Natalie frowned as she glanced at the clock by her bed. Somehow, she'd made it to six in the morning without sleeping a wink. With a sigh, she forced herself out of bed and threw on the first pants and shirt she came across in her closet. Walking out into the living room, she looked around and felt a strange sense of sadness at how quiet the place seemed without Liam there.
Trying to push those thoughts out of her mind, she headed toward the kitchen, hoping a strong cup of coffee would help her kickstart what she was sure would be a difficult day at best. A sharp knock on the door made her stop halfway across the room. Frowning, she tried to figure out who could possibly be stopping by so early in the morning. Opening the door, she stared in shock at the unexpected male figure on the other side.
"Hi," he said casually. "Figured you might be up already."
"What are you doing here?" Natalie asked in confusion, glancing self-consciously down at the faded jeans and old t-shirt she'd thrown on a few minutes earlier.
"Well, I was just…"
"Michael McBain, I swear to God if you finish that sentence with 'I was just in the neighborhood,' I will stab you with a kitchen knife," Natalie interrupted. "Why are you here? On my doorstep, at six in the morning?"
Michael laughed and tossed his hands up defensively. "Hey, I'm just here to help," he said. "I was worried about you, Natalie."
"Me? Why?"
Michael rolled his eyes. "Really? You're going to play dumb with me?" he asked skeptically. "Alright, well, I don't know…I suppose it could have something to do with the fact that I hadn't spoken to you in eight or nine months, and then all of a sudden last night you call me out the blue. And not to chat about the kids or catch up on life, mind you, you called to pepper me with questions about surgeries and chemotherapy protocols and radiation treatments."
"I told you, I was asking for a friend," Natalie pointed out.
"And what's your friend's name?"
"Uh…well…"
"You're a terrible liar, Natalie, I don't care what anyone else says," Michael said. "Look, I was at my mother's in Atlantic City with Marcie and the kids when you called. It's quick train ride from there to Llanview, so I figured I'd see for myself if you were alright, and you're clearly not."
Natalie sighed and stepped back from the door. "Fine, well, are you going to stand out there all morning, or are you going to come inside?"
"It's good to see you've kept your sunny disposition," Michael observed as he walked into the apartment. "So, where's my nephew? Still asleep?"
"He stayed at my mom's last night," Natalie said. "She wanted to give me a little time."
"Does she know?" Michael asked. "About what we talked about last night?"
Natalie shook her head. "I just got the news yesterday," she said. "I haven't told anybody."
"Have you seen an oncologist yet?" Michael asked.
"I, uh, I have an appointment later this morning. Ten o'clock."
"Alright then," Michael said with a quick nod. "Come on, I'll buy you breakfast before we go see the doctor. You need to eat to keep your strength up."
"What do you mean, before we go the doctor?" Natalie asked in confusion.
"Well, I'm guessing you weren't planning on telling your mother between now and ten o'clock," Michael said. "And I don't care what you think you can handle, I'm not letting you go alone."
"You're not letting me?" Natalie asked incredulously. "What makes you think you have a right to butt in because I made one phone call? I handled finding the lump on my own and I handled the inconclusive mammogram on my own and I handled the biopsy on my own and I handled getting the diagnosis on my own. I don't need you swooping in to play hero now."
Michael sighed and walked over to where Natalie was now leaning against the wall, practically shaking from anger he knew wasn't really directed against him.
"I don't want to play hero, Natalie, that's not what this is about," Michael said. "Tell me one thing you remember from when you were diagnosed. You tell me one specific treatment option or fact about your disease that your doctor told you, and I'll drop this and be on the first train back to my kids."
"I…" Natalie hesitated and frowned. "I'm sure I…she said…I…"
"Natalie, there's a reason doctors recommend you don't go to these appointments alone," Michael said gently. "It's too much for your brain to process all at once. No one expects you to be able to focus on every detail right now. That's why we tell you to bring someone along to take notes, because it's too much for any one person at the beginning. If you haven't told your family, who else are you going to get to come with you? Besides, I do speak doctor, remember?"
Natalie shook her head and let out a quick laugh. "I'm not going to win this one, am I?"
"Not a chance," Michael said, pushing himself away from the wall and holding out his hand to her. "Now come on, I'm starving, let's go eat."
