as he entered.
Snape jumped to his feet. "You should be honored to be wearing the Slytherin colors!"
"Yeah, right!" shouted Harry. "Are you completely-"
Cylo pulled Snape back down to the chair beside her. As she murmured threats in his ear, Kay said, "Now pose!"
The boys stood back-to-back, wearing expressions of extreme disgust. Well, at least Harry was; Ron was busy munching on some leftover McDonald's fries.
Once their photos had finished developing and the judges had finally come to an agreement (though Cylo had to threaten several people), the contestants were allowed back into the room.
"Alright, well, I'll call out the names of the people who are still in the running to be America's Next Top Model: Harry Potter Edition! First, we have Ginny!"
Ginny broke off from her fierce snogging of Draco to smile at Kay, then returned with vigor. "Then, we have Harry!"
"Ron!"
Ron looked up in slight surprise. "Huh?"
"Now, our last two contestants need to step forward." Hermione and Viktor took a step forward.
"Honestly, your picture simply frightened me. Look at the way you wear that! Didn't you realize that neon goes horribly with your complexion?"
"You made us wear that!" protested Hermione indignantly.
"Just for that, you lose! Viktor, congrads!" said Cylo. "Come on Hermione, let's send you back to where you belong."
"At least I get to go home now," said Hermione.
"Who said anything about home?" asked Cylo before pressing the Fire Pit Button.
"See you next time on ANTMHPE next time on our Muggle slash wizard channel! Who will win? You'll have to vote to find out, sillies!" said Kay, waving to the camera. Then, the screen went black.
In the end Hermione was heard screaming but it doesn't mean she was harmed. Scratch that, people were harmed in the making of this show and we will ask you to refrain from calling the police, THANK YOU!
Thanks for reading. Please review. And the sooner you review the sooner I post the next chapter.
- Cylobaby and KayKrissi