The moment he is back in heaven Michael relaxes, as far as he is able to relax these days, which isn´t very much at all. But really, how could he allow himself to relax, seeing what has happened in the last hours? His vessel is going to hell in one years time, a hell gate has temporarily stood open and Lilith has escaped, which means the first and the last seal are about to break. The apocalypse is coming, he is painfully aware of that and he needs a position, so he prays for orders.
Praying, for Michael has become more natural than talking. He is praying all the time, often without even realizing it, because it has become such a part of him. Should his Father be listing (no, don´t go there, he has to be listening!) he is getting a full update of Michaels state of mind, thoughts and actions every day. Sometimes even Michael thinks that if God hears it all he has to be very much annoyed by now, but he can not bring himself to stop or lessen the frequency. Praying is all he is sure about, all he can hold himself to. So he is recapping the events of the last hours, while searching for a quiet heaven with a desk. Just in case Father is listening.
Gabriel is flashing before his eyes, the scene of his little brother starring at him in surprise and fear playing in his head over and over again. He pushes it away, because it can´t be true. It just can´t.
Raphael is already waiting for him, the bond between the last remaining archangels still strong. Although he isn´t even a real archangel, Michael thinks. Arch means leader, we were supposed to lead, but Lucifer is a traitor, Gabriel is dead and Raphael is just a mindless soldier, so it all fell to me. Standing so close, Raphael has to sense Michaels thought, or the general direction at least, but he doesn´t react. He just remains where he is, waiting for commands, a broken angel, a shadow of what he once was.
Michael takes a chair for himself and none for Raphael. That´s only fair, after all he is the general of the heavenly host and Raphael, who barely even resembles his brother anymore, is just one of his soldiers. To be honest Michael isn´t even sure why he keeps him around so much. Even though he is barely useful, Raphael remains his closest confidant, the one he talks to about almost everything.
Another time, another confidant.
They are sitting in the garden, side by side at their favorite spot, talking to each other for hours, counseling each other and organizing heaven, which has become increasingly difficult as Father insists on creating more and more fledglings. Of course Michael is officially the leader, the older one, but in this time, in these hours, it doesn´t matter. He may be the leader, but every leader needs someone to help him, remind him what he stands for and knock him into the right place sometimes.
"I don´t know, what I would do without you, Lucifer", he tells his brother, the one closest to him, the one he trusts blindly, the one who makes even the hardest days bearable. They are Gods oldest, looking after their brothers together and their own age difference matters less and less as time goes by. They are equals, a unit, relying on each other to keep everything going.
Lucifer smiles back at him, that beautiful, honest smile he always wears these days and that will be seared forever into Michaels mind. "You wouldn´t last a week without me"
He is right and doesn´t yet know how right he is.
Michael grinds his teeth, forcing himself back to reality. Lucifer is a traitor, Raphael is a mindless soldier and Gabriel is gone. It´s his job to make things right and prove himself to Father. If he just concentrates on being a good son, then Father will be proud of him and return.
Or that´s what he has been telling himself all those years.
He has been silent way to long, but Raphael hasn´t made a sound. He´s just standing there, not even dreaming of making a sound and it strangely angers Michael, makes him want to hit his brother over and over again, until he finally fights back.
But the scary thing is that Raphael wouldn´t fight back. Not ever. He would just take hit after hit and Michael would get even more enraged and at some point he would get tempted to use angel blades and.. no need to go there again. Everything has turned out fine that time. Raphael is still alive after all.
"The Hell gate is closed again", Michael states calmly. "I checked over all the wardings, renewed a few spells, all the things those humans never even thought about. As if you could just slam a hell gate shut with your hands! Well, you can, but it would be far open again by tomorrow. Really, what were they thinking?"
His eyes lock on Raphael, who is slightly shuffling. Of course he is nervous. He isn´t sure if his brother is expecting an answer and even Michael himself isn´t sure about that. Still, he keeps starring at Raphael, till the younger angel finally says: "Well, what would you expect from these mud monkeys?" "Did I tell you I wanted a comment?", Michael snaps. It hurts some part of him to see how Raphael stiffens at the sound of his voice, all defenses going up, but that part is buried so deep it doesn´t matter anymore. Just like Raphael.