"This still doesn't feel real," Natalie observed late that afternoon, slumping down on the bench in front of the angel statue just off the square.
"I know," Michael agreed, putting his hand on top of hers. "It'll probably hit you when you least expect it."
"I think it's all the words," Natalie said. "They don't sound real."
"What do you mean?"
"I don't know," Natalie shrugged. "All the medical words, it's like they're another language. Chemotherapy. Mastectomy. The words don't mean anything. When you talk about treatment that way, it almost sounds harmless."
"How else would you put it?" Michael asked curiously.
"I'd say that oncologist is a sadist who wants to cut off my breasts and pump me full of poison," Natalie said, glancing over at Michael, who smiled sadly.
"Well, when you put it like that…" he said slowly. "This isn't going to be easy, Natalie, but you're not alone in this."
"I know," Natalie said. "In my head, I know that. It's just…I mean, it's stupid, I know…and you're being so great, but…"
"But I'm not the McBain you want telling you everything's going to be alright," Michael said knowingly.
"I'm trying, you know," Natalie said. "I keep trying to forget him, to move on, to let it go, but I can't. He's Liam's father, Michael. Every time I look at my son, I see him. When Liam was born, he promised me that he'd always be there for him, no matter what. And I remember when he said that, there wasn't a doubt in my mind that that was a promise he was going to keep. I really thought I knew him, Michael."
"Natalie, he…"
"Did you know he bought a ring?" Natalie interrupted, drawing a curious stare from Michael. "After we found out that Liam was really his, after we got back together. A few months after we moved in together, before all that stuff that happened in Port Charles over the summer. I was putting some laundry away and I found it in one of his drawers. I guess he thought maybe there were one too many failed attempts associated with your mom's ring. And I really thought everything was finally coming together for us."
"And then Port Charles happened," Michael said.
"Exactly," Natalie agreed. "I feel like I don't even know who he is anymore. Maybe I never did. And you know what I keep thinking now?"
"What?"
"It's horrible, it's absolutely horrible," Natalie warned. "But as much as I still wish that John - the John I used to know - were here for me right now, if this thing kills me…"
"You're not going to die, Natalie," Michael interrupted.
Natalie shook her head. "You know as well as I do it could happen," she said. "And if I die, I don't want John to have custody of Liam."
"You want to take his son away from him?" Michael asked skeptically.
"He'd have to actually have a relationship with his son for me to take anything away," Natalie pointed out. "Liam's going to be three in a few months, and it's been almost a year and a half since John made any attempt to see him. He sued for custody and then disappeared into the FBI for six months. The judge threw the case out because there's no way he can raise a child if he's just going to go undercover on a whim."
"It doesn't mean he doesn't care, Natalie," Michael said.
"You were always were your brother's guard dog," Natalie said sadly. "A couple of months ago, Liam found an old picture of John and I, and you know what he wanted to know? He wanted to know who the guy with mommy was. He's a stranger to my son, Michael. If I'm not here for him, I need to know that Liam's safe and that he's not scared. I refuse to send him to live with a man who's basically a complete stranger to him."
"So what would happen to Liam?" Michael asked.
"I want Jessica and Kevin to take him," Natalie said. "Jessica will take him in just like he were one of her own, and he'll grow up with Ryder and Bree. And he adores Kevin, you should them together. Whenever I go to London, I don't think Kevin gets a bit of work done, because Liam's basically glued to his hip. And if, after I'm gone, John decides he wants a relationship with his son, Kevin and Jessica would never deny him that…but I know they'll make damn sure he means it and he's in it for the long haul before they let him get near Liam."
"You've really thought a lot about this, haven't you?"
"I'm a single mother, Michael," Natalie said. "And yesterday I was diagnosed with a disease that means I have a one in four chance of not being here five years from now. You think I've thought about anything else from the moment I heard the word cancer? I love John, and I probably always will, but right now, I hate him too. I hate him for leaving and I hate him for giving up on me and most of all, I hate him for putting me in this position, where I even have to think about what happens to Liam if I'm not around."
Michael sighed and put his arm around Natalie's shoulder, pulling her into a hug as she started to cry. He opened his mouth to say something, but simply sighed again when he realized that there was nothing he could say to make up for the pain his brother had caused.