Chap. 3: A week later, Beauregard had finally finished replacing the phone lines. Lips went to call his Lisa first. He had to know what she was trying to tell his two weeks ago.

"Lips? Is that you?" her voice asked.

"Yeah, sis, it's me," Lips replied.

"Oh thank god! When the phone lines went down, I thought you were being murdered or something!" Lisa cried.

"Lisa, you watch too many horror films," Lips said, laughing.

"Yeah, I got to cut back," Lisa admitted.

"So, what were you trying to tell me?" Lips asked.

"About what?" Lisa asked, sounding confused.

"Something that involved why I needed surgery and take those pills," Lips reminded her.

"Oh! That! Lips, what I was trying to tell you, and you'll probably think I'm crazy but…you have both parts," Lisa stated.

"Parts? What parts?" Lips asked.

"What men and woman have that tell you their gender," Lisa explained.

"WHAT!"

"Not only do you have man parts, but you also have woman parts. You can basically get pregnant! But only if you have sex or masturbate," Lisa explained.

"Lisa! Don't say that stuff over the phone! Some kids could be reading this!" Lips warned his sister.

"Reading?"

"Nothing." [Dcat: Haha! I broke the fourth wall!]

"Anyway, did you do any of that stuff during the last two weeks?" Lisa asked.

Lips froze up; he remembered what he and Zoot did when they were alone in the house. It was really steamy. Could that have been enough to cause anything? He went stiff with fear.

"Lips? Lips, you still there?" Lisa asked.

Lips dropped the phone out of his hand with a loud bang.

"LIPS! OH MY GOD! ARE YOU ALIVE?!" Lisa shouted out of fear.

Clifford, hearing the commotion, went into the kitchen to see the trumpeter frozen in fear and hear his sister hollering for him to respond.

Clifford picked up the phone and said, "Hey, this is Clifford, Lips is a little stiff at the moment."

"Stiff? Did you kill him?!" Lisa questioned.

"No! I meant he's frozen in shock. He's shocked about something," Clifford explained.

Lips fell to the ground unconscious.

"Okay, now he just passed out," Clifford said.

"So he did do it! With Zoot no doubt!" Lisa exclaimed.

"Do what? What about Zoot?" Clifford asked.

Lisa hung up before Clifford got answers.

"Dang, what was that about?" he wondered as he put the phone back on the hook.

He picked up Lips and started to drag him off to the trumpeter's bedroom.

Zoot saw the Rastafarian in the middle of the act, and ran up, questioning, "Hey! What happened to Lips?"

"I don't know man, all I know is that he was phone with his sister, he went stiff, and then he passed out," Clifford explained. "Say, she mentioned you and him did something. Do you know what she was talking about?"

"I don't know man, but let me take him up to his room," Zoot said, picking up Lips into his arm and rushing him off into his room.

He carefully laid Lips on his bed.

"Man, I wonder what freaked him out…what did Lisa tell him?" Zoot wondered to himself as he left the room.

A few nights later, Lips woke up in the middle of the night. He felt sick to the stomach and he had no idea why. Swedish Chef certainly didn't cook anything at night, it was Annie Sue and Seymour's turn, and they normally cook good stuff. Why did Lips feel sick?

Then, Lips could feel something coming up and he ran to the bathroom, where he shut and locked the door where he threw up into the toilet. It didn't feel good at all to throw, and the burning pain of the contents of his stomach coming up hurt his throat and he started to cry while vomiting. When he stopped, he started to think to himself about what caused this: he didn't eat too much, he didn't eat anything bad or out-of-date at all that day, and he didn't seem to have a fever, so he wasn't sick it seemed, then, he remember what Lisa told him earlier: "Not only do you have man parts, but you also have woman parts. You can basically get pregnant!"

Lips thought it over and concluded that there was a chance he was pregnant with Zoot's child, but he couldn't be sure with the proper use of a pregnancy test, a visit to the doctor, and other things, and he really didn't want to tell his friends of these visits, and he didn't want to get checked out by Dr. Bob or Dr. Bunsen Honeydew.

Janice works with Dr. Bob and will freak out, Miss Piggy is a HUGE gossip and everyone at the theater will know within minutes, including Zoot!

Dr. Honeydew might mention it to someone on accident, and some people, like Skeeter, Swedish Chef, and Beauregard can understand Beaker and Jim knows how fast it'll spread then!

Then, he heard a knock at the door.

"Lips? You okay in there? I thought I heard you throw up. Everything alright?" Lips heard Delores's voice ask.

"Y-yeah, I'm fine. I think it's just the flu. It might pass in the morning," Lips answered.

Then he heard Zoot's voice say, "You sure, man? You can stay home if you don't feel so hot."

"I think I'll be okay," Lips said.

"I can perform a medical examination if you need it," Rowlf offered.

"No thanks."

"You sure?" Floyd asked.

"I'm sure."

"Positive?" Digit said.

"Positive."

"Negative?" Rizzo threw in.

"Not negative."

"Neutral," Pepe the King Prawn joked.

"For Jim's sake, Pepe! I'm fi-!" Lips started to shout until he felt sick again and vomited into the toilet again.

"Lips won't be okay by morning, will he," Floyd said.

"I don't think so, but let's wait and see what happens next morning," Rowlf said.

During the night, Lips ran out of his room 3 more times to throw up. By morning, his skin seemed to be lighter than normal, and he looked really tired. In the middle of breakfast, Lips ran out of the dining room and threw up again. Everyone looked at Kermit and the frog shook his head. Lips would definitely not be going to work today.

When Lips was getting ready to get to work, Dr. Teeth walked in and stopped him. "Lips, you're not going to work today," the keyboardist stated.

"What? Why?" Lips asked.

"Because you're sick," Dr. Teeth explained. "Rowlf says he's pretty sure you have the stomach flu and that you need a day of rest."

"But what about the orchestra? What about the band?" Lips asked.

"We'll get Delores to cover you. We already told her. Girl sang like a canary," Dr. Teeth stated.

"I bet she did," Lips said, sounding disappointed about not being able to perform for the day.

Seeing his friend's sorrow, Dr. Teeth said, "Now don't look so down. As soon as you feel better, you can get back on stage!"

"Alright," Lips said, smiling a little.

"Good, now Rowlf also said to not drink too much water, drink clear liquids, like apple juice and weak tea, avoid anything with caffeine and citrus fruit juices, and drink some ginger tea. He also you can eat bland food like plain toast, crackers, and try to get some fresh air in the backyard," Dr. Teeth stated.

"Okay, got it," Lips said.

Throughout the day, Lips had done what Rowlf had Dr. Teeth tell him to do, and Zoot had called him several times between rehearsals to ask how he was doing. Lips felt nausea every now and then and threw up still, but not too often. It was like this for a few days, until it finally stopped on the 10th day.

Rowlf stated, "That was some flu. Normally it subsides after a few days, like 5. Strange, very strange. You better got see a doctor tomorrow to see what was wrong with you, just to be safe."

"Okay, I will," Lips said.

The next morning, when everyone went out to do their own thing, Lips went to the bathroom and rummaged through the medicine cabinet for some pregnancy he was sure Pepe had kept just in case he thinks his dates with women went down a bad turn. Lips used one of them and paced around the bathroom for 5 minutes, like the instructions said.

When time was up, Lips checked the test to see the results.

What are the results? You can again guess by the title.

I own Lisa

Jim Henson owns Muppets

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