"No, Michael, it won´t happen again", Raphael replies stiffly and Michael nods. It doesn´t matter to him anyway. It was just power play, their daily, mundane power play. And now that Raphael has reacted like he should, Michael doesn´t even know any more why he keeps doing it. Power play has lost all thrill it ever had ages ago.
"But a lot of demons have escaped", he continues. "Including Lilith" He carefully watches Raphael at these words, curious of his brothers reaction. Raphaels body betrays nothing, neither do his emotions. There is only a faint air of something Michael can´t quite identify, coming over the archangel bond. Relief? Can Raphael honestly be relieved about what´s to come?
"Also, Lucifers vessel died and was brought back to live, by my vessel taking a demon deal. He only got one year, so we have to prepare quickly. The moment my vessel goes to hell, they will try to use him as the first seal. The seals in between barely matter, there are so many of them, we have no chance guarding them all. With Lilith on the run we could have the apocalypse on our hands in less then two years" Michael folds his hands and looks at Raphael. "So what do we do?"
He can feel only pain radiate from Raphael. Pure, glaring pain and somewhere the hope for relief. "Well", Raphael says slowly. "The apocalypse isn´t necessary a bad thing. A hazard for the humans, sure, but not for us. Remember, the holy city, paradise renewed..." "Of course I remember the Bible", Michael snaps. "I also remember the prophets" And Father just had to choose the craziest one for Revelation.
He doesn´t say that of course. There are some things you just don´t say. He also never asks Raphael how accurate, he thinks the Bible is, whether he really believes everything will be fine once they made it through the apocalypse. If he even wants to make it through, or if he would be just as fine with dying. There are some things you just don´t ask. Ever.
"I will think about it. Go"
A flutter of wings and Michael is alone. His last brother has left him with the ghost of the other two.
The two who never leave him and who he can´t ever talk about with Raphael.
Lucifer.
His little brother, the first one he held, the one closest to him, the one he relied on, the traitor, the devil, the monster. The one he put in the cage all those time past. And when the seals are broken, something will come out of the cage. Something will rise and call himself by his sweet brothers name and Michael will have to fight it. Will have to win. The thing coming out of the cage won´t be his brother. Can´t be his brother, not after all this time. It will be a monster. But Michael is afraid it will feel like his brother, afraid of what he himself might do, or more frightening might not do.
He has to admit, he wants the apocalypse. First of all, because it is prophesied and it is his duty as a good son to help his fathers plans. Second, because some little part of him believes that it really can be a new beginning for the angels, a second chance, a holy city. And third, one part of him, much like Raphael, doesn´t really care and just wants it all to be over one way or another.
But for the apocalypse to play out, he has to get past Lucifer. See his brother again, look into his eyes, hear his voice and fight him. Kill him for good this time. And Michael is afraid that he will be to weak.
So he prays again. Prays and prays, till he can´t push the second ghost away any longer.
Gabriel.
Sweet, little Gabriel, who died all that time ago. The little rascal, created so long after Raphael, they hadn´t thought to get another brother. An archangel almost by afterthought, but that´s not how they thought of him. They all adored him, their little one, their baby.
And he smiled and wrapped them all around his little finger, over and over again and they always fell for it.
The one who never really had to grow up, the one they never let really grow up. Oh, later when he wasn´t really the youngest anymore, when all the other angels arrived, he would love to play big brother for them, but afterwards he would fly to the garden and snuggle himself between Michael and Lucifer without any warning and they would let him, because he would always be their youngest and they liked to keep him innocent and let him live in his rainbow-candy-world.
We should have been harder with him, Michael thinks with a stab. Father made me grow up and I made Lucifer and Raphael grow up and later all the others, but how could I do it to Gabriel? How could I ever punish him, when I knew I wouldn´t get another little fledgling, that if I wasted Gabriels innocence I wouldn´t have that joy around anymore. I wanted to protect him, but I made him too precious for this world and he didn´t survive it. How could he? How could I ask of him to be innocent and survive what happened at the same time?
He shudders. His memories of Gabriel are buried deep, maybe even deeper than those of Lucifer. He takes a strange pleasure in thinking of Lucifer sometimes, analyzing his brothers way from confidant to traitor. The Lucifer at the beginning of this way isn´t the same as the monster of the end of it, allowing him to still cherish the brother he lost, while wanting to kill the monster. But with Gabriel there is no transformation. No different Gabriels, no monster. Just his smallest, sweetest brother and then the worst day of Michaels life. Buried deep. Way to deep.
