Chapter 3: Things Are Changing
I try to sleep for another hour after Damon left my room before we're all going on a camping trip, but the moment between us keeps me awake. For a moment I felt I saw the real him. He's a mystery to me and I just need to know what would keep a beautiful man like him up at night.
A knock on my door is successfully snapping me out of my thoughts. "Come in." I say softly.
"Good morning, Elena. I just wanted to wake you up so you can pack a bag for the camping trip, we're leaving in an hour and breakfast is in a half hour." My dad says softly.
"Sure dad, I'll be ready." I promise him.
"Good, I'm gonna try to get your brother out of bed." He smiles and I giggle, I know how hard it can be to get him up and even harder to get him outside and away from his xbox.
I get out of bed suddenly I'm happy that I showered a few hours ago since I don't have time now. I grab a backpack where I put my clothes in, I make sure to pack for at least a week since I know my dad loves camping and we probably won't be back before weeks end. I put a few other things in my bag before I get dressed in a top and a pair of jeans, I pull a sweater over my head since we're going outdoor.
A half hour later I'm ready and I fit my stuff into one backpack, I decided that makeup is not for this trip, I've been on serval camping trips with my dad and I know that makeup and heels will just make me miserable or even worse, I'll look like a princess. This is the first step to show Damon that I'm not and I don't want to be a princess.
I walk downstairs with my backpack in my hand, I decide to put it with the rest of my dad's stuff by the door and that's when I see Damon. He's putting a bag on the floor next to the others and when he turns around he looks at me weirdly.
"One bag? No heels and no makeup?" He asks shocked. "You are a girl, right?" He asks teasingly and I blush remembering this morning, but snap out of it quickly.
"I don't need it, its a camping trip and camping trips with my dad always gets dirty." I smile determined to tease him.
"So you're seriously trying to prove you're not a princess?" He smirks knowing that one word gets to me.
"I'm no princess nor do I have a desire to be, you'll see soon enough." I smile not letting him get to me.
"Looking forward to it, Miss Gilbert." He grins.
"Good, Mr. Salvatore." I grin, he turns to walk away but stops his tracks for a moment and turns around.
"By the way no makeup is a nice look on you, I hope to see that more often." He smiles genuinely and I blush, I think he just gave me a compliment.
"Count on it." I smile as I follow him to the kitchen.
When we get to the kitchen I see my dad, Lily and Stefan, but my brother is nowhere to be seen anywhere. Damon takes a seat next to his brother and I look knowingly at my dad.
"Elena can you please go wake up your brother? No matter what I do and he still sleeps." My dad says tiredly.
"I'll go." I promise him.
Damon looks a little confused over at me probably wondering why I would have better luck with getting a teenage boy up at this hours if his dad can't. The truth is that since my mom died I kinda took over and in someways I'm his mother now, he talks only to me about things because he's feels the same loss as I do. I knock on his door before entering and that where I see him in his bed, one look at him and I know he took something last night it's his way of dealing.
"Jeremy?" I ask softly.
"What?" He groans.
"A rough nightmare?" I ask knowingly, he started doing drugs because he misses his mom and because of the nightmares, he was pretty shaken last night.
"Yeah." He admits.
"I had it too." I whisper. "Please Jer, you gotta stop doing this, I can't lose you too." I whisper.
"I know, I just-." I cut his off.
"I'm not judging, I'm scared for you." I say softly as I sit down beside him.
"I know, sis." He says softly, I feel so bad for him since he blames himself just like I do.
"Jer, remember this it wasn't your fault and I never want you to think that." I assure him, I know it was my fault so I can't let him take the blame.
"It wasn't yours either." He whisper knowing me as well as I know him.
"Don't." I say, I can't hear this.
"It wasn't." He insists and I shake my head, I don't need to relive again.
"Let's just not talk about it right know, you need to get up. We're leaving for the camping trip in 20 minutes and it will be good for us, Jer." I assure him.
"Alright, can you help me pack?" He asks and I nod, mom always used to do that and Jeremy is only 13, he can do it of course, but I know he need this.
I help him pack his stuff fast before we walk downstairs, I hug him before we're with the others because I know he hates to feel weak. I don't think he is, but he thinks that because he need me. He walks in the kitchen and I stand there for a minute, I need to calm down before joining them all again and just when I'm about to walk back in I hear Damon's voice.
"I saw that, what's with your brother?" He asks concerned.
"Shh." I snap at him before pulling him with me away from the kitchen ignoring the feeling I get when I touch him. He looks confused as he allows me to push him backwards until we're out of sight. "My dad doesn't know because my brother don't want him to so please don't say anything to anyone, and please don't tell my brother you saw he's too fragile right now." I beg him.
