Chapter 3

5. March, 2010

It's been months since I've last had that dream. Life goes on as it always does: a lot of running, a lot of hiding and a lot of take out food. A lot of it.

I look for my mother. I feel sometimes that something is different but I still can't See her. I wonder if she ever went through this; the frustration, the persistence, the temptation of just giving up. The desperation.

I'm sixteen now, and I'm becoming desperate. I've talked to the many people - contacts- I've made through the years of running, but nobody knows anything, and every Sniff I manage to find can't tell me where she is, and honestly, I just don't know what to do anymore.

I start to doubt. Doubt whether I'll ever succeed, and I start to question. Question myself on why I'm even trying, even bothering to try when I know it's an impossible mission.

I know this is dangerous, when you start to doubt yourself and question your own motives, but when I'm alone there's not much I can do to get myself out of this mood. No matter what I do, I always end up brooding. Thinking, moping. I'm losing my mind and I know it.

6. March, 2010

That night I almost wish I could go back to my old nightmares. I dream of my mother again. She's older now. Both of them are and I can't tell simply by looking around what day this is, so I wait, knowing they'll give me an answer regardless on whether I want it or not.

"Cassie are you listening to me?" the woman asks the girl that is all long skinny limbs and messy wavy hair. She nods and Sarah goes on.

"I want you to pay attention, if something ever happens to me"

"What kind of thing?" the girl quickly interrupts.

Sarah smiles and looks at her expectantly.

"Sorry" the girl sighed out after a few seconds.

"That's alright. Now, as I was saying, if something ever happens to me, I want you to go find him okay? Find Nick."

"Find Nick" she echoes.

"Yes. He'll help you Cassie, you just have to find him, okay?"

"Okay" she repeats, though she doesn't look too happy about it.

"You'll be fine" her mother promises while hugging her.

"You'll be just fine"

I wake up startled at how suddenly the dream ended. Thinking about the dream I remember that it was only days after that happened that Division caught up to us and we were separated.

I've thought of this many times before, but now, right after having that dream, I can't help but wonder why it even happened. Or how. My mother was - is - one of the best Watchers out there, and four years later, here I am, still wondering how she could have left herself be captured when she was already planning things years ahead, when she had planned things for the time when she was imprisoned.

It makes my head spin just to think about it and it still surprises me that my mother never went crazy having to keep up with so much all the time. Seeing the future, I've learnt, is as much of a curse as it is a gift, and I know I can't deal with it. Not the way my mother did.

Under my breath, I curse the stupid dream. Running my fingers through my matted hair I sigh and wish they'd go away, I've already have enough of Seeing the future, I don't need to start seeing the past too.

7. November, 2010

I'm in London. I'm not sure where exactly, I never really bother to know where I am, it's safer that way.

I walk around looking down at my boot clad feet. I grew out of the over the knee high boots a while ago, and when I say grew out of them, I mean it both figuratively and literally. These are shorter, though they are still black and flat like the old ones.

It's sometime in October and the weather is the typical British weather; the skies are a dark gray colour threatening to rain and the breeze is chilly. Because of it, I'm forced to wear tights and a huge jacket that has a hood because I know it is going to rain soon and I've lost my umbrella ages ago.

I look down at the strands of my hair that go down past my chest. It's been a long time since I've last cut it and the pink streaks have long since faded.

I keep walking, sure of my destination though I've no idea as to how I'm getting there. It doesn't really matter. I have time.

It's about another half an hour later, when I see something I recognize from my vision: the big MacDonalds sign is kind of hard to ignore.

I look down at my new watch to see that I'm just in time. I spot the woman quite easily by her purple coloured coat.

I follow quickly and after only a few seconds I see her stop to call for a taxi, just like I'd Seen. Even from where I'm standing I can hear the loud noise of her mobile phone ringing. She reaches into her pocket to get it just as she gets into the car. I wait until the car's taken off and then I walk to where the woman had last been standing, I crouch down and pick up the purse she unknowingly dropped.

