Ok, so I'm changing the style of this chapter as the story moves in a new direction.

Disclaimer: I don't own CM or any of the songs from which the lyrics (bits in bold) come from.

Songs lyrics are taken from: Get Out Alive and Wicked Game by Three Days Grace.

I find it so hard to be around you

This is killing me, slowly but surely it's killing me. Each day a little more of myself chips away and I can see the team worrying, wondering what's going on with me, while you don't seem to see me any more, Kevin being the one to consume your attention so completely. I can't be here so close to you when I love you so much and can do nothing about it.

I need to get away, I can't handle this any more, I am breaking. I am falling to pieces and can no longer hide it. The mask is slipping, my walls are crumbling and I need to go, to get away. No matter how much it'll hurt to be away from you, staying here when you can't see me, when he eclipses everyone else, is doing too much damage to me. But my reasons are not purely selfish; my head's not in the work anymore, it's only a matter of time before I make a mistake, before something pushes me over the edge - into the abyss - and I don't think I'll make it back from there this time, not if you're not there to urge me forwards, upwards and back home.

The water's up to my neck, I'm going to drown.

The job in Chicago means I'll be closer to my family. It also means further from you, but right now distance is what I need, I cannot watch you with him. It hurts to see you so happy when I am no longer a part of it, not really. A few favours have been called in and I hope I am able to transfer. The last hurdle on this journey is Hotch. He has to let me go, I can't be here any longer. He must see it, I don't want to have to explain it.

If you wanna get out alive, oh-oh run for your life.

"Why do you want this transfer?" Hotch asked me, his gaze curious and half challenging, as if he was trying to get me to admit it, but I already had, I knew you were the reason I was leaving.

"I can't stay here." I said, my voice strong although almost a whisper.

"That's a crap reason Morgan." He said, an edge to his voice I had only heard once before.

"I can't be here." I ground out, "I need to do this Hotch." I beseeched. I was close to begging.

"Ok." He conceded upon hearing the desperation in my voice. I don't think he's ever seen me this broken.

I left his office, the signed transfer sheet clutched in my hand, it was my lifeline. Emily and, JJ stop talking when they see me, they look at me, concern evident in their gazes and I realise why: my resolve has broken, the despair written plainly across my face. They see the paper, their eyes silently question me. All I can say is: "I'll keep in touch." as I pick up my backpack of ready packed items from my desk - the picture of the team included - and walk past them and out of the BAU offices.

If I stay it won't be long until I'm burning on the inside.

When the cool outside air hits my face I find all I want to do is sag to the ground and cry, to scream at the top of my lungs that I love you, but that will achieve nothing, so instead I pick up my unwilling feet and continue on to my truck. My hand is on the door handle when Emily and JJ come running out, their breath fogging in the air in front of them as they reach me. A hand is placed on my shoulder, my name comes from their lips: "Morgan?"

I turn to face them, and I know they can see my pain from the worried looks on their faces.

"Why are you going?" Emily demands, her strong voice sounding muffled in my head, it all feels so surreal.

"I can't stay here. I can't be here." I say, exhaling slowly as I look from one to the other. They both know instinctively that this is about you. JJ's a better profiler than she gives herself credit for.

"Derek." JJ implores, "Why don't you tell her?"

"She doesn't want or need me, and it hurts too much JJ. I need to do this, for her as well as me." I say and she sees the pain that flashes in my eyes and envelopes me in a hug. I squeeze her back, I am going to miss her, Emily too. But you, you I will miss the most.

When she finally lets me go I can see the tears building in her eyes before Emily hugs me and all I can see is black hair. All slight awkwardness aside now, she whispers: "We'll be here if you need us." before moving back. I nod mechanically in response, and offer them a small smile as I climb into the truck and start the engine.

As I begin to move they stand and watch, and I hear a last question float on the wind to my ears: "Are you going to say goodbye to her?"

I don't answer, I can't. I can't even think about it, if I do I'll stay. And I can't stay, that would be disastrous for both of us.

If I go I can only hope that I'll make it to the other side.

What'd you think?