"I won't tell." He promises. "Now tell me?" He asks concerned and I sigh normally I wouldn't say anything, but he caught me in a weak moment where I can't really lie and I don't have the strength to fight him on this one.
"He misses mom and he can't deal, the reason why my dad couldn't wake him is because he's on drugs. He haven't done it for about a month, but the nightmares it's too much for him sometimes, he wants no one's pity. It's important he never knows that you know, I'm afraid of what he'll do to himself." I explain and I tear fall from my eyes, I'm terrified for my brother.
"Shh, it'll be alright Elena. I won't tell anyone. I was there last night, I saw enough to know that it's not easy." He whispers as he dries my tear away, I look up at him and it's clear from his expression that he knows this kind of pain. "He talks to you then?" He asks.
"Yeah, when my mom died I became his mother in someways. Someone had to look after him when my dad was too hurt to see what was going on." I confess.
"What about you? Didn't you grief too?" He asks.
"In secret mostly, someone had to be there to keep this family together so I did." I whisper.
"I had no idea, I'm sorry." He says genuinely.
"It's okay, I just need to be there for my brother since him and dad aren't on good terms." I say dismissing this conversation before I put on my game face and walk away. Damon follows me quietly without saying a word, he seems to see me differently after last night so in a way I'm glad he found out and asked questions. As I predicted my dad and my brother are already arguing.
"You're going and that's final." My dad snaps.
"And if I don't want to?" My brother asks.
"Then I'll make you." He threatens.
"Hey, what's going on?" I ask jumping to my brothers defense knowing very well that Damon is in the kitchen too.
"Dad still wants me to go to boarding school." Jeremy snaps.
"Dad come on, mom died two years ago, Jer is not ready to leave yet, this was the plan before. We need a new one now." I reason.
"I think it would be good for him." My dad says determined.
"No, if you want us all to be a family here then we all need to be here otherwise it will be hard for Jer to be a part of this new family." I reason once again and my dad expression softens.
"You're right, Elena. Fine Jeremy, you win if you don't want to go you can stay here, but college is still something I want you to do." He says giving in.
"That's fine." My brother agrees and I let out a relived breath, Jeremy doesn't even start high school in years so we have time before we even have to think about college. I sit down next to my brother as my dad leaves, I'm aware that Damon is still watching me. "Thanks sis, he would never have listened to me." He says relived.
"I know Jer, but I won't just let him send you away, things would be different if you wanted to go, but I know you don't." I comfort him. I grab a cup of coffee and once I filled a cup I hand it to Jeremy knowing that he needs it after he got high, I fill up my own.
"Thanks sis." He smiles knowingly.
"Just don't let dad catch you with that, he'll kill me." I whisper to him and I hear Damon chuckle as he sits down I hand him a cup knowing by now that he drinks coffee in the morning.
"Thanks." He smiles. I'm relieved when he doesn't comment on my dad and brother fighting.
An hours passes before we're out the door and finally heading for the mountains where Jer and I used to go camping with our dad. Half an hour later we're there, they made sure we would all have our own tent. I have always setup my own tent so I do just that before helping my brother do the same, once we're done putting our belongings in our tent my brother and I start to make a fire.
"Is there anything about this camping thing you can't do?" Damon asks impressed as he walks by.
"Haven't come across anything yet." I smirk at him and my brother grins before walking away for more wood.
"I was impressed by the hiking with your baggage and a tent, but you're the fastest to even put a tent up!" He says looking at he differently from this morning, it would seem that he'll be convinced that I'm not a princess before we go home.
"That was nothing, just wait and see." I smirk.
"It would seem like I misjudged you." He grins.
"Is that a good or a bad thing?" I ask.
"In this case it's definitely a good thing." He smirks.
"That's good to know." I smile.
"You were good with him, your brother." He says softly.
"We've always been close."
"I can see that, you're really caring." He says observantly.
"Thanks." I smile at him as my brother returns with more wood.
"Hey sis, can you show me how you do it again?" He asks my referring to the way I light a fire with two stones.
"Sure." I smile as I pick up two stones, my brother fills the fire with old papers and I hit the stones agains each other until I get sparks enough to light the fire up.
"It never gets old." My brother grins and I love it when I can get him to smile.
"Impressive." Damon grins.
"She used to do this all the time when we went here before with dad." Jeremy grins wider, we haven't done this since mom died.
"I see she still got it." My dad grins.
"Of course I do." We all sit by the fire, making dinner together. I really just love camping ever since we came here the first time when I was eight.
