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Making a Home

"Ya can do this. I'll be with ya every step." Chibs said as he stood behind Milla as she shakily brought the key to the lock of what had once been her parents' front door. It slid in easily, but slid out again when her shaking got out of control. This was her fourth attempt to open the door and, while he was frustrated, Chibs made no move to open it himself. He knew she would never heal if he did it for her.

Milla tightened her jaw and ground her teeth as she tried again. She was being a pussy and she knew it. This was going to be the best thing for her family and she knew it. The house was huge with plenty of room for the big family and it truly was hers so it shouldn't have been as big of a deal as it was but her hands were not cooperating. She couldn't focus, could barely move and the solution to the problem came to her but she couldn't ask him to do what she needed, to put her head on straight. After the key shook from the lock, once, twice more she got fed up and spoke without taking her eyes from the door.

"Pull my hair Chibs." She requested in a voice so quiet he was sure he didn't hear her.

"What?" He asked, hoping he was wrong.

"Pull my hair, pinch me, slap me, do anything to force me to focus. Whenever I'd go numb or hurt so badly I could barely breathe pain always snapped me out of it. Please...it's the only way I can do this." She pleaded as she turned and Chibs saw the desperation in her eyes.

"I can't hurt ya. I'm supposed ta protect ya." He answered back and she took a deep breath.

"I know it's not right and I know it's not healthy but it's the only way I've managed to cope all these years. Remember how I was after Donna died? After Ope? Remember the bruises everyone could see but no one mentioned. Juice gave me those because I needed that pain, needed the focus it gave me. Chibs you took him from me, don't take away my sanity. I know I'm asking alot but I need this." Her voice took on a calm tone and Chibs nodded. He understood and he did remember. He remembered how she'd press the bruises, pinch them to make the pain sharp. She was right, it was wrong, wasn't healthy but if a little pain could take a lot of weight off her heart he could do it.

He stared hard into her eyes as he brought his hand up and took hold of her hair. Still staring he first tugged gently then, taking in the plea in her eyes, pulled sharply causing Milla to gasp and he saw a bit more focus and lucidity enter her eyes.

"Thank you." She whispered then once his hand left her hair she turned and opened the door. She was no longer shaking and strode into the dark entryway. She turned on a light and stood still as she looked at the space around her. Chibs poked her side and she started to move forward. Chibs decided to take the lead and walked into the living room, turning on the light as he passed and moved ahead while Milla stopped again and looked at the pictures on the wall. There was so much history on the walls, all Milla wanted to do was tear them down.

While she picked up picture after picture Chibs went through the house and turned on lights, marveling at how everything seemed untouched despite the stickers that were put on by the lawyers to denote ownership. He wondered why they even bothered since everything was left to Milla, except for a trust fund in each grandchild's name that would become available when they turned eighteen. Once the house was lit up he went back and found Milla in the same position he'd left her in so he walked up to her and put a hand on her shoulder, hurt when she jerked away.

"What d'ya wanna do Milla?" He asked, his voice catching a bit as he thought of how much life and love used to echo throughout the house, now it was silent as the grave.

"What I want to do is burn the house to the ground with everything in it." She said but before Chibs could talk about it she continued. "What I'm going to do is clean out all of Ma's things and Jax's, send Jax's stuff to Tara and sell anything I don't need. Once everything non-essential is cleaned out I'm going to sell it and split the profits between my household, Tara's and the Club. What do you think, Pres?"

"You don' owe the Club anything Milla. Just take what ya need for the family. What about the house?" He looked around at the large space. It would be perfect for the family. The kids could each get their own room and she'd have plenty of space to write and work.

"We'll be moving in once it's cleared out. There's no room in my house anymore." She said sadly and Chibs nodded. Her house was far too crowded.

"That's a good plan. What do ya wanna do tonight?" He asked and Milla walked to the couch and sat on the arm of the chair.

"I just want to look around, but first I need to sit a while." She got up and moved to the couch. "Will you sit with me?"

"Aye, I'll sit with you." He took the seat next to her on the couch and sat with her while she breathed deeply and found some sense of calm. They stayed there for a long time before Milla stood and walked around the room. So much history to take in, so much pain.