His fight with Lucifer is over and already he doesn´t want to think about it. Heaven is in complete disarray, so many gone, so many gone with Lucifer. Everything is a mess and he gets tired just at the thought of having to clean it all up. He prays to God to help him, but his Father never shows. He really thought the day couldn´t get any worse, when Raphael shows up, pale and frenetic. Seeing his normally so calm and soothing brother in such a state, sends yet another pang through Michael.
And then Raphael opens his mouth and makes it all ten times worse by asking if anyone has seen Gabriel.
No one seems to have.
The last one being Raphael, seeing his younger brother run away, after being unable to stop the fight between Michael and Lucifer.
"Why didn´t you go after him", Michael shouts at him. "Why didn´t anyone go after him?"
But in this time Raphael isn´t yet afraid of him, doesn´t duck at every attack, even when Michael seems about to explode and go maniac. "Have you seen yourself fighting? How could I step away from two of my brothers about to kill each other? You think Gabriel wasn´t the only one who wanted to stop it? Also I thought Gabriel would just go to the garden. Michael, he isn´t the fledgling you see in him anymore. He can defend himself"
"But there was fighting everywhere and he is missing!", Michael hollers. "It was his first real fight, he was scared and he is missing! Why did no one look after him?"
No one dares to answer. There is no answer Michael wants to hear right now and no one wants to make himself a target.
They search for hours. Time is always strange in heaven, but now it barely seems to exist. They find other missing angels, some dead, some alive, but Gabriel seems to have vanished. Michael is at breaking point. He can´t process what has happened between him and Lucifer, to heaven, to everyone. Gabriel missing seems like the last cruel twist, the one that will finally do him in. I can do this, he thinks, if we only find Gabriel alive. Please, little brother, please be alive, I beg you, I can´t lose you too.
There is no answer. There never will be.
They find Gabriel hours later. He was in the garden all along, one of those secret hiding places, he only shared with Lucifer, if at all. It is Samandriel, who finds him of all people and he barely dares to call the archangels, afraid of their reaction, but Michael couldn´t care less, who found his poor little brother, he just can´t stand the waiting any more.
Turns out he can stand the truth even less.
It´s a little meadow surrounded by bushes and Gabriel lies in the middle of it, eyes starring blindly into the sky, dried streaks of tears all over his face. His knees are pulled up, arms close to his body, as if he tried to roll up and hide himself from the world in his last moments. Michael can´t look at it. Not at his brother, who never looked so young and innocent, not at the wings burned into the grass and least of all the angel blade driven deep into his little brothers chest.
"Who did that?", he chokes, falling to his knees beside his little brother, unable to touch him, as if that would make it real. "I will find whoever did that and I swear..." It´s quiet around him. Way to quiet. "WHO DID THAT?", he roars. "WHO DARED DO THIS TO HIM?" And then poor Samandriel steps forward, with the air of an animal about to be slaughtered and says shaking:" There are no signs that anyone was here besides him. And the blade...uhm...it´s Gabriels."
And Michael shatters.
That was it, the memory he is always trying to press down. The worst day of his life. Losing two brothers, he can never get back.
Whatever it was he met on the street today, it can not be Gabriel. It sure felt like his long lost little brother, all innocence gone, yes, but still like Gabriel, but it can´t be him. He saw the burned wings, held his little brother, held him and cries for what felt like ever, cried for Gabriel and Lucifer, for Raphael and for himself.
Whatever it was he met today can´t be Gabriel and he hates it for bringing up those memories. "I´m sorry, little brother", he whispers to himself, almost praying. "I´m so sorry and will never stop to be. But please don´t start haunting me, I can´t loose my mind just yet. Could you do that for me, Gabriel? Just wait a bit till I have time for you?"
The fact that he is actually waiting for an answer, says everything there is to know about his state of mind.
So, first of all, I´m sorry. If it makes you feel better, it took me hours to write this, because I had to stop every few minutes, when I was shaking too hard to type. I actually didn´t even plan for this to get quite so drastic, but then I started thinking about how Gabriel could make his escape from heaven in a way no one would ever look for him and up came this. It will be explained how he did it and rest assured, he is came out of it fine and is definitely alive and kicking. Back to Gabriel next time, because Michael is driving me nuts and I need to see our favorite Trickster alive. And now I need candy. Lots of candy!