Tell me, Dean! (Part 3)
Dean was astonished. First of all, because Cas was so close to him but he found no discomfort in that, and second, because he had no idea what Castiel meant.
Oh, but you know what he means.
It was the annoying voice in his head: the one that kept bothering him since they closed the Gates earlier that night. He tried to make it shut up. It was all lies; he didn't know what Cas meant.
But you do!
The voice was right, he knew. He had the same problem when he first met Cas. But he couldn't tell him that, so he put on his "I'm angry" – face and looked Cas in the eyes, ready to tell him that he had no idea what he was talking about, and then he saw something. He saw something he had never truly seen in him before. He saw his big ocean blue eyes drowning in tears, yet at the same time looking confused and angry.
Castiel drew back and sat on the bed hiding his face in his hands and shaking his head. Dean clenched his fists. He couldn't help but stare at all the features he never actually saw in Cas: the fair Celtic skin tone, the flawless skin stretching over the slender body, the dark hair that made him want to caress his head just to feel its softness… the thoughts became unbearable.
"Listen, Cas… I'm gonna put my clothes on and we're gonna grab a beer and a hamburger… you like those. What do you say? " He said it his normal tone, the one he would have towards Sam whenever he was worried for him, but there was more patience in it, and it just sounded…different. Dean realized that, and tried to think of a funny thing to say hoping Cas didn't hear that 'something'. Cas lifted his head and glanced at him with a worried look on his face. A look that reminded him of the time in Purgatory when Cas tried to convince him he couldn't make it out.
"Please…Cas!" he was now begging Cas with a sad and desperate voice.
Dean's head was now tilted on a side, his eyebrows raised, and his forehead full of wrinkles He was staring at Cas too scared to move or say anything. He was afraid he would make Cas cry again, so he had to move and speak gently.
No…you're afraid you're going to lose it and start crying like a baby in front of Cas. Or, even worse, you fear you might actually try and make one of those dreams you had lately come true…
His jaw clenched in fear and anger as he thought about that. Fear that Cas might have, somehow, heard it. He was once an angle after all. He was relieved when he saw Cas stand up, go to the corner next to the bathroom, and take his shirt.
oOoOo
Cas moved slowly, thinking about what he just did. He realized it must have seemed wrong or awkward to Dean. As he took his shirt on he thought about Dean's chest pressed on his, about his green emerald eyes glowing in the dim orange lights and about the pink lips that Dean continued to lick while he was talking with him before. He smiled.
"I agree. Imbibing ourselves with a substantial amount of alcohol and unhealthy food would help us get over this unpredictable yet marvelous situation." He said it in a deep voice, still smiling, waiting for any sign form Dean, just to know that what he said was considered normal by those complex beings.
"Yeah… that's how I deal with unpredictable situations." The tremble in Dean's voice couldn't be heard anymore. He smiled and went into the bathroom, this time closing the door behind.
Cas heard the door being locked, and he felt relieved. He wasn't sure what he was able to do if those feelings came back again. They were so overwhelming and painful.
Behind the closed door Dean fell on the ground. In a first instance he didn't realize why he closed the door, but then he understood. It wasn't because he feared Cas would see him, but because he was afraid he might go back in the bedroom, take Castiel's shirt off and throw him on the bed and… He couldn't think of it or else the feelings would prevent him from leaving the bathroom any time soon.
He slowly started to dress up and prepare mentally for a night with Cas, lots of alcohol and burgers.
The perfect night, you deserve it! Let the feelings burst free. Now the voice in his head was anxiously laughing, and strangely, he was happy too.