"Anders and Fenris Argue"

Fenris sits by the fire, drinking more of Denarius' wine. Staring at the flames and trying hard not to think. How long will it be before the alcohol numbs it all? A loud crash sounds as the entrance door is forced open and Fenris flinches in anger as he hears that damned demon possessed mage screaming out, "Where are you, you bastard? You've ruined it! You've ruined her! Come out and fight with someone who's not afraid to spoil you with magic!" Fenris grabs his sword and stands up ready to kill this man for the sheer joy of it – it will be so good to have him gone, a thorn in his side for too long. How dare he come into his home? The lyrium in his skin starts to shine as he readies himself for what will be one of the most satisfying encounters he has had in a long time. Killing this mage will be sweet and will taste much better in his mouth than even the best wine Denarius could ever offer. Maybe numbing his feelings is not what he needs; a good slaughtering of this man will assuage much of his anger and drown those other feelings in such an appeasement to the hate he feels.

"There you are! Just when I think I couldn't hate you any more... If you won't leave, let me kill you and then maybe she'll be able to forget all about you!" Anders yells as he catches sight of Fenris in the decayed opulence of the dusty room he chooses to live. Fenris hesitates in swinging his weapon for a moment and holds it up ready, "What are you talking about, demon spawn? You come to my home and threaten me with a death you can only dream of giving me! Your magic cannot save you from the journey to the Maker I will give you!"

Anders mage impelled shield shimmers around him, never flinching at all, "She won't have me! If you had never come here, she would have let me love her! I think with you out of the way that may change! She says she loves you! Maybe if your face isn't there for her to see every day she can move on and let someone else get through that wall she has built round her heart!"

Fenris remains still but steady, his face blank, but his thoughts racing like nugs round his head as he pieces together what Anders is saying. She rejected him? He tried to have her and she told him she loves me...how can that be? She should hate me! I thought she only kept me around because I was good with a sword...

"If Hawke doesn't want to let you in that is her choice, it has nothing to do with me." Fenris growls.

"You idiot fool, can't you see it has everything to do with you! She can't see past you! You hurt her you bastard! The pain is clear to see in her eyes and you refuse to ease it for her. How could you have left her! She was yours to take and you left her! You didn't deserve her in the first place; she's more than you could ever hope to gain. You had the world in your hands and you pushed it away! What kind of bastard are you that you could do that to her? You said that magic spoils everything it touches, yet her magic has done nothing if not make you stronger, have you not seen how she gives all that she can to you. You can't tell me you haven't noticed how much better you are, more skilled you are, how much quicker and how much more you learn when she is about. If there are spells for inspiration she has mastered them all, I can never do that... "

Fenris feels a strange emotion creep over him; he doesn't recognise it as hope yet.

Anders shouting subsides a little and his voice falters, "I love her and she won't love me back, not in that way. How did you do it? What does she see in you that I can't give her? You can't have been more than a sympathy fuck!"

Fenris feels his own slipping anger rise up again. Anders has talked and is trampling boots over that precious memory and tried to sully and cheapen it. It is not his memory to play with and insult. It's all he thought he had left of Hawke and this blight marred idiot is trying to claim it as something far, far less than it was.

"What do you know? You weren't there! Don't claim to know why she does what she does. Look to your own faults mage and leave me to deal with mine!"

"And aren't there so many of them...Slave!" Anders spits back, his voice rising and steadying again, "Yes SLAVE! You shout you are no longer a slave, but in your head your still back there in Tevinter scraping your knees while you crawl to your Master!"

Fenris sword rises up again and the lyrium light returns, "And you think to offer her a better alternative? How could she ever be sure which one of you she was lying with? Where is that alter ego of yours anyway? He at least would give me something decent to fight against. You are pathetic! You know not of what you speak mage; get out of here before I grant myself the pleasure of ridding this world of you!"

Anders feels his rage subsiding despite the threat. His sense of loss almost overwhelming him, "Justice does not agree that I should feel for her. He goes when I am like this."

"Well at least we know one of you has some sense. I'm surprised it's the demon"

Anders' shoulders slump and looks at the elf, a puzzled look on his face, "Why haven't you left Kirkwall? "

"I have a debt to repay that is all you need to know mage."

"That debt was repaid a long time ago. That is no reason, there is nothing to keep you here, and even Denarius has given up on you. You say you have left her, but you can't really let go, and neither can she. She loves you and shows you every way she can and still you push her away. You said it was the hardest thing you had ever had to do, but tell me elf, why did you leave her? Why would you want to?"

Fenris stares at the mage, how can he admit to this man, another mage he cannot trust, that he was right. Freedom was still a concept he was struggling to come to terms with. If he had stayed with Hawke he would lose the hate that had driven him so long, if he lost that, what of himself would be left? Fear made him leave, afraid to face the man that she would reveal, fear that that man was someone he could not bear to be, someone she could not bear to be with. The man doesn't deserve an answer, but Fenris finds himself repeating the answer he gave to Hawke,

"There were memories, it was...painful"

"Maker! And I thought I was having it bad. You are a fool elf. Can't you see? Just being beside her makes you stronger, she protects and nurtures you, her touch heals the pain that you feel and she listens. Man, does she listen! Everything you tell her she soaks up and remembers and one day she fires those things back at you and you find that the pain inside your head has eased. She challenges you to your limits, and then takes you beyond them believing you can do it, and you do. She makes you feel that you can be better than you are. She does things you don't agree with, but you forgive her anyway. She trusts you with her life, her faith in you never falters. Her friendship is freely given, you ask something of her and she does it, never expecting to be repaid. She laughs and celebrates your victories with you and cries with you when you fail. She loves you and will never betray you..."

Fenris' sword falls, the light in his tattoos goes out, staring at Anders in disbelief, "How do you know this mage?"

"Because that's what she does for me."

Both men stare at each other, all anger spent. One can't find his way forward to Hawke's love and the other can't find his way back. In one thing they have found accord.