Thank you reviewers! Without you all I would have is my cousin and my Mom (not that I don't love them).
Okay, the disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this chapter but I'm trying to be an optimist. I don't have to buy shampoo for Hank and Kurt(I bet they use Selson blue.). lighter fluid for John. Beer, aspirin, and cigars for Logan. Or vegetarian food for Kitty.
)X-Men(
The next morning Logan had to do quite a lot of dodging and ducking as the Brotherhood ran, zoomed, and hopped through the hotel room.
Their departure was delayed significantly when Logan had to explain to the hotel manager that he had obviously been seeing things when a girl ran through a wall to avoid an exploding playing card that was meant for John (it's a long story). Scott and Lance's fist-fight didn't speed things up any but it did mean that Remy got quite a lot of loot as bookie.
Logan had calmly opened his wallet and paid for the damages caused by the young mutants while he muttered death threats under his breath.
When the groups were back on the road again Logan was dismayed to learn that there were walky-talkies in all three vehicles.
He nearly lost it after the fourth round of the Brotherhood singing 'On the Road Again'.
And Jean found it rather disturbing when she caught Logan's thought of Willy Nelson must die!
After five minutes of silence the Brotherhood (or part thereof) started singing again.
"Found a peanut, found a peanut, found a peanut just now.
Just now I found a peanut, found a peanut just now.
Cracked it open, cracked it open, cracked it open just now.
Just now I cracked it open, Cracked it open just now.
It was rotten, it was rotten, it was rotten just now.
Just now it was rotten, it was rotten just now.
Ate it anyway, ate it anyway, ate it anyway just now.
Just now I ate it anyway, ate it anyway just now.
Got sick, got sick, got sick just now.
Just now I got sick, got sick just now.
Called the doctor, called the doctor, called the doctor just now.
Just now I called the doctor, called the doctor just now.
Died anyway, died anyway, died anyway just now.
Just now I died anyway, died anyway just now.
Went to heaven, went to heaven, went to heaven just now.
Just now I went to heaven, went to heaven just now.
('yeah right!' Kitty scoffed.)
Got wings, got wings, got wings just now.
Just now I got wings, got wings just now.
Pinched an angel, pinched an angel, pinched an angel just now.
Just now I pinched an angel, pinched an angel just now.
Got demoted, got demoted, got demoted just now.
Just now I got demoted, got demoted just now.
Went down, went down, went down just now.
Just now I went down, went down just now.
Got a pitch fork, got a pitch fork, got a pitch fork just now.
Just now I got a pitch fork, got a pitch fork just now.
Stuck the devil, stuck the devil, stuck the devil just now.
Just now I stuck the devil, stuck the devil just now.
Got pardoned, got pardoned, got pardoned just now.
Just now I got pardoned, got pardoned just now."
The boys began the song again. There was the sound of a flurry of fists and assorted yelps as Tabitha and Wanda beat the stuffin's out of everyone else in the vehicle with the exception of Lance, who would have been helping them if he weren't driving.
(I wonder who was holding the talk button on the walky-talky? Don't ask me. I don't come up with this stuff. I only do what the voices tell me to.)
"Oww! Wanda's hitting me!" Pietro whined into the walky-talky.
"Hey, Wanda. Stop hitting him and he might shut up," came Scott's voice.
The moments ticked by in tense silence and the vein in Logan's forehead began to throb as he waited for whatever evil would come.
"Lo-gan! Pietro's poking me!"John whined.
"He started it," Pietro replied.
"Nuh-uh."
"Yuh-huh."
"Nuh-uh."
"Yuh-"
"I don't care who started it, I'm gonna finish it," Logan threatened. "Now keep your hands to yourselves."
"John kicked me!" Todd said after a minute.
"Did not!" John argued.
"Did too!" Todd said.
"THAT'S IT!" Logan snarled. "Do not touch each other. Do not touch each others clothing or anything else of theirs."
"Todd stuck his tongue out at me!" John said less than a minute later.
"No sticking your tongues out at each other," Logan growled.
"Yo, Logan. John's making faces at me!" Todd said.
"No making faces," Logan ordered.
"Pietro's looking at me," John said less than half a second after Logan finished talking.
"Face the seat in front of you. Keep your hands, feet, and tongues to yourselves. Do I make myself clear?" Logan demanded.
"Yes, sir," The boys said with angelic voices.
Five minutes later...
"John elbowed me!" Pietro squawked.
Logan rolled his eyes heaven-ward in a silent plea then hit the button on the walky-talky.
"Wanda?"
"What?" came Wanda's voice.
"Kill them," Logan said in a level, emotionless voice.
"With pleasure," Wanda said, and there was radio silence.
)The Logan-mobile(
Jubilee punched Bobby on the arm after a few moments of relative peace.
"What was that for?" Bobby asked.
"Punch buggy," She declared, pointing at a red Volkswagen beetle and smiling innocently.
"Punch buggy?" Bobby asked, his eyebrows raised. "Where have you been? Everybody knows they're called slug-bugs," he said as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.
"Are not," Jubilee argued.
"Are too," Bobby said.
The twosome bickered in this manner for several minutes but stopped in shock when Logan turned around and punched them both, not hard but hard enough, and pointed out the window at a PT Cruiser.
"Call 'em PT Bruisers don't they?" Logan asked casually.
