Yey its time for Orochimaru to show up! I know most people think he's gay, and it's definitely implied in the mange/anime, but I'm gonna give him a shot at being straight. Let's see how it goes... (I'm probably going to fail :P)

Orochimaru- The accident

Orochimaru had in interesting idea, a very, very interesting idea. He wanted Sasuke's body, but he knew that Sasuke would never go with him because of the way he looked now.

So, Orochimaru's plan was to... *dramatic music*... get plastic surgery! It always worked for celebrities so why not him? He was extremely proud of his plan and he did not want to delay so he ran all the way to the plastic surgeons office.

When he surgeon asked him what he wanted done Orochimaru said that he wanted to look like a hot woman to attract Sasuke. The surgeon nodded and the nurses prepared Orochimaru for the surgery.

After a while of waiting Orochimaru was taken to the operating room and a nurse put one of those sleeping gas masks on him. Then he, (ha it's a male nurse), told Orochimaru to count to ten out loud.

Orochimaru did so and by the time he was at eight he was already asleep...

The surgeon looked at Orochimaru's sleeping body quietly. He knew this was the Orochimaru. Everyone called him gay names like 'pedophile' or 'the gay sannin' or 'tongue-rape man'.

Now it just so happens that the surgeon was the number one biggest fan or Orochimaru, and he knew that Orochimaru was not gay. So, he decided to help him out a bit and not make him a hot woman. Instead, he made him...a...

The next day...

Orochimaru woke up calmly and looked around. He faintly remembered being in the surgeons office and that he wanted to make himself look like a woman to attract Sasuke.

His face felt stiff and so did his chest and arms. Since he had nothing better to do Orochimaru just lay there, imagining how beautiful he was under the bandages.

After a while the smiling surgeon came into the room and said that it was okay to take the bandages off now. Orochimaru smirked; this was going to be great.

At first the surgeon unwrapped Orochimaru's face, then the arms, and then the chest. When he was done Orochimaru looked down and gasped. His chest was flat, and his arms were muscular!

But... but... he wanted to be a woman! Then Orochimaru hesitantly reached over to feel his face and found that he now had a perfectly structures face of a man.

Orochimaru turned to glare at the surgeon who just grinned and left the room quickly. Orochimaru just sat there in shock, how was he going to attract Sasuke now?

He was pretty sure Sasuke was not gay, but then again Sasuke didn't like any gender so he might as well be an it.

Then Orochimaru reassessed the situation. Now he looked like a muscular hot guy, so... he could get women! Then Orochimaru grinned and stood up.

After all those years of being called gay he could now set the record straight. He was Orochimaru and he was definitely not gay!

It was mid evening and the sun had just set, meaning that it was time for Orochimaru to begin his plan. Screw Sasuke, this was much more important.

Orochimaru confidently walked into a night club and he smirked when he saw all eyes turn to him. Women winked at him and men glared at him. Yup, he was now officially hot.

He walked over to the bar to sit down and found that women began to crowd around him. They were total flirts and he knew these were the slutty women. He was not the type of guy to go for such easy targets.

He wanted a challenge so he looked around the club to see of any such women could be found here. Then he saw her, she was the most beautiful thing he had ever laid eyes on.

She had long raven hair, onyx eyes, and a beautiful face. Orochimaru never believed in love at love at first sight, but he was sure this was it.

He pushed his way out of the crowd of girls around him and over to the woman. Then he stood beside her casually and smirked when she looked his way.

She glared at him but his smirk just widened and he said, "Hey, I'm Orochimaru what's your name?" She looked over him, sighed and then said, "I'm Sukesa, now leave me alone."

Orochimaru just chuckled and continued with, "What's a beautiful girl like you doing alone here?" She seemed to smile slightly and then she said, "Who said that I was alone."

Orochimaru smiled; good she was a smart one. Then she said, "What's a hot guy like you doing here alone?" Orochimaru looked back at the dance floor and then said, "I'm new here, I don't have that many friends in Konoha."

Sukesa nodded and then smirked, "Do you want me to be your new friend?" Orochimaru looked back at her and said, "I would like that, I would like that a lot."

'Sukesa' tried to hide the grin that wanted to spread itself all over 'her' face. She was extremely pleased with the way things were going, and her plan was working perfectly.

She didn't even have to approach him; he just walked over to her. Plus, there was that added bonus when she saw that Orochimaru looked really good. She could see his large muscles and his face was just gorgeous.

Then she looked back at Orochimaru who was now sending her a sexy smile. She decided to step things up a bit and then said, "You got a place to stay?"

He shook his head and gave her a shocked look when she said, "You can stay at mine." Then she grabbed his hand and led him out of the club.

Orochimaru looked completely star struck, it was as if this was the first time a girl dragged him out of a club. But then again, this was the first time she was doing it.

She was usually the one trying to flee her mob of fans. While she was walking she shook her head slightly, maybe Orochimaru was not as smart as she thought.

She thought that he would see right through her when she said her name. I mean seriously look; Sukesa is the rearranged letters of Sasuke.

Orochimaru was completely shocked. Here a complete stranger was pulling him to her room. This was going way better then he thought it would.

However, there was one little thought that kept popping up in his head. What if Sukesa turned out to be not who she said she was.

Then when she turned to smile at him he brushed the thought out of her head, there was no way that this girl was not who she said she was. She was just way to pretty to be a liar.

When they both got to Sukesa's house Orochimaru had a little deja-vu. He swore he had been here before. This place looked very familiar, but he just couldn't put his finger on it. Sukesa wasted no time and dragged him inside her large house.

It looked like a very expensive house and Orochimaru briefly wondered where she had gotten the money to buy this place. Moreover, this place looked deserted.

The shelves were dusty and it looked like Sukesa was the only current inhabitant of his place. However, Orochimaru didn't mind this because if she was going to do what he thought she was going to do it was best that no one else heard them.

Then she led him up the long stairs and into a large bedroom. Orochimaru was stunned, looks like he was right. She really did want to do that with him.

Then Sukesa sat on the bed and invited him to sit beside her. Orochimaru complied and the second he sat down Sukesa pushed him down on the bed roughly.

At that moment reality came crashing down and Orochimaru recognized who 'she' was. He stared at 'Sukesa' in complete and utter shock until he finally said, "Sasuke?... You're a woman?"

Sasuke smirked and then and a deep voice he said, "Orochimaru... you're straight?" Now Orochimaru scowled and then said, "Yes! I was trying to pick up women but you screwed that up for me. What the hell are you doing?"

Sasuke's smirk widened and then said, "I wanted to go to the club without getting hordes of fan girls chasing after me, this seemed like a reasonable option."

Orochimaru sat up quickly and then said, "You were coming on to me, how is that reasonable?" Then Sasuke sat up too and said, "Orochimaru, I was coming on to you because... I'm gay."

Dun Dun Dun Sasuke is gay! Lawl. He doesn't have to be if you don't want him to be though. Oh and while I was thinking of a name for girl Sasuke I realized that you can't spell Sasuke without Uke. Hehe, that's pretty interesting. Btw I believe that the 'uke' is the non dominant person in a gay relationship.