…

It took two months for Milla and her family to be ready for the move into her parents' old home. Chibs had gotten brothers from several charters to clear out the house and repaint everything. It helped Milla a lot and he was glad he had the idea, a fresh coat of paint created a clean state of mind. They'd also sold all of the unnecessary items and made a tidy profit which, as she promised, Milla split three ways. Chibs never told her but the money she'd given to the Club was used to make the house inhabitable again. It was the least he could do since he'd helped to turn her world upside down. He just wished it would be enough but knew that no matter what he did it never would be and Milla would never be like she was before. Other than helping Milla with the house he also used his position as President to make the sale of her old house go smoothly, since Phil and Chantal were moving in he knew they wouldn't cause trouble and a well placed call to the realtor made the sale go through at record speed. While Chibs did all the work behind the scenes Milla worked hard getting her family ready for the move. Kenny didn't want to leave his basement bedroom and Ellie would miss having her own bathroom but Milla did some shuffling in the new house and found an arrangement that worked. Ellie got the attic room that used to be Milla's and Kenny got Jax's old room which Chibs kept as much like the original as possible. In the end everyone was happy with the changes made, but things didn't feel right, even a month after they moved in things weren't going as well as Milla'd hoped they would.

One night the reason for this disconcerting feeling came to Milla as she was playing a board game with Ellie and Kenny while Robby slept and Espy rolled a ball around the floor. There house was missing a vital component. There house was missing a Son. At the thought Milla stopped what she was doing and looked around. The house looked nice, most of the "Gemma" had been stripped away to leave room for the new family to grow within the walls. Everything was clean and neat but nothing was rough. There was no cigarette smoke, no biker magazines, no empty beer bottles on the counter in the kitchen. It didn't feel real and Milla knew what she had to do but didn't know if she'd be able to.

…

"Oy Chibs, it's yer Old Lady." Lucky, a brother who'd made the transfer from Belfast to Charming, pointed as Milla walked into the clubhouse for the first time since Jax and Bobbie's wake. She looked nervous and a little scared so Chibs got up and walked to her, not correcting Lucky since the best thing for Milla was for him to claim her. If she was his no one could touch her and without him she'd be fair game.

"Hi." Milla said softly as she tried to smile and failed miserably. Things were always awkward with Chibs ever since things went down. She still loved him like she always had but there were times when looking at him turned her stomach. Now she was hoping the love would win out when she asked him what she wanted to.

"Hi, want ta go talk in the office?" He asked and Milla nodded, relieved that she wouldn't have to get rejected publicly, if that's how things turned out. He guided her back to the office and had her sit down on the couch as he shut the door behind him and joined her. "Why're ya here Milla?"

"I have something to ask you, you're welcome to turn me down flat but I have to take my chances." She started before she took a deep breath and soldiered on. "I want you to move in with us. I know it seems like a strange request but the house feels wrong, there's something missing and I know it's you."

"Do ya mean that Milla? Ya want me ta move in with ya?" He asked and Milla nodded before she found herself placing her hands on his.

"Please, I know things have been awkward between us and I'm not always as kind and understanding to you as I should be. I'm sorry about that and I'll try to change, please don't hate me for it because I need you, the kids need you. You're the reason I'm alive right now." She told him as she squeezed his hands. He squeezed back and gave her a smile.

"When do ya want me ta move in?" He asked, his smile still wide and Milla smiled back as she hugged him then pulled away.

"Thank you so much. The kids will be so excited, they all love their Uncle Chibs. Really, I appreciate this. I know things are strained but I want to work on that. Everything you've done...I know you could have taken everything from me as compensation for what Juice did. Instead you gave me a place and protected me. I won't forget that." She told him before she pulled away completely but he took her hand.

"I never would'a taken yer life away Milla. No matter what they did. Ya mean too much ta me." He squeezed her hand before he resumed. "I'll always be here fer ya. Even if ya hate me I'll be here."

"I don't hate you Chibs, not even when you told me. I just...I just can't seem to wrap my head around the fact that you took him from me. I can't seem to reconcile the fact that what you did was the right thing with the fact that you killed him. I don't know if I ever will." She answered truthfully and Chibs hugged her.