"He...Hit us," Jubilee stated in amazement. She didn't whine, she just commented.
"Like, silence finally," Kitty said.
"Agreed," Logan said.
And now we shall go to one of my favorite subjects, Scott torture . . . Muahahaha . . .
"Remy's telling you, it won't happen," Remy said as he looked at the package of pop-rocks that he and Kurt had purchased at a mini-mart the day before.
"Zen prove it," Kurt replied.
Remy tore open the envelope of pop-rocks, poured the contents in his mouth, and drank the remainder of his Mountain dew.
"See? I didn't blow up," Remy said.
"Yet," Kurt replied and crossed his arms over his chest.
Remy rolled his eyes. "Hey look, squirrel." He commented pointing at the mangled road-kill just inches from the yellow line.
"Why are you pointing out the demise of innocent rodents?" Scott asked.
"Haven't you evah played Name that road-kill?" Rogue asked.
"Oh, no. Another of you peoples' games," Scott said shaking his head.
"Possum," Kurt said.
"Rabbit. I think. It might have been a cat though. Oh, never mind , it was a sweatshirt," Jean said. Earning stares from her companions.
"What? I was bored," She shrugged.
"You betrayed me," Scott whimpered.
Several minutes later . . .
"Pigeon." Kurt said.
"Ah knew those birds were stupid but lettin' itself get hit by a car?" Rogue shook her head.
"Who said it vos in ze road vhen it died?" Kurt asked. "It might have died ov a heart attack and fallen in ze road."
"What are the chances of that?" Rogue demanded of her brother.
"I vould say rather high," Kurt commented as he and the others watched a pigeon stop in mid flight and start a rapid descent which ended in the black top.
"Ah don't believe it," Rogue muttered.
"So . . . " Remy asked. "Who wants to set up a betting pool?"
The moments flew by with little incidences until Remy burped...
"Ahhhh! He's going to explode!" Kurt yelled then bamphed into Logan's truck between Logan and Renee.
"WHAT THE!" Logan snarled. Fish tailing the truck all over the road the regaining control. "ELF! Don't EVER do that again!"
"I'm sorry Logan," Kurt said innocently. "But I did not vant to be in ze vehicle vhen Remy exploded."
"Why would Gumbo explode?" Logan asked. Fear creeping into his voice as he thought of what trouble the Cajun could get into.
"He ate Pop-rocks and Mountain dew at ze same time," Kurt replied.
"Kurt," Logan said.
"Ja?"
"I suggest you get out of this vehicle 'cause I'm gonna kill you," Logan said.
ReadMeReadMeReadMeReadMe
And the Scott torture continues...
"I'm. Not. Touching-you," Remy said poking Rogue's arm then jerking back before he finished the sentence.
Rogue endured this torture far longer than most human beings are capable, then she pulled off her right glove and held the palm of her hand just a fraction of an inch from Remy's cheek.
"Ah'm not touchin' you," Rogue said.
"Dat's not fair, Chere." Remy said.
"Turn about's fair play," Scott said on Rogue's behalf.
Remy scowled. "If Remy gonna get zapped he gonna do it in style," Remy said then grabbed Rogue's arm and kissed her on the lips.
"You, you, you, jerk!" Rogue said, finding it impossible to find an appropriate insult.
Remy gave her his Trademark smirk then scooted over towards her.
"He's on my side!" Rogue tattled.
"Remy is not! She got all her space and Kurt's," Remy argued.
"Act your age. Not your shoe size," Scott said.
"Act your age. Not your shoe size," Remy mimicked.
"Don't copy me, Remy."
"Don' copy me, Remy."
"Stop it!"
"Stop it!"
"Don't make me come back there."
"Don' make me come back dhere."
"I'm warning you . . . "
"I'm warning you . . . "
"Gambit . . . "
"Gambit . . . "
"Stop. Copying. Me."
"Stop. Copying. Me."
Scott fumed in silent irritation and Remy started moving closer to Rogue again.
"That's it, Swamp rat," Rogue said, scooting into what had been Kurt's spot. "There's a wall here." She made an imaginary line through the air and across the seat. "That's your side. This is mine. You don't cross the wall. Got it?"
Remy nodded.
"But your side's bigger dhen mine." He whined.
"No it ain't. They're equal," Rogue argued.
"What ever you say . . . " Remy said.
"Alright. You want meh to move the wall? I will," Rogue said.
"No, don' worry about it now, Chere," Remy said in one of those childish, huffy voices.
"But I want to."
"Remy say don' worry about it."
"Fine, I won't."
Several moments passed . . .
"But your side is bigger, you know?" Remy said.
Rogue exhaled loudly. "Fine! Take however much space you want. Ah don't care."
"Remy did not say he wanted more space. He just say your side bigger. But since you so generous . . . " Remy scooted over and leaned on Rogue like a pillow.
"You're a pain. Ya know that?" Rogue said.
"Mm-hm," Remy mumbled against her shoulder.
)K.T.(
Well, What'd ya think? Better or worse than the previous chapters? Please tell me!
Thank you again to all who reviewed. It is very much appreciated.
By the way. If you hate the song 'Found a peanut' you ain't the only one. I nearly lost what little sense I have writing the stupid thing down. Aww, great. Now it's stuck in my head. I'm such an idiot(LOL, it's true.),
-K.T.