I don't stop to look through it. I already know how much money is in it. I shove the purse in my pocket, quickly walking away. I hear the rumble of thunder which makes me quicken my step. I'm anxious to find some cheap motel I can check in in.

I have enough sense to know that I should walk away from this part of town knowing there won't be any cheap hotels here in the town centre.

Before I can get very far I feel the rain as it starts to fall. It is raining ice, and it hurts where it hits my skin. Suddenly people around me start walking faster, all of them eager to get out of the rain. I am shoved around a bit but I almost don't feel it, because suddenly I'm frozen in place, my eyes focusing on something no one else can see.

I'm in a white room that reminds me of hospitals, though no hospital I had ever been in had filled me with such dread. I look around quickly spotting the only bed in the room.

My breath catches in my throat and I feel as if my body has just been jerked awake.

It is easy to recognize her - those familiar feature, the blond hair - even though she's never looked so different. The emaciated frame, and her body, that looks so skinny and frail that I'm sure the slightest breeze would be able to blow her away.

I take my fill of her. This is the first time I've seen her in four years and I don't know how long the vision is going to last.

As I watch, she stirs awake, she blinks a few times, and I'm hit with such a wave of sadness and regret as I see those eyes - just like mine - I feel myself stumbling forward, wanting to get closer, to reach out for her, but I'm only there with her mentally. Physically I'm still somewhere in London, miles and miles and miles away from her.

There are no wires or IVs or those annoying beeping heart monitors. Nothing else resembles a hospital except for the chosen colour, besides that the place looks exactly like what it is: a prison.

I watch as my mother goes into such a violent coughing fit, I feel myself wincing. When she brings her hands down from her mouth I see blood. The sight of it makes my whole body go taut with tension. I watch unable to do anything as her breath quickens, it looks like it is painful for her to breath and she just looks so tired. I recognize the symptoms even as I shake my head in denial. I've seen this before, three years ago. When I met Kira.

I wonder what sort of tests they've been making on her, but I quickly push the thought away. I makes me nauseous.

Her breathing becomes more ragged by the second and she is panting as if she's just run a marathon though I know she probably hasn't got off that bed in a very long time.

Startled, I whirl around at the sound of the door opening to see a woman coming in. She's tall with a vivid shade of red hair and as she walks towards me I instinctively step aside though I know she couldn't actually walk into me. This, I remind myself is just a vision, I'm not really here, though it feels that way.

The woman looks down at my mother whose breathing only seems to be worsening. There is a frown on her face and she quickly walks back towards the door, sticks her head out and calls out to someone called Beth. Beth the blond, comes in quickly and they both walk closer, ext to my mother's bed, watching her.

I want to tell them to do something and not just stand there, but even if I could make my voice work, they wouldn't hear me.

"She won't last much longer" Beth says and I feel my breath catch, the words semm to freeze my insides.

"Do something" I tell them, but my voice is low and hoarse and it breaks and they can't hear me. That feeling of dread in my stomach intensifies and I know, I know.

"It's a shame it didn't work" the red-head says, but I'm not listening. Vaguely I realize they are still talking, but at the moment all I can do is look at her. Her eyes are still open though she doesn't seem to be aware of anything around her.

"No" I hear "There's nothing else we can do."

Nothing else. Nothing else but wait.

So I stand there, a stranger between strangers and we all watch as Sarah Frank takes her last breath.

It's a few seconds later when Beth mutter something that only serves to make the situation ten times worse.

"5 o'clock" she says "12 of November, 2010", and everything disappears.

.

.

.

Once I can see my own surroundings again I realize I'm sitting down at the wet sidewalk, my clothes are soaked through, ice is still falling from the sky in big lumps and the wind's picked up. The temperature is getting lower by the minute but it doesn't compare to how I'm feeling inside.

I decide this is the coldest I've ever felt.

Far in the distance I hear the clock chime five times.

One…

Two…

Three…

Four…

Five.

Hi, this was a really hard chapter to write, but I hope it's okay =)

L.