...
Later that evening my dad goes for a walk with Lily, my brother is in his tent and I have no idea where Stefan and Damon is. I sit by the fire enjoying the silence when suddenly I feel someone's presence.
"Hey Elena." Stefan says as he sits down beside me.
"Hey." I smile.
"You're really good at this camping thing." He compliments me.
"Thanks, so how are you doing with everything?" I ask hopefully.
"Definitely better, all thanks to you." He smiles wholeheartedly.
"I'm happy to hear that."
"I think I'll head to bed, it has been a long day." He smiles.
"It definitely has, I'll see you in the morning." I smile back.
I sit alone watching the fire for a while before my dad and Lily is back, but I don't talk to them and they head straight to bed. Suddenly I see Damon, he clearly went for a walk alone in the woods, he sits down besides me.
"Good evening, Elena." He says silently.
"Good evening." I smile.
We sit there in silence stealing glances at each other for a while before heading to bed and I feel exhausted, I fall asleep instantly thinking about mesmerizing blue eyes and for a moment it's all nice and quiet.
I feel like I'm drowning, I'm in the car. I keep banging on the window, but the won't budge and I look over at my brother he's still breathing, but barely and then I look at my mother. I scream when I realize that she's not breathing. I'm scared and I know my brother is dying, I feel myself starting to lose consciousness and I panic even more because I know if I give in to the darkness we'll all die.
"Elena, please wake up!" Someone's shaking my trying to wake me up, I wake up panting still in complete panic. "Shh, it's okay, it was just a nightmare. You're safe." His words comfort me and I can breathe again. "What happened?" Damon asks softly holding me tight to him and I'm still shaking.
"It was my fault." I whisper pained.
"What?" He asks worriedly.
"It was all my fault." I whisper as my tears fall freely.
"Shh, you're okay." He whispers. "Elena tell me what happened?" He says gently and I shake my head.
"It was my fault." I repeat again and again and again.
He sits with me for I don't know how long just holding me until I finally stop crying and start to calm down again. After a while he move to get up, but I hold on to him, I can't bare to be alone.
"Please don't go." I whimper.
"Our parents shouldn't find me here." He says slightly worried.
"Just don't go." I beg.
"I'll stay until you fall asleep." He says laying down and I hold on to him. I feel safe with him here like nothing could happen to me and within minutes I'm out like I light, all the crying exhausted me.
I wake up because the heat is melting me and I open my eyes only to realize that Damon and I are wrapped around each other again just like yesterday, his arm is around my waist and one of my legs is between his. My arm is around his stomach and my head rests on his chest. I realize that once again we're underdressed, he's only wearing boxers and I'm wearing a top and panties.
I'm shocked that he stayed I'm getting attached to him and that's really not good, I'm almost afraid to move. I remember the nightmare from last night and now he just sat with me for hours. I remember how I almost told him everything and I'm kinda happy I didn't since I know nothing of this beautiful man. I feel him stir and I'm almost afraid to look at him.
"Good morning, Elena." He says, his voice hoarse.
"Good morning." I whisper.
"How are you?" He asks as I awkwardly pull way and pull my top down.
"I'm better now, thank you for waking me up and for staying." I smile weakly.
"No problem, I'm sorry about the way I acted towards you when we first met, I judged you before I knew you. You're not who I made you out to be." He says seeming almost embarrassed.
"It's alright." I whisper.
"You're so forgiving even when I hurt you and your still forgiving." He says in wonder.
"When I feel there's reason to be and you didn't hurt me, the bruises are almost gone." I say as I dare myself to look up at him, his smile is disarming and I feel warm inside.
"Elena, you can always come to me if there's anything, it would seem like you keep your pain on the inside and I can't bare if you keep doing that." He whispers.
"Thank you, but why do I get the feeling that you do the same?" I ask, I've seen the fear and hurt in his eyes, but also the compassion. He knows this, he feels this and I believe no one knows about it.
"Because I do, Elena." He sighs.
"How?" I whisper.
"I'll tell you about it sometime, but not right now. I need to get out of here before someone finds us like this." He smirks.
"Okay." I whisper.
"I'm sorry about your mother." He whispers.
"Thanks." I say weakly and before I think what I'm doing I hug him and to my surprise he hugs me back when we pull apart I feel embarrassed. "I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me." I whisper looking down, I feel his hand caress my chin before he makes my gaze meet his.
"Don't be sorry, it's nice to feel wanted and needed." He smiles.
"You are." I admit taking him completely by surprise.
"I really misjudged you and I'm happy you proved me wrong, but I was right."