"No matter how ya feel I won't abandon ya. I'm in it fer the long haul." He said and Milla nodded, knowing that he spoke the truth.

"Thank you." She teared up as she spoke. "How do you feel about the basement?"

"Works fer me darlin'" He said as he kissed the top of her head. Having a home with Milla and the kids sounded damn good to him.

…

Chibs sat at the kitchen table and enjoyed some tea from the pot Milla had brewed. It was one thing they had in common, they both liked their tea strong and black as coffee. As he enjoyed his tea he looked around the kitchen and grimaced, every inch of it still screamed "Gemma" even with the new paint job. That just wouldn't do, especially since it was Milla's favorite room in the house. He was torn from his thoughts by Ellie running into the kitchen and falling bonelessly into the chair across from him.

"Everythin' alright Elliedoll?" He asked her, using the nickname he'd picked up from Milla somewhere along the way.

"No, there's a mouse in my room. Will you take care of it?" She asked and he nodded.

"Aye, can't have vermin invadin our home." He smiled at her before he took out his cell phone and texted Phil, he needed prospects sent over ASAP.

"Uncle Chibs?" Ellie asked and Chibs looked up still smiling.

"Yeah darlin'?" He asked and Ellie looked uncomfortable for a second before she asked her question.

"Are you gonna stay? Aunt Milla says you live with us now but I don't know. I don't want you to go, everything feels right now. We feel like a real family." She explained and Chibs gave her a loving look.

"Yes Ellie, I'm gonna stay and we're gonna be a family. I won't abandon ya when ya need me." He explained and Ellie smiled.

"Thank you Uncle Chibs." She thanked him happily before she stood and walked over to him, giving him a hug. "I love you."

"I love ya too Elli. Go on an' watch some tv. I'll have the mouse problem taken care of as soon as Uncle Phil shows up." He told her and she smiled before she kissed his cheek in thanks and ran into the living room to watch some tv.

He sat back in his chair and smiled. It felt good to have a family again, kids that loved him and a place to find peace. This is what he'd dreamed of ever since he left Ireland all those years ago.

…

Later that night Milla walked into the house and sighed with relief. She'd spent the majority of the day helping Dondo with an emergency and was glad to be home to her babies and, if she was honest with herself, home to Chibs. There were still times when the sound of his voice grated on her nerves or his touch made her skin crawl but they were happening less frequently. She breathed in and let it out slowly at the thought. Maybe she could forgive Chibs, it would just take more time. She was deep in thought as she walked through the living room, then dining roo then entered the kitchen. So deep that she jumped when she heard a voice.

"Hey darlin', long day?" Chibs asked as he handed a plate with a small piece of pizza to Ellie who placed it on Espy's high chair before she got her own pizza and sat next to the little girl she called her little sister.

"Very long, you got dinner?" She asked and Chibs nodded before he plated up some pizza for Kenny who thanked him and sat at the place he'd designated as his own. Milla smiled and went up to him, giving him a kiss on the cheek. "Thank you. Did Chantal drop off Robby?"

"Naw, she and Phil are stopping by in a bit with movies and icecream. They 'ave a surprise they wanna share with the family." He told her and Milla smiled before she leaned up and kissed his scar.

"Thank you for everything." She smiled before she ushered him toward the table and made him a plate. As she set it in front of him she felt a sense of deja vu and it caused a gasp to leave her throat.

"Somethin' wrong Milla?" Chibs asked and Milla gave him a small smile before she placed a hand on his shoulder.

"No, maybe something is right." She squeezed his shoulder before she went and got her own plate then looked around as she sat with her family. "Yeah, something is right."

…

Author's Note: These segments keep coming to me and I've been editing some that I've already written so be expecting more. It's not going to be long but I feel like some of the story still needs to be fleshed out. I hope you're all enjoying this story and I'm not alienating any of you. I truly appreciate your readership.

To address the question left in the reviews, this is a separate AU from "The Truth Will Not Set You Free". In this Milla stays with Juice until he helps Clay in a revenge plot and is executed. In this AU Milla's building a life with Chibs as he holds her together after she loses almost everyone she knows. I hope this clears things up.