"Right in what?" I ask confused.
"You are a princess, but only in the best way. You're sweet, forgiving, loving, understanding and you always puts others before yourself, you're everything a good princess should be and most of all you deserve people treating you like one - with respect and care." He says passionately and my heart flutters because of his kind words.
"I don't mind being called a princess if that what you mean when you say it." I blush.
"I didn't a week ago, but now I do." He assures me.
"You're very sweet, Damon." I say.
"Normally I would take offense if someone called me sweet, but I don't when you say it." He says while caressing me cheek, I close my eyes enjoying the warm feeling I get and when I reopen my eyes I notice how close we are and I kinda like it.
I look at his beautiful face as I softly return his sweet gesture and caress his cheek, his breathing hitches in his throat and he closes his eyes briefly when he reopens them I notice that his eyes are much darker than before. I feel the effect he has on me all over my body, my stomach and somewhere deep and unexplored.
My gaze drops to his lips and I don't understand the feeling of joy I experience when he moves closer, I can feel his breath on my lips and that makes me more desperate to feel his lips on mine. My breathing hitches in my throat I feel his hand move to the back of my head supporting my neck as he moves even closer, I know this is wrong, but it feels so right.
A moment later I feel his lips on mine and it's nothing like I ever imagined it to be it's so much better, I feel joy exploding in my stomach. This kiss is slow, gentle, passionate, it feels like I always dreamed it would feel like. My hands automatically finds their way around his neck deepening the kiss as his hands find their way to my waist bringing me closer where I'm more than happy to be. I grind against him lost in pleasure and he groans, my hands is in his hair pulling it gently.
Suddenly I'm on my back on the mattress with him on top of me, the kiss heats up and it's no longer gently instead it's hot and passionate. I'm completely lost in him, he's everything I want a guy to be mysterious, caring, passionate, sweet, understanding and at times when needed, gentle. I run my hands up and down of his back, I move my legs further apart and he settles in between them kissing me senseless.
His hands are all over my body just feeling me like he wants to make sure that I'm really here and it warms my heart. I move us over so that I'm on top of him, he looks surprised at me I lean down and kiss him again, I feel drunk off his kisses and I never want him to stop.
I can't even think straight until I hear a tent zipper and Damon seems to pick up on that as well. I jump off him and he sits up while I hold my breath, it's my dad and Lily. I hear them say something before I can barely hear them, I let out a relived breath and so does Damon. I finally look over at him and I think he looks as shocked as I feel, what just happened?
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have." He whispers.
"It's okay, I shouldn't say this, but I liked it." I whisper and he appears shocked for a moment.
"So did I," He admits heatedly and my heart flutters. "but you know we can't." He reasons.
"I know." I manage to breathe out. "Does this mean you won't talk to me anymore?" I whisper fearfully.
"Of course not, I meant everything I just said. We just can't let ourselves get carried away like this though." He says with a slight sad smile.
"I know." I regretfully.
"I'll better go get dressed before they come back, but I'll see you out there soon, right?" He asks hopefully.
"Sure." I smile.
I watch as he leaves and I think about what just happened, I don't understand yesterday he didn't even like me all that much and a minute ago we kissed. I felt attracted to him when I first saw him, but he didn't feel it surely? But then what just happened? No this just can't happen, what just happened was in the heat of the moment, a mistake, but if that's true then why do I feel like I'm trying to convince myself of that?
I get dressed before I leave my tent and walk to the fire where I see Damon sitting, I walk over to him and sit behind him.
"Hi." I say shyly.
"Hi, listen I don't want what happened in the tent to change anything between us." He says carefully, it hurts a little of course, but I understand why. I find it slightly amusing that he was my first kiss and he doesn't even know it.
"I know, me neither." I lie.
"I'm sorry, I couldn't have done it." He apologizes.
"I already said its okay, if you want to forget then that's what we'll do." I assure him.
"I might want to forget because we need to for the sake of being siblings, but despite what I just said I don't believe I'll forget." He says honestly and it makes me smile.
"I don't think I will either." I admit and of course I know I won't forget, but I can't tell him that.
"It'll just be our secret then." He whisper and it makes me smile, our secret...
A/N:
I'm so sorry for the long wait, I don't really have a good excuse for not uploading other that I had no motivation to write, I have wanted to write, but somehow been unable to. I hope you'll all enjoy this chapter :)
Thanks for all your reviews, it means so much to me and it's the reason I always come back :) I'll do my best to reply to all of you and for those of you who doesn't have an account I just want to say thanks for reading and for taking the time to review :)